The Flow of Temptations

... is an entirely made up term that basically means nothing. If it turns out to mean something still, that's by accident. So, in essence it's a poetic phrase to capture an idea regarding the coming and going of Temptation without rigidly tieing it to a more specific function.

So, I was just thinking. Of what I said ... uhm ... 'wrote' ... about being spotless before God ... and ... yea, then I see this image of me munching away on the proverbial apple ... like ... OK ... that's funny. It's funny, but then I thought that it may be serious and it got me to think ... and ... yea. There is one thing I know of that I can call a temptation that I am to ... be cautious of. It's basically the whole can of worms that was somewhat implicitly the subplot throughout this past ... well, wow ... year or so?
It's basically ... corruption.

I mean ... looking back at how I was ... deep inside I had an unbroken trust in God. I mean, I suppose it had Layers. Part of it is that I realize that God is always like ... a step ahead and so I trust that at some point things will turn out fine. And I suppose ... He taught me that. Like ... from playing hide and seek. That creates familiarity with the unknown, with being on my own and existing on my own terms; While gradually moving closer to a relationship with Him as it is shaped through His presence.

And in as far as that doesn't go away ... I'm going to be fine. And past all the things that I call my mind or life ... or even heart perhaps ... I know there's a vast space where there's nothing but me and Him. Maybe everyone gets that. I mean, probably. Deep within, in the stillness of ones own self - God is still all around. There's no reason for that not to be the case. We may from there on be distinct in how we associate with "society" or 'the concept thereof'. I should put it as such because by myself I don't really ... think of myself as a social being. Not implicitly so.
But I affirmatively exist/live in one.

But I suppose I could have been more ... like, calling for repentance without judgments or so. Like, "us" making fun of "them" - thus fueling the fire - whichever "us" versus "them" side you're on - so, ... yea, me participating in that may ... be understood as a sign of failure. And if I so generously imply my own fallibility it might seem fair to let the mind wander into such obscenities of thought.


Speaking of which.
Hmm ... irony? Currently I'm listening to 'Like a Virgin' from Madonna. And previously I had noted it down marked as 'Gundam OST'. Now ... there was this topic on my mind which started with me scheming about New Types.

The wandering eventually went on to the idea of Superiority. Like in Gundam Seed the whole struggle between "Naturals" and "Artificial". I mean, in Seed it's again a little extra since we speak of Genetic Engineering - which is like a whole separate can of worms; But ... be that as it may - Superiority ... I saw the concept kind of boiling down to a "need to Dominate". I mean, am I Superior to an ant? My mind wouldn't wander there, first thing. I would think that an ant, relatively speaking, might be more Superior to me in many ways. But maybe that's unfair. However, before we go there ... let me ... point this one thing out: The moment that I bring 'Superiority' into the picture - naturally we're looking for a way ... eventually ... to boil the issue down to a boolean statement. Yes or No. I mean, if this relativistic idea isn't enough ... what else would Superiority mean?

Well, how about evolution? Flat Upgrades? Like ... simple. OK ... sure. But is ... life that simple. Do "flat upgrades" exist? Or is there like a tendency ... that any kind of unnatural imbalance might lead to an outcome such as the Asgard (Stargate). I mean, we can "already" see it in Dune for instance, in how drastically different the Harkonnen are from the Atreides are from the whatever else have You - although allegedly they go back to the same roots.

Well, who knows? If it comes down to it, I could crush an ant. And sure, Homo Sapiens is like superior to what came before. But why does the Neanderthal in me ... like ... scoff at this? How do we know what parts of us are from that ... branch of our ancestry? Do I need to care?

We could also talk about IQ. Or the many ways in which one might deem themselves superior over another; How to prove it - and then maybe, ultimately, demand recognition for it. Well, ...


Or "claim" it.
But then, how could an 'ant' claim Superiority over a human?

I mean, looking at it straight ... it certainly IS Superior to us in a few ways. But if it wanted to know, well, we'd have to respond. And that's like ... how it all goes. Isn't it? It's like the "who started it" ... but grown up.

But I'm not concerned about who started it, but how to end it. And eventually - if given a sword - I'd get to slay were someone to stand in my way. So, speaking of it. Like, we had ... so we might say ... had the talk in the past. Repentence as it were. But it were "they" who asked "us" to repent. Let me get that utterly clear. They imposed themselves as superiorty when it came to all the virtues. Freedom of Speech as it were, Law and Order. But look who's fucking around now! And isn't that like ... a desperate call for a taste of their own medicine?

Is that the need? Could we deliver it? I see it that way.
Because ... we've had the talk and they're like: "Nah, it's MORBIN time" or whatever.

So, speaking of "Biblical Evil" - is to then, eventually, also speak of the spell it seems to cast on humans. Or ... it just was always so ... . They would certainly need to believe in some kind of Final Fantasy-esque balance to dream of some age of Darkness ... and sorry, but ... all things considered I figured that the Bible is potentially right about a lot of things, the "kill it with fire" part included.


So, what do You want me to say? Repent!


Is there a hope? For them to turn? But how, if we can't call them for what they are? And who are they?
I mean, the thing is, from my perspective ... peaceful rhetoric was fine and we could have talked things out and things could have been well. I mean, from my end there was no need to call for murderous judgment. But what's going on now is like ... I ... I ... you know what I'm getting at? A line has been crossed. Definitively.

The question ought to be, are we prepared for when the wolves attack?
But is it?


So, I can ... shift responsibility on to this mysterious "society" to "let it" figure out some kind of judgment, but ... I mean, yea. Sure. But what are we looking at? I would think that from what kind of judgment comes out at the other end of this, we can also judge the thing itself. Can't we?

I mean, for things to work as intended ... there has to be a certain predictability given certain inputs. That's the whole point. Like ... judgment, at the end of the day. As based on rules with certain tolerances in mind.

---

2025-03-08 | 0523

I just had an insight. I mean, maybe it's not worth much ... but it was certainly worth a laugh. For me. A little bit of a cheering up perhaps after some possibly daunting recollection from my past. A palette cleanser as it were.

So, a german saying came to mind. "To be on a wooden path" is such a thing we say when someone is on a wrong track. Similarly there's the saying of "Spinning the Wheel" I suppose, which is usually uttered when someone thinks something is abso-fucking-lutely hillarious, so, of themselves. "I believe I'm spinning the wheel". Or, well, with some slight grammatical variation I can't quite capture.
And so I was thinking ... or like, I was kind of encouraged to imagine the wooden-ness of the path that was the context for this occurrence - and I was thinking of ... like, a wooden path through a swamp. And then the invisible men was like shaking his head and "sigh" ... and then my urge was to first make the wood soft and moldy, but that didn't have much to do with wooden-ness ... so, I was at a loss, actually. And then it came to me. A literal ... wooden path. Like, planks laid out on the floor as a path, planks to the left, planks to the right, planks on top ... and then a big fat sign that reads "the Wooden path" with an arrow pointing into the darkness.

Like there's a literal wheel that people can spin.
It doesn't do anything. And it's pointless. And maybe it doesn't have to exist for this to be a thing - like the wooden path may or may not be a thing. But I wonder how come that ... regardless of its meaning or origin we understand its meaning. Or ... I know what it meant before I knew what it meant. And I'm sure that language has to do with it. I mean ... when we hear the terms 'Reich' or 'Volk' we immediately draw associations to a rather ... grim time in our past ... and that may further be carried by those that hold on to those terms as insignia of that past - in an attempt to glorify it.

One day then maybe things will shift again. Words and associations, who's the good guy or who's the bad guy in the story - well. Who can tell? Well, I suppose one thing about it is that ... we choose the stories that we want to tell.

Want some sparkly pixie magic? Like sand from the sandman ... some fairy glitter ... like movie magic?
Well, I'm down for it because I would be one of the primary benefactors from movie logic playing out like this. I mean, to my own comprehension I'm a bit of a hero in my own story. I ... surely didn't "sully myself with glory" as they say, but who is? I mean ... what burdens we carried, that's between ourselves and God. But aren't the good guys supposed to win in the end?

Well, those are the stories and I suppose we can get overly technical about what it now is that makes a properly good ending.
Anyway ...


Oh the narrative. I've heard someone argue that Tolkien's world is one in decline. That what started good over time only became grimmer and darker - and ... I suppose there's many ways we can think of it. To me ... I see Frodo with the Ring standing there over the Pit refusing to toss in the Ring. I had some burden like that ... a step I would think is the right one to make, by all accounts, but also one I'd never take. Call it shame. Perhaps a misguided sense of vanity, pride or honor.

But alas I did it. My inner Sauron got defeated ... and similar Tolkien's story ends with a little note of hope. And I guess, we can turn over the last leaf of the book, and as we close it shut, we open up the real world ... and as Hobbitton did come to life, albeit certainly with the stint of capitalism over it here and there I suppose You can't really get rid of it all that easily, the ... amount of work and Dedication that went into bringing it to life ... and all the many instances of these stories in which the freedom of our imagination could come together in some sense of mutual ... peace and friendship ... but well, the story wasn't over now ... was it?


From where I "stand" now, I see multiple little parties of adventurers, stuck in their own mountains and valleys ... all with or without their respective cast of friends. And the end of it ... is always uncertain. And I think, in that regard - somehow - we ought to also talk about preparedness.

The thing with preparedness is: How to prepare for that which You do not know? Like ... sure. Stockpiling food as to be prepared for any one kind of desaster seems like a good idea if You have the means ... . But for me ... I mean ... the only kinds of reserves I have are food I wouldn't eat ... like ... unless my life depended on it. And at that point ... I'd rather not be.
Outside of that, my stockpiles tend to look more and more delicious by the end of the month.
Give or take.

But so - what if that's not the issue? Like ... apart from the fact that it is a generally good idea to people of all different cultures and religion ... at any point, making this the great religious wisdom is a little ... meh. I mean ... OK. But then call it what it is. A good idea - instead of running around like we owe this wisdom to the divine visiation from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ Amen.
I mean, I guess ... in a sense we do ... but at that point ... we've kind of overextended the tolerance of what words may imply to still call it a serious conversation.

So, it helps to have Eyes for instance. So I'm shown. Like ... as I'm saying that just preparing for a desaster is a bit weak ... it's also folly to assume that it's fool's proof. You never know, is like ... the name of the game. And ... the thing about God is that He's like big on keeping things a mystery. And it makes sense. If He told You to watch out for the thief in the night, well, the thief would try to come during daylight. And You can't say that He told You. Because as He told You, He also told 'them' ... like ... what not to do. If He told You something they couldn't know ... that'd be different. And ... I get that odd feeling that a lot of people need to have like ... their mental barriers removed like that. I mean, a lot seem to be stuck in these patterns of thought ... that ... somehow, mystically magically ... the world isn't this place where people can truly act with such freedom and impunity - and instead possibly need to conjure up horrors of the imagination in order to look away. And I guess ... it's ... an alternative I can get behind.

What I can't however is this thing I've been carring around with me my whole life. Well, maybe not my whole life, but ... when playing Games like ... Wargames ... so ... Starcraft for instance, hmm ... there's a realm of appreciation that I have for the genre which ties into my appreciation for videogames as a whole - but somewhere in there there's ... some layer ... that I'd say is taking things a) a little bit too serious and b) has very questionable political motives and c) the person seems to be an utter asshat.


"Now will the Real Slim Shady please stand up?" - or so?


Oh ... dangit. Voting is today.

Anyway. But I suppose he's also right in a few ways. Well ... like, they kind of totally owned You ... or so ... hmm, yea ... so the stories go. Well, I would be willing to take part of the blame but ... nah, this thing didn't really follow my specifications so it kind of was or still is doomed to fail.
Well, unless it isn't. I mean ... keeping an open mind is neat as it also ... sets up a positive mood, just generally speaking, which is furthermore more inviting and less hostile towards ... further positivity.

I mean ... what's there to see?
Pictures of a "Healed World" ... while it's like an "Open Secret" or whatever that the future of entertainment is like ... uhm, well ... sure. Let's blame the Gamers. Right? Why not. That's just how it goes. Who else could be made responsible?

Oh, which reminds me: I never said anything ever!

But no, what's coming ... has as much to do with gamers as car accidents have something to do with traffic. They only show up if one is involved. But who or whatever is fueling this nonsense is like ... can we still ... like ... trust them with anything? Or should we more so treat them as lost souls that are in desperate need of help?


Or ... hmm. News Flash? Bipbip bip bip ... really? I don't know. Hmm. OK, sometimes I get these weird impressions that read like ... news flashes and I have noted on more than just one occasion that it might be worth listening to them. Otherwise I might make a fool of myself. Oh, the irony. So, well ... things of the past.

But I suppose there's like ... a crisis. A cultural crisis. It has to do with naturality versus artifice, chaos versus order - but I suppose at the ends it's just about dickheads playing God and the rest of us.
But seriously, there is a deeper truth ... which is in how our collective consciousness is subject to control. As it is a thing of our own making, there naturally must be hands involved. But who then gets to decide what the collective consciousness is to share?
Well, on the other hand however the truth is now that, that ... we, well, still kind of have to live our own lives. I guess that's at least what those of us who "didn't make it" can attest to; And I'm sure, even that "having made it" doesn't change that by much. But ... the thing now is that ... well, I suppose ... regardless of whether I was having a point there, that we kind of also have to shift our attention to this other side, but then a bit further to where it's the "those in charge"s turn to respond to whatever it is that we're doing. I mean, if there is an attempt to control us, then we're either doing well or not in terms of being controlled. Then there's the question of what happens when we're not doing well.

And why would we do that?

So, let's then think of the King's Tale ... and the question of what is a Good King versus a Tyrant. What right does the usurper have to speak of Justice; And who has the right to call whom a traitor?

So yea. Reasonable rules make sense. Tolerances make sense. But being like "their bitch" because "tolerance" can't win out against "the intolerant" ... doesn't. Sure they wanna be like "Huhu, how You want to stop us" - and I'm like "Huhu, scriptures tell me that whatever You got can't quite possibly be enough". You can try me. Matter of fact ... like ... maybe ... we could call it a science project? Like I'm sure plenty have been conducted before. Maybe. Maybe not. I wouldn't know.

Be aware of the ...

... hmm. What now could possibly ... go wrong ... they say.


I mean, sure. At the end of the day, relying on humans is a little bit ill advised. I would know. And, whatever mood or sentiment this statement might generally carry, but just so from my own perspective; There's that story. It's about building on the solid rock. And ... relying on ..., well, sorry, "You" ... or whatever, I never felt like I could do that. Well, I suppose that You wouldn't have me anyway, for the one or the other reason. So, there was always that. It wasn't so much a question of whether I could or not, but more one of what do I do?
And sure, some of You might be thinking of it in terms of "what I could do to earn Your trust" - but that's like exactly ... what I try not to do. Like, the type of thing. Like, hustling. Getting some game up. Being like "financially reliable" or whatever. Like so, wasting any amount of time into things such as branding or marketing or PR or ... yea, any kind of endeavor that's just pointless nonsense outside of what I actually care about ... for "whatever dream" ... . I ... I mean, it looks different from "here" than it looks from "there". From "here" it looks like a world of opportunities, from "there" it looks like a maze. Same thing.

Like, sure ... sell me on whatever that is, well knowing what I'm trying to get at - to then tell me ... about ... how You maybe know better than I what ... the Gospel and God is all about? I mean, as sure as the Sun rises ... I will ... and then I stand there ... and You'd seriously say nay because I don't have a healthy financial record? Wiggling the old "from nothing comes nothing" finger. I mean, I'm living on a "watch me" kind of mentality when it comes to those things ... and I suppose ... I'm like in the middle of pulling one such stunt because as it stands I'm looking at a wall I'm going to collide with - perhaps akin to the ground that would be hit subsequent to a fall - ... but I'm told that it'll be fine. So, I'm gonna assume that it'll be fine.

And ... to be true to my ... path here ... to keep You updated and as from myself to keep the agenda pure and ready for God to show Himself ... (good enough) ... I suppose I must inform You ... well. It is either with great reluctance that I have to report to You the defeat of Her majesty - or with great pleasure of the Victory of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ who successfully defended the project against the Queen's foolish endeavors. Husa!
I mean ... we've taken some distance, taken everything apart a bit and ... sort of established a baseline. I'm currently "hovering" around a project idea of sorts, not quite sure where to start or how to approach it. So, things are actually far from where they should be and I took it as a negative. Now however I see it as a brilliant move as it is what now creates 'space' to build the actual thing. And so ... I guess it makes sense to further expand on that.

Like yea, I guess that's what an editor boils down to.
So Yea. I suppose "a pros pos" - 'su' versus 'sudo'. I was told - and I suppose it holds true - that using 'su' is like 'bad practice'. You shouldn't use it because the system operates with root access. So, if an editor contains malicious code, it can execute that code. The more complex the system is, the more difficult it is to ascertain that 'su' is a safe option at all.
In turn we learn that at the peak of it all - we 'need' a safe editing environment if anything that follows should also be safe. At least - that's the idea.

Or an idea.
Anyway. I still feel like I need some rest before I can really go ... "deep in" ... and ... work what I currently see coming together as the perhaps ... most ... unintuitively simple thing ... I ... I kind of need to sit down every now and then from these kinds of shocking revelations but uhm ... this one ... I'm ... well, talking about flying bricks I guess.

The only troubling thing is ... hmm. Shhht? I uhm. Ugh. -_- ... haha. OK. So ... "in Minecraft". OK.


Well ... anyway. Clock is ticking ... I suppose. Tick Tack.

---

Anyway. Uh, where was I?



I think I made a good choice. I mean, consciously. The only party really talking sense right now is the Linke. I mean, I haven't heard much else, so ... it's their PR at work, sure ... but it is talking sense at least.

Anything else would be guesswork and hopes and wishes ... which ... might not be the best choice right now.

There was something that still urgently needed to come out, but ... maybe not.
Well. There's still plenty of chores I should do and lots of other things ... ugh ... but on the other hand I'm stocked up and there's a weird imbalance within me. So, I don't know. Maybe I'm not used to feeling ... like this. I mean ... hmm. Weird. I should possibly also play some Minecraft. I don't know. It might even be more important than I give it credit right now. Hmm ... yea ... it kind of scratches a bit of an itch right now ... and my head is still feeling a bit numb. I mean, seriously. I suppose "checking" my mind into different states of mind relative to different parts of the program to then run into individual dead ends while then rolling down another path to much of the same result ... I mean, there definitely 'is' such a thing as "cognitive weight" or "inertia" let's say, where our minds could perhaps be compared to a bowl filled with water. Like, literally ... there's fluid in our brains. But ... well, I guess we can think of neurons also as of wires, perhaps ... which ... heat up as they fire and from firing too much they may get fatigued. Or certain uses that put weight on a certain way of things kind of rewire the brain at critical junctions so that moving from one item to another takes time relative to how flexible the junction is. The more you can offload into your contemporary memory the better. What I find is that a certain point I fail to ... 'grasp' what I'm building because I get confused translating between scopes of the project. That gets worse once I'm like worked out ... and I guess I have to learn how to manage that.
It's a simple issue of looking at something in the detail - and then extending the scope. At some point I loose track of one or the other ... so ... it's difficult to really 'think' through sometimes. I mean, so I move from step to step ... and I suppose I'm building myself a perspective as I go. I mean, that's like what Tutorials do, really. They provide examples as to set a stage for what might be a simple situation in a more complex problem. And that complexity is automatically learned over time.

Like - a "classic" tale of mine is how in school, 11th Grade, I failed math because vectors and matrices were entirely and utterly beyond me. I just didn't understand their use. I was told: "Learn how to do X and You'll thank me later". Or something like that. Anyway - I didn't ... and so far I wouldn't have had a use for it. We didn't go into Linear Algebra at least outside of "this is a vector" ... ("and this is some matrix computation that maybe means something but whatever") ... so, why would I care? But when I became curious about Geometry in 3D space I eventually stumbled upon some form of them; And then in OpenGL again. Well, what a surprise!

And while I most certainly am bad with numbers; And I kind of have to relearn matrices every time I need to work with them; It's a perspective that gives me an environment within which I can see the matter that I'm working with. This will allow me to play with the idea as to help me understand its facets and forms in a way that I can immediately interact with.
What's a Homogenous Matrix? [Shrugs].
Something about the diagonal and plus and minus on either side of that. Like what?
I mean, I think we "inverted" the thing ... and yea, maybe that's important to know ... I guess ... hmm.

I mean ... we need it. But then ... we don't need THAT level of it. I guess. I mean ... so ... uhm ... well, whatever.


It clearly wasn't the place for me.
Then Brick is like: "Oh, this is how ... but that means that I now have to go over there and [pwooompf]".


On top of that I also have to work with my Weed Levels. Like, gaining altitude ... and, I don't know trance-like I really have to get. I mean, it's not like "all the way" there for sure ... I still kind of need to remain conscious ... that's also a thing ... and yea, so, it also can't get too esoteric.
By the time I start to see code in terms of Identity Layers over Time I may be a little bit ... beyond where I want to be. But maybe it's interesting. I mean, yea ... Databases. That's like a thing I never got around to building. They're so simple in concept and execution is like but a keystroke away it seems ... but still ... the mere thought of it fills my mind with dread and terror in a form that's ... not frightening but like a bitter swamp of deep frustration ... or in more digestible words: I feel like my head is getting filled with expanding foam as to fill out a void - it's like a hot burning fire in the cellar of a factory ... and maybe part of the problem is how expectations that grow from these might be overselling what I'm actually capable of building. And overall ... I suppose I'm yet to see certain things come together before I can really say that I'm ... "getting there". Like for real for real. But now is now and concerns over what it might be ... those aren't really important.
But in a way they're like a margin. Like, a mark I'm trying to hit. And the issue would be that the thing itself ... alone ... by itself ... is only "so useful" without the tools to work with it. But that stuff exists on a different Layer or Level of Logic ... which is then in turn its own problem that casts its own shadow - and that also back onto the project because the two layers of abstraction re-enforce one another in some kind of back and forth that can create what we might call micro-dependencies or chronological meta fractures ... like, sure, a "feedback loop" but more like stretched out accross layers in a slow but possibly steady process. Eventually things have to reset - and the rest is up to the fates or so.

But anyway. So yea ... maybe there's a point to this that only Drugs can solve. Uh, help solving.
Anyway, so ... I guess ... that I feel like what I've worked on so far isn't worth anything is OK. It's reasonable although in due time I should grow past that and learn to anticipate these conditions. Butuhm ... tss??


And yea, as the responsible adult in the room I have to say that Drugs are fine when used apropriately. What now determines apropriate use is like ... in some sense a parenting question but that in turn is also like a societal issue. I mean, giving rights to parents and calling it a day is fine I suppose ... kind of, but we get all kinds of silly nonsense from that where clearly there are individuals that are utterly incapable of wielding that kind of power over another human being.

And I should say that law and order begin with a clear guideline of what we would want from one another. But at long last a foundation based on which we can stress appropriate force. Sure, it's a tyrannical tool if You so will, when used inapropriately, so, what else would we call it?
Uhm ... anyway. That too is not really what I'm concerned about here. The point is ... good parenting should entail a healthy interest for the knowledge of parenting that has proven to be good as seen over time. What we don't want is to have selfish and self-entitled nonsense be uttered in excuse for actually showing the necessary good faith and good will that should go into raising a child.


And in my head I'm at a point where I have identified certain problems that I feel, at this point, are deserving of a bullet. So, from a purely ethical "making the tough decisions" kind of standpoint. Where, sure ... someone has to go ... is the issue, is the problem put to the desk ... "please kill me" ... and that's kind of what it then has to be I suppose.
I suppose that I was chasing this enemy ... for lifetimes. Always like ... wondering whether or not I could forgive. And now I start thinking that the problem may have been that I would have.

But if You're like trying to keep being a Misogynist or insisting on some proprietary right over another human being ... or, whatever I guess ... where the question is: Yea, what are we going to do with them? We can't like ... 'have' them. That's like ... 'exile' but perhaps we should just put an end to the timeline.

Live by the Sword, die by the Sword - they say. And I made it a motto. Live like there was a Heaven and Fight like there was a Hell. To say ... try to make it if You can and be weary of the traps that might prevent You from making it. And repeatedly I'd stress that we don't want to become something that we don't want to be. But at long last ... those that raised their swords against us ... will need to face the swords raised against them. As such is the word.

May I be judged by my deeds? I would hope so. Let God be the judge of it ... or judge based on what I got to show for myself. I apologize for the inconvenience. And what else is there?
I mean, I'm not sure if 'exalted deeds' are really what I got going for myself. I mean, God's graces ... . !!! . By now ... speaking of my Project and the ratio of myself versus God ... God is the screen and I'm like a Pixel Character, JRPG style. And I guess that makes it good. I mean, I tend to miss that I wanted this to be about inspiration. To use my time to ... give Him the honors as it were - should He so chose - assuming ... many things perhaps, including that ... in as far as God truly choses to interact with us through the Arts ... then ... I would be amiss not to try.

I suppose there's a toll to it. Like ... it feels a little restrictive. That's perhaps ... something I may have misread in the past. I mean, I see what I want or what I can do - and it's the inspiration I'd pursue ... but it's not necessarily 'the best of it'. Which in my case would be, well. However far I can go. That would be the point. Maybe 100% isn't achievable, maybe ... 10% is already a lot ... and sure, then there's other things too. Like, I mean ... I suppose I kind of instinctively themed my internal existence as "Prophetic". Like ... I don't know. From within my subconscious. So, going all in, the whole shabang ... give or take ... . Or not. I mean ... God was always like a Friend to me. Or a familiar. I guess ... familiar is fair because 'Friend' implies like ... a Level of understanding that I was yet to develop. So, what I thought was God ... or God's will ... as from a Child's perspective ... might not understand His actions as acts of friendship. So, He might be an enemy. So, He in turn would need an alias to exercise His friendship for me past the falsities I project onto Him.

As for our relationship - I mean. I suppose You should be able to see it eventually - or that's the impression I'm getting. That God and I go like ... "so far back" ... that His friendship alone is like entitlement and obligation enough to show His presence around me. I mean, we're not at odds - when it comes to power and responsibility we're like ... intertwined ... which, uhm ... yea ... I don't know. It might be normal. Like ... He's the man. Whom else would You trust with all Your "stuff"?

Uhm ... but yea. I'll ... it quits for now.