Doing the right thing

... take 2 ...

Well, long story short, here's where I'm at NOW: Naturally I have to go through a downturn - which is necessary to reset somehow. Whatever cognitive load I'm trying to digest or clear out before I can go on ... it only gets heavier the longer I delay the downturn.
However, things aren't quite as simple. It is a step, but the space I'm navigating ...

So, I'm also supposed to avoid playing Minecraft ... "like the plague". Not because it's bad or evil, but - like Dwarf Fortress but unlike Factory Town or Factorio (although, ...) - because it involves my creativity and problem solving ... which is juice I should save for other things. But then I was also supposed to play Minecraft?

Not only that, there was a "choice" ... to be made. Obviously, choice of video game is ... a topic now. And a promised reward was attached to me going back to play Elden Ring. And while I can follow instructions, my mind is extremely weak when it comes to hold on to ... well, intangible stuff like that. Ironically. Maybe it's part of my condition. And oh, well, I'll get to it - eventually - I'm sure of it.

So, this then seemed to be the right kind of problem to trust the Segulo. It's an impossible problem and I cannot filter out right from wrong - like ... play Minecraft but also don't play it? Play Elden Ring, but how can I square that with my mental constitution? I mean, there's some kind of cognitive dissonance or barrier/obstacle ... but, yea, I'll get to that.

So, after two questions I tried to look for other things but was "moved on" - until later I shifted my focus on other, more personal matters. And here is one instance where I can't ... I realized ... trust it. I don't care how solid the Testimony might seem ... it's something that has to be resolved elsehow. I mean ... if I'm told ... like, plain and sober, how to relate to this or that person ... like, say, worship Madonna and don't love Monica ... it's ... objectively the right thing. It's real - it is what it is - as ultimately ... uhm. Anyway ... engaging with this relationship or situation on that basis ... does however NOT work out. I mean, it's the reality of the situation that we play with, dance around, it's the theme ... or glue ... but life around it is ... or were ... its own thing. Because at the end of the day my Relationship is with Monica and not Madonna. "Allegedly". I mean, I don't know. I've seen the new Beetlejuice ... and something's off. It's perfect, too perfect, and it makes no sense. I mean, it is art ... definitely ... and certainly it was meant to be made. There's also that one scene - with ... what's her name? ... which is like from a dream. Which was kind of silly.

And so, eventually it seems that Segulo is to be consulted sparingly. So, there's starting points. Avoid Minecraft, and go into Downturn. Which right away ... and that's part of the problem ... led to the "usual": But OK, now we can play Minecraft. And I suppose I would, but to properly navigate that space, I kind of had to first reset myself. I had to first ... reject any motivators I had - so, get the Minecraft out of me; From where I was then able to like ... install it in my noggin ... to make it a deliberate thing, if I were to ever play Minecraft again. Like, I need ... something. So, maybe it's OK to play Minecraft during the downturn. But maybe it's better to play something else. Like Street Fighter or Elden Ring? I mean, so I did ... being still not really in the downturn ... and yea, there's a distinct difference between the mellow, mostly peaceful "Garbage collection Simulator" that Minecraft sometimes is ... seriously ... all I wanted is build a staircase, but somehow I ended up running back and forth for two hours because I got sidetracked after some Zombie showed up in the village.
In the meantime I collected like 10 bows, 2 1/2 stacks of bones and fixed up my Elytra twice. And my almost depleted Diamond pick.

But yes. Apparently downturn is a license to play Minecraft. And yea, it actually makes sense. But not enough to conclude it implicitly. Like, it stands on assumptions, I presume. But during the downturn where my mind is going through the stress of ... "hyperbolic deflation" ... Minecraft would be the right choice because it IS relaxing; And it keeps me engaged ... . There is creativity and problem solving - by choice - but the problems aren't quite as deep; And stuff. And so it makes sense to not play Minecraft, but something that keeps my mind busy and active ... when I need my creativity elsewhere.
But so it is also important that I don't bring weed into it; Because then my Minecraft project devolves into some kind of inner eye project. So, I'm "tempted" ... to extend my high time into Minecraft. All the while I'm actually already in a bad spot ... because generally Minecraft isn't my top priority.

And so it makes sense why it was so important for Him to emphasize the "Minecraft isn't Evil" part - as of that testimony (well, it was kind of shoehorned into the Segulo) - "although" ... yea, I mean ... there certainly are a bunch of perspectives from which this statement could be challenged.
Like, I mean ... ever since Minecraft blew up ... it's been a thing. And due to its nature ... came to mirror life in many ways. Not like a factual mirror, but more like a sponge. I mean, I'm looking at the story that showed up in my feed about some "Marlow", allegedly "world's #1 Minecraft player (PvP)" - which to me is like ... a glimpse into what I see behind the fassade.
It's a social cesspool - in as far as anything where money and fame accumulate ... would eventually turn out that way. Then there's the online multiplayer component and what that enables in terms of ... stuff. From abuse to conspiracy. But sure, it isn't all that. There's like content creators that try to make content and content creators that like ... surf the algorithm while selling crack. I mean, there's the "typical Minecraft YouTuber voice/tonality" ... which I'm sure is totally memeable these days. And yea, I don't claim to see through it; I just see ... what could be compared to a texture of corpses that make up the walls of some ... building that exists in this vicinity.
It's like very "sus" ... once You get around to seeing it. Not saying that the impressions match. Which I feel like saying because ... something feels off. A misdirect perhaps?

And sure, Minecraft is also suboptimal from a design perspective where ... a tiny bird is telling me that it's like ... also at its limits with what it can do. Like, they're at a point where improvements would require changes to the code that then breaks other things. There's also a certain stagnation - once as part of the "core" of what is the game at large and also stagnation in terms of the social aspect of it. But that's ... a kind of criticism that doesn't help anyone. I mean, there's no one that can solve the problem per se; Although any one idea could mix things up enough for some kind of "revival". That would however be different - and be off-putting to so and so many people who; Regardless of how much they would like to stick around ... feel like touching grass or so.

So, maybe it's a problem - and maybe that's just normal. I naturally compare what I see to what else I ... know or see - and so I just see positives and negatives as relative to what I "look at" - real or not. Uhm, but yea. So, I felt like I had to yet acknowledge that ... and yea, what we have is a decent idea of how ... simple something not so simple can look.


And so, right now I'm wondering ... . I mean, I do have weed ... and I previously established that it's possible to smoke weed and still have a downturn. So, I started with consciously reducing the dose ... maintaining a similar habit; Though occasionally I have to throw in a cigarette for good measure. Right now I'm feeling the 'deflation' - so, in that regard it's working.
And I guess ... that's what I have for now.


Outside of all the other things ... . So, my condition. I almost forgot.
Here's a thing: I don't feel like myself. So an initial observation that could leave one puzzled. It certainly puzzled me. Like ... it certainly is real. For however much my mind might make up - this is ... certainly different. I feel like a stranger in my own skin. And finally I figured out, I believe, what creates this impression.

So ... I had this impression previously - that something was off with me. That I somehow ... am cursed to self-sabotage. I mean, by previously I mean: Before "the Event". I sounded the alarm to changes happening to me ... but well, there was no one there to help. Or answer. Or respond. But it's on the record, is what I'm getting at here I suppose. And I'm sure that the record is spotty. What little I was able to express ... did possibly require some effort to get out in the first place.
And yet, these changes felt ... intimate. Real. Me being me - in a way. But ... apparently a part of myself was like ... beyond me. And these changes ... were real and in part made by me. It's like ... my subconscious was bent to turn out a certain way ... and whether I wanted to or not - over time my consciousness would more and more ... "slip" into this form.
Like, some "solid part of my consciousness". You could write that up to conditioning, delusion, paranoia - whatever. If You can't engage with religious concepts, those would be the go to terms I presume.

And now ... something is gone. My alignment with this form ... has vanished. It now just sits there ... sort of ... vaguely perceivable ... as it here and there ... just doesn't align with me.

This means that ... this hard and solid part isn't really the "end all be all" of "who we are". We ... implictly ... still exist ... metaphysically but even like ... "meta-spiritually" - like 'meta metaphysically' - to not say "back in the real". Like, where ... however we want to name the one metaphysical thing (Soul?) ... there's still another thing ... - which presumably isn't as much of a 'thing' as it is simply ... "one's self". But ... whatever degree of separation there is between me and "this thing we here or now call soul" - it's there. It's - I suppose - similar to ... . I mean, we get born without memory, develop a personality and then die eventually. That whole arc of consciousness ... while erased in a way ... at the end, still ... I suppose the best way to put it is: It informs God's understanding of who we are.

Which is ... what we are 'beyond' all the manifestations and forces and such.

But so, occasionally, I slip into some of those 'forms' of this ... abstract that is ... my ... uh ... "shape" ... I mean, it's also real. It seems. So, there are the dark corners ... like, the "place" where I 'ultimately' "ended" ... it's like a place now. It's a fully fleshed out cavity within my system ... and it's still easy for me to "fall into it". So, the depression, the hopelessness, the "i can't be arsed anymore" and the "and what is God doing?" ... . And on the other hand I'm like ... allergic to abuse. Or ... have become. It's ... weird. I mean, I look at my life and yea. It's like ... the crust that forms after a cut. Except it's like the size of my body. And I've become extremely sensitive. So, I can find easy peace with God if I build it on my own autonomy - but even if I want to ... "bend to His will" ... something ... is tearing me up.
Yea ... . It's like ... . Horses have these things so they don't see so they won't shy away from stuff. It's like ... I was wearing them for much of my life but now somehow they came off and ... naturally I want to 'understand' what I ... believe in, commit to, put time and energy into. And I really don't like that feeling of uncertainty, of ... doing as I'm told, just cause ... for whatever reason. Especially since I feel like ... I need a break. Like I deserve one. And sure, but the process of coming to a spot, mentally, where I could rest in peace is like ... part of the problem.


Another item on my list is ... let's call it "the Epstein Problem". Well, a part of my mental landscape right now presumes that certain figments in my mind ... aren't what they appear to be. So, if I see Epstein ... I'm not literally looking at Epstein or even a bad person; But a part of myself that's "expelled" in a way ... which, well, could very well have originated from some real type of Epstein problem.
So, there's this weird ... overlap, for instance, between Monica and Epstein. I suppose, it exists merely based on implication. I mean, on my end I'm registering more ... like ... a growing bond between her and I, and that's vague but still concrete enough I suppose for what matters here. And I suppose there's a point to the idea that Epstein is pretty much the "real life equivalent" of what I "would be looking for" inside of Monica. And if I'm ... vibing ... and afraid or uncertain for even just a moment ... and this alternative reading so has a way in ... it'll usually just sit there and claim the space while I have to put in serious effort to just find neutral calm again.

And there's also always that ... "edge". The question of ... whether I'm into the thing enough to give myself to just anyone capable of giving it to me ... or whether there is, in fact, as I claim, more to it.

And I believe that this is merely "my junction" - or, where these particular issues collide 'for me'. And it's like ... logical? I mean, naturally "the gate to Hell" would open ... near the things closest to me. As how would I be lured into Hell, if not by things I ... would want but maybe think I can't have otherwise?
I mean ... it's ... . OK, to be fair ... hmm. Well ... I certainly feel an appeal ... . Sometimes. I mean, I've been looking at some of the images I still have on some of my walls ... and while by mood transitioning away from them, something kept sucking me in. I saw a beauty in them ... and my desire to ... give myself "into such things". Like, I like it enough to be a part of it. Almost like I'd give anything for it to be a thing. And yea, when the desires are there - strong and dominant - I'm having a good time.

And I've tried to ... "embrace the dark" ... as it were. To lean into ... well, the envy I guess that I supposedly have for #3. To see the beauty in her ... misery? To ... allow myself to be aroused by it. So, whatever images were projected into my mind. And ... yea, there might be some ... confusion. Like, if she tried to mimic me for most her life - then "became me" - for most of MINE - there's a bit of an issue. And I'm not sure ... but ... at the end of the day what I was looking at ... . Well, either this previous assumption is correct; Adding perhaps that she's "direct offspring" of mine such that there's also an inherent similarity - and connection; Or it's just a part of me 'lifted' from me, turned into bait ... . And, with this bait - I suppose it's self-made. So, I wouldn't know which way to look at it. But anyway.
So, after leaning into it, I kind of ... found myself ... in there ... and beyond that the ... individual differences stood out as merely that. There is no "more" or "less" in that equation. There just "is" ... what is good for me.

And from this detour ... I also got me a souvenir. Like ... . No, not "like". An actual Meme. "And the whole world has to watch".
Like, thought of as this 'dream' at the heart of corruption where the dream is to get raped "and the whole world has to watch" - like ... in a serious tone. Like, it's the thing. But I can't help but look at it and ... think it's funny.

And I may very well be laughing at myself there. Like, it seems like a long time ago ... I was there. Kind of. Maybe not with those exact words, but close enough for me to ... uh, see it from a bit of a self-deprecating angle.

But yea, I'm not willing to sacrifice "all of humanity" for ... I don't know ... some odd minutes of "fun".


It's ... what I'm looking at or almost everything about it ... is just the most stupid climax ever. And yea, there ... just isn't a comparison. Like, I can see the perfidity of their plan and how also terribly uneffective it was against me. And they couldn't have known and that ... at least so I see it ... is kind of part of where 'my Gospel' matters. Or, sorry, the Gospel "through me". Or 'according' to me. "Kata Nicole". Or is it ton? Well, whatever.

But yet they would rather have it be a competition it seems. And it is here then where the story diverges. And there is also a line that I will not cross. Like, I'm not playing games with them. Though tempting at times ... I suppose I also don't have the skillset to properly challenge them on their own BS. So, I'm not "good shepherding" after them because to me they aren't 'lost sheep'. They like ... however knowingly 'chose' to be lost.

And the thing about me being the Prophet is ... that You telling me what the Prophet "ought to do" ... doesn't change what exactly it is that I ACTUALLY do. And yea, sure ... there is a point where I would be doing a thing out of myself - as, against His will - but ... I try not to do that. There definitely is enough respect on my end to ... listen to that.
But yea, outside of that ... You're like at my mercy. Or, I have free reign ... and as an individual I certainly am free to express ... how much I do or do not care about certain things.

And yea, this is already special treatment. Because ... in as far as the message is that there is no special treatment for anyone; Going out of my way to highlight this, is already special treatment. Alas, the fabled exception to the rule.
And if You want to go spin a noose for Yourself out of it ... sure. Whatever. "Be my guest" ... I guess.

And ... to really make the point, I suppose I have to emphasize what I think is the absurdity about all this. So, what I mean by "there is no comparison". I mean - what are "they"? Or what are they "doing"? Like, from my perspective. Me, the victim/target ... that is to see the world in a specific way, to then come to a specific conclusion ... that would then have me ... I don't know, "get what I want" if I give them what they want ... and "all can be happy". What I see is that they run a criminal empire that seems to advertise itself as "Real Gangster Shit". Like, You live a boring ordinary life? They got You covered!

I have to ... put a lot of things aside ... before I fall into the "well, everyone loves to rape/get raped" ditch ... of Sodomite inspiration. So yea, primitivism. So, I'm looking at all this and what I'm really looking for is a maybe ... at best ... in all of it ALTHOUGH all of it would seem to only revolve around the one thing I'm looking for.
But if You end up substituting rape for salvation ... I would call that a wrinkle.
Like ... there's an order to things. First comes salvation ... and then comes debauchery. Based on the rules and principles of salvation. That then translates into the debauchery, making it even more exquisite. Hedonism might eventually fail to be the appropriate term; But ... if You're truly a hedonist, You should do Yourself the favor and get on board.

For once we don't need to engage with the labor of maintaining a herd of unknowing sheeple to exploit. And that's one ... shall we say ... 'minor detail' that seems to go unnoticed for a lot of people. Like, yea, it doesn't have an emotional hook or pull like some primitive desire or passion; So, it's "uncool" in a way. It's like ... "woke". And this is what I call based.
"Cynicism" isn't based or a basis, it's a leg-sweep. Or a face-plant. Depending which side of it You're on.

And yea, on a side-note: I find leg-work in martial arts to be fascinating. I suppose it's the most physical form of combat. Punching is more like ... brute force where kicking is ... it's a whole different thing.

Anyway. Within this "minor detail" we then have the concept of society ... of how it would exist ... ideally. And there's "the prophet's demise" - let's say. I mean, I've had a lot of random words curse through my mind. And within it, fancy words for the various "techniques" that I've been subjected to. So, taking cues from that (I mean, they have done an aweful lot 'right' - I presume, in a very ... wrong way) ... the prophet's demise is rooted in frustration over the ignorance of people.
So, if they found a way to deliver that impression to me; And perhaps bring it out in a critical moment, they might have me. That's probably got a name of some sort. Some kind of hook. Different to "the Reddington Hering" - which is to make You think You have a point of interest that's however more beneficial to me than it might be for You.

I believe there's also something about making someone believe in a thing, like ... to hijack a given mindset of a person and use it to steer them around. Like ... "oh, You're so awesome". Like, You having a You moment ... then captured into a dream-like essence that can be boosted and then manipulated.

"Sarazene Hook" ... I wonder what that is.

So, anyway. What I end up looking at is a business that is, at its core, a scam - much like a pyramid scheme. And yea, it's possibly by design and expressedly so. You can climb in rank by showing your worth - and if You get had by "the greater circumstances" that's just ... part of the deal. Sucks for You. I might look at this and shrug because I'd be in a position that's pretty much set. So, in their sphere of norms I guess that 'requires' me to not care about them. Like, since I'm not affected I like ... don't even have the right to care.
And if I were it wouldn't matter. Herp derp.
Ahw, isn't it fun?

I mean, I'm told not to underestimate them. But meanwhile - there isn't much of an angle that I don't find utterly ridiculous. It's like an enormous joke ... that simply leaves a bad taste in the ... stomach.


Anyway. So, at the end I see the thing that I want as a "possibility" that some people would scramble together more or less half-heartedly but with a lot of window dressing to make it look complete - with the rest being queued into a long list of promises that will come true "at the end" ... which can only exist if there is no God, by the way - because by and large they dream of ultimate dominion I presume.
It's just the logical conclusion at the end of whatever dark trip they're on. Exploitation.
"The Security" of "privacy" and stuff.

So, the moment I have "a fulfilling relationship" on my list of wishes ... what can they do? I suppose they might have some dating service; Like, how else could my Mum and my Dad have ever met? ... I never got a satisfying answer and the premise was weird enough for me to dare not dig deeper. They somehow were pen-pals. OK.

Whatever.

I guess what they got going is that they can match people based on ... shall we say ... more untraditional interests.

So, being fair ... there eventually is a whole cultural angle to this where I can step back and ... at least try to be impartial. I have to stop asking "why" or "what for" ... like ... the part where everyone is sucking off the Antichrist ... or whatever their concept of a party is. I mean ... I don't care. I don't want to know. I want to kill it with fire.

And sure. At some point ... ignorance is bliss.


Whatever is lost deserves to be lost. I mean, it's not like I feel like I would inquire details from God anytime soon; And He sure has the record of all things. So, nothing is ever truly lost; And that has to suffice.
And yea. By now they might have worked out a tremendous bag of arguments - at least in the context of the contemporary world - of why we need them or want their assistance. It's a Reddington Hering. The bad type. The one that gets You strung up and bled out.

Not to be confused with "the Other Reddington". That, or more so the Dog, I would classify as a "Chaos Eater" - not to be mixed up with whatever I have named that way before.
Or? Well, what was it? A Chaos Eater ... would be a Force of Good/Righteousness that's proactively doing good/righteousness stuff under the guise of something ... that doesn't look like it.


But so, yea. If You can develop a vested interest in some kind of Homestead ... You can develop immunity to their BS. What matters however is what space there is ... for Antichristian usurpers to take hold of that process or whatever. Condition? Coagulation? I mean, because they don't do their Evil in public - or, anyone that isn't like on the record being that - can hide behind the safety of social decorum.
Status Quo or whatever - which, mind You, is ... . Hmm. The balance is shifting.


Which takes me to ... one more thing.

On the assumption that my word - whether I like it or not - bears weight beyond the simple presence of the expression; So, assuming that the Universe has some kind of inherent drive to fulfill my word to the point where it has indisputable divine significance - I have to do some serious ... recombobulation of myself.

God however will claim His own - and I'm by His side. A servant with many flaws - and yet worthy enough, in His eyes, to exalt me. My story ends here - at this cliff of uncertainty. Here my world ends - and Yours begins. My path has taken me here - and ... whether You see it as a success or a failure ... it is in the putting and therein resides the secret. I am nought without Him - and it is through Him that my true victory will manifest. And whatever words or works one might have to throw against it - there is no force brute enough to have any effect against Him. And so it will be as it will be. The constructs of Evil, Iniquity, Wickedness crumble and this world of dark in which the good and the righteous is doomed to find a cynical end fades into oblivion. The pillars that hold its roof break, the ceiling collapses making way for torrents of grace to flood in and nurture the seeds of justice. The walls crack; And rubble remains to remind us of the dark ages we're leaving behind.

Sidenote: I'm super awesome, the best really; There is nothing that compares - and from here on out things are smooth sailing for the righteous. I am the true Dreaded within this Universe ... and woe and behold ... I'm one of the good guys.
And a terrible misery falls upon those who opposed that which is Good and Righteous ... foreshadowing ... what is to come.


And yea ... I suppose ... this is it for now. Peace!