It all does only go one way. Although we're stuck in this 'imperfect' world. We can so look at the divine ideals and find that whatever we wanted - its never going to be ... 'that good' ... until "then".

Imperfect

In a graphic image - I'd be torn out of my cell, having a face of despair, getting dragged into an Orgy or something - where the attraction is simply that of fucking a slut/slave like me.
Thats ... one of the images that works on one side; But not on another.

It stops to work where that cryface is that which is being fucked. So, before you wanted to fuck me - you wanted me to 'behave'. The cryface had to be there as context; And it were there at your leisure - as - there were things to put that expression back onto my face.

And first of all - this is a thing about cognitive proximities. Getting locked up into that dungeon were on one end what I wanted - though on the other end that is just what it is. What I want being - ... that feeling of being 'locked off' forever. Or - awareness rather than feeling. With that my mind is drawn/bound into a given situation that expects 'horrible things' - relative to the implied freedom I had that I'm withdrawn from. So - "simple" - is it with depression, eventually. Or despair, demise - ... what have you?

As a dream I however have the handles to that scenario ready. Basically those handles are 'my mind' - and certain "muscles" somehow establish these environments. In reality it seems to be somehow more complicated.


To really remove complexity from it - there are the simplest stuffs. Like - 'Captivity' - what is it? Done, OK! Period. What I mean by that is that is that once there is a social structure/network with assets ... I'm simply "choosing" where in that society I wanted to be.

The depression/misery that I express - in that context - may be 'difficult' as it were a matter of people 'making me so' - though, thats something God will/does take care of. And so it mostly exists in context to a relative sadism. OK. Times and times again.

Slut

Thats what I'm here for. To let the slut in me speak - and not to get stuck on 'logic'.

Well - "clubbed to death" was a recent image I would have written of in selfdep-02 (right now thats at the cheese comparison) - where I'd be thinking of a baseball bat; Considering that there is nothing 'off' about it I'd be fine with it - ... but it certainly goes better.

Like, a 'hell club' wherein I have to mostly exist in some public room - in a party location - at which point we're kindof getting to the specifics about 'where' I'll end up, or more to the point: At some point I can't please everybody right away. And in a situation like this - 'death rape' were in about 1 night. Or 3. Or 4. Maybe 5. 6? Years? Well - it all depends.


To me - there is some fun to be had about 'voluntarily' giving myself to such things. I mean - from a position where I had all I could possibly want, for instance. Its like - any prospect of suffering by rape ... thats like, giving me those pinkish flowers into the eyes; At which point you are encouraged to ... 'love me'.

But yea - at some point I think, as this goes on - I can no longer share that perspective. The slut in me will be there to the end; But at some point things are beyond what "she" sexually needs/wants. And so is the other side to finding out what makes the slut come out ... lost.


I do kindof feel like I'm beyond what actually matters - that I'm just 'stretching out' the inevitable here (by spending more time on this that I should, etc. - although - "lets be honest" - its not like I could speed anything up, right?) - and that I'm somehow 'beyond' reasonable. Then, based on what concerns me I'd re-iterate on things already written - ... as I feel like I can still add stuff. Like ... lost.


Like, entering the "3 month trial" - I think its only appropriate to include some special sacrifice; So - to make sure I know that I won't come out as I came in. After all I don't really plan on leaving it at that ... and in case its all just one giant mistake ... . Well, I however believe people already know how to fill in the blanks, how to arrange what I've written - I just want to make sure that its 'pointy' enough. When reading to me what I have to expect; It should really come from the bottom of a sadistic heart - and while I might, lets say its long, not listen to everything - the term 'no return' is kindof ... the 'bright' thing, that which makes me listen and gets me excited.

I don't think I can 'reasonably' emphasize this more and more. Whore as a 'vending machine payed with excrement'? Hmm - not perfect but ... sounds really good!

Whore: A person 'paying' her submission with 'sex'. ???

I mean - taking care of a whores kinks is then like 'respect' - 'repaying' the favours; Like actually that weren't needed; ... P).

...


2017.08.12|06:07