My dose of Hard-to-Swallow Pills
Yea, there are some, I guess. But - .. yea, there's a really big But to that right off the bat - generally, or conventionally,
as at large and in common and what have you ... I am THE hard-to-swallow pill myself that most if not all have to ... well ...
deal with. Somehow.
I mean - I am ... now existing in a way that might trigger some kind of "I told you so"s - which, sure, is in turn kind of like
some hard-to-swallow pill I had to digest. But, picking my 18th birthday for reference, that would sort of glance past the last
22 years of my life. During those years I had to learn that my concerns take priority. And effectively it was only once I had
learned that, that I was - as we might say - "legally entitled to accommodate external sensitivities".
So, what I'm doing now - existing within the confines of what would pass as an ordinary life (at least within Germany as a special
needs kind of person) - essentially comes, to put it bluntly, as a courtesy of mind to effectively minimize the friction between
myself and the social reality I'm a part of. That would sure be a way of engagement with my surroundings that God would or does
encourage - but for obvious reasons it comes secondary to my mission.
I mean, pretty much since I started this 'my thing' - well, at least since people (like, family members) started to catch onto it
- they tried to tell me that I should figure out how to align my interests to what was presented to me as "logical demands of
existence" or how to put it. But, the reality was and is that it don't work like that.
I mean, speaking of that "40 hour work week" - with like 8 hours of work a day that next to 8 hours of sleep is somehow supposed
to leave me with FOURTEEN (???) hours of spare time ... (well, according to some crazy post someone shared on r/Antiwork) - the
reality is that actually I have 12 hours of "spare time" - of which I'm > Supposed to spend 8 hours sleeping. Now, if you do
the math, that leaves me with 4 hours of effective spare time; During which I'm also somehow supposed to get supper and some R&R.
Well, 12 hours. I do get up at 5:30, which is already cutting it awefully short. I get up, lately at around 5:45 actually, while I
have to leave the house at 6:15 - to get my bus. With that I don't have to stress potentially missing my train - which arrives at
around 7:00 in Waiblingen ... where I have to walk for roughly 15 minutes to the BBW - as the shift starts at 7:30. Then at 9
there's a 30 minute break, and at 12:00 a 45 minute break. Shift ends at 16:25. Which is, yea ... 9 hours past start, making for
a bit less than an 8 hour shift (75 minute break). Then I make my way back to the train-station; And all in all can expect to be
back at home - at 17:30. So, 12 hours after I woke up.
And ... it works out alright. I come home - and depending on how I feel about it get to work or not. But the whole '8 hours of sleep'
doesn't really work out all that much. That because once I choose to work, I can't always tell how long it takes. I mean, I get that
once I see that I have like one hour left, effectively, it's not really worth starting something. And if I started something, I don't
want to go to bed with unfinished business keeping up.
It does in a way work out really well for me. During Christmas Holidays I realized that after 2 weeks of down-time, I kind-of needed
to get back to something else. But I suppose it also only works out, mostly, because of what I've done leading up to this. Sure,
things eventually started to 'really' work out for me as I started to ... 'adjust' to these 'external sensitivities' more and more
- and beyond the woulds and coulds and shoulds, the truth is that I don't feel like ... all the years that led up to this have been
spent in vain.
But, I guess it's a point of contention nonetheless. And for whom this is a hard-to-swallow pill, well, the thing is that if it's one
for me - I already swallowed it and I'm doing fine. Which may in turn be hard to swallow for ... some. I mean, the issue that God
"ought to" make "it" work for me, somehow, isn't really a gotcha anymore - and by the way: The main reason I'm comfortable writing
this is because tomorrow I have a day off. That is, people at work are sick and some substitution wasn't found - so we've been
relieved. Which works out well for me since the thing I currently work on is kind of dense. So, I can really use that extra time.
I'm currently taking a break from that.
And I guess that's the thing. I mean, I think it becomes more comprehensive once 'laying things out' in a "flat" and 'neutral' way
- starting with the fact that my concerns take priority. What follows or is to follow is thereby at any rate ... 'subsequent'. So,
secondary. So, there now is what we might call 'conventional wisdom'. It is that thing which I would - uhm - earlier did - rudely
call "presented to me as "logical demands of existence""; And people might be right assuming that I have to learn that. And along with
it, possibly, that I can't like ... finagle my way out of it. Which is however ... a misconception. I mean, sure - I can't in as far
as there are social rules that imply consequences. That is ... the theory. But practically, I don't 'have to' finagle my way out of
stuff ... in as far as my concerns simply do take priority. Well, "where apropriate" I guess. But, what I'm getting at is this:
In as far as conventional wisdom is concerned, it is in this instance sort-of applied as a "gotcha" to override the implied superceding
"gotcha" of my own concerns taking priority. And that is ... we might call it a paradoxon. A conflict. And, with the rule being that
my concerns take priority - the resolution is simple: Conventional Wisdom don't apply to me. It is, by a manner of speaking, as by
'the illusion of unity' so that it does; While my alignment to it imparts its benefits onto me. And sure, those benefits come at the
expected or implied cost. No finagling. But it is basically still just an illusion, in a manner of speaking. There is respectively
'some' truth to it - and sure there might be some hard~ish to swallow pill in there somewhere - but the truth is that rather than me
having to learn that "it applies to me" - people have to learn that 'actually' it doesn't. So, even just by potential. That doesn't
mean that we'll get mean or anything unto people that apply their conventional wisdom as they're supposed to - conventionally speaking
- but ... around the matter of what I do and don't have to learn and do and get done and stuff ... my concerns take priority. Part of
them is now a matter of catering more to external sensitivites - and to rely on happenstance should the need arise.
Well - or in much simpler terms: I do enjoy certain privileges that only God could take away from me. Should He so desire.
And yea, it's not even 'my doing'. All I'm saying is that - in terms of hard-to-swallow pills - it seems like nobody is going to get
a raise out of me having to swallow some. And maybe, relatively speaking, I'm used to havnig them.
So, this whole work-related stuff isn't even what I meant to write about. And once starting to write, I noticed that the tone of this
is probably going to be akin to a bait and switch. Like, the last thing I wrote didn't exactly meet certain demands some might have in
me - for good reasons, perhaps - maybe ... which would then put me into that odd position where my own imperfections lead to consequences
I then have to deal with - making my own self the one hard-to-swallow pill I really do have to condend with.
So yea, I get ... well, sorry, but I do ... that things such as 'external conditions' are beyond my control and that I can't just
"Yas Queen" my way through the challenges of life. Well, sortof - because ... from how I feel about myself ... that's exactly what I'm
doing and I don't think anyone can challenge that.
Well, the thing is ... as for hard-to-swallow pills in general ... reality. From the left-leaning/liberal angle that's all about overcoming
the challenges of being or arriving on the same page - and from the right-leaning/conservative angle that's all about dominance and subservience,
like who the alpha were. Which is also a neat view on the essence of this conflict. ["Who is it?"]. And the game that the conservatives seem
to have lost and struggle with ever since is the simple fact that the majority of people isn't down for their nonsense.
Which is how I'd argue the concern to the majority of people is that of getting onto the same page.
Now, what I do isn't a political compaign. Although we touch upon political topics - the resolution that's urged into my consciousness tends
to be a spiritual one. So, this is a religious campaign. And that is basically how 'my concerns taking priority' affects the "common person".
Like, you might like some more satisfying political resolution - or whatever I could or "should" have written about instead, speaking of
'external conditions' that "apply to me" - like, your individual reasoning versus what I'd like you to reason - but, I don't want to be a
Which is like ... yet another issue. How I fit into my stuff, what I ought to be or am inevitably going to be if such or such - and how my
own ambitions align with that. Like, if I'm saying that I don't want to be a leader but things inevitably play towards me becoming one,
have I been dishonest with you?
And what I found is that ... yea, God is - or can be - very forthcoming. He tends to fix my problems before they come up. Because, in the
political sense - there's yet a lot on my mind that you might be interested in - but, for once that seems to be pushed back until things
are happening. And still ... judging from what I can tell, it's not ... fleshed out enough. So, more to the point are "you" supposed to do
the politics - because these things affect you possibly more than they do me.
And I can't help but feel some kind of anger rising when I talk like that. Like someone really wanting to show me that I can't be like that.
And I suppose technically I can't - because the things I'm boasting is just an expectation, a hope, that you would act in certain ways that
work out for me. But make no mistake! God doesn't need your permission for being who He is.
No - when I think of hard-to-swallow pills, well ... it's what I'm working on currently that led me to think of this. And while writing this,
during smoke breaks, I had to recall that there were some other things that may be more important that I wanted to write of. Which might be
an interesting sidenote to all this; Where, make of it what you will, part of my concerns is to help YOU. And sure enough; That sometimes
gets me somewhat spiteful. At least it used to - some time ago.
But ... I mean, my little coding project did turn out to be a lot more challenging than I had thought. Which would be the one thing where I
have to admit that ... I grossly underestimated what I had endeavored to accomplish. Or grossly overestimated my own ability to accomplish
it. But, in my defense, I was working off of inspiration. The inspiration implying more than I, in what we might call some kind of naivete,
was able to comprehend.
And yea, it started the few days prior to Christmas last year. Where ... the hard-to-swallow pills came raining in. To put things into
perspective: I set off to do a thing I figured I'd be done "by monday" - while by friday I was still busy figuring out the intricacies of
it. And in essence, I've still not really come around being like done with it.
You might be able to tell from how I write about it, that I don't really want to share any details or specifics. For once because I'm tired
of repeating myself on the matter. Though to me it always feels like I accomplished something, the end of it is that ... that's kind of
always been the case. Even while I wasn't even working on it.
But I did work out some terrain randomizer I'm quite happy with - although it isn't quite where I need it to be either. Which is mostly
... uhm, here's the other reason I don't like to share: It's like I'm doing work. "Rubber Ducking" as it's called. Even if I just ...
briefly. Anyway, here's a sample:
Moreover what's on my mind behind all this, yet related somehow, is that I'm bad at math. And accordingly I had some words on mind about
... turning personal weaknesses into strengths. Or how being bad at something shouldn't stop us from trying.
But, more to the point, I think that I was let on to something that somehow converges around this topic; Something about how the things
that go on in my mind don't exactly line up with reality. Simple enough: My "visions" - concerning my coding project - make everything
seem a lot simpler than it is. So I think I can get something done in an afternoon - and days later I'm still working on it. For
instance. And there sure are reasons. One being that my logic is fuzzy, whereas code requires concrete instructions. Simple enough, I
get that, but ... in as far as my work is based on inspiration I don't have control over ... "how hard we wanna go", as it were.
And so - between what goes on in my head versus the real world, often enough I suppose I get stuck on what is possible, versus what is
happening. I mean, based on what I've told you so far - there's a possibility that you/people get the right drift; And that's what'll
keep sticking in my head because ... it lines up with 'my' reality. At least in the sense that ... I guess we could say that it's cheaper
for my mind to process that information than to have a concrete understanding of how and where people get a false impression. If I ever
had to tackle that, it'd need to be tackled more specifically. And sure - it ... bugs me. Because in all actuality I don't have much of
a real or reasonable concept of the issues I need to be addressing. And thus I would at times also spend time to address that. Which
then doesn't stop things from always turning out like that, it would seem.
In simplest terms then, that sample image above - there are generally two 'extremes' regarding what it could be. The one would be to see
it as "the high end" - that is to say that the program in question only does what you see it does. The other is to see it as "the low
end" - which is to say that the program in question does do a lot more. So, I might add that:
there's at least that. That the mouse interfacing works. And with the truth being somewhere in-between the two extremes, there's also
an upper and a lower margin. And whether it does what it's supposed to - that's also something that is filtered through my perfectionism.
So, I could point out plenty of things that are't quite there yet - although for all intents and purposes they are. The whole thing, to
be clear about it, isn't "quite there yet". Well, duh. But ... since I'm working out the finer details of the whole, the way things do
come together is a bit crude. But I figured that before I try to optimize - I rather try to work on the pieces of code, to have them work
as intended. I mean, it all started by me just cobbling all the stuff I had together - basically as: If I started over again, I'd pretty
much be doing the exact same thing. That until I had a better idea. And I've had some so far. So, it was at times necessary to return to
"square one" - cleaning things up a little, but only in as far as it wouldn't compromise my progress.
Does that ... make sense? Track?
But so the issue is that ... at the end of the day it still only does what it does visibly. And that would amount to some kind of hard-to-swallow
pill for me - that is however different to what I was thinking of.
And sure, I'm sick of it. Not that I get my time and peace and quiet to do "all this" and by the time it matters do have more to show;
But that ... there's always "this kind of nonsense" on my agenda. Be it just my own paranoia/psychosis or ... more actual happenstance.
I mean, as this isn't a political campaign - it also isn't about how smart I am. The only reason, I think, why 'we' entertain this
nonsense right here ... is because I suppose we said as much. I speak of inspiration, God giveth it, so ... I suppose that only leaves
us with that one conclusion. But ... like, what's the matter?
I don't see it. And that doesn't mean that ... it isn't there. It only means that I ... being myself human ... in essence, still ...
have what we might call "limited capacity". And that shouldn't matter because for all I care we're just doing this for fun. But woe someone
might imply that it might prove something - then all of a sudden ... that's like all that anyone would care about until somehow the stakes
of it have been stacked so high that it collapses by merely looking at it ... and then it's up to me to explain "why we failed".
I ... yesterday woke up with a bit of an epiphany about something I might write about here. After being fully awake however; And soberly
assessing the story, it didn't quite fit in. But ... with a little bit of "intellectual grease" it might fit in here.
So - I've recently, well - several month ago - heard an interpretation to climate change; And though I haven't seen it being brought up
anywhere else ... it ... still falls into this ballpark of "everything but what the scientists say". So, the idea there was to argue,
that all the concrete we plastered the earth with is responsible. So, it heats up during the day and so ... well ... "duh and go figure"
... the environment heats up. I'm sure, that this idea doesn't live up to mathematical scrutiny. Sure. I mean, I trust that ... . I mean,
the thing is this: Scientists have been warning us for ... we might as well say 'ages' at this point. I certainly have heard of it for
all my life. And now that it's 'here' - and "happening" - well, I'd say: "go figure". "Think about it!". Saying, I can trust that the
basis for the predictions that have been made is accurate, given that they turned out to be right - or I could try to find some reason to
not do that.
And yea, some of that nonsense sticks "better" or more easily than other stuff. I mean, I recently had a bit of a "discussion" (I was led
onto a bit of a rant, that is) about the state of the world - and as I do I get to reflect upon what I said and ... 'correct' myself. So,
it's like thinking 'after' I speak; Which then is however also thinking 'before' I speak (the next time). And so I spoke of this theory
of mine that I believe that World War 3 'should already have happened'. I mean, I think of the early Trump years as an attempt to stoke
fear and anger - trying to sneak some new world order~esque terminology into the news-cycle - but it didn't work. Because, we wouldn't
have it. And the conflicts of today, they could have been a lot worse, had we been more eager to have a world war again. Well, that's the
theory at least. And - whatever the case there; What I see today is like ... a desperate digging for reasons. And I think, that so far
Putin is giving us the best reasons to just go and say "fuck it". It is however not just that - along with it comes the outrage to the
tune of fake news, disgruntlement over "the wokes" and ... yea, good ol' xenophobia. It's not really news I suppose, people have been saying
it for years at this point; But that's just and simply fascism. Trying to give us a reason to be upset - and get us stoked to solve "the
problems" with violence. Yet as it stands, that's just a bunch of nitwits playing war and make-believe, while the rest of us ... well.
Some of us might be looking at the 'real problems' - though at this point it is also fair to ask, how many of those 'real problems' are just
manifactured to get us into the post-apocalypse.
I mean - how is it that Neo-Liberalism is like ... going through a renaissance these days? What does this form of Capitalism even still do
for us? ... But I digress.
So, things aren't always what they seem to be. That is, an awefully generalized statement - that, when taken too seriously might cloud the
fact that often enough things are exactly what they seem to be. But that's ... I think difficult to maintain in this current age.
I mean, it depends. A car is a car. But the story with science is to look beyond the apparent - and get to that which is concrete.
And 'science' is here just a way of saying: To make things up to reality - and take notes as that happens.
So, as for my coding project, I think ... I'm supposed to be a little bit more clear about it. Just leaving it at "same ol'" - probably isn't
fair to anyone. But that's in essence what it is. I mean: There's 'an impossible problem', 'a weird solution' - and the thing we want to
build from that. So, I can't build the thing unless the impossible problem got solved - so, until the weird solution is working, I do ...
effectively ... have nothing. Well, not nothing - but ... still not much but problems and possibly excuses - alongside some weird rambling
akin to "just one more thing". And I really can't need anyone to talk into it or squeeze some half-arsed "just get it done" kind of thing
out of me.
As it stands, the images here are just a byproduct. The randomizer was just for fun - as I ultimately only needed something to be present.
Once as a visual indicator for whether my math is mathin', but also to have the kind of data in the system that the things I'm working on
would operate on. And sure, what you see there also is just a fraction of it all. At this point, the main problem is to get things smoothed
into what I'd call "the flow". So, between how code "behaves" and my intellectual grasp of what the code I wrote does - there's an urge
towards optimization. Any piece of code I set up may at first fit into the flow - but eventually reaches a degree of complexity that "breaks"
it somehow. As different pieces then come together, that effectively changes "the bends" - of the logic. Hereto I've had a range of ideas
over the years; With the problem being that to properly realize it - I'd yet need "X and Y" - and with some of the code not doing 'exactly'
what it had to - the entire thing was warped and therefore, to the desired end, useless.
It did really start to 'click' during Christmas holidays. Though to my regards the thing I tried to build was simple enough - as also
something I've done "once or twice" (sigh) before - the issue was that I also have gotten at it from so many different angles that the
various solutions I was going with didn't quite fit into the structure I was building. And that I'm effectively bad at math also comes to
show in how that I might at times have the same value present twice; Not knowing that they're the same thing because they were produced
differently and used for different reasons. And so I had to do some "rubber ducking" - or, explain to me what this and that is supposed to
be or do - by at first commenting it, but then also essaying to me what to look out for. And as it stands, what I did there wasn't really
there yet either; With the big issue being the math/logic in the background.
Next to other things. I mean, I guess the more common equivalent term to what I'm thinking of is 'ergonomics'. And as the engine itself
is supposed to be a system of multiple interdependent structures ... there's a lot in ways of the "chicken and egg" problem. But also a
lot in ways of how "the data profile" of a thing turns out when coming at it from a certain angle - and how it changes once the angle
does. Maybe because a new system is introduced or because some of the load was moved elsewhere. If that sounds like I'm overthinking it,
or am stuck in some obscure misconception - well; That's partly why I wouldn't want to share much detail. Because that's what people would
suggest - and my reluctance to share or listen would then also be regarded negatively, and my foresight regarding it wouldn't change that.
So I'd be encouraged to give you a concrete example - where I get uneasy because soon enough there'd be some problem with that - or so I'd
learn as I get further along; And stuff like that. Suffice it to say that I'm here not talking of stuff like map data. Things that exist in
an implicit way and yield some implicit result. Except that sure: Sometimes the implicit is ... 'only' relative to what you want to accomplish.
The problem is however, once the implied from one thing is at odds with something implied from another. Not as a problem of having two of a
kind. So, I suppose one would then conventionally introduce a buffer stage of sorts, to then juggle with the numbers and stuff to get things
aligned as needed - which is the kind of thing that would then "break" the flow; Or as some might better understand it: It leads to ugly code.
Which isn't bad per se, if it works - and at some point the kinks might get optimized away. If not ... well, what matters is that it works.
Then however, eventually, there might be a third "thing" that gets into the mix. And once the problem between the two were solved properly,
the third might just fit in.
So - one of the things on my mind at this point is the VR. Think of it as some kind of invisible Box that is to sit ontp of what you see
in the images. I know what I want or need it to be - but respectively "can't" build it into the thing unless the conditions "make way for it".
And I wonder ... . Is there a thing I can tell you, that wouldn't ... be 'insufficient' in the end? Because, the way I see it - and I think
that takes us to yet another "off topic lesson" - it won't matter even if it works.
I mean - given that the big skeptics imply themselves as a voice of reason that wants to make sure that everything works out alright, they
might as well just be an opposition trying to justify their presence. And sure - me trying to argue against that is like ... undermining our
democratic integrity or what have you. And, we might say, that's why "they" also ... capitalize on rhetoric such as that of free speech.
Freedom. Free Market. Free everything. Because that allows them to imply that as their political agenda, versus whatever it is that they
actually propagate. And yea, that's basically what everyone implies of someone else - so, that's just part of the democratic process it
would seem. Calling it out, that is.
So, inevitably - efforts to get us onto the same page will have to face off against those that want to prevent that from happening; Or so:
try to get us onto a different page. And to harness some kind of shared sentiment, to have a majority, that's also ... integral to our
democracy. Sort-of. I mean, I suppose it depends. In Germany it's more like ... 'having a majority' is like a bad thing because ... well,
history and stuff. Although, that wasn't really a majority either at first. But I suppose Americans are like ever only concerned of the
bottom line (except when they don't because 'nuance') ... #notallamericans ... #winkwink.
But whatever. I mean to say, that each individual that is somehow given an individual voice in this public discourse ... they do in a sense
work as arbiters. And if 6 libs argue over the nuance of a thing - while 4 conservatives stand uniformly behind the uttermostestest bullshit,
the scale might just tip in favor of the conservatives. Because it's like 4 to 1-3. Ontop of that it seems that conservatives have ... like
... perfected the art of turning feelings into facts. They say facts over feelings, maybe, but as in regards to science or the scientific
community its clear that all they do is sow doubt - to make anyone susceptible to it skeptical of a thing. And those ideas that generate
that doubt are then considered "facts".
One thing to maybe look at is the concept of what's 'based'. It's a term now co-opted by libs and conservatives, meaning totally different
things respectively. To "the wokes" 'based' is what is "woke" - and to the 'anti wokes' 'based' is what is 'anti woke'. Behind it there are
I think trust issues. Or comprehension challenges. Once something isn't understood, it so is easier to regard it as bullshit; And anything
trying to imply that what isn't understood comes accross as some "political agenda" that tries to undermine "all the facts" - though "all
the facts" are just a bunch of 'alternative sources' that fill the void of that lack of understanding.
Further then - as that certainly mingles into matters of 'primitivism' - I'm under the impression that all this also heavily skews the
matter of what counts as an 'accomplishment'. In simplest terms we might think of the 4 day work-week or similar 'liberal' accomplishments
to add scientific weight to the various beliefs that exist. I don't hear any of those conservative dipshits applauding that however.
Instead, to them, it would seem that accomplishment is measured by the amount of people that are to suffer its consequences. So, like,
superman punching a granny off the sidewalk would be an accomplishment. Ending World Hunger would be more like ... "meh". Unless maybe
that comes off the back of slave labor. It depends on how much of a dick move it is.
Elden Ring and Baldur's Gate 3 oddly enough ... do also give us a sample of that behavior or attitude. I mean, most if not all of their
critics come up with all those reasons to glance past what the game itself has to offer. It's like: Elden Ring bad because interface.
Which in turn is to imply that Assassins Creed good because interface. Which might make it sound like Elden Ring has a bad interface.
It really doesn't! It just ... does what it's supposed to - and that really well. Without clutter. I mean, yea, you need to know yourself
what you wanna do and why - but that's like a pretty basic skill to have when playing an RPG. On the other hand, BG3 bad because Turn Based.
Well, the whole "Turn Based bad" debate didn't seem to matter while the X-Com reboot was hot on the shelves, but well ... maybe I missed
And Sorry. I'm sure it doesn't matter - but the recent Zelda games don't even look like Zelda games anymore. It's like ... every other game
essentially just turns into a copy of Ark - Survival Evolved. Where that which is worse to me about it is that there's this trend that
basically follows the sense of "perfection=uniform", as opposed to diverse. And it's an old story at this point too. Speaking of
"Call of Dutification". Monkey See, Monkey Do. Yet is it whenever a dev team finds a way out of that ... maelstrom ... that people get
And I assume it's an unpopular opinion because ... this kind of art cannot be industrialized. You can't run an industry on genuine innovation
because genuine innovation cannot be stressed into existence. Why we should care about it though is ... like ... beyond me.
But yea, I'm like a socialist anyway ... soo ... "who cares"?!
I mean, it's not like you can't support the emergence of genuine innovation - but, that would also mostly ... like ... involve liberal
And I guess that's what this topic is about. So, this - or 'these' - hard-to-swallow pills that I presumably ought to swallow, not those
that I see for myself, they emerge from some "unliberal" or 'conservative' mindset. An attitude that implicitly, though possibly not
explicitly, tries to stress 'innovation' or whatever. An attitude that I ought to have what I'm presumed to need 'now' - [takes out the
whip] - and that yesterday. And the liberal needs might be found in God shielding me from that pressure - while I just do as I do and
get on with my life and it and stuff - as we did, so we do.
Which then is again about who dominates whom. As to so bring down the hammer of people's ire upon me - isn't much about facts, it's all
about make-belief. Were it about facts - there wouldn't be much ire to bring down upon me. I'd think that I've done my fair share - as
there isn't much else that I could give you outside of it. Maybe some scraps or tidbits that I pick up as I move along, but ... before I
can seriously think of taking "what I got there" to the next Level, some fair amount of time yet has to pass. Unless ... I don't know ...
I might get some feedback or such. I mean, as the story starts: Every individual has their own unique angle; Which isn't going to matter
unless people also started to ... 'act accordingly'.
And no matter how hard some people might want to rub it into my face - all they can do is try to convince you that they got me on that.
As it stands they're cowards. At least that's my perspective. To you I assume it's more like that I'm not relevant enough to be taken
seriously ... or too dangerous to be given the light of day. Whatever. So yea, here's a hard-to-swallow pill for me. Things might just
be more complicated. Isn't it always so?