Echoes of the Past
Something is different this year. Maybe it is because I'm looking forward to having Christmas all to myself. But ... then I also have a Gift. A Big one. And it might be the first ... top-of-the-line thing I ever got. Well, apart from Video-Game stuff. Which perhaps goes to show how spoiled I am; Or we are.But ... I don't know why, but ... my inner Child is ... really into it. And sure, so am I - should there need to be a distinction. So, on that end for me the world is whole right now.
Like, I was previously sitting there - toiling away - and the scent of ... hmm, do we here have two different words for prepping stuff in the oven for whether it's meat or not? Anyhow, Apple. And - I guess Christmas triggers me somewhat differently this year.
And when it comes to Christmas spirits - I also just had a bit of a moment. Like ... thinking back - throughout myself into past lives as it were - I had to wonder, what this "John" that I used to be was like.
Well - here I have no Question. Whatever John. But ... anyhow.
Like ...
I was thinking ... maybe I was contemplating leaving for Greece to ... become what we nowadays might call an Escort ... before Jesus hooked me up.
I mean - I'm like ... almost certain that Jesus took turns talking to us, apart from one another, for various reasons, while also collectively - of which a lot hasn't ever been written - or perhaps even talked about since. The "Donut" thingy (the words Algao and Mitia are my own inventions) ... I took it from one such ... uh ... "Memory".
And I also feel like ... we were separated into ... 'cliques' ... one might say. And I'm quite sure that we understood - roughly at least - what we were getting ourselves into. And ... by roughly I mean ... I still don't really understand. But ... I also feel like we were given glimpses into the future. Ever so often there's a thing that I see that ... reminds me of ... a brief tour of what the future holds. And "From F-Zero to Master Chief" ... we had an idea about what was coming. I guess. At least - for whenever we were allowed to remember.
And I guess ... that, like Family, is like Christmas. Ultimately it's a concrete term for something that can in the moment be utterly vague - and it is within this vagueness of the moment that experiences are made that however loose or strongly attach to the idea. These can be positive or negative - and while those may contend with each other over time - they are yet both present. In the end we have some kind of ... vague ... ball of pleasant and unpleasant impressions - with a decorative something around the socially appreciated version of it all - and perhaps some fuzzy feeling associated with it.
And so - in the moment - it can be whatever we need it to be.
Or so ... in theory.
More to the point - when I think of the past - my past - as in: Previous Lives - I don't really ... get anything. But there are certain parts of me that I feel are older than ... myself. I feel like I've seen it all - although I clearly haven't and may always be surprised anew - but not like ... more like, if God had decreed that I shall be the most "Enlightened" ever. So that I should never feel like I'm left out. So, even when I'm left out due to whatever or whatever whatever - ... I'm like ... "in my own world".
But at the end - when I ... sometimes there's like a scent. Not a smell, but some ... feeling. A sense of self that isn't ... my own, currently. But it is. But that as coming from somewhere within, made visible ... by my own ... curious demand.
Or ... so.
Uhm ... whatever.
Peace!
"Gundam Marker Experience" - I think I went overboard with the green. And the flags. Hmm :/
But here it is ... in all of it's ... uh ... thing.
I only meant to test the Gundam Markers on it - had a color scheme but didn't know what to do with the dark grey parts. The alternative option would be to have black with yellow marbling - which ... now I feel silly. I also broke its neck. I'm really not happy with how this turned out. ...
I mean, I didn't plan on anything big or ... detailed or such - but then the potential was there ... well. It is what it is ... .