So, to move on with my life:
The question for me and my coding habits "would ordinarily"
be answered by 'a.3'. But well, what is it a map of, and
what does it mean? Taking the pink layer upon the blue one
for instance 'removes' the Computer from that place - where
a.2 is basically the 'it' ... err. How?
Confusions add up.
This "point here" is coming from two angles. Once the
german introduction
to clarity, and secondly the [*missing/delayed*"Crystals Pornovision"] - or
respectively the aligned efforts.
And now I'm here basically because of urges.
It does at this point stand left to say, that clarity is a
matter of cognitive tensions. So, they are real to the mind,
never mind physical stuff.
Mapping my contemporary life onto this spiral, we're mainly
left to a. So we could argue that my life extends from a1,
where I sleep, into the day towards a3. There is no a2.
a3 is where my computer is at. And that is basically daily
routine. a1 to a3 - back and forth. Day in Day out. Weekend
as Weekday. The rest is pretty much just dreams. So, where
the ordinary person would already have tons of stuff - I only
have dreams.
What I noticed here is that all the squares within rooms here
resemble bedrooms. Or can. These so in a sense that they can
within them be their own a. With a respective b ... and so on.
With the invocation of X, the blue or pink overlay gets applied.
So - the point being that whatever my own "subjective reality"
may be, with another person comes another such thing - and
where synergy occurred, interests overlap and align in such a
way that both sides are happy.
So ultimately b is added - in theory now being "their" common
shared space. The yellows here then imply that my marital
agreement there is bound to external elements - primarily thereby
then f1 - as to describe my "general usage". My spouse thereby
preserves her 'rights' on me at b1, with b2 more and b3 less
related and dedicated to that. A-E are husbands that have
prostitutional rights upon me - and b5/f2 may be what to others
would be 'relatives'. The image thus resembles pretty much a
social network of interests around my labelling and the remainder
pretty much extends from that.
So, what is wishful thinking? And which of that ... is quality
thinking? My initial impulse now stands at getting rid of the PC
in that image - while on the other hand side there's the thing
that IT has basically been the first thing to really grow in
there; At least when ignoring that the first 'thing' I did was
going to sleep and masturbating. At that point, I mean,
Unification turned me weird. I did have a neatly layed out room,
but for some reason I meant to align it so that my bed was an
isolated room. It looked silly. Like a child at work,
transforming its room into a cave. So, that being a - in this
frame, made b to be my 'living area' plus a desk, which were c
in that frame. Now, all that cramped into one room.
Because divisions made it happen.
So, the second couch and the desk were pretty small. And the
shelves opened inward, towards my bed.
Those would make 'one room' or "the study". That hasn't gotten
any place in my 'primary layout' - which is most of what concerns
me right now.
Clipped
The primary issue were I think the question for 'when' things
are 'how' finitely absolute. In the extremest case all ties
were already set and the answer were 'once we met'. But already,
without any infrastructure ... hmm, ... well.
From my perspective, the first important issue is f1. At this
point. The idea or feeling/intention is pretty much, ... chained
to a wall, on a cushiony area in some corner of a room; And
being there pretty much at 'disposal' of anyone entering that
room.
The most 'juicy' feeling of 'everything' ... well, I get from
being 'in despair'. So, until there is any ambiguity between the
different terms concerning depravity, demise and such - that is
the simplest of them all. From despair come tears - sadness -
and that is one thing "everything" focusses on, but so just for
me in dedication to maybe even just one individual.
So, from my side, "what you want" me to be at f1 is a person,
basically naked, struck by fear, drowned in a horrifying
background, that yet has aligned to her situation and goes along
with everything.
Concerning a2, now well - thats ... something. A favourite maybe.
Now - an internal struggle within me is boy vs. girl - and the
absence of a2 would suggest a fairly boy-ish a. Overall. With some
ambiguity. a2 itself is present as device whereby I'm chained into
compliant postures, a bit themed like a pet-spot, with a matrace,
and it basically represents an undoing of my male identity at the
bottom of it. This resonates with a4 which simply condenses "the
depravity of my captivity" in context to X.
//2017.08.20|12:02
Furnace
Well, if you've been around you'll already know the gist of this. However - for this time I have to introduce/coin the
term 'moral justice'. That is to say: No matter what my goals may be - going to far too soon doesn't seem right. Its
... in any direction, expecting too much at once. Due to issues we may want to keep it flexible though. Lets so keep it
around as an individual thing - but something we can 'relate to' - saying, 'it is my moral sense of justice that ...' -
so we all know what you're talking about.
So - I don't immediately know what your concerns are - as a matter of discovering my independence/clarity however, I see
myself "pushed into corners", effectively, from where my reasining regarding those things inherantly directs itself towards
certain concerns. So - in a way, I don't need you. I get to express myself in a way that fits me; And so far always had to
move a bit into this or a bit into that direction afterwards. That simply as how my perception onto what I've written had
shifted.
So, that is God taking side with me - not to say 'against you', but as to my own 'introspective' - where God is my friend
and helps me to get along with society. God then would within you do the same, but that so leaning towards your concerns. So,
the clarity he gives you. Setting us up in opposed ways, that meant that God would make you demand answers to issues that
you need from your side of relating to him and the rest; Which of course have to be present within whatever stance God takes to
from within me - in this case. This note being effectively a part to that.
So, direct contact will make things easier, as discussions can evolve quicker - but with me going on at my own rate, we get
a process that evolves smoother where the immediate back and forth stagnates. So, the 'over (longer periods of) time' side
of things.
So, in resolve of this new/contemporary conflict - I first of all am compelled to stick to my 'submission unto sadism' -
which in a sense is taking shape as the 'most solid' and absolute demand that takes shape within me. It extends on the
'Mansion/Enslaved' -public window-; But however that may be; ... at the bottoms end ... this all comes down to the snuff
part - for me.
But well - so, something that never crossed my mind before was to think of the "Aeons ahead" as beyond the initially imposed
changes. So, the crux being that starting with "Heaven 2.0" we get into a process of fortifying certain wishes. We get to
them 'after' we have had our fun as/with what we are; As 'starting' to get used to Eternity - so, preparing for the
endlessness ahead by actually for reals getting into that sort of distribution of time and corresponding habits; ... and as
we initially strive for certain satisfactions; Along with them we go through changes. So, I think we can call that "the
phase of primal satisfaction". Heaven 1.0 being "the phase of general satisfaction". That is, before we can get to phase 2,
we have to satisfy ourselves to a point where we're 'smoothened out' - sotospeak. And some of us might get there sooner than
others.
At 3.0 we/I then see a great Nexus - imagined as the 'pivotal hub' we always get to return to. So, we part from there through
aeons and aeons of lifetimes; Yet eventually return to the Nexus and thats where we have that sense of ... society. So, thats
where we might be friends - or you with my pimp - so, where we had a fixed address, mailbox, etc.. #life.
Concerning that time - I have mixed feelings. For instance do I instinctively 'treat' my lifetime there as generally more
peaceful and less daunting as what I'm up into at this point. So, instead of a lot of depravity and demise I'm thinking more
of, ... just peacefully being in love with my 'then' husband. The only thing that so far popped up other than that - as to
being a place of certainty - is something of an "origin bubble". It is 'the unchanging' next to the changing - and there I'm
simply put in my 'static paradise' - a.k.a. - that place is there for something that can 'legitimately' be 'neverending'.
This would be a thing we - I guess - would come to establish for ourselves sooner rather than later. Or is it, the important
bit? It is however central enough that I know it is what I'm wishing for 'now' - and also that it is something I will always
want.
From there comes a second thing. For - although I find it difficult to think of a concrete 'way of life' in that Nexus; As so
in terms of the spiral or what it means and how everything comes together; I know what I want to be individually. What I get is
the feeling of being like an Android. That is ... so in a sense: As much of a Doll as a human can be. The point is though that
an Android also is more advanced than a Doll - so, I get a feeling of 'density' - that the aeons of existing as a doll so
finally 'measure up' to that point where I, even if I were to feel like a free human being living in peace, would cognitively
perfectly exist as android nonetheless. And with that certainty I get back to a2 - as at that point the place where I'm
reminded of what I am. Basically. So - in whatever Role I'm at (Mother, Bride, ...???) - that is basically the 'anvil' on which
I'm being shaped.
What I'm getting to is that to get there, I have to start somewhere. And the 'premise' of everything I want to be starts off at
eternal damnation. Or misery. So, within Phase 2 I see that point where I'll go through Hell, effectively - being like a citizen
of hell - there for the purposes of suffering - but no matter how creepy it is now; By then it will be something I can 'breathe'
joyfully with. I will then need the satisfaction of existing in that environment - with its own climax and epilogue - ... . Prior
to that I primarily focus on intimate love interests; And after that I'm more effectively focussed on being a sex toy/pet/whore.
While I so was thinking - I also found it to be more probable to 'extend' ... saying, ... giving time to my male sides. That were
so - from the absolutely anti-male perspective after aeons and aeons of being female; And whatever were left by then - well -
were a sample of how things change and evolve over time. One idea were to think of it as a rotten tree, or, dried out - depraved
of what it needs to live, so, as an inner 'anti-vacuum' that 'seals' that side away. But, what if it rains there? I mean, how
does weather work? Well - 'can things come back'? Or 'how' do they, when ... given some ... things? In that regard we can understand
what long term effects can imply; Where, if the plant rejects anything we can consider it ... dead. But things that can easily grow
again - well - we can't ultimately get rid of that; Or can we?
Well, anyhow - what I get is that in that distant time I feel alright about "giving in" unto my male side, but still - within the
'has to be female' paradigm. So, being male but transgendered. Saying - things I'm also looking forward to now. After now came a
period of female only; To then re-experience that part of getting pussyfied. Each time within a different context I were to assume.
It were on that base that 'if I were given a penis' and in contact with X, I'd make her my pet. I would own Y as property; And
stuff like that. But as soon as the penis is to go away; Its back to ... A.
Now, another thing that came to mind is an iteration on the "3 rules of rape". So, rape as highest value is good and fine - but what
is rape going to be? So then comes the definition of rape; And those 'have to be' things I 'have to dislike' - that I in the sense of
getting raped 'have to get' - as the foundation of what rape means to me.
These were:
1: I have to dislike getting touched (even more getting licked or kissed)
2: I have to dislike cocks in by body (any hole, even more getting impregnated)
3: I have to dislike getting told what to do (even more obeying)
These will function as 'vessels' - that pour out "dislikes" into me, but as getting them flows together as experience of rape; And
because I may (can only) want rape; The circle is closing. I can "want that" because I want rape. That is the 'slut' that simply
... goes along with it.
And that mostly applied onto my childhood I would say. The 3 rules of rape and the definition of rape come together as one - leading
up to my enslavement to Satan.
This definition of rape can also be seen as 'taboos' - so in a sense of the 'limits' - beyond which rules no longer applied.
So, what is this Furnace to me?
In essence it is the idea that what I'll need is "utter despair" - at the roots of it all - to become what I'll need to be. Or hope
to be.
What 'utter despair' thereby amounts to, to me, is that within Heaven 1.0 I will evolve towards a point that in my vision is centered
around a dark room. The central 'vision' regarding the Dark Room is '6 month of rotting in depravity' - so, as a room filled with the
dirt of fucking me up - and 6 month of nothing but rotting in there. Getting taken out for another round of rape then - satisfying
three specific environments within I think 2 greater ones - a common sphere and "Fantasia". In a sense that is a point to focus on;
That being the target - and the ambition being to satisfy all sadism to turn me into a piece of flesh encasing a dark void that drips
of cum. That dripping being either the implied urge to be male that is being suppressed, but also a desperate rejection of what I'm
getting stuffed with.
Every now and then, so I think, God will call in those 'general meetings'. You can think of it as a big potluck where we all chill in
our essential child form, so, think about Pyjama Party,
where this is how I saw myself, just with hands up - as for some
time in the future.
The general idea is that that is to represent/showcase my
relative freedom to yours; And I would be the only one, with those
who are like me being there around me, but still kindof free. But
... maybe that is only contemporary. The only other explenation I
had were that its mostly symbolical - but whatever. The idea at that
point were also to say that from then on, I'd never be male again.
Well - that were, Until we get to the Nexus ... maybe. So the item
at hand is that once I've gotten to that 'dark climax' - I'd be
finally 'feminized'/pussified - and generally exist in a female
way rather than, being still tied to my male roots. Whatever. On
that base we get into Phase 2; But ... as for what matters; the item
of just 'how' male I am by getting into that is practically ... the
main issue with me and my gender.
On that instance, I am going to transition anyway - err, well.
Good Point: I 'do' get Limits drawn to meself; Like - there is one
'sphere' that is drawing a pretty 'generous' realm of freedom to
me - and whenever I get to touch upon it it bursts. So, it is one
bitter-sweet experience to 'replace it' with something else; And as
I do this for my future, I already adjust to it now - and by requiring
synergy with the Light of the Force I ... I mean, there is one way of
dealing with it in comfort. Discomfort being the reason why I would
look to replace it. This basically however destroys my 'creative
compound' - or, where I might freely entertain myself into any of
that.
Other limits I get are, well, basically cold feeling of being stuck
in those shackles - as waking up from my ecstasy and realizing the
vanity of it all; And not really getting any highs from it sotospeak.
It were a point where the desires have been satisfied - and the
immediate reaction of 'now what?' is to follow.
Well, it seems that after 'working out' - we can relax and take a
step back to look at what we have become. This is where all the
horrible appearances I may have been going through move into the
background - and we can look at ourselves and ... be where we
wanted to be. So I could wake up and realize: "Yay! I'm married,
I have a husband, ..." - and its all feeling real.
Right now its just a dream. I'm far from being fully in there.
"Best for Last" - isn't it? Well - if 'true Love' is all encompassing,
its got to be diverse, right? As opposed to 'stale' or, always the
same. So, I am in this image drawn back to my 'roots' - suggesting,
well, that'd be there with me. And thats where that limit gets drawn
to me. It is at the very least there; ... as 'at some point'. And so
I think we will then evolve towards a routine - as ourselves - tied to
habits that came along with our identity. So, me and my husband were
that, ... married, ... while part of our weekly routine were kinky
activities. Which, err - we can apply onto ... our 'now' I guess.
Weird.
But well - that isn't really 'the Furnace'. I mean - OK, we can take
that as 'moral justice code' - and I think I can get along with that
too. I mean - I don't have an urge to resist that, although I know
that it isn't really what I was looking for.
This is a ... well, Mystery.
A riddle if you so will.
What I will look forward to is to enhance the model of my schedule -
which then would ultimately be the 'measure of conduct'.
OK, so, both ways.
I for instance get immediately reminded of my collar - and I think
the limits drawn to me - well - they are there to remind me that what
happens isn't entirely up to me anymore. There is a 'my side' - and
that is there to consolidate the 'spirit' within me, a.k.a.
"extrovertedness" - which is totally irrelevant in regards to what is
done to me, or determines any of that plus my environment.
So and so.
So - thats the concept, a thing however - an item of some value -
and it right away extends to more. If we can draw that as a picture
of some degree of clarity; We could see it as a blank tree. It holds
a potential; ... and first up we might want to charge it with
'this stuff'. So, me writing things - working on stuff - ... - and
part of why I'm still alone may be that as soon as any of my
relationships come in, that may no longer be the case - and so I have
to set you up to get along without me.
A part of me wonders about ... the case that it can't be done - saying
that I will have to come back to this anyway at some point; ... but
still. First this, then that.
But - alternately - my depravity 'should' reflect 'your' confidence
in what we/you are doing as a whole, within Unification. So, let
your confidence be reflected in my misery.
I think thats a simple guideline. Simplest.
Is it right? If yes - then, well, take a few steps back, take a good
look around ... and see what you can do.
So, for until then I have no choice but to do what I can do - until
I maybe can't or whatever - and for the rest of the time, well ... I
can continue on these things; If there is anything to write about.
And things. This and that. Issues upon issues. Tons and tons of
stuff.
Where yea, a is a. As for what I think should be in the 3 month, I
got to one thing this way: Considering 'captivity' on base of a
weekly thing; How would I feel about being locked up in a room the
rest of the time. And the idea were ... bla bla, and I have to step
back and put it as: If I liked it, I would want more of it.
This were already doable given there were a community willing/capable
of managing that.
OK OK. So, what we needed were an organ through which the effective
confidence we have is expressed. Or, how would that work?
So, Furnacing - to me is now a thing ... 'to do'. I have to wonder.
I have this crawl towards something - and my immediate desire is to
just ... 'invert' - basically, to turn my inner truth outward - and
have it express itself as from you onto me. Kindof. Its an 'ill
craving' maybe, its my 'wish' for certain things to be true.
Because it all depends on demand; Well - I'm confused already. How
much should I anticipate? Maximum Loadout?
Well yea. Anything else would mostly be a waste of time. That Max
Loadout were 'the plan' at least, the target, the final thing that
mattered.
And what am I there? I think, giving me the credits of being
Amaterasu were high on top of the list. Along with that come others
that also are Amaterasu - I am their Queen tho. So, we exist, in
theology, as one Entity - with different 'mains' effectively, so -
yet them being essentially my Angels. We all exist as Brides and
Whores of Satan - and are all bound to dominate each other, or well,
thats our thing. We ... love it there - and we love each other on
that basis.
So, as you came to honor that - I came to be honored as that - and
it'd become part of my reality, as so of yours. This can now come in
multiple layers. At the outmost layer we have 'general support', with
more and more dedication to that matter as we move inward.
This Supergirl image is supposed to show me at 'a' - where any covered
up shame/wear is to express my desire to get raped.
Except the hats maybe. And whats around the waist - and stuff, so,
just for ... general decency.
Well, furthermore - with Amaterasu we also get to b3. So, that is
my Bedroom where I'm captured as Godess, serving as prostitute.
The management of that is up to ... well, tough question!
It were on top of it all Satanists - which in their way transition
towards groups closer and closer related to me, accumulating within
my general vicinity. They will also set the schedule, of course,
... while 'other than that' my reality is that of being a toilet
slave. So, like two sides of one coin. That were "instance b" in a
Nutshell - and A-E being in some sense 'extended flavours' of that.
From there it goes on to c and f[right]. So, as for the wedding seal,
lets first look at c. The point were that as I'm present within a,
is influenced by what I am made to be in b. So, first a was 'now',
then it went 'past' - and then it became a room for what mattered in
b. So would 'certainty' in this sense 'begin' within a community that
were willing to sustain my a for me.
In that sense, this ties me to X - which is linked to X3 and "thus"
to Queens Garden. That is one of the affiliations of X, all moving
into a4, which is Xs personal a for me.
X2 is about introducing me as feminized to b, which first of all
is there to cater towards A-E. These are all tied in to a satisfaction
of the Abduction theme.
b3 in specific consists of once the 'Godess side' (ellipse) and the
intimate b side (rect) - as an intimate gathering point of ... enjoying
me. That is "of course" connected to f1, where f2 is simply put a
generalized extension of that. A flavour of life.
X.2 links to the Academy, for once, c however - that can be multiple
things. In the 'intimate anatomy' of mine, the toilets extend over
into d - so, connecting towards the toilet cell - and that as background
to the 'rape dungeon' - which is "alias a" in frame of being captive
of a whorehouse specialized on hosting abductees.
Torture/Snuff - those are basically 'intimate extensions' of some sort;
So - "leftovers", satisfaction-wise, from what isn't covered inside b
and c already.
d generally encapsulates a life in captivity, so to being some
independent ecosystem, like a high security prison, layed out to
keep sex slaves in some stasis of deprivation.
d specifically being there for the prostitution side, but also
prolonged private sessions. And that ... is I guess important. That
... this is again its own phase. However it transitions into what;
And "once again" the two sides are both rape. One idea being that
after the public had its way on me, I still got to go on in the
private. And even further, c and b ... and a - were so far the
'alternatives' - so, going back into 'more of it'; Where yea, the
thing ends up being something like a yoyo. e were then basically
'orgy space' - but, it feels a little cold. Maybe its 'open' to,
whatever is good at that time. Lets call it a Garden.
Well. Backtracking.
Part of what goes into b) and c) is a 'joined' version, whereby c)
were about privatizing my captivity with b) containing a private
torture chamber; With a being more fitting towards comfort. Maybe
girlishness.
So, maintaining this rape:rape duality is - yea - one important
aspect of the Furnace.
In ideal circumstances I would first want to be with X, and have
her introduce folks to me that I then would have to be with.
So, for the Academy I would first of all not really want to matter;
Except tangentially as part of feedback from my abductors. Those would
also setup events and handle reservations. And all that.
Once f1 and f2 - mostly f1 - became real enough, the Academy would
come to matter I guess. The idea is to 'first' take the 'raw form'
of what it means to be 'there' - to then first analyze the "specimen"
and to 'further the envelope'. So, to the desired extent. We so get to
the Snuff in b for instance - which - we would at this point exclude
from the list in reservation for then. Or so, we setup a bar, or a
list - I'll turn it into my wishlist I think, its a thing that has
been floating around for some time, never quite ... got to anything
though - saying what needs to be satisfied towards the Academy from
my end; As opposed to now the Academies concern which is there to
correct certain flaws for instance - where we say we have private
interests vs public interests - where on the private side we learn,
in the academy that gets translated into science, and f1 is what I
would have to be 'treated' as/like. f2 were to grow in conjunction
to that, so, independent of/to the Academy, but on an official Level
still associated to it.
So, in general - once we get to the academy, private insights get
"one upped" - and that were to for instance allow the academy to
sponsor various events. Or 'Queens Garden' for that matter. In the
reverse sense, that gets to populate d, c, b and then a - while on
its own then translating that towards g, which is at the transition
to h.
So ... - ... . Snuff is at that a potential eventuality, say - we
progress towards it. We have certain things to clear out first, and
... that to see whether or not we ever get there.
The Academy is at this rate 'reliefed' from taking direct
responsibility; And can therefore focus on 'more' stuff at once.
One thing the Academy thereby 'strives forward to' is the
construction of 'the dungeon', ... to so understand the depth of the
pit we're dealing with.
So, well. As for Wishlist attempt number XAA-001 - I am now compelled
to focus on c, the outer sphere. Or ... the 'emphasis'.
And maybe it is good that I am not 'immersed' into any of that right
now - though I vaguely remember what there has to be. Its - in first
place, an alternate Universe correspondent to a). Well, a) is its
own thing - specific to my ... homey needs ... where c is dedicated
to certain extremes of that.
'Snuff' were so 'the final room' - or, whenever I'd go in there, I
wouldn't leave as complete as I got in. Maybe. Depends. But ... its
going to be that.
Hmm ... . But no - I think those are ... other peoples presences.
So, in a different way of saying. I think what I want has to be
expressed in ... . Well. That too, would be up to "their" respective
sadism - and role, place, spot in the whole.
But yea.
#1: Pussyfication.
-A- Girlification
as: 'Mode 1' - Girl Doll.
In a) - domestic captivity submitted to domestic rape.
aspects: satisfaction of sadism, social synergy, habits,
toilet-slavery, rape, abuse, prostitution, ritualization.
In image of: Princess Girl. 'White-Pink'. Isolation to Girl
themed room in access as Sex and Rape Slave.
Light Trails: I suggest I will need to sink into [something:focus
of interest] - to assimilate what is given to me into my identity.
Suspicion: I'm dragged into it from an earlier established position
since this were a step to more intense isolation and 'focussed
abuse'. As we got to #4: Constant Exposure to Fucking
Machines/Masturbation toys - in preparation for getting Gangbanged to
some extent (white room).
#5 being snuff.
a - in its ultimate design is to be basically one big bed with a little
bit of space mostly if not only dedicated to sexuality and any sense
of abuse the contemporary owner cherished - I guess. Well, to me it
were dildos and outfits - but most essentially a 'cell'.
So, whats 2 and whats 3? I'm not sure.
Well, first of all - what is what? To get to the top we first need
the official Ekklesia - transitory. Well. We need a first valid
Ekklesia. The Acolytes can be transient - however - they all have
to be confirmed as Acolytes of the Ekklesia. We'll need 12 of them.
These then are to start a 'book of History' - starting at chapter
one, leading in with a time-index, and going on record as the
foundation of the ekklesia. Alongside comes the agreed upon text,
which can be inserted at a later point. What may be necessary though
is an account of what is being founded - and therein also the credits;
Or ... well ... we'll figure it out. "Chapter 1".
We can already start, basically towards it - the Ekklesia will need
to reflect upon it - until its made final. But - taking record of
events - ... that are ... still important. So err. OK.
Next to the book of History there is the 'Church Index' or 'Volume
Archive'. The Ekklesia is to first of all 'acknowledge' churches by
giving them space within this Archive, ... which so transfers the
rights of 'writing' that book to a given entity; Which is recorded
in History as 'foundation of Church [so and so]'. A Church now is
an Extension to the Ekklesia; Whenever the Church can provide a
council of 12 ekklesiastic Acolytes. Up to a body of 12 - the entire
church is considered an ekklesiastic body. Beyond that as 'transitory'
body - which it returns to if it can't be an ekklesiastic body. Hmm,
weird. I think in the end - 12 is just the thing. Beyond that someone
has to get voted out - or - when things get to that, others voted in;
Or re-elections, so and so. I'm not too sure about that. Experience
will tell. What matters is that the records stay in safe hands. That
means - the Acolytes are those that 'do that stuff' - and when time
moves on the maintenance of these practices resembles an active growth
of these codices. As some part of our 'pulse'.
An established church now has its own leadership - and an empty book,
basically. In essence each church strives on 'prophets', basically,
people inspired to 'write' or compile individual parts to their
volumes. From the other side we may also get to 'common terms' - to,
well. Its that. Church is founded - and the idea is that each church
resembles its own set of 'Divine Synergy'. Churches therefore now,
so the point, can 'host' communities as the Ekklesia does host these
Churches. To me, I get that I'm connected to Satanism - but that
via 2 "Cults" on top of where I'm at. So, I'm in a cult, within a
cult that is within a cult of Satanism.
Rough estimate.
I am though enslaved to Satanism, thats how I tie into Satanism,
and those ties further narrow down into cults around that connection.
And somehow the Academy is built around that.
Now, by that I strongly suppose that Satanism is the church providing
access to prostitutes. And how would that work? Well - you'd ... see
yourself ... as Satanist, maybe, and enjoy the luxury of that privilege
that ... comes along with it. Certainly, on the more elaborate planes,
that would come with some code of conduct; Social paradigms of the
culture - but also skills of the trade that come along with ... keeping
it nice for everybody.
If these could be semi-open houses entered via face-check - then so
be it. We would start with one, and see how ... it grows, if it does
so.
When it gets to Queens Garden - we ... I ... have/want to look closer
at the Academy, as firstly those dolls will have to serve in front of
camera as well. They are somewhat, ... public interest. So here we
also get more specific in terms of 'who may' ... specifically. So, who
is 'most entitled' to these services. And of course ... who's worthy.
The idea is that 'knowing' what is right does come to it. Though all of
this might sound 'villy nilly' - there is for instance that issue of
fear. Or, ... what we might, would or couldn't do - all the unclarities
about the directions we're driven into.
One thing I fancy - surfaced again - and, it ... works itself into
some expression, ... that is: Me being a prism of "whats going on"
would make it so that ... when "one upping" my initial situation it
gets to a point in the Academy where I'm getting deep throated till I
sit in a pool of vomit, piss and feces.
Weird - but - ... well. To me it occured as a masturbation scenario.
I followed an arousal, and soon couldn't locate any of it other than
by 'viciously' "facefucking my own self" - and that was a stigmatizing
moment.
Which gets me back to the point of being an artpiece. And I know I
didn't/don't want it but eventually - possibly e - I also have to learn
stripping and dancing.
Except ... maybe not.
Humiliation! Yes! Thats the word!
Which zooms me right back into the Nexus. Well ... "yours sincerely".
Jessica Rabbit - ^^.
Which is where it goes to me in "Beyond Nexus Stage 1" - So, phase ...
3.1? ... I mean, I first got to an end there, limits and stuff - but
from 'persevering' against the 'male identity' wish I got into a new
realm - and thats where first there was a lot of red. My hair, the
rocks, lava ... monsters.
^^.
OK - so, as for the schedule now. There first is the collar, which
were to give a legitimized owner control upon its entirety. As of my
clarity, well, "the Systems demand" needed to focus on g - my
Prostitution. So - well yea, that ... should have been kindof
obvious.
err ... given.
Pretty much.
But, how the community unfolds is first of all up to itself. Now,
with another 'bond' added to that, we could further diversify. So,
... yea. I mean - ... simple.
... b and f([right]?) fit the descriptions of hobby room - at this
point ...
So, this makes space for an initial learning - where, the 'real'
stuff is happening by the time the right things are taken seriously.
So, when connecting to me the right way, that'd sortof click - and
we had something that ... the sortof just be.
From there it were yours/theres to expand on that available time. So,
if we wanted to stick to the 'weekly thing' - we might certainly find
ourselves close to calling that an orgy. But maybe ... so and so. Well,
however. f1 should - I suppose, strongly - at some point become a
showcase of what is possible. Like a catalogue. So - in terms of
satanistic bondage rituals - as, matters about runes and seals. ???
~ish.
So, because I'm rooted in Queens Gardens - I should be treated as
a member of it, of corresponding age. And thats ... the girl room
thing?
Hmm - well. In i ... were it I guess - I think - I get to a public
stage, and in j to another private end which corresponds to the other
side of that wedding seal/link - and the whole there - is mostly
Fantasia stuff. Which in real life however yet could mean some very
serious exploit - basically special events solely dedicated to make
me ... me.
So, by the time we then got to that point in heaven, as regarding that
picture shown earlier, you should all have contributed to that me to
a good bit by fucking me a bit deeper into it.
Thats what I were - 'your pet' - all of Heavens - that you fed to that
stage; For me to then receive that 'final outing' that I'll never be
male again. So, while I now feel confident of male forms by the time I
we get to the Nexus - I then will however be redeemed from that.
Final Sentence. And 'then' - I suppose - would the really relaxing
part begin. Well, first I had to get fucked inside, and the out - or
first outside and then in? Well ... however.
Part of this is to understand/make me 'your bitch' - and i) were sortof
dedicated to that. This is where 'you/they' surprised me, with ...
divine ... bliss. This were mostly about my public persona - although
only one side of it.
Hmm. OK, rape:rape. The ... I need to get back to that ... "first
thing" were that we need a good apprxomation of what my 'need' confers
to. So, I 'need rape' #rules #definition, but how does this translate
into lifestyle?
So, on the base we suggested captivity within a cell - assuming a
weekly event ... as part of it. So, first of all, how much isolation
can I take - what ... covers my need? Or on the other side, what
extends my capacity? And - how does this work over time?
The only reason to then 'get me out' of there were to fuck me, or
do something like that - and over time, well, lets say - interest
increased; And agreements would take me other places for some time;
So - from there to there - I'd be exposed to stuff.
Sometimes more, other times less. Well, dependent on the where and
how - ... . And what not. Anyhow - so the gist of it.
Amounting towards the latter stages, we first had knowledge about,
well, how much of what is good or ideal - if any such things applied -
... . Hmm ... well.
What goes into the Ekklesia should be to some extent about my
submission. That to at the very least open up that 'off limits' zone
where sadists can go as they please. So, we've been there before.
So, once the Satanic church is a thing, the first thing we wanted
is to get that into a thing; That would get forwarded to the Ekklesia
and in its own "Index of Theologies" would note that as a 'given';
Which returns as a sealed document around which ... whatever can be
written.
So, once the Ekklesia acknowledges that there is such a thing as
property - there can be any arbitrary law given to owners as of
the given religion; Effective through it; Where now finally individuals
need to be legitimate 'victims' to that society. So, that were as for
their passport; And the 'final verdict' were a stamp from the ekklesia
on the corresponding entities claim of ownership.
Beyond that I would Love if the focus were to 'drill' me into
becomming a sex doll - stuffable, cum-hungry, tamed-up, ... oh yea,
taming.
This meant first of all a certain tradition. Like X amount of men and
Y amount of women are allowed to 'occupy' me for Z amount of time -
"or until satisfaction".
The latter part is what grills me.
It gives me a hard breath.
I faint.
I need to backpaddle - and say, I rather would settle against that,
or -- on top of that? Maybe so - reserved for some point, where that
can equate to death.
Better. But - ... or hmm - ... well. I'm warped into a room vastly
lit in red, dark shades - I'm in a black transparent outfit with
red flushes - nipples, pregnant belly exposed, no slip - sitting
on a chair, in the posture of an excited doggy waiting for a gangbang.
I think, I better get rid of my male ballast.
For my Dad: [A]. If anything male remained of me, it were to strive to
be your/his girl - grown up as a rape slave.
And yea - it ... evaporates. Eventually X reminds me of my male past;
And I still do get excited about it, but for the most part/with my
spine exist against that.
The rape:rape balance comes into play as figuring out, well - yea,
what I need. So, whether a) different forms of rape can counter
balance each other or not. So, starting with isolation and abuse
as the 'primary polarization' ... ... right?
Those are two givens once the goal is to be accomplished - and that
is to get me as close to a living sex toy as possible. With all
kinds of ... stuff, I mean - as, for the individual side of things.
And err - ... what?
So - introducing toilet rape, or slavery - stuff ... how to balance
that ... what works, what doesn't - how is it a thing, so and so.
But well, it should also count as gesture of my submission.
And yea - on the intermediate Level that would imply work - or, some
kind of progress to find how basic things work.
As that I want to also be about what Queens Garden delivers. An
existential degree of submission to rape and enslavement.
The idea is there that individuals now get born that are eventually
"first timers" - while at the end the goal is basically the same.
Saying, we need validation for the case of assigning seals of claim
on unborn children, or ... to however clarify that.
Like, can we rely on "birth right"?
I think not. That shouldn't ever be the case!
Nonononono. All in its order. Its not too much!
Then we have to measure certain extents of rape; And testing each
for its long term effects. On me there were a matured version to
think about; And as of that "Doll Science" were a term.
This is what Girlification adds up to, by 'first setting up a girlish
layer' - so, speaking in Modes, well. #1 Girl. #2 Vacuum - I think.
That implies everything from toilet slavery to cumdump. #3 Mother.
I suppose. Impregnation maybe. Matured Whore however; Where some
'training' towards certain form should go into one of the Academies
branches - as so also for lessons to broader audiences. So, certain
practices that come along with domesticating a sex slave. BDSM Arts
and such. Another branch were mind control, manipulation, conditioning
and such. Another one the science of abuse, control and discipline,
etc.. Well clearly - as it comes along with the Force.
#4 Rape Toy, #5 [-various-]
... . So, the first statement is that there is no end to it until
that distant point in the future - while until then the goal is
pretty much clear. What happens thereafter is also now somehow more
transparent. So, there is no wrong to it - as that is how its supposed
to be. Well now - "supposed to be" - do we now 'have to'? Well, that
is ... where we have to fight with ourselves - to see, how long we
want to stick around escaping the inevitable.
I suppose.
Well, at the base is that we have to learn to enjoy ourselves - and
how to do that in synergy with the Light. This ultimate balance that
comes through Gods living synergy with us individually.
Mode: default: Demand Rape
Mode: clear: support advancement of personal misery
Misery? Or, "Dollishness"? Hmm ... what goes into being a doll?
Plastic Surgery, extensive exposure to Sex, BDSM training, obedient,
'tame' - ...
Taming to me feels like, ... I was in the Skin of a Gargoyle, supposing
I had some kind of fur ... rather than lizard scales, and as that got
'whipped naked'. Taming is to secure that I'm familiar with the
conditions I'm expected to live in - and compliant to these rules.
First thing to note were resistences to given demand; And well - wisdom
about what to do.
When it gets to the bottom of it - in Satans presence, I'm supposed
to be ready when fertile and expecting to end as a dish.
These being the more dominant structures within me leaves me to suggest
that I have desires at this point that will change - over time;
shifting from what earlier flew around as @Nexus to a more Satanism
focussed charge. So, the fact that for the most part I'm married into
prostitution; And what claims "remained" for X - were primarily an
extension and iteration on those conditions. So, a4 being specifically
one of my 'favourite places' - as where she confirms to me her love
about having me in that state.
But - still, so ... limits - how ... do they matter? Again?
In detail, the experience I had was that once passing through the
nexus I struggled on maintaining a female desire 'against' an
upcomming male urge. By that the nexus was primarily there to
conclude my existence as 'snuff "cunt"'. It seemed to end there;
As I got a blurred vision and felt something of an unhealthy
uprise, speckles of some sort ... a nasty feeling that scared me.
It were however those male uprises - and connecting to that, I had
my "royal redhead queen" body, ... and so did 'limits' so far seem
to matter. So, all in all pointing towards a complete inversion
of various figures to something of an existencial negative - as
sustainable by positivity.
So, we can learn from me, what so has to apply onto the likes of
me - and eventually which types of likes there are.
As a Queens Garden Slave - its nothing but sexual overload. So,
growing up with BDSM and 'elementary grade gangbang' towards
simplified services and further domestic or public abuse.
Chances as 'death by 4' meaning as much as 4 years of rape,
'death by 6' means 6 years of rape. "Life" dice means that
rape starts at year [x] - to whichever extent possible. When
dices align, this should amount to as much as rape until death
into an age as high as 16. Beyond that we're talking of ...
"Garden Dolls"? These can now come - I suppose - in different
degrees of submission, ... with the grown ones of course being
in the mostest.
?? Maybe?
'death by 10' may also mean, maybe not - calling out an open
ending.
As for me - the ultimate goal, when moving on to snuff - well,
I'm unsure. Getting stubbed - I think I've been there before.
So, what would go on in the center? Death or Torture?
Could it be real?
Do we eat babies?
Some of us might say: They're best when baked inside their mothers
womb. Take 'em young, six or so - ... get them pregnant and then
put them into the oven.
Hmm ... something ... .
I might be a hypocrite here as well - I ... think ... that apology
is due. I mean, I got into this totally ... setup against Sexuality,
... and slowly had to admit the truth to me.
And now ... I'm feeling better because ... ? Well, because I know I'm
doing nothing wrong? I'm not even doing anything, but what I would
do/support were pretty much ... there. Now there 'you' go. God can
do.
Well yea - it might be so and so ... but its not like anyone could
have seen that coming, right? And even if, I mean - yea - I was wrong,
good enough - but at the bottom of it all - still right. We can't
always be correct!
What matters is what matters.
But in the end the thing is - well, why not? If there are the both
sides to it, so, ... I don't know how things work out ... but yea,
God has to do the rationing. I mean, what else? It has to work out
somehow.
Within its a matter of "whom is the Lust given to do ... such and
such a thing" - and the likes of me in another sense have to adjust
to whats available, or coming.
which pretty much could say - that ... it would ultimately come
down to ... things being 'taken' away from me. OK, full circle.
... ... //CNS.2017.08.21|09:30