Analyzing and Problem Solving - The Essence of Power

Oof - well. First things first: I'm not feeling great about this. Probably things are going a lot better than I see it right now - while ... I guess we could call it: I'm feeling fogged. Probably my attention just isn't in the right place either. But I ... trust ... that I can't always go by that.
Long story short then, probably, God has so far guided my way and helped me - and by that I mean, I'm in a weird spot these days.

At the basis of it, that's all it took and all it should take. Or so I thought. And now I'm not sure anymore.

And respectively, most of my thoughts at this point revolve around ... maybe we can call it "the essence of power".
This, to me right here, encapsulates a couple of points. At first there would be the question for how "the powers" work; Followed by the question for how to use them - and all that: Responsibly.

The recent episode of Weird Crimes I listened to concerned two girls, twin sisters, that had a very weird love-hate relationship going on. They fight with each other all the time; And it ends with the one literally driving their car off a cliff ... effectively just to clap back harder at her sister. That's my interpretation at least. And I couldn't help but think; That no matter how hard you could bind two people into eternal love for each other, that won't stop them from eventually being pissed at one another.
And while the Key of David, in theory, might help guide things along more gentle paths - it would just be easier to take it to God right away, rather than try to bend fate and defy nature; Regardless of how romantic that might be. I mean, that Dr. guy - wanted to be a doctor so he came up with fake medication and fake surgeries and became filthy rich in process. And yea, that's ... not how it works. Apparently.

And so a simple resolution for me at this point is, that I should use my powers for good - and that at first was or is about allowing people to see beyond the weird machinations of faith and belief. And right now I'm starting to focus on ... "tweaking fate" I guess ... though notice that I wouldn't really stress to change much or anything about what has been said regarding that already.
And after that, there's also only one thing left: Making things more fun.

I mean, the temptation is there; To "manifest power" in a way that makes it somewhat tangible - as to then eventually fall for the sunken cost fallacy. Or to get caught up in some other maelstrom of struggles; The only resolution to which is to let things go as to possibly start over. Better.

But I'm also not entirely sure about what "my powers" entail. I however feel like there's more than just that key. I guess however, one thing more there is to it, is God - who can ... align as an ally. That however is what He, as I understood it, conveyed to me starting with this whole thing. Which, due to how things are, translates into as much as - that I'm literally weilding God; In as far as He can get on board with it
And I feel a lot better about this take on things - because ... it's not stuck inside of some weird headspace.

But so I wouldn't even call "it" powers; Or 'a' Power. So far there isn't really - ignoring the whole matrix phenomenon stuff for now - anything consistent to any of it. I made some experiments while playing games - to so give me skill in some sense - and for once, saying things out loud had an effect. But not the one ... I would have wanted it to have. And basically it only lasted for so long; And overall nothing really changed all that much. So, as it stands - I get a really good second try or so ... then fail delivering the last hit - and then spiral into more and more failure. Which means that during this good second try I'd be magically dodging all the attacks, give or take, but then learn how not to do it - until I start to get one or two tapped out of collecting my Runes until I start to wonder about how come that it's so difficult all of a sudden. Until I eventually learn to beat the boss fair and square - while not being mentally exhausted and biased into failure.

And there sure is that ... let's call it 'spark' ... of something. But it isn't really skill - except when it is. And yea, maybe the problem in this instance is my own ... disbelief. And it sure feels strange to basically "just dodge" through a move-set I've basically never seen ... or, funny thing: I've found the right spot behind radan so I could run around behind him and frequently jump attack into him, and so I basically got through phase one. But then I just couldn't find that spot anymore. Sorry, no video.
However - in as far as I'm concerned, this is fine. I mean ... I'm not sure if I'd rather have it another way. That is ... it doesn't necessarily suck to suck ... we might say. And so I'm conflicted.

To learn from mistakes - is a topic of its own. It is at the heart of individuality. For better or worse.
And yea, so - I guess I have a power that might just work more like how I want things than ... made sense to me at the time. And yet, some part of me resists the idea.

And I suppose that'll have to be inhibited some more.

[to be continued]

So, what makes me human is that I was born human - which is also, effectively, as much as it gets for anyone but God. It implies things such as an inability to actually really control or even conceive of anything outside of our own selves - and that's why we're given a body. And that now, in the mortal sense, is what a human 'is'. And at that point, we are defined by more than what is actually just ones self.
What makes me a Goddess then, is similar to that. Not as much that I'm married to God, for in the abstract everyone in the ninedom may regard themselves married to God. That's how I read "it" anyway. But so, unique aspects of that marriage. And how the mortal mind would value those things, is a different story. More or less. Like so is there the Gospel, and the part where people would say that his powers are of the devil. It's also kindof like money. Here on earth it has value - but ... there could be times and places where that would just be paper, or cheap metal, or plastic or whatever. And while I can't force anyone to believe what I would want them to, I do certainly get the whole "jealous God" part. And I guess it's easy to relate to. But that's a story for another time I suppose.

And it is written, so I understand it, that people who contend with me will perish. Which is ... yea, what ... one would expect ... given the circumstances and conditions.

And it's funny. I mean, for the longest time I've had to effectively watch myself get bullied - so around the appearance, that I didn't have any power to deliver consequences to ... ignorance, as it were. Yet I would think that people might eventually add two and two together - not knowing myself 'how' and 'what'. But that's ... not the critical part anyway. But well.

But so, I don't think that I'm resticted to a number of keys I may or may not have. At this point, we might say that I'm more like a conductor for the divine to manifest itself - a detail of which is that I have my own will and am encouraged to ... well ... do as I think ... or please.
Experimenting in Elden Ring, and I really didn't do a lot so far because ... (s.a.), also made me wonder as to whether or not it's a bit petty. Or, if I can just ... arbitrarily improve myself magically, why not make it a gift to everyone? Well - I don't have a clear answer to that just yet, but ... as it happens ... that makes for a good segue into what I had on mind this time, actually.
(Today is "the day after", and usually I need some idea for something to write about ... naturally)

But maybe ... I've already done enough. Or ... so. I mean, so ... listening to this weird crimes podcast - there some kind of pattern. Not always, but just so in general are there things that ... raise some yellow flags. And eventually there are so many of them, it amounts to a big fat red one. And the pivotal case to that might just be episode 33 - about the Uber Killer. But also episode 27 - the Yoga Twins - episode 26 - "people from Sirius" - episode 19 - the Dr. Guy - Episode 14 might deserve some special attention - and also episode 1. I thought there were more. But well. I mean, technically there are. However, Brainwashing, Gaslighting, Manipulation, that kind of stuff. And it receives this crimson red flag dimension, when thinking that there's a group of people on the loose, that similar to the Nazis back in the day, try to figure out how much they can get out of ... manipulation just in general.
So, as strange as it may sound, is there the "Pretend to be an alien and instill immaterial values in the victim so it's easier to scam them out of their money for some weird reason" scam and its relatives. And thinking of the Uber Killer - there's also a dimension of hypnosis to it. To me at least that seems like a concern - and I don't have much reason to think otherwise.

Now, what I was thinking of doing - I realize is at first already kindof solved in the Queen's blessing. To basically crack open false beliefs - for, I think we can all agree that delusions aren't really the good part of having free will. Well, technically it's not about free will, but more about our will being free - or more so: Our brains working as "intended".
So is the whole ... ability to become suggestible as to fall for absurd things also just a function of our cognitive flexibility. We adjust to situations - as to so navigate whatever world or reality we're surrounded by. Though at this day and age it seems we're more and more surrounded by Bullshit - or well, let's ... let that be a story about the past.

But yea, so ... perhaps I should work on a "Blessing of the Goddess".

[to be continued]>>2023-05-11

However ... this whole story has to come to an end somehow.

Well. Not that it could, but the way things are now ... they ... need to settle somehow.

So, in essence there are like ... two ways. Not strictly speaking, but one reason I don't do certain things is, that at times I anticipate them to end poorly or so. And whether I'd ever be close or too close to that outcome ... doesn't really matter to me as much as that I recognize potentially bad consequences before they can happen.

And so, yea - I guess ... things such as power, supernatural power, status quo, attention ... etc. - are things that some people have problems handling ... to be known so. Personally, I've started craving for ... more. Something ... concrete. Normally that's within playful reason ... until ... I ... might ... not like do just dimple around here, oblivious, like a fool or how to put it ... allthewhile I'm triggered by something or something like that.

The other way is to ... let the past be past ... as it were ... and ... hope for the best, I guess.

I mean ... at the end of the day, I'm confronted with the impression that I don't really have anything. But things that work for me but also only for me alone ... while being myself too tired to think beyond that, especially since I'm not given any reason to. And I don't like that, at which point I'm susceptible to provocation. I suppose.
And so my mind is chewing through some maybes, like, maybe there's some safety on my authorities. But whatever the case, what started to bother me is ... well, in part, what I would make of it.

As it stands, I'm frequently running into walls of depression. I see that ... whatever I do doesn't seem to go anywhere. What authority I might have, I from the get go anticipate to never amount to anything ... like those clouds ... ever. So I try to stick to things that might as well be just in my head - as anything beyond that would tell me that there's nothing to it.
And yes - that's ... driving me nuts.
According to myself, I just have to be patient. Like, things work in mysterious ways - and I have to trust my inner senses, let's call it that, what does and doesn't work. And something about it rubs me the wrong way.

[to be continued]>>2023-05-12

So, the ceiling has been reached ... some time in the past few weeks. If there's even space "underneath". Whether I like it or not.
I don't want to come across as confused or as if I don't know what's going on - but the truth is ... if that's what I am, that's what it is.

And so - technically I don't have the right to more. I mean ... I got born human, I live as a human - and I haven't received any direct advise or knowledge or guidance on these matters. I don't have any more or less access to information as the average German, give or take; And that's ... what I had to work with.

And sure would I like it if I could make it rain stars or whatever. "Let the Vatican be struck by a meteor". And I'd probably be more shocked if it happened than anyone else. And I guess, there are reasons why it wouldn't come that way. And if it did come that way, some of it was obviously wrong.

It would just generally be the wrong way, as ... the further we went down that road, if that wasn't crazy, the further we'd move away from a lot of the things I tried to convey. And I suppose I slipped a little past that, unknowingly. And here's hope that I catch myself before it gets too bad.

On the other hand have I already lost track of all the things ... but right now isn't the time for a reset.
Although I feel like some things need to be taken back. Specifically within the recent thing. But ... not right now.
And sure - it is a bit complicated given how my mind works.

And I don't think it comes down to belief or faith. I think, understanding things as though our faith could literally move mountains - is taking it the wrong way. It's ... like putting the cart before the horse. Would it be different, the whole scam game would generally play out differently.
And working with the Placebo effect is an entirely different story.

At the end of the day I do think that my word has weight, but ... I guess we can say, that as for how tightly knit the rules are that this world is governed by, there isn't a lot a lot of room for it. At the end of the day then, God will do His thing; And moving away from this mindset hasn't been a great idea.

But yea. I mean, in as far as I'm wound up in it - I guess I'll act to the extent of my abilities. And if at any point I need restraint - it's ... complicated.

I mean, there - to me, or so, my kind - is the thing that we don't like it, but also we don't need it - because, if we don't want things - for whatever reason - not doing them isn't really restraint. And sure that cannot be taken as a general rule, as of law, that we can do whatever want. But I've learned that when I want things, it's ... OK. But also potentially something I then also want with great ... LUST.
And if the extent of my ability were to entail calling upon the stars, as it were, I'd do it - and learn of the proper restraint from the fallout of that.

Is it OK? Well, if you think this undoes personal responsibility, you're just wrong.
And why do I feel like I'm accused (or accusing myself?) of maybes?

So yea. Technically I'm already guilty of murder. If thinking of it, or having wished death upon someone, qualifies.
But as wisdom has it, apparently, genocide isn't really the way to go!

As for the other way, I don't like where that would go. Regardless. So, in that regard I'm grateful that there are restrictions. I'd have overstepped - and it'd be harder to walk that back, than it is ... already(?).
For once, had I to take power into my hands and walk the path of blood - I'd also have to be judge. And much more.
I'm not sure how to exactly wrap it into words, but to put it the other way around:

If it turned out, that someone else did something great ... like, say, as much as helping me/us ... like in a big way, in a pivotal way, I'd be glad. And no, bad people don't count. I mean, sure ... Nazis are cool ... until they're not. And the only way they're cool is when they lose. So ... there isn't much room for being anything but a sad joke - outside of simply being annoying ... or worse.

So, I'd be glad ... to not be the only one. Were I the only one, or were there not enough for there to be any hope left, then sure - I'd think the path of blood it were.

But so is there a venue I haven't quite properly explored yet. Or it wasn't the time. Maybe it still isn't the time ...

But, hypothetically speaking, if you were to ask me - how we should move on - assuming there is a 'we' big enough for this to matter - there are two ways. The one is to just ... "let it out" - and things will come my way eventually. After I had my second surgery. But well.
The other way ... would be a bit weird. I'll have to sleep over it.

[to be continued]>>2023-05-14

So, the problem is this: I am ... human. And yet there is this whole Goddess thing floating around; Which wasn't a problem while being just in the abstract. Yet, and I try to pick my words wisely, more is bestowed upon me - and ... I guess I can put it as: the divine of it extends beyond my mortal grasp. Though yet is there something for me to figure out.

The simplest idea would be, to ask for power. Effectively. Or to ask for what power there is. As I see it, however, my position is overwhelmingly symbolic. Being myself the avatar to effects, influences, manifestation - whatever - where, I think what people may be most curious about were, that if someone were to interact with that ... entity ... whether or not I have a part in that.
Or ... something along those lines.

Clogged up in the subtext of what I've written so far, is the question for the meaning or purpose of power, given that God is doing His thing. Of that, I have the insight, that being "a God" does render that one captive to their own ambitions. So do these divine powers manifest partly in form of rules - rules that govern the cosmos. So are things set up, for life to unfold. And possibly more, for that life to extend themselves beyond merely existing.
That however ... then again becomes a matter about the nature of life - and so its potential and in which way the divine "ought to" manifest itself therein. In reality this "ought to" is however ... meaningless, as it is the nature of the divine to impose it's own "ought to"s as "it is so"s. And picking from our current world, we may dream of fantastical worlds in which Gods and Magic are common; But thinking about it, that only adds more potential for conflict. But well ...

In other words: To see divine power as a tool to manifest their own desires - is rather human. Or so, we may think of the Greek Pantheon as an example of entities that exist mostly just on a singular premise. Being themselves personified desires or concepts - that exist within their scope of power as allies or enemies of one another, at any rate producing a kind of balance between themselves.
With the true divine it is not much different, except that these different entities aren't themselves individual actors; But more so abstracts one may extrapolate from the true divine. In other words is there a balance between different motivations and perspectives - that in effect informs the kinds of decisions that the divine is acting upon.
And being the Wife of my Husband, I have no ambitions to mess with His plans. That doesn't say that I don't care or am disinterest or have no clue or am given no clue. Thereby it is inevitably so, that I am an actor within these plans. Yet, as for myself, that entails me mostly being human.

To say: Sex, Drugs and Rock'n'Roll for instance - or so: Party - would maybe be the next best thing to divine power. Why wouldn't I? And such. After all ... "my thing" is "so and so" - so "naturally" ... such and such. Except ... one big part of this "thing" is a crux of sorts - which at this point in time would mostly amount to a 'no' on those terms.
For me anyway.

[to be continued]

So, the idea would be for someone to "pick me up" - I'll say Madonna as the cards specifically highlighted her wealth on the one hand, and perhaps a bad negative bias on my end on the other, so, assuming of course that she's on board and that also not really due to any personal/Clarity related reasoning. I'll assume she's aligned with me in terms of religion, which would be a positive, not only in terms of setting up for later; But the main reasoning is that I don't want to have to agree to any kind of shady/wonky nonsense, while I'm in this weird limbo where nothing has really been established just yet. So, where ever the journey were going, I'd want a safe quit-out as, let's say, a token of sanity; And have all expenses taken care of. I'm not sure then if we yet had to do some baptizing and stuff, but outside of merely getting acquainted we can do the unification linking and figure out what next; And all that without getting into any kind of weird interpersonal or parasocial problems regarding the odd uncertainties.

At the end of the day I want a place to be - rather than just stay - as ... that's the Real Life End-Game territory, we might say. I mean, at this point in the text we might be talking about what "what next" would entail and so I'd have to come up with some plan or whatever ... which ... effectively could be described as a matter of two things, combined or not. The one being to effectively maintain this limbo of interpersonal non-commitment to ... "change the world" somehow; And the other being to actually get out of this limbo as to move on to what life is about and that way simply establish a fertile basis for evolutionary proliferation to "do the rest" as it were.

This means, effectively, that the actual challenge for me is to find someone to take me out of this limbo - so, to find a home that's going to be effectively final - as to my understanding everything else is also going to be somewhat awkward ... otherwise.
In that sense there really isn't anything 'to do' per se, which can be seen as the basis of "my argument". Or so the crux of the matter one needs to understand in order to fully grasp what I'm telling you right here. Naturally we will "do things" - merely as a function of living - and naturally we'd do those things ... based on things, between things, such and such - and by understanding that we can, I believe, avoid revolution by collapse and bring about a revolution by evolution. Or what is it? Metamorphosis.
Eventually we can yet describe it as revolution by collapse - but that more in a metaphorical or esoteric sense.

And that's ... that, I suppose.

[to be continued]