How Bad is it? - The Aftermath

So, I'm now officially out of weed. And inofficially, that rest that I wanted to keep for the next day ... I don't remember how midnight dropped into this, but sometime around 6 a.m. I was done with it.

And, I'm still a bit ... curious. I mean, in all my time - smoking weed - I have so far not come to develop a proper ... habit around it. Implying that ... there are right and wrong ways of dealing with it. Or if we want to get past that: Better and worse ways of doing so. And so I'm eventually sitting there, about to roll another Joint, wondering if it's ... the right thing to do. So for instance when I know that what I got left is only going to fit into so much Joints, to not lowball it (which is perhaps one thing I learned); And so I'm thinking that I might want to squeeze as much out of my current high as possible, then give it some time to develop that and then return to smoking weed.
But as I had decided to do it so; I realized a) I've got time off anyway, so none of the "get your shit together" fear I was having would even matter and b) I wanted to use the high properly, to get all my thoughts down so I could then just get to it once I'm done weeding. That's what I was doing; And ... maybe I still fell a bit short of a 'proper ending'.
But ... at any rate do I have quite a bit to work on - or with; And some of the things I'm yet concerned about seem to be too far off right now anyway. So, overall I'm on the right track - I think.


My biggest worry right now is whether or not I expressed myself comprehensively. I already know one spot where I forgot a word; And ... especially at the start I was having weird issues even hitting the right keys.
So, of course I'm not all that used to it anymore - and ... ontop of that the weed was quite potent. Maybe too much so, though I would say that ... sometimes that's the way to go.

But ... that's not to say that I really liked it. I mean, the whole experience did certainly fat-roll through some "Alarm Bells going off" territory. Like ... eating. I didn't eat much while high, though as soon as I was done that normalized again. I may also have ... developed stronger reservations against smoking Bong/Pipe - at least with this kind of stuff - as I think that it didn't "send me off" smoothly.

The thing is, uhm, well. It's like: There comes a point when smoking - be it a joint or pipe - is more of a ... struggle. At least with my habits. But I also don't know what to do about it.
Right now I don't even fully know how to put it into words. It's nothing serious; I'd say; But maybe: I'm not sure how well I'm doing with my "Crash and Burn" attitude about it.


So, the experience had like ... two or three phases. Phase one was the start of it. I was - and technically still am (once the hollidays are over) having an Internship in some printery; And as things kept me awake on Thursday I had to take Friday off. Somewhere around that, Phase 2 began - and I think Phase 3 was then just saturday late-night/sunday morning.

And - after all, yet the first thing I wanted to get into more closely; Concerning myself and all the talk of getting high and habits and all that; Is that I have, in fact, over the years developed some kind of ... "habit" when getting high. Or, more to the point, when getting high after not having smoked for a while.
A grooming habit.
Or self-care.
Although ... well. When it first "came upon me" - I was still living at my Grandpa's. And there would just be an urge, or need, to take care of myself. Though, for back then that might have been an exaggeration. So, I'd stroke through my hairs and clip my fingernails. Which, relative to my state back in those days, was already ... out of the ordinary.
And by stroking through my hairs I mean - until I could do so smoothly.

At any rate - that's what it remained; And whenever it occurred to me; "having a moment"; I remembered that.
So, this time around I came to wash my hands and face. Which, I suppose, could be considered an upgrade. I would have loved to take it a bit further - but I didn't know how; So ... .

Overall then, or along with that, I do on and off get worried about my appearance or overall hygiene. This time around, I so virtually beheld things become magically dirty, to so ... go with my feeling that getting high is super terrible and "just look at how dirty everything is". But so I managed to clean things up - so I could take a shower, but ... that 'good feeling' had been somewhat gone by then. I was more so in my creative mode already.


And so, one of the things I took away from this was, that getting high during work-days is bad; Because as I get high, at least when so from elongated sobriety, my mental activity just takes me away as I mean to turn towards ... wherever it takes me.


And that's ... it. So, to not get into my creative work. I wrote what I wrote - which covers what had gone through my mind; And whatever to make of it, comes of it, so and so - that's a different story.

But - as for my creative work - as noted did I get some new insights. Into the thing I was working on. And now I have to like ... split my project into four before I can merge them back together. Because either part of the whole is deserving of its own focus; While technically I can work on either part of it - that is: Unless I start with one thing or the other - because that'll break the program until I can re-align all the relevant points.

Apart from that do I have a bit of a vision where I want to take this as for the end-experience, mostly because I now have some more concrete solutions for various things that had been floating around.


Oh yea, and I was having impressions. Stoner thoughts - I'd say; Juiced up ideas based on my musings over what's going on in the world, regarding my work, right now. But ... I'm not sure what to make of that right now.

And yea, all things considered - the experience has been very uplifting and rewarding.