Well, that wasn't a lot of progress, wasn't it? I'm kindof weirdly gone - mentally - as of recent. The way things used to be when I'm
writing changed. I feel a lot more detached from myself and what I'm doing. However ... after a good nights sleep ... I realize that
the most uplifting change so far came with swapping r2.1 and r2.4 around. I mean, the difference is mind-boggling. Its like I've
locked her - and for that bit myself - up; Now there is 'so much space' - and as of that things are almost entirely different. There is
though, as of this article, a clear warning hidden in the circumstances. See - while Monica had previously been in r2.1, all the 2.1
things were paradigms for me to further understand that relationship - and its value plus the things I was into - well, it all seemed
totally logical at first while in hindsight - there ... I mean, anyway, now ... the thing is that combining the things of r2.1 with
the significance of Monica made me be into the whole death rape and captivity thing more ... than I should.
Well - those aren't necessarily things of r2.1 either. But things densify there - however - in case you wonder, compared to the rest
the r2.1 thing is at 20%. So, I don't know ... volume or relevance/significance ... the thing is, these 20% are there - while at points
the 'energy' of it kindof tries to settle at 40-50% and higher. So, there is still some smoke that has to settle.
What I mean though is that the r2.1 things so get smaller - as compared to before - though r2.1 never was the reason for most of the
things to be there. It was or is an attractor however - and, changing the size, weight and all that of r2.1 to be "more realistic"
was detremental to me since it'd basically take away space for Monica to be.
Maybe because I realized how wrong I was - I would now go on the way I'm going to - but I realize that most of my drive to be in r2.1
conditions was due to Monica - I couldn't let go of any of that because of that - but now I'm leaning more and more against it - to the
point that to really ... 'bend enough' ... kindof ... it would seem best, all in all, if I just hooked up with her and then we escaped;
Just ... giving a fuck about all of that legal bullshit and prisms and clarity and what not - which I mean, isn't anything I ever meant
to exclude; But, I'm sure I hinted out that such behaviour is part of what its all about; That if you're uncertain - you 'would' 'go' -
and we all should be kindof prepared to accept and support that, kindof.
I mean - really. Thats a good thing about money. It allows us to be free - in that 'money can buy' - its neutral - and whatever our life
is about, ... for point and purpose people think you're bad but you're not ..., we can get along.
The thing however is that nothing changed 'per se' - as, the basic stuff. Its however so that I get a certain kindof Love from Monica that
I'm really into. We might say it attracts my male self - but it isn't really coupled to anything activitywise or elsehow, ... and on 2.4
that gets more space - and still she seems to be more contempt with me in my (en)slave(d) form - which worked well in 2.1 - certainly.
And ... no - it is rather so that the 'furnace' as previously located on 2.4 moved to 2.1, than that I could move that stuff over to 2.4.
Well, as for the escaping. I mean - the recent changes shifted tensions to a point that I would say there are political stresses. At least
is there a strong polarization - as to the point of a more concrete split than some equalized space; And my attempts to settle take me into
the deep while my go to 'habits' make me shut off.
But this in a sense perhaps too extreme reaction isn't really all that its worth - or, I mean, in reality the time and depth would fit into
an hour or so - although then to yet make up for expectations there's yet that higher rule that needs time to pass before satisfied.
Uhm, anyway - what I get into by that is a less ... "classical" way of looking at things, going behind that, ... where I don't really find
those bondage/ties and structures anymore. I mean, consequences/symptoms are certainly visible throughout - but there is now some larger
space wherein they don't matter as/so much.
And thats now a ... basically one up to ... well, things about freedom. It leads up to a no brainer.
//--//
But ... now, I realize that this different in mindset is actually good for programming. I mean - I want to work ... based on some 'intake' ...
I mean ... I'm feeling like I'm looking onto multiple screens/windows - at data - and supposed to decide for what to do next. Not like
writing anything philosophical; ... while I'm writing something philosophical ... which makes this extremely odd. But anyhow ...
what I may have to mention is probably that this rush ... r2.1 feelings ... should anyone wonder; Have by now all pretty much gone ... like
... flushed ... as, the whole thing is now cooling down and becoming passive. Which is good - and normal.
On the other end - as for depth - I guess ... maybe imagine sitting in a bath-tub filled with hot water. At that point the water were
practically that feeling, and you sitting in it ... you are ... 'deeper' ... in the sense that there is now more inside of you yet.
You might want to measure feelings in terms of how deep they sink - ... and these issues are possibly important to mention in terms of
political stresses ... - though, the actual line there to be drawn is kindof ... like comparing water to the quantum reality. There comes
a point where stuff is composed of "deeper shit" - kindof built on its own laws; Where "wet" is no longer an issue.
So - different things about me come together - eventually creating these attraction that make r2.1 a thing for me; As - you might say that I
got setup in embracing conditions that aren't mine; So - I first craved a reality that 'finally' some confirming force came into and the whole
tension went off in excitement - but as for long term effects, that doesn't really harm anything. So - thats a point to keep on mind. So,
though the conditions have kindof flipped around - mind itself is basically still aware of itself and as certain things just stuck together
they keep on doing so.
Now I'm rather into avoiding that area - but mostly so because there really isn't anything there; Pretty much like r2.4 before. Or, where that
was there. Now, there are a couple of things missing - and, its kindof odd that entire 'realities' - even if it only exists in/as one image -
seem to be affected. But I guess that is because these images were create in response to the rune-node. I mean - thinking of what one rune
surmises and what else might come with that relationship ... it seems that, well, we might call it a general problem of foundationry. I mean,
we can't speak of any experienced relationship without the experience. But how do we get that? In the unification scope of course through the
force; But there is also the other side; We might call it ego, but also are there circumstances - so, conditions inside and outside, that add
their own spin to things. So would it be an issue of 'safety' to get to various ways of pinpointing the important ones as ... so at least whats
happening when collecting images for instance ... And so God would accomodate us by building us that 'basic' thing of an idea ... as for what
to expect - or - relate to and from. That however isn't the individual relationship with an experience.
So, it isn't even a specific one - as we might wanna say that there should be no specific one in first place - though we want to associate
individuals/relationships to those nodes at some point.
I guess mind in regards to emotions could be compared to a sponge or styrofoam or ... something. Well - you could say that previously I did
imprint whatever r2.1 is about onto me - and after the change I still felt that on me; Though over time those marks went away. So, as with
marks on your skin - that eventually go away.
The problem with 'mind-control' or such at that point were how a mind is eventually "vulnerable" to accepting certain points of view for a
lack of better understanding. So - love. Or vain love. There are those impressions that send you down a road but instead of rejecting those
feelings, you, for a lack of better understanding/knowledge, embrace them.
Similar is I guess my problem with psychology - where now an 'objective stance' would be a default imprint that'd bias related assessments.
As, once you 'apply' the objectivity of normality, everyone is crazy. The more this 'objective stance' were imposed on you, the more your
true self would align and disalign - abstracting itself - until that stress is eventually reliefed at which point the 'regen properties' we
have depends on our form. If we have a higher inner form that can be easily the case; But eventually a whole lot of other things might happen
as well. Whatever it is about what finally sticks together at first.
But that there is 'nothing' (r2.1) is also somewhat exagerated.
What really sticks out is that some polarization is going on. There are now harder lines that separate certain things from other things;
So ... the Lolita part in me and what belongs to it have a more destinct purpose or 'ground' - while previously something felt kindof off
... and it all kindof blurred and mixed together.
Now thinking back about that 3x3 grid, I can more specifically relate to the top row as r2.4 related whereas the bottom is r2.1 related.
3/9 is more than 20%, but so would the problem of getting a clear perspective be one of how things mix. But now also the top center
tile, the 'alt self' - ... I mean ... I should probably rethink this entirely.
To start with: There is 'something'. Its like water flowing throughout the mind - as from primitive foundations down through more complex
structures - it here and there 'channels together' - as to basically rest and 'recount' after some length of passage; Where now an energy
taken as determinant to the distance travelled would factor into a rudimentary first level of being. Free will would allow the person to
stretch and change for instance.
Things like this would at first appear through refraction of any sort - oppositions, outlines, ... - So, where now various "systems" 'activate'
in response to an opposed development - while the first/strongest of those is what I would call 'the spine'. So at first there is this "Lump"
of lucid transgression through space that grows freely, until it notices that there is 'one' thing you are and like against another thing
you are and like - and while you can't really escape either, you eventually ... 'quirk' ... or, these forces shear together and create some
arrangement.
My spine is maybe best described as quite literally a spine; Telling me to stand up for myself. But ... that is maybe ... too random of a
statement.
So, more concrete would it be if I could describe the situation entirely; Effectively. So, I have a spine of "royalty" as counter balance to
a stance of sexual sacrifice. While this is at first a simple 1+1, there is now a whole range of cognitive ... glimpses ... that the individual
eventually assembles throughout its life as a matter of comparison. So - there is at first this mirror image that we have to learn to accept.
What I get, next to that, is ... some 'itching' ... as, there is 'more' like that which has to be discovered - and what fancy fractal trip
videos maybe don't show is the fact that we aren't entirely visible to ourselves. Kindof. I mean - its more like we're using words to create
light which then somehow illuminates a fragment or a slice, ... which help us to then eventually narrow down some of the things.
Also, wording or expressing it creates a hard-copy that the inner soft-copy then relates to.
So - this itching ... I didn't get to a 3x3 grid per se. I started of with a plus - front, back, top, bottom. And after breeding upon it for some
time it felt like the empty corners had to be filled too.
But maybe one node isn't enough.
So - anyway. Seeing more seriously through the lense of opposites - and stresses and tensions like that - does I guess have it that clarity will
wanted to be the center thing be as ... yea, clearly. So, I have that mirror image, I have another background image of myself, and I have that
center there, being a whore.
A satanic whore.
It would now be due to false credits to Megan, based on false presumptions concerning Monica, that I didn't see this "Jessica Rabbit" thing unfold
more properly earlier; While - so far in this middle I only knew I wanted to be ... or, rather than wanting, there is some maelstrom going into
it - the amalgamation of everything that essentially substaciates that part, that the spine is rising up against. As, the spine is only needed to
rise against some counter force - so, as by inherant going ons. So is there at first a 'crisp' definition - I'd say - while in this frame my partner
would be Megan. But this is also only an 'extroversion'. Though introvertedly yet being the amalgamation of everything, or to some degree however,
is there still this introverted self that exists independent to such 'superficial' things. So - as you would ordinarily have an at least imaginary
transitional line between one and the other; You would later come to basically establish a more nuanced cognition, as for instance by added
surface. Well - however - there are now these things; Which are finally symbols - and on that 3x3 grid I find some balance, while the corner tiles
however, ... well - they are kindof ... 'one' ... but ... well, the whole thing on the other end evolved into some 'tree of life' ish part of me.
So - lets look at it that way.
In the middle we have the seed - clarity - which there is its own thing in relation to the mind, where now symbols emerge and stuff goes on, eventually
so drawing a 'crisp outline' - as symbol - which is basically a matter of tools and substance. Or, the crispness is a matter of 'what we got'. There
would be the 'wording' for instance. Or a 'face' - as it would stick out amongst the many. Or ... whatever. There we then could go 'deeper' - looking
more at how the expression comes together - intil we're effectively leaving the scope of what fits into the imposed frame.
As for the force - I would assume that whatever it does to enhance us follows some logic; And, whatever made me that in first place - would now also
make it so in the now, whereof the 'redhead' part of me could have been a thing before - as to the point of having associated ties with/to it.
And further - if we wouldn't really feel comfortable in an outfit - that would show, and not up as one of those things on top!
But anyway - what makes this thing specific or work - maybe, is that we - of our minds - are used to have some focus - and our mind organized around it.
Or - me, I'm that way. So, what is it? So there at first was clarity, thereof we expanded, and now we're coming back - and we can draw a 'natural circle
of balance' - as a 'split' or - refraction or whatever. Putting that onto a 3x3 grid would of course come at loss of some information - but it still
kindof worked so far. But, now, it would be too restrictive for our purposes.
Although, I guess its fundamentally there. A simple 2D structure as basic shape for arranging the big objects. There are two parts, the sides and the
edges, and we would virtually extend that into a 3x3x3 cube. But what 'has to' go in there? Thats the counter-intuitive part; So, lets ... see.
Well - maybe it so happens that we are - in deed - 3x3 structures - at the bottom. So, that while God is an infinite grid, our existence is essentially
a 3x3 grid. So, there is a center, an extroverted and an introverted side to us. One tile in the middle, the sides as extro, and the corners as introverted.
So - assuming that this 3x3 grid is the 'capacity' we have for the highest grade of relations. I would say that there then have to be 9 general 'streamlines'
we can combine into 'essence' - while the rest of us basically grows as part of them. So, whatever so is on a tile - whatever object - corresponds to some
'whatever else diversity' that isn't part of that 'essence' - but to be has to somehow tie into it - kindof.
So does the spine - for me - at first fit into the "front" (left-side) tile; As visualized through a blonde "lady"/mature - alias "Queen". Anyway ... thats
there - its the first thing that there is, practically, and so the 'back' happens as consequence; As that whatever is "spined up" against, but - more so, in
the big picture, also equivalent to the "grand introverted space/mind". Therefore, when taking the symbols as pictures of entities - we might as well impose
the 'back' as "background imagery". And as opposed to how this usually goes - you might see how I would rather draw words such as 'warrior' or 'cleric' in
there; Given that its a factor of what I do and am. I mean ... that what I do is in some way a part of that ... . But, so is finding 'labels' also a bit
... difficult. It is however possible because the light ... well, has to be in order to be. But so it is a 'light' ... "of some description". As for style
I would go for a teen/adult brunette; And see my fun in ... well, hard to say? What is what? Whats the Light and whats the object?
How?
Well, does the spine extend clarity? Or does it oppose it? Or ... what can we do wrong?
What can I do?
I would say, as for myself, that - 'now' I want them, them "ties". I had them in my original take - but then they confused me. By ties I now would say,
things that add some bottom stability. The issue is that clarity as described in the center isn't adequate - firstly. So - to ignore what the 3x3 grid
might be (it wouldn't run away, or is something we should treat carefully) - I think I can make a safe asumption by speaking of colors. The center tile
has a color to it - while now a second color emerges as relation to what else there should be; While the 'extroversion' furthermore leans into some
introversion; - ... but - ... the introverted reality isn't 'coming from' the center tile - I suppose; I feel however that ... some caution along those
lines is advised.
Anyway ... these ties now are basically - kindof a 'but' regarding the center tile - as in whatever way the individual would have to but that. As an
expression of clarity - this 'but stance' comes from clarity as it would first in some way that can only be a but to whatever the crisp definition would
be. Like "but also" - or "more like that" ... whatever. Now, reaching from the center tile up, my 'Seal 1' sneaks in. So - there is now that 'tie' however
leading up. What we are looking at here is however a "deeper dimension" if you so will; And I'm not yet at least willing to consider it as the bottom 3x3
blocks. Anyway ... as for the 'more diversity' - the issue of how objects come into those lights - clarity is now an established fact that is only symbolized
through a crisp definition; But - as for definition itself - that would eventually follow similar structural rules. Though - well, ... anyhow. So ... what
I'm getting at is - these ties exist somehow. If we simply took clarity on its own we get to some image that doesn't seem to care of structure - at least,
its simple - kindof - or ... "normal" ... things come together however; And whatever the 'tile symbol' removes; Is first of all to be credited to the
formation of the spine I guess.
So, the lump at first emerges into something, that the spine then complements; Forming that one "mirror image" - which is now in and of itself related to
clarity - in that it is that which makes that lump grow to have a spine; While we could now go on and wonder; What if we separated the spine further - or,
took a more isolated shot at it. So - where is the 'opposing part' ... .?
But at some point the 'balance' is finally what matters; Since, what finally emerges as of the 1+1 has to work with the individual too. This is where,
when speaking of ties, the tie between 'first tile' and 'center' is kindof special. So, the tie would be - or lets at first just call it 'something' -
basically a way of saying 'how' the spine 'complements' to the rest; As - the spine is now at first the 'odd' thing ... actually! So, it works through
some sense of counter-stress or tension. Here the main 'act' of accomodating me as of my spine to the rest is humiliation - where so over time the
'kink' of being a pet would have evolved. So - we eventually can refer some 'advanced' imagery to that otherwise relatively primitive sensation.
So, the queen, sexually treated as an animal; Were the 'front image' - related to the ties of 'animalization' or whatever. Well - the thing seems
to be the following: The 'whole object' - that is now what goes beyond the simplicity of a light-beam, or, reflects the complexity of light itself.
So, certain things would now kindof 'pop up' in our 'higher conscious' map of it - as we might want to speak of layers and components/compounds that
enframe certain bits and pieces of our mindset.
As for the top and bottom 3x3 boxes, I would say that the 'corners' transition into a top and bottom that is equal for each corner, while the same goes
for the sides, pronouncing 2 top and 2 bottom identities - that are respectively one counter extro- and one counter intro-verted space. And possibly
one top and a bottom center.
Well yea - that ... takes away some ... problems, and adds a way of saying - ... - ... - ... . Taken into the fringe, or the star trek jazz/blues. What
I find in that bubble - is like a square room - and the corners are squared areas surrounded by iron bars facing into the room; And I'm locked in there
performing/dancing as a whore. That were now the counter ... extroverted space, as, the other end to the implicitlt introverted space. But how is that with
the background then. As extroverted, how does it contain the introverted mind?
Well, ... rather than right I also relate to it as far - where I think that the alignment on the grid is sponsored by God as a step of abstraction that
also allows us to be more independent from it. Anyway. Complicated aside - as for my 'first tile' - what goes into it is the 'animal/pet' stuff - onto
a base image - while both would now in greatest simplicity have a volume. Or, the base image were the box, where the 'clarity impact' would grow to
some extent therein. Or: There is an amount of Light that the Box enframes. Each tile now also however seems to connect to the edges - perhaps even
so that even the opposite edges are connected to each other. But at first - we would think of doors between the tiles.
Anyway. So - for that being one thing - and a crisp definition being another - we had that line drawn that would accomodate the rest; Which is now
basically simply what it is. Kindof. As there is still top and bottom. I guess ... we should ignore that 3x3x3 thing - as in that we'd rather see the
3x3 primary logic distorted - where now top were top still.
I guess, each tile counts as introverted space. And ... well ... I'm kindof dragged back into the cubic image - while ... the top left column would
fit as the corners on top; ... but ... its all fizzling and cracking and ... I better ... take a step back.
And by the way - the top-corners would eventually resonate with the center. So ... lets move on that way. I mean, its there for some reason - ...
and, well, regarding 'jessica rabbit' - these corners would be more like her per se, but I'm not necessarily redheaded there anymore. Not initially
at least! And yea - well, as I would find the word 'captivity' rather soon on my notes; That would be there somewhere. And for - the top 3x3 - I guess,
its here rather a 1 on 1 thing. A simple split of a room - by adding 'a' corner object. Sides made up the room. ...
What ... - am I doing?
Well, OK. So, break!
Now taking the original 3x3 grid into the 'top' boxes - that now adds "downward" context to two spaces. The center rather connects to the corners,
but - also to the main space. Hmm ... different approach. So, as clarity happens; What happens in consequence - and how does that factor in?
I think we at first establish certain 'cornerstones' - surrounding a basic idea; And so there happens square one - where the center of square 2
eventually emerges from. This basic idea however is now in concurrence with other forces; The spine for instance. The spine emerges as counter
balance - and would in essence at some point become relevant in regards to everything. Or, to certain things ... 'maybe'. Well - maybe its
satisfied within the first tile already. But still this top room goes for me as somewhat undefined. We could I guess call it me; As at the
beginning of everything, wherein clarity occurs and takes things to another level. Here so the individual then 'split's into a core and a 'front'
representation, so there also is a 'back' - so, where the 'core' "breaks" the idea apart as down to a point; Firstly relating to the top corners;
Where there now is a "back" identity as 'the Lump', a 'Front' as spinal refraction - and a 'core'. If we at this point so want to see ... I mean,
this way of looking at it is clarity focused, where now clarity is what its all about, at which point we would at max speak of inclusive and
exclusive ties.
As beyond the surface 'animalized' goes into front, seal 1 went into 'top', which is now top on the center grid - so ... 'rear'? It goes in as tie,
while previously it was weird ... I mean, the tile being somewhat the chaos left-over in the end. Now I can somehow move that 'up' - or, I all in
all get an 'up copy' of some sort. So there is the consequence in the center encapsulating the center on top as origin; ... While those are here
now diffused to a degree of disalignment to clarity. And I can now more freely locate my feminized self in the top/far tile; Since - other things that
also wanted to be there can now be placed into the top grid.
Anyway ... now, I was or still am a bit confused about the right side in general. But that ... I strongly suggest ... is now due to the fact that my
'inward self' has stronger ties into that side/end ... - so, we should technically see that as a 'slurr' that drags this side into a void. At some
point - where the thing eventually revolves back to the other side. As for the cornerstones - they now expand, taking things 'one up' - while therefore
being more fundamental cornerstones to the all-over diversity. But so ... as this now applies to clarity - there might be a lot more ... that we might
fit in next to it. Well - to now however stick to the cubic approach, and the 'field' of vision - I think I can resolve my confusion regarding the right
tiles - though ... so, from top left counter clockwise: diva, doll, child-girl, mother; Where now however more specifically a 'Level 2 captivity' basically
would dominate that term. So is the doll for in stance born from a level 1 captivity, where the level 2 captivity is that of serving as a doll. The diva
however is getting an upgrade in terms of 'abysmal depths'. The mother turns into an abductee - and the last bit I'm still uncertain about.
Well - maybe it'll help to settle some of the confusion about labelling first.
There now is a way of converging my corner ideas with the upper cornerstone idea - which are now these level 2 figures; Which we could incorporate into
the top level cornerstones. What we get on the central layer is now the thing thats emphasized more of its uniqueness ... so, its opposition to clarity,
... Or, the - diffusal part now applied onto the cornerstones, ... as foundation, with the level 2 bit practically around them. And note: It shouldn't
surprise me at this point if some things were simply undefined - as yet unclear due to realtime issues, higher circumstances.
But well - moving on - just taking whatever comes first and counting it into this priority grid ... that now took me to my bottom/near tile. That now
as the feminized self, the front/queen, the back/whatever ... is something of an extroverted stance. Basically a younger "de-royalized" version of my
spine. I have it as a part of me and kindof shivers in the ... "wind" of the things that happened as of the r2 update. Within this I strongly relate
to the 'near corners' - whereby the left one is to live 'as doll' - and the right to live ... something, as captive ... child-slave ... ish, something.
The level 2 would be a grown child-slave, so ... yea, that was a thing too at some point. So, by now I can kindof relate to these terms as ties - where
those are the only thing that mattered at first. Clarity first being whatever, that then through the ties consolidates or justifies the center tile.
I can hereby further describe r2.1/"daddy" as a solid line connecting various dots within the near/bottom row. As 'fronts' however have it ... so the
story goes I guess ... well ... when taking the level 2 cornerstones back into 1 as default position, what happens?
Or well, how is it even a thing?
We could at least picture it as at the bottom layer at first, where now an advanced center emerges - which is I guess ... you ... could agree I guess,
that when speaking of this as magnification of the 'core idea' - how I could, you know, take pride in being a death slave or ... however we want to
say or call it.
Now however also, more essentially, I think captivity - or what the top-cornerstones are - can now be applied onto everything. Although, if this is
the end - we would here maybe wanna be careful about what goes into the corners. Else however - I think there is also something of a 'swingback' -
as - some weight located in the top room that adds to the 'consequence=origin' loop.
I mean ... in general ... there is too much going on all of a sudden.
But - to now move away from that and towards my inner paradise for instance, well ... I get to the point that I would locate that 'bottom temple'
of mind, associated to Megan, at that center tile of the bottom grid, whereby the 'capital' of my paradise now projected onto the middle center,
well ... I wouldn't be redhead anymore, basically, as mostly this 'foundation' is of my spine - or we could conclude ... hmm ... well, I didn't
mean to come here. I mean, the other part of me that ... now found some extended peace in the new amalgamation of r2.4. I guess - it makes perfect
sense to settle it as ... of the box. I mean ... cube. But ... going on this way ... I got to leave it for now.
However it finally comes together - I mean, OK. So, there seems to be some 'counter stance' - an inherant one - and this is given through peace. So,
a side where we can be as 'untouched' by anything. It is within that "clarity" that ... yea, that stands there, ... but, aside of getting dragged into
its context, ... there is the void itself and next to it, that itself as domain. So - just ... peace. This would at first be settled in the top room,
and somehow ooze downward as well. I would still mark the bottom corner stones as vertices of captivity, the top ones were at first some related baggage,
while the 'front face' as painted to the top outside box, left, to the side, were that front 'image self' with a mouth gag. So - to draw a sitting dog
... kindof. That would go as left tile on the top grid, with the center tile being as a portal downward pictured as collar. So the whole 'peace' can
essentially be flooded, I guess, ... so, and in this sense there is now that peace which could build anything it wanted, given that it could. I mean ...
yea, lol ... and that now fortifies another spine that goes with the 'back' - or so, the own introverted existence as 'per se' ... thing ... or even
condition for that peace to have any meaning. The 'lump' now however more aware of itself, ... isolated into a consciousness that now converges through
what we get to in the back - into a fixed mindset. So is there a fixed and an unfixed part ... eh?
...
And I can't fit into a regular schedule because my workflow is inherantly irregular.
So - that is a thing, also solid, less metaphysical or subjective/objective, ... something I would however regard as 'symptom'.
It would however be due to my minds own excess of curiosity or motivation to expand upon [something] - where now the time it takes to do or accomplish
different tasks ... well, is one thing. So, where now a project is differentiated into tasks, where a task is defined as a time-span, that now depending
on the challenge has its own schedule. The or an other thing were that my minds activity is closely related to that. As that my get-uppance and stay-uppance,
well, maybe consider that a throne to the right end of the top room. But so, what my freedom is about is mostly thinking, and anything else a matter of
acting to it. So, writing. So - I can't start, at least, not easily however, to implement some schedule for myself, outside of what I really can't change
at all - because my priority work would interfere with any amount of tasks, and the counter balance I needed would override any 'what else's. So at least
while fate provides me with the corresponding mindset.
Now, with my get-uppance and stay-uppance we might now get to 'whatever' motivation might carry us into some kind of activity outside of our established
realm. I mean, a "de-clarified" 'generality' of some kind.
Well - I guess though ... it makes sense: We can at first void the cube and then add relationships. First comes #1, then there comes #2, or whatever, so as
that Megan however occupies the center beam. In one way. So, where the middle center tile isn't what is built above the 'temple thing' - rather is it a
different reality wherein that wedding consolidates. And #1 would sit on the throne. From establishments of peace however, there is now ... "relationshippal
intimacy" for instance - as well - as an introverted spectrum to each volume possibly ... and whatever I'd 'do' in that volume does in the idea however
kindof flow into the 'back tile' ... .
But now - I realize that the part where I am a slut isn't in there at all. It would be some higher dimensional outer thing, or essentually 'sub' everything.
Though I guess when we get back to the 'color beam' theory, where I got to them ties, there is this 'pink' light - representative of the ties as in refraction
to red in the center - ... well, the ties pretty much correlate to the slut part pretty well.
That however also, for me now however, "stems in" as between the cornerstones - or - as from the ties now that unfolded through the marriage to Monica - so,
the shackles/vortices - visualized in the bottom cornerstones. So - it works for me however as now place to kindof 'capture that light' - where the shackles
themslef were a 'mass' of some kind that refracted from that light, or so: A meaningful foundation to start with. So, because for me, my slutty self attaches
to these shackles. But - its furthermore true throughout; Though, the shackles can I guess be reviewed to be in the beginning of it all, kindof. Though, the
top representation ... thats the 'baggage' I guess.
Well - what may at some point appear as making excuses, could also be compared to smears on a windshield.
Or drawings in the sand.
Though - there is a certain surface to it - like - floating there in-between.
The oder side ...
(its 7 in the morning)
Unfamiliar Familiarity! Thats the term.
I mean, you're possibly wondering - and ... aside of unfamiliar familiarity, there is 'disjointed cognitive evolution' - or as the sloppy fella might say:
denial. Denial is at that point however too strong a word, like, speaking of an avalanche once the first flakes start rolling down.
Well - an avalanche - technically a neat metaphor for this.
As for DCE, ...
(brought to you by fate)
At 2:35 you get a transition into a blue-ish "warp space" with black/red stafish. Thats an image I get when I suffer initial symptoms of DCE, where I mean,
yea - we can see that, we can be aware of it. By 'symptom' I however 'already' mean that we aren't necessarily aware of what we are in denial of. Its
difficult to explain and sounds like pointless bragging - and, technically the bragging part has a second level.
DCE however occurs actually as something we can't ultimately conquer; Or - well, its a part of our minds growth - suggesting that there will always be open
ends. So - what changes it that these ends would at some point be more trivial than speaking of it as denial, although, with a positive attitude it is taken;
And the consequence is ... well ... active denial. Kindof.
But the point is that here, while writing, I get to it ever so often. You might want to compare this to a dungeon in a video-game, where there is a solid
map and treasures hidden throughout the place and I have to somehow get through it, collecting all the loot, ... but ... more accurately should we then
compare it to a dungeon in an MMORPG - like WoW. Not regarding the layout and content, but the gameplay. We might also speak of Final Fantasy, thats maybe
even better. FF as turn based strategy game ... well ... where you're taking side with the CPU to blow out numbers - ... which is actually quite neat and
what 'gives' "Virtual Characters" "Life". I mean - not life in the animate sense. The point is that you would start with base numbers, such as attack and
defense of a character. Keeping it simple - then attack is a value of damage dealt, and defense ... maybe we better keep a damage to health relation.
The point is - in the end it comes down to a mathematical baseline; Where if the damage numbers are random generated we rather speak of potentials than
solid numbers, ... while the more action is involved, the more variables you can manipulate, the more skill comes into play - but the numbers are still
there - and eventually, at some point in you're MMORPG carreer you've noticed that, ... "ran around a corner and ... woopse" - ... so, in reality that is
bad, as in game it is bad. Maybe you come out alive, ... and yea, I guess in real life we also have Levels by experience. I would think of the 'petty'
thief compared to a veteran soldier when confronted by a cop. And, that is even important! I think what we really lack in this world is a deeper meaning
and understanding of time. And effort. As I knew it, I have to put effort into school to then get good grades to then apply for a job to be good at to
then do that job until ... maybe all ends well. That is ... what some parents "even today" would tell their kids; But that just and simply isn't life!
And you may pretend that its better this way; But if not? Think of it - raising our kids with that awareness would give them something they can bring
back into society; Yet another important thing I believe.
Oh yea, to end that, ... "life" thing. The point is that once you start on a mathematical baseline, the picture is one sided and monochrome. Just a line
would be enough. But obviously there is more to the magic of final fantasy than moving around a pixel to make its number larger so it can beat a boss
number; Although thats what it yet technically boils down to - in that sense of defeating bosses. But a simple 'potion' ... or, timing. Like, throw the
antidote before the enemy makes yet another poisonous attack or there-after? One less antidote ... the odds for it to come down to that are slim, ...
? It depends on how many stings the journey takes!
And stings ... well. There are a few things we might want to more specifically specify as 'poison' - relative to some frame. But whatever - to continue;
(At 30 minutes in the video we have another 'starfishe warp' - and there-after some funny ... well, its kindof ... like how our mind looks like at the
basics ... from our own perspective ... right? And so it goes on ... into the strings. Then some Lightshow as when high. Then 'interactivity' or
excitement. And then we get to some whirl with a white ... something floating along ... the "Trojan Horse"? ...)
Or simply ... "micro arrangements" - like, one way of solving internal conflicts is to simply pick an issue by its priorities and move it where it needs
to be. Whatever problems then floated in, float in under that new context - where the tools to work with do actually matter.
But .... there is also the other thing ... like that. For instance, thinking of the past where I argued I had all the time in the world, ... I would get
that 'but echo' saying 'you don't know' - where a problem we have is that we don't know 'the level of advise' - or - if the person giving an advise is
actually capable of properly judging our situation. Which a person that only looks at your financial situation ... doesn't! And you can't ultimately think
in terms of 'grounds you can cover' - the ground to be covered is the individual. Or 'individuality'. Anyway ... the thing is, at level 1 comparison here
the 'real' issue were that some time-frame got pushed upon me; In which I would see that this is bullshit, like, why would you do that? So, we get another
"tunnel thing" - but a bit more complex. But - we rather experience the image as a moment and an emotion - so, where the white thing could be like a spike
maybe. That is in itself substance that doesn't flow with the way you want it, but its there nonetheless.
As for minds flexibility - it would possibly not hurt you to right now do the experiment with God ... to, basically 're-invent' God. You take your word/thought
for God ... and you try to flush it. As ... how you think its right, so, just whack on it or pour it out, ... no? Well, invert it - ... ? Well, put it aside,
then shape an empty thought and think about God. Then take your old word, ... and compare the two. Can you do that?
Take another empty though, ... and this ones like a ... well. What we want is to see that tunnel thing. So, take both thoughts - the new one in the middle,
now ... this is just rhetorical, but next, think about 'the demand of God' - as in the 'downward order/command(ment)'. What you get in the new one should
depend on what you got there. Not even knowledge! Or, ... well, anyhow. What you get in the other is however all sorts of 'worldly influence' - its a word
that you got taught, learned to use, and get told about eventually. And when it gets to "that entities" demand, you would get to all sorts of things, as
potentially represented by a body of priests.
As the thing with gnosis goes, the main reason why I aimed for an 'as neutral' placement of the logic isn't because of this awareness here, but so ... neutrality
has it that ... this 'demand of God' thing ... It is ... now ... at the bottom of my convinction, that the will of God can only best be experienced personally.
At 57 minutes, we got some weird abstract ... we might call it a 'harmonic fusion'. At 43 seconds we end the 'Love thing' - with a cool something ... and that
cool something - you possibly know it - is a hint of the force. Now, imagine that to take a more concrete shape, to actually draw buildings - outlines that
react to your sensory array.
1:05:50 ... anyone read Genesis? ...
... well ... pretty ... cool! The ending to that!
Anyway ... it just happened again - and I won't even mention it. Its like ... Antichamber. Sometimes you get into a room full of planes that lead into hallways;
Thoughts basically; And I should start ignoring certain pathways ... uhm, oh yea ... Antichamber ... great game! And that eventually will lead to DCE. Disjointed
Cognitive Evolution.
And yea - the only way we can really be sure of a totally unbiased mindset, is if we had a way ... it would have to be some mirror copy of our mindset - while
... using some kind of "Magic" to make the rest work out from there. Kindof. I mean ... in other words is it now pretty much guaranteed that we will run into
conflicts while we're using "unclean thoughts". Maybe mostly however due to the emotional bias. But it is there nonetheless - and effectively, in order to overcome
it, one has to trace the own problems to their roots. I mean - if you can just 'tuck it away' then thats fine - but eventually ... you can't just easily tuck
an engaged fire-hose ... into your pants ... sotospeak.
So - the thing is that there were a problem that had to be solved ... where, if you only tuck it away, you won't solve it. You can tuck a fire-hose into your pants
so - but ... I'll ... spare you the details.
...
'Conscious riffles' can be compared to knits - and it is now thought that extrapolates them into images. And so do some thoughts have the property of being "mind
bending" - as we would call it. I guess at one point you'll see the alternatives and from that alone would think again ... about how ignorant you were. What I'm
getting at - if you would know things any better, would you do any better? How different are we? All that jazz. ... [] ... and we're here.
By now I sense a more even 50:50 balance thing unfolding; And as of my kinks ... they are kindof ... growing back. And for the death part - maybe it so stands that
in aeons and aeons to come I would ... get to the bottom of it - and that then would be as though today was just yesterday ... maybe. Though Aeons and Aeons of
time ... well ... I must say ... I did kindof loose some relation to time. Not as part in this world though. I mean - kindof. Its ... floaty. I have a sub-character
within me thats a bit strange though; And it is very conscious of time, but not really very ... attached to it. But I mean ... as for my sense of being ... its ...
in union with coming to the 'fundamental peace' - at first, from where on - you wouldn't even notice it at first, except, think of your identity in terms of the
'Unholy Snap' - I mean, when God just 'snapped' the physical world out of existence, as of which everyone were 'dead' - next to which things would go as sorted in
for cases of decay. I do have that really strong ... "sensation", more like a bottom rock ... period ... thing of even an underlying understanding that I'd be still
alive in that case. So - to the point ... thats what I would metaphorize as "being adjointed to the true divine". The 'true divine' is in that case the big guy on
top - that 'did the snap' - (dao pow ... no, thats a bit too far) - well. Anyway ... the idea is to just think of this 'highest foundation/level' of life. And to
understand more about what we are to God, I understand that there is nobody but us that were like God! So yea - we may have super high Dimension-X style greater
potentials - ... though, its the same thing in the end. Life.
And thats where this peace comes in that settles at the 'gravitational center/root' of it all - where time becomes ... irrelevant. Kindof. There is the reality of
'where the now comes into play' - thats where time ticks - but it is also only a vessel for the higher self to transpire.
Now - this ... "transpiration" ... no, that 'higher self' ... when imagined in 'reality' now were just some |"disco orb"| flickering through life - eventually
building bubbles of 'grand vision' ... that collapse back into sparkles up unto the next bubble. Well, for the disco orb effect you'd need to be drugged
though.
What I realize in that 'spine thing' ... I guess this is evolution happening ... which you would eventually get to as well. What I mean is that here I now have
what we might call a 'convergent fusion'. Thats when two things stick together as though they've been made for one another. Which, uhm, is something that may
be the reason for such things to happen in first place. But ... what I got as 'my spine' now takes on the obvious ... seal 1 ... while this however is now only
a conscious recreation of something going on anyhow already ... where the point I wanted to get to ... Consciousness finally and obviously rules whats going on.
So, whatever our 'pre-conditions' are, we can setup our mind to adjust. Adjustment then however brings in efforts, which is where the 'pre-conditions' come in
as forces that now bash against the structure. These efforts then bring in demands, which we eventually develop and ... that is how we end up laying the foundation
for conflicts to come. So, there is a knit along a supposedly endless line ... that now eventually comes swinging back as a circle. Two, if we want to account for
"the other side". Eventually, so I assume, we are 'full' - and therefore grow into a new layer. And in that way we eventually come to build up more and more
complicated tensions. But complicated is at some point good, because an adaptation to it ... is the new simple. So, we get to denial for instance. Denial at its
base ... is like ... steering. By shutting your mind off to something, you kindof control the flow of your mind through space. You can however also 'focus'.
In the end however that accumulates into feeling. So, to say, we ignorantly step aside, create an idea, let it grow, and have it as counter-weight to those
tensions. "Grounding". Like, ironing a shirt or pants. Or, whatever. And I guess, if we think of 'being like children' in this sense - we can see an analogy
to ... folds. ...
Or, by an analogy of folds we can come to the idea that this is what 'being like children' would be - if there were a way ... while, the good would naturally
be that then we don't have to worry about our past anymore. Anyway. To get back to the evolution bit. Each, the spine and the seal, were at first two separate
things. Well - as separate as my left and my right hand. Not like items I hold in them. So, still part of the same thing, but ... separate. You could imagine two
beans - each resembling one of the two - while the line drawn between them is effectively myself. Now - the question for how things tie together here and there,
that leads at some point to 'this' point - that the real center is the void between. So - when I get to speak of my most fundamental impressions of the force,
regarding my identity, that would be a dot opening up into a bean, so, being in the middle of the incurved side of a bean. (Kidney).
What really happens through unification is I guess that God then enhances our 'foundation' to a point that our mind is bending relative to it - towards a higher
degree of social bonding.
And sigh, I always get that - ... I have to emphasize that 'bonding' here is supposed to be taken as 'loosely' - as loose as that we could also call it a higher
degree of social loosening. Equilibrium. I mean, taking the idea of what this bonding is supposed to mean to any tight definition would be inherantly pointless
as counterproductive - at first at least - because the 'fundamental self' of the individual exists 'prior to' any social idea.
(brought to you by fate)
Here at 18:00 we got something that made me think of 'the impact of Gods influence' - where for once physical reality is an isolated system, where God is no
part of the equasion, but ... God factors in through what God is doing, ... and so there are riffles. Then we get to the particles, where God in each particle
as around each particle, links everything to everything else - and creates the 'higher-archy' - that eventually fades into 'the frontier' - which is where we
can be taken to 'see' the end of what we can see.
Whereof God in a sense is us - if we let God ... and I got to this point not only by not looking at certain things, but also specifically looking at certain
things - ... or not ... (31:19). Lets call that 'blank baseline' - as diffuse noise to replace the foundations. Works, but if anything shows from it other
than 'diffuse noise' - its again the foundations. And I think that doing art with God is like ... taking God into the picture ... calling God a buddy and
... becomes visible through us ... to us.
Uhm ... too metaphysical?
Well - ... The thing is, when Gods will kicks in ... most of the worries ... I mean, ... there is nothing you have to do for it - after you have received it!
Well, where I would say that you thereby allow God to steer you against your will - to ensure nothing bad to come from you - but - it isn't really right. But ...
its near to the expression of ... ah, anyway.
So - back to the beans. So, there we had these 'specific' dots - which now have to be seen as partly in the bean and partly outside of it. Thats to say, well,
no matter how much the individual 'surrounds' itself with an identity - maybe considering 'immersion' as an exclusivity there - there is always a part of it
that is "behind" the face ... so, the mind, alias the void. The more 'pressure' there is on it - and this pressure ultimately stems from self-awareness -
the smaller and therefore concise the "background" gets - until it all eventually squeeses out back to us - where truth outside as inside equals success, I
guess. I mean, so, we get to compact ... "dense spots". The spine, the first seal. They do, as described, come together - but - that has somehow been clear
before but - so its evidently not enough to describe what I mean. It is the 'front-line' that matters, that where the force is at. Like, think of it as a wave
front that ultimately has to come down to some 'central/final point/node' - or not, but it does - eventually. So, mind thereby transgresses through different
stages - and knowing the right words in the beginning does a lot of the trick to it!
So, what I mean is - if you can place your decisions with meaning and identity - as sincere as it gets - you're placing words there. So, when I say that if I
were totally free, like poof, and all the so far established things wouldn't matter anymore - I would choose to stick with/to Monica; And that by well knowing
that it is an option that I have. That is something important too. I would ... 58:00 >> (15) ... speak of a Membrane ... like, boundaries we make for
ourselves - that effect us therefore where we wouldn't expect them. My certainty regarding my will to stick with Monica, is ultimately confronted by the Potentials
of it not being an option. This 'crack' effectively starts with "what does she want?" - joining the simple 'what if its the best thing to part?' - but at
that point not thinking of an actual answer as the motion of the thought itself therein establishes the possibility - as cornerstone further deepening that crack.
So - the substance of the stone - to put that crack into relation - were now a matter of how much weight there is to these particles - for, as they only occur or
matter in my mind - they're barely even there. So, lets say ... 12 weeks ... maybe ... of interaction ... that would then be a whole lot of experiences that then
compare to that - where there is a 'hope' ... or ... wishful thinking ... a dynamic between the two ... - which is an essential part of this relationship at this
stage. So, I was in the mindset, ... where I was sure ... I mean ... I was 'transpiring' around a mindset wherein I had this established idea of my relationship
with her - while on the other hand still transpiring around that doubt. Now that I cast further Light into it - so, I report on something new; And by recounting
I re-live and therefore enhance the moment. Kindof.
So, that doubt furthermore - it gains its own weight and momentum - but whatever it holds on to is the idea of a chance - though ... well, so denial comes into
place. Denial can at that be the 'consequence' of a decision - where the decision itself is now happening somewhere in the whole, where an idea is igniting the
rest of the mind to go with it. But so do 'arguments' back and forth also often 'miss the point'. The ones argument is now regarding a "field of shutters"
that come from somewhere else, as does the other in return.
What happened then? Do the two things relate? Possibly. However, ... (1:30:00 - 'the' However ... ;) ) ... uhm, but oh yea ... right! The ... so, ultimately
however there is this 'break' of that membrane - but - if you had the same situation you couldn't just go and punctuate it. You'd have to undo the things
that made it - but - the dillemma is ... that they're there for a reason.
Something about advise: First thing I may have to note there is that I've usually been really bad at taking advise. But - technically - stories from Gaming ...
(Day 9 is always right! ;))
... or everyday life stuff - ... well, lets take Destiny in specific. To push it ... perhaps Street Fighter? Well, Street Fighter is crazy in that regard. So I
have to simplify it - and for that we can take Final Fantasy XV. In FFXV the player has the ability to 'block' enemy attacks - and then you 'can' execute a counter
move. So, you'll see an enemy attacking, you hit 'block' - it goes into an animation - then you hit 'counter' and so you turn it around. Sounds easy, isn't too
hard, ... where, street fighter has similar moves; And some aren't as easy as it would sound. What I'm getting at? Oh, well ... the 'instruction' for how to do it
is the advise - and your ability to take it would allow you to execute that instruction properly. Obviously in a game you would want multiple tries - but that
would beat the point. In that sense, Street Fighter is basically super-charged with super-complicated super-high-end crazy ... ... I mean, in essence it is the
"Super nonsensical BS Simulator" when it gets to ... I mean, executing high end stuff, you'll have to have timing ... like ... you have no idea. And it doesn't
mean you have to have fast input - you have to do it right ... which isn't an advise but just a fact. The point is that ... OK, I shouldn't waste too much time
here. So - comparing Street Fighter to Destiny in regards to this item.
So - Destiny is some Multiplayer Online Space Warrior game, lets put it that way. If you wanna follow up the experience by picking up a game; Maybe try Warframe.
Its pretty much the same ... and not a lot would argue its worse than Destiny ;) ... and if we can exclude the shooter aspect of Destiny, then Warframe just is
the superior title for me so far ... haven't seen a raid yet though.
Anyway ... so, in Destiny you have Checkpoints within raids ... which means that you'll find people who have a checkpoint at some boss - and as a noob you first of
all wanna know the Boss Mechanics - and so then it begins. You're in some boss room, the boss not yet triggered ... like, lets take Oryx. So, first people will jump
around trying to tell you what you got to do - eventually you'll accidentally trigger the boss, wipe #1. I haven't met anybody who understood things the first time.
So, no need to compare it to Street Fighter. The same thing projected onto Street Fighter however - you could compare a good strategy or gameplan to a successful
raid. So, the player has to have a lot of experience, so some of the crazy combos or setups or whatever the hell ... you have to imagine that as 'sandbox comboing'.
It means, the creators didn't have to think about Combos - not each and everyone at least. What can be done depends on the timings on each move. If you wanna learn
some combo - essentially you're like in a raid - at the beginning; And you have to break the sequence down into things you can digest. And once you got the stuff
down in training, you also yet have to learn how to use it in battle. There you can't ask the enemy to stop because you wanna do this combo now. So you have to
have the sequence integrated into yourself so it will come out in time. Which is just 'the (ultra) hard work' of mastery.
Learning how to contribute to defeating Oryx in Destiny ... did you remember that Oryx is a Destiny Character? A lot of information slips through, or you simply
lack the visceral experience to connect one thing to the other. Like, ... those knights in that Oryx encounter. In hard mode, there are 3 people who got to
stand on platforms, ... and their goal is to kill certain ogers. Thereafter, in hard mode, Knights will spawn that they have to kill too. Not so hard - OK, but
... in the heat of battle, some people forget. I mean, you have been told where the Knight would come, but with all the action going on around and your sweat
over killing that Oger and what not ... then everything shooting at you ... you might forget, well, that there was something. On the other hand, if you've been
there more often already, you know the situation - and you even can start to help others. Like, taking down that knight or whatever.
Now, after this lengthy and somewhat pointless rambling - Advise is similar. Well ... much of the previous rambling was basically about 'sequences' - and advise
is no different - though, the sequence itself would rather be called life. And life can be like Destiny, where most of the time you got nothing extra-ordinary
and every now and again some stuff to learn or grind for; Or it can be like Street Fighter, full of semi-transparent situations.
The mood or mindset that we have when getting into a game or situation is important too. Prejudice is the big thing; But this time prejudice in the very specific
bad sense. Like ... if I made an example starting with a specific game; The game itself were subject to your prejudice - so that you wouldn't believe no matter
what, that it could be good or bad. But thats not what I mean. We can take so an arbitrary game - one you would enjoy (thats important too) - and yet you'd be
forced to play it. You wouldn't like the situation; Thought the entire excercise for stupid and started to play the game - ... hmm, I might wanna ... well, I
wanna rethink this - based on what I think studies should reflect on that matter.
The thing is, eventually you'll come to enjoy a game you didn't think you would - however 'after' you began to embrace its features. And a game you wouldn't
enjoy would do the same - just - what you find in the end doesn't really entertain you all that much!
Which is where my most likely still 'wobbly' ... yea man, I'm ... thats another topic ... "super vision" comes into play. I so come to think of a game I didn't
play or a movie I didn't see - and wonder, should I even invest the time of seriously thinking about it (yea, lol!) - where, I make a 'quick scan' - and see,
yea, ... where, I have to learn that I should wind down my expectations as about how long a game will be fun and what it means all in all. However, ... background
noise. It eventually turns out that thinking this way isn't even important. I'm not in a lifestyle where I have to expect always and only playing new games. Or
being up to date. So, eventually I get the chance to play this or that - and what I got on my radar is what I got there. And to me personally it sucks to not know
what to fill the time with - which is a fact perpenducular to the other fact which is that I shouldn't worry too much about it!
(brought to you by fate)
43:00: At first we got that 'apple'. That is a very generic 'form' you'll encounter from clarity onward. We might also call it 'hub logic', that every idea
also has an environment; Which is full of stuff; And each of that stuff is also an idea. There-after we get to those lightings - and that is yet another
very generic thing; As it kindof represents the 'fizzling' of mind as an idea does or doesn't come together. Like ... I was just wondering about what to write
next - how to continue the meaning of what I have written - making sense of what I had on my mind - ... and is a close relative to the general idea of
'fluid thinking' - or 'fluidity of thoughts'.
So, where was I?
Uhm ... I know there was a segway back to the old topic somewhere. Well - ... anyhow.
What I mean by 'embracing its features' is that if your exposed to a game, you first start to connect your thoughts with its reality. To my warframe is pretty
familiar by now already - and I guess you need a chill mindset to really get into it. If you got hyped for it; And you wanna play, ... or whatver ... you might
get stomped by its ... well, ... depth. Though, effectively its really good advise to just play at first and not spend any platinum!
You'll first really need it when it gets to unlocking a Warframes full potential - while you get enough for that - and another one, or one polarization chip. And
I guess that is key knowledge to really get to the bottom of what to really know about Warframe. Up front. That because you'll have a 'natural' eye open - so,
you'll then find what I mean and then know ... 'aha'.
On another note: The best way for me right now to describe why I think Warframe is better than Destiny right now is that Warframe has a Layer of Fun that Destiny
doesn't have - which is the Warframe. And - I would at this point also like to further ramble about Destiny. The perk system that Destiny has is so that each
item (weapons and armor) you get - like the class focus - has a fixed set of parks ordered in columns - and the only choice you get is between the few on them, so,
one perk per column. ... - where in Warframe you have 'mods', which work like cards in a collectible card game that you place on your weapons and frames. The two
could in that not be more different. Now - the thought that often occurs in games/scenarios/situations like that is 'viability'. Like, does a certain mod on a
certain thing make sense? It all narrows down to what we have in Destiny - in a few options of which some are better than the others; Which is then the same
game, but on a different level. And yea - in some sense Destiny is in that more like "true endgame" - though because weapons and armor get random perks - that is
a whole different story/universe of ideas. Which means - I wouldn't discard Destiny over Warframe just like that. But on the other hand; Weirdly enough - and I
get that a lot - what I had on mind for Destiny would pretty much be Warframe, ... so - ... though then in terms of Warframe ... well, ... its nothing, really.
I was basically thinking of Warframe. And while thinking of it - MoA ... well, no, "the other MoA" - or ... there is that, it happens from time to time, ...
or happened ... that I had the idea for some really awesome game, ... a thought that kindof co-evolved to my ideas about MoA - ... - it was awesome gameplay
wise, but not MoA. Hard to explain ... maybe. I would think that its some kind of ... weird cosmic Law thing ... but eventually it does go not as far or further
than that - speaking of the Antichrist.
It really got me while I was playing FFXV, that they really named that ... what many ... simply call "Road Trip feeling" - and I can't really find a better word
for it either. But I think I can explain it. In essence you should play the game like that: You primarily focus on the plot; So, also watch Kingsglaive and
Brotherhood first - until you got a sense of an idea of what kindof world you're in. But ... only advance with the plot when you think its time. But - you mustn't
loiter around for too long. So, essencially you get somewhere, have your fun roaming around, until duty calls. Near to the end of the first part you get into a
bottle-neck. The game tells you that there is no turning back; But ... essentially you can still roam around until you get onto the boat. Though, past a certain
point everything would be kindof a detour - and aside of the ones you have to take there isn't too much space. If you do it right; You'll be rewarded with
"in plot-ness" ... I mean. So, once the game tells you that a few days have passed, you should still have a few things you'd want to do - or might, or have to -
so, to make those days pass in-game. The game is that you don't wanna drain the fun - but you also want to have enough resources to make it through the game without
game over. And un-necessary grinding. And so the fun-curve is evening out once you get to the point where you have enough of everything. So, that being the thing;
Forget most of what I just said.
But, oh yea. The way the game works in terms of night-and day; That adds another Layer of depth to it. And as it gets to that Level of nuance I remember - yea -
what got me was that I only had a hunch, as of the idea - and basically would have realized it differently - and so - I ... guess I saw something - but experienced
it as my own. ... ... but anyway. So this "other game" I had on mind - it was more just an occasional - thing on my mind - like ... some other thing I get from
time to time. As though someone needed confirmation on a thing - and I get asked these questions, like, how I would do a thing ... in my head that is. Though IRL,
well yea ... there are some people that are kindof or kindof not interested in my oppinion. I might say 'suspiciously' ... but ... asking for oppinions is a way
of also just communicating IRL - I mean - aside of just shouting and yelling about how much everything sucks.
And well - I guess writing like this also kindof gets me into an over-oppinionation ... as writing isn't really a two-sided thing, ... I mean ... the paper and
the pen don't talk back!
25:00: Random Flashiness. Or maybe it works in some other context.
(brought to you by fate)
But anyhow ... that was entirely aside the point.
Now we got to ... jump a bit.
The point is - advise isn't really useful to anybody, if that person hasn't the base yet. A person would be lucky to remember given advise once recalling it - and
that is basically why we want to give good advise - to hopefully be of any help. And so is that Membrane thing. And we can't possibly hope to achieve peace by
ourselves ... not without major sacrifices.
I guess I can now say that I know that for a fact; As I would however have to start and say: It does in deed seem like the Antichrist repented! And what happened?
He received a lot of gifts! Well, eventually there came the point where the overwhelming positivity had to be dampened a bit, but in terms of sacrifices or
retaliation or anything like that, that has been enough. Well - its not like those words mean anything - or 'should' mean anything - within Unification, because
they're entirely useless. That is what forgiving is about. Which is another thing I can now tell a few more things for a fact. We'll get to that. Or, the next
thing? I ... so, ... the thing is: I thought about it, but eventually found myself in a stance of having a hard time to forgive the Antichrist - even just thinking
about it made me all ... upset and mad ... about even thinking about it. I mean - I wanted to. So - in my 'idea' - I sorted him out as, well, maybe a tinkerer.
Just being peaceful having a hobby - and that in some remote place I wouldn't ... well - I didn't mean it ... but I did. I mean, pronouncing it makes it sound a lot
harder - which is the same as once you did something 'stupid' and anyone starts talking about it. My 'objections' to him could be described as an eternal line - as
we had before - that would form a circle when moved to the side. Yet - there is a 'broader' line - which is a straight line wherein there is a line that can bend -
not bending the larger one until it bends too much. So, a straight objection while every now and again ever so slightly thinking about it - usually in context to
things ... like ... big scale things when being as general as to exclude nobody.
49:00: It starts with ... some fractal ... and then goes into that 'binary domain' thing - which is like a bridge I think between two worlds - usually extending into
a 2 Dimensional 'fundamental environment'.
Anyhow - By now ... OK ... well, by now its again different. Well - now things are about to get into normality again; And thats really a thing I never thought that
he could actually handle. And that so because of things - his ways - where, he's a bit like a nuke. First he generates attraction and then goes off once people don't
really follow him on foot. And he had a way of not understanding whats wrong about it. Or something. However - from time to time I had to admit that somewhere
therein there's a good person - but really in a way that ... doesn't seem like there's 'a' good person at all. Eventually those sides are things he didn't even know
of, while those he knew of would certainly be things everyone would have to know about - ... - thus making them bad in return. But ... now, based on what I've
written so far ... the facts can be so much more awesome than the theory. I mean - now - imagine all that badness were just removed. OK, that is now the hairy part?
Well - it should be some far be established at this point, that we need to have some inner willingness to comply - for it all to work. That could be a long way;
But it can also be a relatively short one. Depending on how you look at it. Anyway ... [1:01:28 : 'breath-holding a thought'] ... around that inner willingness
now, all the good pieces assemble - and then that one is an entirely likable person. But it is also said - well, so, that was the bit on forgiveness, and now we're
moving on - that these 'absolutisms' don't remove the past. Which is true in the sense that the person still remembers its past - the entirety of his mind is still
there of course - and its presence is gonna matter. Thats true for him as it is true for me - and so ... whats gonna happen? Or is happening?
Well, if we looked just beyond that and moved on - we ... well - should be doing as we're supposed to be doing. But so we would 'jump ahead' in our relationship,
... and while it sounds nice to just burry all the old feelings away, ... that is a story of ... random fate. I - as unified person - couldn't go well with it
because I realize how much I'd have to abstract my mind to fit into that and, ... what the ..., ... no way! Whaaat?
See - what 'influenced' or 'manipulated' me - so far, is in first place this 'new him' - this person that he now effectively is. Which is now one thought ... amongst
a whole lot of basically negative ones - and the chain reaction only went 'so far' ... until things then settled in some way. The thing is - I got 'one' picture
out of a whole ... maybe box full of pictures ... where there is a Light. And all pictures together make my 'whole' picture. So - I for instance get these fealings
of lashing out for him - maybe because of desire, but more like with claws out. On the other end I get that he has his way of belitteling or inwardly ridiculing
me - I mean ... there is a whole lot of awkward stuff going on - though - once these emotions effectively meet, there's like a wall of glass between them. This is
our 'now' so called 'outer self' - that what we see of each other as outward. Which ... may be special - or, while it is there, its there for a reason. I mean,
my intellect now relates positively to him - as that new person that he is, but the emotional chaos is still there. Emotions connect to thoughts - and well, its
just weird. And thats the other thing - being somehow positive with each other could go wrong in so many ways.
Its now a side-effect of being inherantly setup to be free, that we now can react to sudden events - I mean, that we can align - as in our mind. The thing that you
grow your own understanding based on giving it up to God - it means that you ultimately have a more safe to say side and a less safe to say side - where now the
convinction you assembled is that which comes over time through repeated confirmation. So - aside of speaking of fixed structures; As in my case - they are far
from being 'solid' - as in terms of 'socially active'. But so we're flexible - ...
So - I have to however ... so I see it ... simply ... kindof return back to my old self; Which ... means that ... I have to get back to my old life and look forward
to welcoming him at some point; And he would pretty much do the same. I mean - bridges aren't crossed in an instant!
Thereby I see it as established that we also have a "Unit Size" ... and a 'Meta Unit-Size' I guess ... to say, in terms of Unification he's still young; And kindof
as a child that had a troubled birth. Which makes him kindof like a Baby ... and 'we' are not the ones to take care of him. Or welcome him. The point though would
be that I can't resist the 'true feelings'. This mindset I have now ... that is ... basically his problem. And this mindset ... well, it is supposed to be his
bitch. And thats what it is. Yet the story is - or would be - that he can't have it just yet!
While inwardly everyone is already setup to take me that way ... he specifically isn't the center of my life or world; ... and more things like that can or have to
be said at some point. But I know that I ... and bla bla ... usual rhetorics of respect presuming a base of mutual pre-sympathic relationship ... lalala ... uhm,
... I think I can assume, as safe to say, that he and I are on the same page now - in terms of certain basics that just run down that everyone did in some way
have some weird angle to at first - so, I can be hard in expressing my detachment from him - while the truth on the other side of the coin speaks for itself.
But yea ... it is then not quite that simple - as God does not 'freeze' everything into perfect conditions. And so it is yet true that at some point this relationship
is my baseline ... actually so much that the thing with Monica on the other side ... however resembles the 'outer void'. It is somewhat harder right now to connect
to the feelings of my true self - and moving Monica into r2.1 doesn't work ... as ... the unfolding of her within r2.4 for once supercedes it ... while, thereby
emphasizing how detremental it would be - as to not have some 'outer world' - which is however somewhere in that void. Thereby I relate to a world at some point,
wherein the Antichrist ... well, would be as a smurf to me. In essence the idea is that he is at first confined to a given space, in terms of growth, ... as
micro-entity, ... -... as my fun in my world and life is about my control upon things - where yea - thats another side of my spine. So - I do like clear boundaries;
But none of them is actually ... I mean ... I like em big, I like em fat, ... and certainly I do like penetration.
There then were a way of us growing together; So - all the possibilities can be open - ... - and I guess ... changes based on repentence are finally a good way to
look at forgiving 'after' there is no more sin. So, ... we stick to our ways until some repentence sets in.
The point is - this intimacy doesn't grow ... without intimacy. Even if there were some big orgy - I mean, that could even have the opposite effect in that ...
well ... yea, it might be nice - ... I usually don't like party. So, this isn't about ... - I mean, ... Intimately that would be certainly disruptive - as it were
a kindof social event. And a good fuck on the other end is a good fuck - but one cock can only fill so much.
Well, life is still complicated - but without the problems!
However - I'm entitled to call this an end now!
Burrowed Deeply
by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2017.01.09 - 03:51