Sex-Doll ... or: something

So ... I don't like to pose as a Sex-Doll anymore. At least ... roughly speaking that seems to be a thing that's going on. And peeping behind the veil - there are two directions one might take this. The one being that I wouldn't make for a particularly appealing one, anyway - and if I were, I'd probably act differently also. So, making me some kind of disenfranchised individual who turnet into this stereotypically angry feminist that just hates men and masculinity because they can't have it.

On another note - I've been around, during my civil service in a home for refugees, where ... one of the families had a daughter and one day there was this huge comotion because she glued her vagina shut. And I'd say ... she was roughly within that fabled age of sexual ripeness. Perhaps a little bit younger, but not by far.
And ... at the time I totally didn't get it. My sexuality was ... basically non-existent outside of perhaps maybe visiting a brothel ever so often.

It's, to some, a maybe unrelated topic - or one of those "too bad" [then shrugs] type of issues - as none of the items we think we have control over would help other than maybe being ready for when things like that happen. And - while I can't speak to the effectiveness of that, well - I maybe shouldn't. It's just ... feminist propaganda maybe that would have me utter a bit of a cynical laugh at that.

Now, to be fair, Conservatives/Fascists would like us to believe, that they're concerned of these things. And sure. They speak of the nuclear family and don't like degeneracy. Degeneracy being - like - all the things that kids, the cool ones, would seek, that drives them into dodgy cliques and other potentially dangerous environments. Environments that perhaps predate upon a persons awakening sexuality - and that ... apart from any form of sheltered environment. People who maybe like to play it loose - nourishing the individual's growth in a way that would barely have them become a functional human being.
The problem ... with that ... let's call it girl and boy scouts but everything ... is that it's a very ... "in the middle of nowhere" type of thing. You know - places where kids just grow up in a more or less sheltered environment because for miles and miles there's nothing else one might do but frolic on the fields and such. And I suppose that goes a long way explaining why they're ... like ... 'conservatives'. Anyhow - the reality is, that humanity at large has found some kind of "refuge" in places we call cities. Among other things. And with it the bulk of available human knowledge and culture has also grown and evolved. It may be a different world - that might as well be occupied by aliens - at least so to the more rural types of sensitivities; But by and large it's still ... the same "thing". And conservative politics is like ... against that. Except when it's not ... someone might have to maybe explain that to us in more detail at some point.

Anyhow - without trying to make it about that, my attempt here is about understanding. Which, for me as a Trans Person is ... well ... challenging sometimes given what people who generally speak from within 'those crowds' tend to think about people like me. And I think ... "feel like" ... it's important. Anyway is one side fervently on the wrong side of this; With some appearing to be genuineline confused while believing it to be utterly absurd that people like me should be allowed to have a family or even exist.
And I guess ... sometimes I wonder about that myself.

From people who might think that something must have gone wrong at some point, over people who don't know how to emotionally connect with us, to people who think we're downright evil if not at all Demon Spawn - one must wonder who actually 'does' try to do good. If I went by them - I'd have to "unexist" myself, if I wanted to do good - as that'd just solve a lot of problems; At least so if we all did; And then we could - maybe - focus on things of actual importance.

And yea, well - I've grown somewhat numb to the implicit brutality of it all. Situations in which "being trans" would be a reason of some kind; For things ranging from violence to rejection. And this is less about being a potential Sex-Doll, and more about being a potential Punching Bag. And I've grown numb to it because I can. On one hand these issues don't concern me - directly - just yet; And on the other I don't try to provoke it. And I would hope that one day we could move past it - at large - but to that end I think that a lot of people yet need to grow more comfortable about things. Their sexuality perhaps.

Which is at any rate where this "would be" going. It's that apparent "more and more" - a.k.a. 'one thing leading to another' - type of thing; The rats tail as it were; Though it's not us who arbitrarily chose to make a stand arguing that using our preferred pronouns is already too much.
And that creates the kind of environment where people may even feel generous saying things like ... "if you only didn't insist to be [your gender] and just acknowledged that you're [your birth sex] we'd be cool" - because apparently the concept of self-identification is like ... this slippery slope. As opposed to giving people the legal authority to check upon your genitals or report you to "youth protection services" and what have you.
Which, arguably is our fault - apparently, some would say, I'm sure. Who would have thunk.

What I'm trying to say by sharing this video here was something about morality. More to the point, that I think there's a certain feebleness to think, that without God's Law we could not have any kind of moral understanding. Feeble, as we're left perhaps thinking of the soul and why we not just kill ourselves for instance.

But at this instance - this also isn't really an ideological problem. It's more of a systemic one; Emotional baggage possibly amplified by our own complexes and traumas.
I mean, what am I to think when I hear the story of a man for instance who found the woman of his dreams - fell in Love with her as everything went perfectly; To then be utterly disgusted and heartbroken learning that she's a trans woman?

So do I, on and off, find comfort disappointedly acknowledging myself as a freak. I'm sure that's not healthy or good - but often enough it's just easier to find all the things that I'm not - whether it's not enough of one thing or too much of another. It's like with my titties. Sometimes I find them large enough, other times I feel like there's not much to even label as such.

"Men dressed like Women". I think the main reason it hits so hard is, that it is at times just true - that by dressing up we're also mindful of hiding certain things.
And what could outreach do? I mean, if people met on the basis of "getting to know trans people" - it's like ... not legit from the get go. And yea ... all that eventually factors into how I think I, around the matters of Sex Work, could be of help here. But sure, not only that.

I mean - on the one hand it's simple, from my perspective, to flag the perception of many people as 'warped'. I mean, I'm pretty sure that when people say "Man in a Dress" - it's totally not whatever 'good faith' understanding one might read into that, but totally that it's "a Man" (insert: Toxic Masculinity and all that (negative stuff)) dressed up as a woman. It is just and simply ... prejudice. Like, maybe we haven't been raped at a young enough age to get that "fem cred". Or the fact that bottom surgery is vastly regarded to be 'optional' - so, that is more choice about that than most people have. And to top it all off - at long last - people also accuse us of autogynephilia. Which, to put it into plain-speak, is - apparently: When a woman finds herself attractive or likes to look pretty. Except for some reason it's exclusive to trans women.

So, there's right away a major "being a woman in a patriarchic society" moment right there. Well, if we want to be charitable - as in: If we may deem ourselves allowed to exist. Like, when we're "not enough" - we're taken for "just men" - and if we're "enough" - we're told we're too much, a.k.a. perverts.

So, sure - it's clear that some people, let's say, just can't take us for women. Which were also why we couldn't be feminists. And that is somehow a major self-own, by "feminists", because in a sense they're unable to conceive of how a man might want to be a woman. And yea, generally they don't because they're comfortable being men - but trans women also aren't men.

So, our perspective is for the most part that whatever 'male privilege' there is, isn't enough to make us feel comfortable 'as men'. Or boys. I mean, a major red flag for me should have been - though I used to blame my child-like nature - that I was NEVER comfortable with the idea of "being a 'Man'". I never referred to myself that way - and rather wondered about what that whole "growing up" 'Myth' was all about.
It might be a hoax.

But - the truth is that I'm a woman; Although I have enough internalized Transphobia to cringe at that notion. And that's how some of us might consider using the term "Sad Tran" instead.

I mean - for some reason I do get to wonder, often enough, what I were without all that make-up and fancy clothes. The thing is however, I usually - generally - don't wear make up nor fancy clothes.
And that has not stopped me from getting hit on. Which isn't much - as ... "being hit on" ... here means as much as ... once. But ... yea, I guess there's hope. It is certainly a non-zero amount; Which ... might be something to brag about.
And it was when I was wearing make-up, that that non-zero amount of people I was hit on by ... struck me as a potential way into the realms of sex-trafficking.
But generally I don't wear make-up because when I have to snooze and wipe my nose, that's like half of my face in the tissue. Certainly the important parts I really mean to cover up. I mean, it's not like I have a mustache; Where - no amount of make-up would do. And generally people tell me that the shadow isn't that apparent ... but those are strangers. "What do they know?".

And I'm curious. How many did actually legitimately envision a mustache while they were reading that part? To those I have a follow up question: How much sense did it make, actually? Yea, like ... that Randy Marsh mustache ... just a little bit of make up ... and I'd be ready ... like ... "Lorde Lorde Lorde" or however it's spelled.

I mean, whatever is "going wrong" - a.k.a. "wrong" about us - I'd think has to exist somewhat in that sense. That once I undress, my muscle mass were to grow exponentially and unlike a Hentai Vixen with her hair I'd start consuming people with hair from my legs and arms, while my face suddenly warps into that of the most stereotypical terminally online redneck porn enjoyer misogynist rapist pervert. Like ... a blend between Randy Marsh and Eric Cartman after having played too much W.o.W..

Now, there is however one thing I'm really happy about - and that is that my hands aren't like ... those of a Basketball player. I used to be upset about that because I really loved Basketball but also really sucked at it. Like, also, by a complete lack of talent - outside of at least some motoric skills. But eye-hand coordination ... with a ball that's also somewhat heavy ... nope!

So - maybe it needs to be said, that: Trans women aren't magically different from ordinary women - and ordinary people for that matter - concerning the whole dressed versus undressed situation. Sure ... there's like ... that one "thing" ... maybe ... but that's just generally ... a "that kind of thing" thing just in general. I mean, overall speaking of: What you get is what you see. It's not like men are particularly up-front about their ... uhm ... hungness either. Or women for that matter about ... whatever might be going on down there. Which, granted ... is usually the lesser of the two deals ... so, let's just ... mark this as a small step towards emancipation. Maybe. Perhaps. And yea, life isn't ... totally fair ... like, already on geometric reasons.

If we want to play a game of extremes - I'd say that hating on Trans Women isn't feminism, but it's self-defeating. For transness speaks of the Eternal Soul, growing in a vastness of possibilities. But yea, that's like ... doing the: "If you masturbate you'll go to hell" thing but in reverse. Like ... yea, you might be able to quote the Bible when I ask you why we shouldn't be allowed to be as we were - but I'm quite confident, that that wouldn't suffice in front of the LORD if HE asked you that. For, by that logic nobody would be allowed to grow past a very narrow set of things. Things we may already have grown past a long time ago.

And yea, in my defense ... according to the Bible, God isn't gay! So, how could God be my husband, if I were a man?

Sorry if this comes across as somewhat ... loosely stitched together. It is what it is though.

And ... because I am no man, it - according to the Bible - also wouldn't behoove me to wear men's clothing! And maybe it is because God is particular like that, that God doesn't really 'like' Gay people - or whatever isn't really a fan of this kind of heteronormity - and you know what? I think it's fair! I think it's fair to not like something, and still tolerate its existence.

Does He though?

Well - that might be a really good question; If we understood how to ask it rather than just resorting to goodthunking.

I mean - forming the proper "neural pathways" on these matters is ... not the simplest thing there is. I - we - would know! There are plenty of things that are easier said than done - but that's why I think we should make haste to import Common Sense from the Ninedom into the material planes.

The end.