Backslide, Forward, Forward

The whole thing with the Key has at this point somehow sunken into my lower consciousness - to the point that it has become part of my inner monologue, so-to-speak. That entails impressions of the world while I'm mostly consuming metaphor and parable (entertainment) and at times also concerns personal matters.
At this point that's probably an "as good as it gets" - though in terms of mental fortitude or cognitive reality drives me further into myself; Rather than into the tangible - and as of that I come to question whether or not I'm actually even doing or accomplishing something. So, whether or not the whole Key thing is even real.
I mean - part of the "don't underestimate your enemy" mantra that's been placed close to my heart; I'm anticipating some kind of bait and switch and all sorts of trickery. At some points I notice those more clearly than other times - though differentiating between ... what I'd call practice sessions and real-world issues yet again ... isn't something that actually occurs.

A recent example ... would seem like straight from a TV show. As previously noted do I occasionally get those semi-hallucinatory episodes - while apart of those something that seems to be on the rise are ... I get summaristic abstractions of my life's odyssey. And so while reflecting on my past in a certain way, I got sucked into ... err ... "one such thing"; Being under the impression that my behaviour while interacting with that ... ETP I suppose ... would somehow ripple out there; Though parts of it might have been ripples of that nature arriving at me. So the idea. Whatever though. So ... uh, how to put it? The thing evolved to a point. The matter of Clarity was somehow a part of it - or so the development towards it - and at the "critical moment", the pressures and tendencies would have me ... I guess we might say: "Do a Super Saiyan". That would be ... an internal boasting invoking zeal over certainty. Upon following up on that, I'd slip into a "Girl of Steel"-esque likeness - and I suppose I could however move on based on that illusion.
I had to however take pause and find, that the moment in question wasn't as much a boasting, as it was a turning inward - and upon manifesting that motion, the image shattered and I was floating in a vast void.

So, it would be these kinds of things that I've come to expect. So, in terms of "Spirit Wars" - I would, on and off, find myself dragged into manifestations that revolve around physical altercations. So, having conviction and zeal for instance manifest into imagery of violence - and, well, maybe naturally, it would seem like I'm winning. Perhaps getting into some blind zeal that's led astray from the initial trail of thought ... getting more and more wound up in the emotional struggle.
These things would more naturally occur when I was feeling ... like invaded. So, trying to get rid of ... internal manifestations ... I would regard as external in origin. And there's some trivia:
At some point around the 12th Seal stage of the story - "the first cycle" - the matter of 'belief' comes to matter. Here there are sequences in which a manifestation reflects the state of a particular belief - which is to be developed to a certain end; And then it changes. So, at first the task were to get a handle of a sword that's wildly flying around as the focus of the belief is challenged by internal doubts. Getting a hold of it will have it float into a scabbard, so the goal then is to keep it there. Then it turns into a staff - which might be the first big challenge - then it's like a bow and arrows - where the target becomes to basically not take arrows out of the quiver. That forms a sequence - and when finished, the "accomplished" turns into wristbands. Like ... armor ... which now either becomes more solid or does dissolve. And so are there cycles following higher and higher degrees of sophistication.
At one point - and I found that to be the most difficult - and I'm not sure how universal those are - the challenge was to ... basically take an F-Zero glider through to the goal. Well - the concept underlying it certainly is universal. It's about maintaining focus or willpower - or so - both - in a more or less specific way so the glider won't diverge from the track. So, it's ... about threading the needle.
That particular practice would further ... uh ... find application? ... in the sense of performing a cut, as with a sword. That may have been an instance of "if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail" - with the nuance being that: whatever your preferred tool might be determining how problems start to look like. So I would try to slice through the thicket of the confusing manifestations that would befall me - and I always found it difficult to cut through that ... last thread.
Recently then I had another altercation. Probably a training lesson. Here I had to fight ... Superman and Supergirl. The ... conceptual kind. Which is to say ... like ... for the first time ... I felt like I was up against a real obstacle. So, rather than having an impact on the target, I even felt my wrist-joints crack a little.
That ... reminded me of something. I had a theory of what "the nemesis" used the Key for - or one of the things - and ... that simply boils down to ... boosting their ability to manifest their will. Maybe like an exoskeleton or just a buff - whatever. Just a few moments prior I chose to leave it on - because ... something struck me as funny about it. That they'd so be locked into having that utter certainty about their ways ... while the environment around them changed enough so it wouldn't really ... matter.
But so I added one and one together - and I suspected that this 'last thread' ... is me subconsciously understanding that all the impact I thought I had ... was but an illusion.

And yea, at least ... here I managed to change something. Trying to slice things now ... is a lot easier. To the point that the degree to which I ... "learned" it is beyond overkill.

But on a different note - I keep on noticing ... things. And it's a bit confusing. I mean, I can relate to how come there is this thicket of ... safeties and tweaks and stuff - but that also makes me wonder whether or not I actually accomplished anything. So, whether or not I'm actually in control.

Like so, maybe there are/were copies of the key, backdoors and all sorts of ... alternative BS.

Anyway - all this is part of me figuring out ... what to do. And ... so far, among the things I encountered, meaningful or not, there's a lot ... attached to it. Fates of Nations - as by Concepts of Patriotism for instance, Rule of Law, Contracts and ... stuff like that.
Perhaps even things like morale, emotional baggage and stuff along those lines.
And it seems that all of this has also been ... thoroughly abused. Of course.

All in all, it makes sense that it has been used quite frequently. Like so, in tandem with real world events to perhaps give people the impression that something is going to go one way - to find that sweet spot where to turn things around. Because ... at the end of the day the key's effects aren't ... immutable. I mean, one may have a couple of reasons to believe in something that the key would have them be against.

And at this point, the situation is also rather confusing at times. I mean, I certainly lack a degree of oversight and structure. There are some things I'd want to maintain - while keeping as clear of a slate as possible. So am I certainly working towards a book that should clear things up and ... help structure things for the future - in a meaningful and comprehensive manner. And until then ... I probably still have to learn a few things.

On the other side of the story there is my word. And "the wind has carried a whisper to my ears" - implying that some people would or do feel more comfortable with my word, as opposed to matters of the key.
Neither however has much of a comprehensive interface ... none that I know of at least. And with all that, the question for miracles also ... lingers.

I mean, I think I have witnessed a few ... things that would lend themselves to the idea, that the Antichrist has/had Godlike powers. And yea, maybe there is a 'physical' key - and without physical access, I only have non-physical control. Something like that.
Which reminds me - it's ... weird. I mean, for a time I was under the impression that one couldn't undo what someone else did. So I was trying to override. Since then, after revoking some access rights, that seems to have changed. I ... am not entirely sure what's up with that just yet.

And one thing worth exploring is, whether or not I can just ... make my own physical access point.

I am however also somewhat distracted these days; And the way things are going, that's probably only going to get worse. And that ... doesn't seem ideal. So, God once more will have to clear my way a little - which means that I'll have to demand as much. I suppose?
I mean - my word and the key aren't the only instances of authority in the cosmos. But my therapy right now revolves a lot around ... me taking agency over my life - to stand in for my own - and I wouldn't do right by that if I were to refuse to do so at this instance. So, my way will be cleared - so I can dedicate meaningful amounts of time to my studies and endeavors without being burdened with a lot of stress from other sources.
So that I can properly grow into my role as not only a Goddess - but also the things that underpin that.

We'll enter a new Chapter of History; One of joy and relief to the righteous - one of satisfaction and thanksgiving - but most importantly: One of healing and peace.

... and for now ... I'm out of steam.

Sidenote: I recently came to revisit my old Remixes - and I recall having stated at some point, that I 'meant' all of it. Even if so in a somewhat abstract sense. One way or another so, it seems that the statements that those mixes present ... were thus subject to fulfillment measures. And ... some statements would work to my detriment. So, statements that were rather observations of the time, or ... attempted observations, such as "nobody likes me". So, when it comes to wiping slates clean, I sure have a lot of baggage wrapped into my own word salads - and for that I would like to apologize. Like so am I under the impression that there are people who do want to like me - but somehow they can't. In part because I don't know how to reciprocate healthy social interaction. So, I was probably wrong about a bunch of things, including that "nobody likes me".
Whether or not it matters ... ? I mean, everyone makes mistakes - at least us humans - and arguably even God but ... that's a different matter entirely. And being older now, listening to my old stuff, I have to say that I didn't mean 'everything' - not without caveats.

Sidenote 2: On happiness:: I've been bothered by the understanding, that Germans are better off than they seemed to have realized. It is however also difficult to measure happiness - as polls can only query how people think and feel about it. Self-sufficiency and humility for instance are attitudes that can manifest culturally, relative to wealth, and boost the perception of happiness despite depressing circumstances. That I would further categorize as a mental health issue - on the positive end of the spectrum. So are the circumstances and the individuals relationship to them separate things - while a people's own regards over the circumstances don't as much reflect their quality, as they reflect on the people's attitude.
Here I find it positively chilling that the people of Germany aren't really contempt with what they have - as certainly there is a lot of room for improvement - just as a globalistic general. And while that may certainly manifest as true unhappiness - it does not in fact reflect properly on the true conditions relative to the rest of the world.

And while being on the subject of Germany - I realize that we've grown to be ... somewhat at odds with the world.
We so have a very unique relationship to the concept of nationality - as we're like the only ones that ... try to refuse it around every corner. That, while existing in a world with growing nationalistic tendencies. It has us, in a matter of speaking, bummed out - as though we lacked identity. We do certainly have identity - but none that can be easily captured in a sense of nationality.
So could we reflect upon our national flag - which means different things to different people. To some it merely is a symbol for our nation - and in that regard lends itself to nationalistic attitudes. Conceptually however, the 'Gold' (yellow) of our colors is a symbol that has its origins in a time where we yet had a monarch - I think - being basically the symbol of the democratic resistance - in lay(wo)man's terms. So, that when properly applied, it's like ... the color of progress. Black-Red-White being like ... the strict, stubborn, conservative side of the German mindset. So that today it is the anti-nationalistic color of the flag, in regards to which some just refuse to see those colors as a source of inspiration.
And I certainly do vibe more with the latter, being however not as willing to just ... burn the flag as it were.
In all that, the tendency is clearly one that is to seek its identity beyond the nationalistic boundaries. Yes - uhm - like Colonialism, but ... different.
So - I've thought about it a bit - and now realize that my inability to get a real sense of our current political climate relates to me being curious about things beyond. So is the struggle between national identity and identity as people ... what plagues the current political climate here in Germany. So is it also, that we - at large, I think - feel uncomfortable with the concept of presenting ourselves to the world ... as a nation. We want to be more than that. We want to be ... a people of the Planet; While all the other nations around the world seem to yet be stuck in the past. So are we trying to play a game that ... hasn't really entered the national consciousness of a lot of people just yet.
TO bridge that divide is ... thereby the complicated part. Nationalism is here ... the gateway into that cycle of doom - that would have us spiral through ages of perpetual war. As so are there forces in this world that just ... effectively try to squander the opportunities at peace that we have.
One solution, or at least a step into the right direction, I found - was to think of us, Germany, as a "service nation". I mean, we are an economic power-house - but whatever we have is only a piece of the puzzle. In some sense, we're also a factory. And we've gotten somewhat good at producing proficiency. Focusing on our own - especially while we're the only ones trying to do good by our descendants - will require a lot of restructuring while dealing with the clutter of the past. What we have, would probably be put to way better use, when thought of as a hub to export our living standards to the rest of the world. Throw in some other nations that contribute to that - and we can do ... what we are technically capable of at large ... in places that are effectively just wasteland. Or wasted land. Wasted in part because they lack the economic ability to acquire the necessary wealth to do meaningful development. That sure means that we'll have to ... grow complacent with what we have ... although the economic demand on our productivity should increase. I believe that we can get rid of a significant degree of pollution that way, as we'd redevelop the dirtiest places into clean ones. And yea, the story is anyway that it's too late already; To stop climate change. And rather than entering another world war, we can probably get more out of ... trying to get ahead of things - as good as possible. So, developing efficient green air conditioning - with all the bells and whistles of energy efficiency - while also preserving nature as much as reasonable and cool and epic and stuff - are probably the most meaningful things to focus on. And maybe ... aren't the most profitable options we have.

So - that essentially boils down to some kind of "Green World Alliance" - which requires the worlds wealthiest nations to come together and take a serious effort at "spreading socialism" ... err ... helping the poor nations out of poverty.
To that end, those nations also have to open up to the alliance; To also start developing a comprehensive body of organization.
A pivotal part of that would be Universities - centers of education that can be woven into new infrastructure - alongside more and less general schools that also supplement the maintenance aspect of these endeavors. And I don't think it's meaningful to wait for the Hyperloop to work - while I think it to be more meaningful to think of a global high-speed railway network for people and industry respectively, as based on what we can practically accomplish and maintain already. A practical global railway network then effectively manifests in tiers; While we should try to get away with confusing borders of course. To that end we'd want a software backend that would allow one to access all public transportation across the globe.

In other words: While scientific progress is probably going to happen anyway - because, that's just what some people do - we shouldn't dump all our money and economic capacity into questionable investments. That latter part being the equivalent of "pseudo-science" - but also "trying too hard" - we should so, chill out, calm down, and meditate ... the world into a better whole before going beyond.