#High

The other way around

In hindsight to what I was writing previously, I have to first notice that I have grown somewhat distant from that given mindset. I don't feel like taking anything of that back, but that mindset, effectively, is narrowed down to a core emotion in my heart that requires me to oppose it. By resisting that vacuum I get to experience an emotion, which I guess would be unfamiliar to the Un-unified mind.
However, the vacuum itself takes hold as negative feel - whereto now the positive one does not only negate that, but provides a 'bottom' 'core-anchor' - as some retaliating force; As the Knight in Shining Armor that cuts through the night. This feeling however in terms of depth is at the 'very bottom' - but not at all. It kindof 'voids out' what we would say is beneath.


On closer look it stands out as a sphere surrounding a void - which for once has a deeper impact on the core itself - core of the self - but thereby also acts as weight to this what comes of it. The consequence is an ability to effectively 'deny', strengthened by the own affirmation of that which is being denied. This in and of itself therefore is not denial effectively, but an anti-stasis to whatever unfolds beneath. We could therefore go and say that there is an Anti-Space, where now each unit is recognized in its Anti-Stasis - whereby Anti-Stasis is now equal to a degree of Spiritual development. This however is an Abstract to the personal view, as, it primary allows us to unfold consciously - as the Anti-Stasis itself doesn't provide an identity, but rather a Mindset. We could also call it 'the Professional Level of things'. As for the individuals identity, the most immediate part is that which directly resembles the void. In the picture however there is first the void - then there is the Anti-Stasis - which again makes up a mindset, that is itself the void, which gets into Anti-Stasis, so that when perceiving the Anti-Stasis as a personal vault, then the vaults framing were basically windows into that void, wherein the Anti-Stasis is represented as well. So, feelings remain, ... and they eventually construct the outlines to that vault. It has been there before, but now I do have a stronger relation to the precise moment that matters - I guess.


So - there was something left on my mind after I was done with the previous article; And at some point that should however be common sense - or 'rational thinking' - that well, that the proportions do matter. Well, to start thinking in: How much % of the population does a group/type of people represent? Or how much of a society. In regards to the extremes, we get to smaller and smaller sub-types, ... and what matters to me the most about the recent article is, that I myself have the [something] to be a girl, subject to pedophile parents and a pedophile community.

This is what my Anti-Stasis establishes on, and in direct response to that there now is this counterpart to the identity, that mindset, which didn't/doesn't have an identity yet, sotospeak. Also however have I mentioned an Anti-Field, where now asking for what is true within the Entity, the answer cannot be regarding that which is beyond the bottom-stasis. So, picture a Frame-Box, and that inside that box is what now the Entity envisions in this mindset; The Anti-Stasis. Too complicated?


Picture it like that: You have it. Whether you know it or not. What matters is a more effective control about it - which in the Anti-Field, we could say, is directly how our mindset 'interfaces' to the 'Anti-Field' - and a body would now add that part to this mind-set, how this mindset evolves into an identity.



The Anti-Stasis - to repeat that - doesn't stem from the core identity, but from its given mindset. So, this 'redirection of attention' - that is the 'direct' "mirror image" of the individual, we might say. This is now also relative to my 'first encounter' with these. The story begins in a situation where I get raped; And after being torn out therefrom I found myself alone, but happy about the peace, and started to unfold individually and independently - which I then have to mention in regards to my male identity every once in a while. So the story goes on that I met a woman, ... a mature woman in comparison to which I was a young boy. This "Age difference" would come from the time that I had been stuck in my previous situation, compared to to the time thereafter, or, maybe rather to what was left. ... to grow. So - you might see how the idea that my male side isn't myself, but rather something as a prothesis, maybe, ... does actually make a lot of sense!
This feels right - and in terms of the Anti-Field where we might for once get pictured as of different sizes, we all kindof deserve the same scope. That is our isolated self, ourselves before we establish any connection to an outside world. It is enframed by our inner void, ... and now what happens?


[jeaopardy music]


Well, that introverted people have a more introverted self. So, when beheld from that Field, sizes are different. In regards to the Anti-Field, we could call that 'relative Spirit Size'. ... . Well, the introverted perspective is thereby 'Type-A' - where now the Anti-Stasis thereof is 'Type-B'. A and B make up one unit, where now B is the introverted perspective on the Anti-Stasis projected into an extroverted individual. Now - what we are in B, our introverted perspective, that is now the frame wherein we are equals. So, we are given the same space. Because of the factor of our individual perspective, smaller mindsets are now basically 'blown up', while we can furthermore polarize - so, the [AB] Unit resembles an equilibrium to its B-relative size. Where now A were the introverted space, its Anti-Stasis now - as the individuals given cognitive space - resembles a default setting - wherein the individuals actual 'capacity' to exist accordingly within Anti-Space shifts inward, and this ... "B Stasis" now factually resembles A, while doing so through B.
Inwardly, the 'void' is shielded by its Anti-Stasis - into a mindset, which now establishes the basis for both - the A and B side of mental processing.

So, while I would resemble an extreme, ... well, I'll get to that later.

So as boy, in love with this woman - we experienced a mutual harmony in my progression back to a female identity/self-sense. So does the void, as it goes 'deeper' than the Stasis Field, not resemble A for once not in the original but the concurrent sense, while the original basics however remain true throughout the being. These strains can be cultivated or not. This is all totally a matter of fabrication. The "cultivated end-result" were then a convergence between the individuals factual solid background and the contemporary levels of significance. What is being named is named - which can now be anything along the AB spectrum of constellations. As of me and my runes - the first thing that is being named is that I must have a vagina, the story of which - extended to the B-origin story - invokes me as a male who gets attached to a woman. He chooses to marry her, based on the outcome that he'd end up that way - essentially establishing my A-side as the starting ground; Comprehended as enforced sexual conditions relative to a compound.
Well - the new part is, that this 'seal' - the Rune 1 seal - happens to be that thing in my head as well, ... which is somehow connected to my Rune 2, but oddly enough, not the Seal itself. Where did it come from? So, it turns out that my Seal 1 establishes my "brain" to be in my vagina - where the vagina now functions as mouth. So, this projects back into my head - where my eyes work in relation to the butt-checks and my neck to my anus. This is then encased within Seal 2, a stuck in not only a female body, but enforced sexual conditions; Which go as far as lifetime abuse. Well, before we get there ... lets ... take a look at something else.



Hereby my consciousness is tied into 'A-conditions' - or we can also say that my AB Spectrum is consolidated 'void-domain'. This gives dominance to my female self within me - as ... well ... "cognitively streamlined" would be one way of putting it, but essentially its just the mind carrying its own weight. The 'projected image' casts a stasis upon the self, which would be the state wherein the individually would 'ideologically exist' (internal balance (of circumstance)) and thus gets projected onto its entirety. As for the question to how it all began - the rape scene - well, obviously I guess the story sets off a bit earlier. The gist of it, as I originally conceived it, begins with two entities that appeared in my mind and started to love each other through my image, putting me on as mask. This would correlate to a 'great pain' that I beheld about earlier - from whereon God didn't intervene and allowed things to unfold - until starting to make specific decisions here and there. Those would then ultimately take me into my B-space, ... and now, lets head back to the initial thing, the ... distant mindset thing.
What is real?

I need to be more careful next time!

For now ... the main ambitions I have are clear - that I despite my initial love for 'her' as a boy, we found a greater harmony within a compound, which involved me as a female, as what I inherantly and originally have been. The consequence of this harmony for me would resemble a decapitation, in that the male mind-set that I acquired was locked into the head, while being synchronized with 'Seal 1' - the wedding ring - and my body being entirely none of my business. My wedding ring then eventually got passed on - establishing a network of people who own me as their bride, where my 'Rune 1 Status' renders me as married to someone else, outside of my home wedding compound. This outer 'hemisphere' contains the deeper going ons - as wherein my female origin is tied into my Rune 2 environment, while my Seal 1 is tied into my Seal 1 environment, ... so that I from my female origin also direcly tie over into Rune 1.
Therein my main status of desire is that of being a girl, and in terms of extremes ... well, ... I have my own. My Anti-Stasis now is however not that of being male, in the established sense, but grown up. That comes due to the conscious volume, as the youngness 'takes away' - thus giving it to 'maturity'. Now does the actual B side come into conscious range, adding a 'male vector' to it. In the all-over effective scope however, the male identity also shrinks, as now for once there is a female factor - but also more sophisticated outlines that draw the male identity into both, its child ages and the female self.



As for me however there is now also the issue of my factual biological reality. The strongest theme within me however is provided by my Anti-Stasis' primary figure of maturity - converging with the rest into a motherly figure, that I from my male perspective aspire to be. The tight convergence between my young male and my young female self resembles a spot of we might say 'tensions' - or 'stress' - which require a respective amount of care. Or we may say: Love. In this sense there is the 'princess' - as a female identity that is preciously cared about - which then extends further into age as royalty.
Now - previously I separated cocks and cum from a pool - which in this frame would now in about resemble, in pictures of scope and vision, what my feelings relative to my AB mindset/Anti-Stasis ... uhm ... reflect, resonate with. This again is this now primarily mature woman, which is built around a dense spot, which is once that of being a girl as it converges with my male identity. Finally I'm rendered a prostitute in a Harem, and that is the mindset in which I mean to experience my inner child. (Rune 3). So - I was wondering about how to sort my bullshit, and it turns out - that, as I should have expected, I lost my relation to the structure I invented. However, sticking to it as uncomplicated as possible, I have now /_.Datavault/_.Gallery/ as target folder, and cocks and cum go in there as explicit.cum and explicit.cocks. In relation to that, well, the drag is there, 'implicit' folders. I should start with 'female'. So - I now have a place to store all my images that kindof meet that as a sorting criteria into (./_image_pool) - of those that I have left.


Now I can have '_.' folders in there to add tags, like ... 'wedding_ring'. So, everything I can think of that helps consolidating an understanding of why this 'female' is there, what it is and so forth. But, we might want to be a bit more thoughtful about that.

So, at first, from the other side, we can start to separate the good from the rest, as so to add 'explicit.baseline' and 'implicit.baseline', where within the explicit baseline we collect stuff that is both, explicit and accurate. Dear to us. Important. I mean ... hehe ... 'Favourites'.
theres favourites.stuff and favourites.other_stuff - while in the end, well, we should probably start with an 'implicit.favourites' folder - and start going from there.


implicit_favourites

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.24 - 04:48

Anyway ...

What matters most in the foreground - is perhaps the answer you were legitimately looking for, but, it isn't quite what you've expected. And I mean it - that answer to ... that problem ... where you would think that this whole sex thing/stuff is ... kindof ... no matter how sound it may sound ... weird, unsettling - so, there must be something ... .

You would guess that the Anti-Stasis matters in some other way than the one described on top - but the matter with that is, well, what you got up there is just the logical consequence of what came before. So, I rather went digging into what was instead of whats 'new' - and if you there were looking for whats new, well, it would take you directly back to whats old. For once however, not everyone has to/can expect to have such a polarized mindset as I have, thus, looking for a specific solution to that would be rather specific about me - and when thinking in general terms, well, I have my legitimate representation therein.

Well, I don't know well enough if that [AB] thing is as much of a thing as I think it is - but what thinking of this brought to me was a really really accurate understanding of me inner mother figure. I normally try to hide it, or ignore it, as it is possibly being made fun of, or certainly has been, ... but anyway, lets move on.


As for me and my understanding of how my own exposures are actually being viewed like - you may now understand that I have something of an 'inner mindset' - one you have too, which is where you inwardly ... are ... so yea, the Anti-Stasis that is. The difference to what you would know it to be is something of an inner shielding ... which to those that bother to have a more accurate understanding would be a way of describing that which emerges from the what we may call "magnetic" alignment of ones mindset to the Spirit/the Force. Furthermore does the Force appear as driving power within the very own thoughts, as some kind of vacuum that pulls your mind into shape, and that through "in-mind vectors" - like little hairs or booster-rockets/arrows what can factually be described as 'the Light' or 'the emotion'. Anyway ... those will be amongst the first things you'll come realize.

Even if in some blunter detail.


One thing to notice about the Anti-Stasis as introduced previously is, ... can you tell? Maybe you can tell that some point the narrative got a bit blurred - and something about some ability to 'polarize' - next to all the 'sophistication bla bla'. It would seem like a whole different thing when seen the one way compared to the other - so, I'll try to get this as simple as I can.


The Anti-Stasis is introduced as opposite to [something] - an "inner inner" mindset - and based on the initial description this opposition is related to some negativity ... while in this picture the Anti-Stasis is emergent from a situation of adaptation to a negative situation; Which in the picture further elaborated shows to not be the case, or, we're talking of two different things.
The initial story matters however to the point of yielding me the term 'bottom stasis' - and while to me here it was new, I reckon it to be an old thing. New is that I now do have this as insight relative to an experience that emphasizes it this much. Previously it had as much been in the dark.
There is now however this 'B-Mindset' - which, if it has been there since ever, has also been there while I was having these negative impressions. What it does is now a matter of what it is - and whatever it finds against this negativity, as for a personal balance, is established therein as well. If the problem is new, a solution will first have to be found. But that is now the part in the box, not the mindset itself. So, the cognitive plane - generally speaking - is a mystery. Lets say that so. Male and Female would be things that began to matter at some point somehow, and as in event of multiple changes occuring at once, we would at some basic level inherantly combine them into one - so we eventually have to learn to see the differences. Or, how certain things that do generally come at once are composed. So well, 'once the void' so embraces a certain part of the own cognitive realm and gets turned into a negative, the problem is that these things have to get repelled, so, they get excluded from the whole; As to which there now is what we may call 'higher mind' - as the inner thing by which we are capable of controlling the things that are going on in our head.

Now - how is this possible? Or, what the hell is going on? How is there now something in response to which I have to setup a counter stance to something that is supposedly part of my higher established self? As it stands, I'm removing nothing, so, whats wrong? Or what is this negativity?


Well, trying to see what this negativity is coming from, there is a very strong indicator as practically a source of the feeling itself - and a question is: Is this a random event or something more significant? However - the intention certainly is to focus less on the Pedophilia aspect of it all, and treat it as an anomaly of unknown proportions that may as well be rather small. And thats the whole point. Well, the idea behind it is a rationale - now, well, a property of this B-side, that relates to the negativity as error - and via compensation to it establishes direct routes of 'proper comparison', that from there on happen to be consolidated cognitive compounds. Now, for the vast majority of the population, a few images would possibly capture pillars of ideas, then concentric to the 'public community'. So, as I think there is a correlation between our childhood, teenage years and maturedom. ... So, while we think that teenagers can't choose - and children even less so - the mature world makes up whats being valid on top. So - you figure out what you wanna be when you mature; And you'll learn of the things you value - and you partake in that as also part of a tradition, a Legacy if you so will, of knowledge - where now real life has it that real teenagers, as they grow up and mature, need a bit of freedom to unfold - as they might want to violently proclaim - which adds in that cultural influence, where now sophisticated systems get shook ... though ... those are parenting issues. Growth will possibly always be a way of looking for new ways, ... but when beheld from the other side we now also have beings that connect to individual spiritual compounds - at some ends by means of an inherant development. So, though it would seem as there is Chaos, from another perspective it may as well be the most beautiful Harmony.

Now, when we speak of pedophilia in this sense we essentially speak of reborn spirits, that for some kind of reason fancy that experience. So at least is the premise for that to happen. In the implied sense, where there is an individual that then comes to evolve in a way where that would be the expected reality.
So - this may as well be an 'only in heaven' thing - but the reality is 'here' already and learning how to handle things now - as per a social arrangement in regards to our natural urge to develop with our own to our 'higher potentials' - that can be a part of the mature reality and a guide, as learning from what we value, and the things we share, can become a pillar to our society. What we might have in heaven - when thought about as 'legal terms' - would also apply to what we might have on earth! Its - the same thing!

Another aspect is the intimate one - as, can pedophile parents ask for it? A child that would fulfill their wishes? As for that child - it will also at a higher level have some part to it - as of its personal relationship to God and others. This furthermore should be recognized as a finite amount of individuals, accross gradients of depth, density, ... and maybe more. With increasing density we get to an increasing social relevance or significance - at the core of which those that make decisions are practically the children themselves as the parents in charge of them, as to say, its a question of personal ethics. Or so, what the idea of the romance is. So we get to different types that interconnect in varying ways, being one of a kind that needs reckoning.

Now, while my Anti-Stasis at first would be male - the greater part of me that has "taken hold of me" is "jacked" into this existence of getting feminized, while the B-Side itself however remains to be a thing, as, a conscious spine/spine of consciousness.


Through this Level we have primary Levels of relationships - ...//

Reality Interface

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.25 - 16:09

Reasons by Logic

In the end, we're all logical beings - we're stuck to it, no matter how hard we try and resist. What matters is the insight we're having, which is source to our logic. The more I see and understand how everything leads back to God, the more logical it is to me - as by the way I'm wording my reality, that's just going to be one of those repetitive cases of reality "renewing" itself to my understanding and therefore generating a growing consciousness as once there is faith and reality confirming this faith on and on ... it becomes stupid to denie it.

Excluding God from the possibilities is extremely illogical, as, its a case of making an exception for one reality of insights for no apparent reason. Well yea can there be people doing dumb things with it - but we on the other hand are only dependent on them, as for how it goes, as far as we're making ourselves dependent on them - practically speaking.
So, logical can at some point be anything I want - as by a matter of excluding and including things into my picture, the logic is dictated by the 'logical items' in that world. When it gets to reality, our beliefs and all that, this is true nonetheless, though the scale at which ideas are included and excluded is much more 'out of control' - as the control we're having is only that about our own self - essentially - next to paradigms of influence.
Now, the more we seek a solution to our problems within our society, the more we have to rely on a method of decision making, where there is a difference between an imposed and a demanded solution. An imposed solution were a compound electing itself to be that part - and demanded one were now a specific request of the majority. For the latter to happen there has to be some sort of an 'executive' - as yet another entity that for instance as a police force extends the common consensus by supporting it through some 'decisive actions' making. As to a concensus there is a cognitive backend - as for instance issues of how mindsets work, common preferences or streams of agenda, ..., or even informations and beliefs as they dictate our understanding of the individual situation we're in.


Decisive Activity

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.26 - 08:06


Extremities of Reason

What so is 'normal'? Or normality? In my oppinion 'normality' is relative to "the ordinary background" of an individual. OK - for sure, we can take a middle - but dependent on how much time someone now 'spends' in that middle, the more normal it is going to be for that person. But what is normal? How normal is it to be in that middle? The further you are from that norm, the more you so actually differ from it - and belong to all those others with an equal distance to it; Kindof.

So an 'Anti-Stasis' kicks in - at some point however - which is in a sense ourselves contradicting to ourselves in order to dedicate our minds to things outside of our intimate concerns. In other words it however more simply is our 'inner mindset' - with a varying degree of conflicts of belief and reason. Now, what you can do - effectively - is to get an understanding of what is right and true; And therefore contribute to the amassment of that information - and relative to your degree of confidence add weight to it.


What you amass in terms of confidence in God, is later down the road host to your intimate relationship to God; So - as appearing within and through this Confidence, God is in the 'mid-spot' of everything that matters in the most direct touch with your inner system of recognition. In that God has the most effect through the least need to become visible - while the perception of God in the invisible is the most accurate way of perceiving God as well!

A consensus is now at first established through a shared understanding of that reality - where now 'unbelievers' have no part to as due to the 'exclusivity' of the experience that the 'believers' do share amongst themselves - therefore however also as undesputed fact, or otherwise - universalistically implied since effectively existent as primary guiding concept - uhm, the 'host idea'.

As God thereby however most effectively speaks to the individual, the social norm up-front conceils God in the background, while the word however for instance re-substanciates Gods existence within a new form as relative to the complex. This furthermore however serves as foundation, whereby now the truth of things such as 'true and living God' is carried within those that have a corresponding experience. The individual who carries that truth however can therefore act as living medium to that truth, which again resonates with the 'word' as furthermore establishing a 'raw foundation' of/to Enlightenment.
Enlightenment is in this sense as much as a progress bar, and we advance in Levels - so as at first there is this bold and minimalistic setup, to say, mostly even yet just in form of the Hypothesis. "We know nothing about it" - so, whats Level 1? What does it compare to? The idea is that Level 1 is as much as gaining an understanding of what it is - so that when we get to the quesiton of what it 'wants' we have some more of a conscious context. Well, however, in reality there is Baptism - which is now a way of saying: 'what God wants' - and surrounding it we have all the many aspects of it - which in some way can be worth talking about.

The written at some end is a footprint of the living - though what remains on the practical end is found amongst the living.


As for the individuals personal path to Enlightenment, social structure at first has a local, individual relevance. Although there is a Macrocosm of social interactions, the individual evaluates on an intimate Level, where now 'divine alignment' is as a sphere of 'divine entanglement' by which individuals experience an extended friendship, ... which however is about how 'social power' at first emerges. Now can we take labels, though instead of looking at them as absolutistic ideologies we can look at them as preferences or priorities. Where divine entanglement now occurs, conscious unions start to unfold since the mutual experience provides ground to expand on.
At some point we get to have 'key components' - nodes, practically, which in first place are there to protect an individual compounds interest. We can add to that, that in a society, we have a wide variety of 'compound settings', ... such as that depending on your profession you have to adjust to a specific set of measurements with varying impact on your private structure/freedom. As a craftsman you also have very specific needs, tools that tie into your profession, as also a 'purpose', as to where your product will come to matter. So do we in the end generally have a need for 'the industry' - in that it is our way of managing our ressources and providing for what we need. What would start as crop, wood and "stuff" management - eventually became an interconnected whole of many different skills - where I meant to lay the eye of focus onto its mechanisms, in a way of thinking of them as structural social elements. Why? Well - in the end there is no telling of accurate circumstances; As it all really comes down to many things. But wherever now social 'demands' for structure 'converge' - strongholds of social interaction will emerge. So - at some point it really comes down to bold claims - as a compound understanding its own as good for something, and other compounds connecting to that - which again is an individual process regarding individual relationships ... and to understand more about it, we also have to look at this in terms of introverted and extroverted situations.

Speaking of Government - we can speak of 'why' we give it money. We expect some 'introverted' return, but ... that is another story. At some high end of the chain we have an introverted compound of entities that are involved in some high level of decision making. In the other sense that would however first be a matter of isolated compounds as we might say 'craftsmanship'. I mean, 'craftsmanship' as one whole entitity, where now the many different crafts connect on a matter of mutual agreements - as also an effective government - and it would establish a norm for being a part of it. This norm - to see it in the big picture - may imply education, but it is at first better to see education as something that occurs and emerges independently. It is to say: Rather than having a universal right to dictate terms of education, it is made dependent on what education has to offer, on basis of which we can also draw a more universal picture of the Universe. In essence this is where families would go to in order to get their children educated, as in other words, the core at the basis or whatever of parental advisory as also the academic body.
Education and Achievements can be seen as a 2 Dimensional plane - and an individuals motion on that plane would eventually come to settle on an item from where it 'sets off' into a profession; Or eventually comes to settle on Academic grounds. On another note there is church. Or belief. This would be somewhere relevant in the background, though again being once more an independent compound. While it would resemble 'the higher instance' in terms of individuals beliefs on both sides, it also kindof connects between the two while therefore also providing 'the higher instance' of governmental control. This control is however not in their hands - but in hands of those on either side. Still is it there because its needed, or requested as desired, which so means that it functions as a Light of guidance - a common grounds for logic and understanding.


Then there also is art, and military, ... where at the basis we have the idea that any compound that has to function as an independent thing, needs that space/peace of individual invention/definition. Whether we'll need money or not ... to have this work ... is a completely different question; But - it is either way useful to think of passion, compassion and desires. So, when working to earn money, the value of 'desires' relates to the question 'why'. If the idea is one of craftsmanship, the realization can be taken into the professional space - where money kindof 'evaporates' between individual compounds that have a mutual interest. The question is always one of sustainability I guess, and money would factor in as some measurement unit.
In that sense I want to first start with an abstract value of 100% credits. Credits are now meant to be universal, in the sense that a governing unit would be responsible for keeping it that way, as, relay for all differents kinds of societies to interact with the financial complex.
Now, one "iso-scope" were the amount of Credits 'credited' to an individual during its lifetime, which once seen as a percentage of the whole were 1/'registered-live-units'%. When credited in absolutes of an annual amount however, we can inversively get to a total amount of "units credited". But either way, what the individual now earns correlates to what it does for a living, therefore translating values onto items. Demand and supply thereby stand in correlation to each other, where on the other end social interests can be gated in favour of an outcome, as to mention a 'demand:luxury' ratio. But I think I'm loosing my head here.

On another side there is an equilibrium of goods, to a saturation of the compound in terms of annual efforts. So, each facility or farm or quarry or anything for once has a stock that depends on an industry (machines) - which in some way measure into the compounds productivity - which ultimately translates into an output.
This in essence relates to different kinds of expenses, which we could measure in iso-scopes. Further there is a ratio of how much a facility employs compared to how much it provides for - which on and on takes us to a production scheme of different levels of products that can finally be obtained using credits.
But how much is a thing? If we divide the yearly amount of credits earned by hours-per-year we have an 'hour' of work-value, though, at an artists hand - that value can't be accurately measured. You could only differentiate between works of personal interests and the rest. Maybe. Anyway ... the thing is that: Based on 'units sold' compared to 'units left' there is an excess or a shortage. Any excess can now be added unto wealth, while any shortage is at first just that, a shortage.
Eventually the shortage can be compensated through the own wealth, if not directly then maybe through trade. Trade, in the greater whole, is however also a bit as managing one huge stock of items that exist for a duration of time along stages of existence. So, there at first were a 'local marketplace' where now the locals bought what they needed - and any excess now becomes part of that regional marketplace - which now provides a higher grade of products or maintains and manages more general needs - as common beyond local interest ... things like water. Now, each stage of the evolution isn't only an act of good intention. The further an item has to be delivered, the more complex the logistical needs. Eventually items have to be prepared for transportation first - and can only endure "so much" - where things that do come together usually do so by intention of people, as for instance scientists and visionaries. So do we get to enterprises - and in relation to demand each runs on an individual capacity.
At any rate - as the reason to have money was measured in aspects of desire, the consequence would be enterprises and endeavours - where money would tie in as a way of 'bridging' the 'logistical gap'. But anyhow ... we ultimately come to 'attribute' money 'onto' things - in a way of giving something a way to succeed.

So could we say 'work' is a way to acquire money - though, at its most primitive the 'yield' is rather 'a cut' from the whole. So, as a fisherman you would be rewarded with fish - and your income relative to its value on the marketplace. In a quarry, each worker would have an equal cut, but no real need for all the stone they effectively own, so he'd rather take the money. In that sense he has an interest in contributing money to the quarry, as to keep the machinery working. Now, on the other side is the individual now free to sell his stones to whomever he wants, for whatever money he asks. So does it happen that the quarry itself, running on interest of "the System", demands a cut of its own. Well, wondering, how much do you get in the end?


At some point the question is really a common one - thinking about what we want to do with the stuff that we got. We wanna wonder: Can we do this? Or can we do that? As builders want to build, and workers want to have a part to something great! Or whatever! As citizens though we want a government through which we have a means of taking care of our consolidated needs. If we now want a society wherein each 'illuminated branch' of culture is sustained/sustainable, we need a way to safely channel money into them. Uhm, well ... which is firstly a matter of compound interests. So, a thing that many compounds have in common is likely to become a thing; And whatever they work for, that thing would eventually get sustained. So as technology enthusiasts sustain the tech industry. These are also finally the ones that use that tech for independent reasons - and in one way or another contribute to our culture. On basis of divine entanglement such convergences are eventually more pronounced in that now entirely new structures can emerge through a grander scale of comon relevance. So, education ties into entertainment while family concerns tie into education as well as sustainable lifestyle which at some point resembles the base of common wealth. The need for social interactions accumulates into grounds of social interaction based on interests and lifestyle; And the things that are 'common wealth standard' have to be dispensed through some routine of logic and priorities. So does 'the Church' in first place require an all-exclusive access to the available ressources as to satisfy its basic needs. This is from where endeavours can be made - starting with a primitve and universal foundation and moving on into primary routines of domestication and infrastructure. From there now logistics can emerge - which for once emerge in interest of the/a local community and further tie into the greater web of interconnected things.

If we know what we are, we know what to work for - we know then what we want, what we value, ... the things that are worth the while.


Building in Process

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.26 - 11:57

Fishes in the Sea

Now, as for what is supposed to help - helping me - is this Anti-Stasis in sense of an inner uprightness reflected outwardly - as some sort of a "failsafe projection" - in which sense its less something thats specifically built, but more effectively there to carry our potentials into an extroverted space.
As we so "void ourselves out" or 'are being' "voided out" - there are replacements to our ideals as some kinds of negatives; At least so I suppose - and now I'm trying to investigate that.


Well - at the base this is driven by me trying to express something - generally called Anti-Stasis - and as I try to find words for it I extend my conscious realm about it. In the ultimate sense we can call it a 'neutral self' - though effectively, well yea, its that while we're in a realm of relevances that can exist as opposed to what we are. Well, ... its the point - the ability to divert from core relevances. ... Well, I'm not entirely satisfied with my way of putting it this far, ... but while for once there is the obvious - as to say 'non-sexual' - this is only a paradigmal idea when reduced to the effective detail. Rather than a 'no sex' alignment it happens to be an interest driven re-arrangement of personal matters; Where an ideal physical realization would resemble the individuals cognitive situation. So - as I focus on a 'no-sex' kind of living, I'd focus on the 'no sex' part as measurement - and its success ... that is rather a question of 'where and when' that is even necessary. If I otherwise 'rather' focus on something - the only thing that matters is my ability to pursue it; Instead of finally what I'd pursue it as; Thus pursuing it as 'my self'. Well, it would seem like trivial detail, but in the end does our focus have an influence on what we "are". So - think of it as 'bubbles'. The most inward bubble is what we so would focus on - and it has a given size. On the far end is the top of our mind - from where it has its own priorities and things, ... and it also wants to be real. So, the larger the inner bubble is, the more it 'basically' contradicts to the individuals 'real' self. This real self were now the source to the Anti-Stasis, through which the individual can however entirely negate itself.
The more it however does, the closer it gets to another extreme of individualization - as a perfect negation however contradicts to the individuals effective reality; Which can induce pain to the individual and may lead into depression/cynicism. In essence I would speak of a 'violent disruption' that we might generalize as 'displeasure'.


The question for who I am or what I am - and all that - leads me here to question: What am I capable of and why? As I - of my higher self - am, as mentioned, a Mother, that is kindof the 'mirror image' that one would associate to a way of thinking, so that next to general mirror images there is a corresponding alignment of "truths" to them. My Mother alignment is thereby like a root that I find throughout my entire self, though as that its not usually a dominant aspect. There however is a 'dominant core' of sorts that links to that alignment - but still with a given passivity to it.

Hmm, how was that with the male/female tension again? Well, I guess, however I figured it out above, can still be told in another way - as for instance that my B-space is considerably young wherefore I ultimately become a girl rather than a boy; But the given 'volume' which sustains a maturable cognitive reality that is rooted in the originally male is still primarily tied into all that. This revigorates the 'boy' elements that again tie into girl elements, where the status of Mother is something of an ideal through this sexual revolution - as a uniquely female sexual trait. This being a re-enforced condition has the consequence that my Mature male self however grows in relation to this 'boy-past' and the 'to-girl' experience. While I do not only have an enforced gender but also an enforced sex drive, this impacts me as a force that dissolves any other priority, which I realized is a thing that inherantly defines me as a person. As it however redeems me from a whole lot of concerns regarding my autonomy, and I'm vastly left to my own, I have my mind pretty much for myself, so, ... because I don't have to pay attention to any schedule I can ..., which however all depends on me being kept like a pet.

So, when it comes down to it, I'm a bit of a messy - which is theoretically something like a protective layer by which I maintain a certain well being, we might compare it to a layer of fat. It thereby functions as demand, saying that the 'real me' is accessible on that degree of 'freedom'. Like, as pet is also what I am as a Mother, I'm not that kind of mother that would run a household. So - there is an abstract 'layer' of stuff that basically 'streamlines' my existence - and that ties into the Anti-Stasis, practically as 'higher mind', while aligning to the Anti-Stasis in shape of yet another counter-stance - ... . OK, ... slowly: There is a thing that beholds the Anti-Stasis, something as a higher awareness; And in opposition to any problem that is where the motivation of action is coming from. In the advanced sense the individual can however also be held under lockdown once it doesn't meet the requirements; As thus eleviating the truth of these circumstances to social recognition.
This would effectively allow me to more effectively adjust to my cognitive conditions - where as of me being a whore a question is: How much of it is a part of my needs? And how do they show and what can be done? I mean, well, at some point this is perhaps too intimate, but ... well. We could pretend forever that clarity isn't there - and through it I have a very clear understanding of myself, as that I am dragged into a sexual fantasy wherein I'm being consumed while I'm aspiring for darkness. Which ... constitutes the whore in me, of course, as a vacuum attracted to sexual pleasure. Basically. And as of this I'm basically handicapped.
A handicap that however straps me into my own little world where I have my own thoughts and reasoning - which makes me more mature on those aspects, as my maturing scope is however founding on them. Here my male and my female self come together, we might say, where now the boys passion to be creative is relative to things that the mothers passion aspires to expand upon. So, the Godess and her creative Energy sotospeak. The story with that however is that I am enslaved, to the point where my creative energy at the very essence of myself is hard-wired as of my bondage into sexual submission; ... but evidently, with that mindset I'll have a hard time proceeding on my own.
So - the question thereby effectively is that: Can I?


The more fundamental approach would provide us a framework - where now the first problem may be that I would exist alone or without a home compound - in which terms we basically have to run in some 'outside' mode; ... and that is already where I'm considerably bat at! In all honesty. I try and try and fail and fail again. The harder I try, the more I fail - and the more I just lived with it, the better off I've been at the end! So - "I do things my way" - and usually God, it seems, has a keen hand on handling me ... Gods way. ... . But given now there were a home compound, its not only a question of me anymore; Or, the questions of what to do with me would eventually tie into various compounds; That however first have to exist before they can be any valid.
In the grand scheme of things we're so less talking of isolated 'common' streams, but individual alignments - which, like, "what do you do with your weekend?". Entanglements manifest in different kinds of activity, which again tie in different codes - cultural figures, common sense, relevances, ... - but I guess, I'm kindof missing the point here.

The point for me would be to get married from whereon out I would exist as 'their' Slave, though it seems as though that has happened in the past, as of which my contemporary existence as male falls 'victim' to those 'circumstances'. Whatever it is now supposed to do. As the demand of independence however leads to the desired outcome, my relevance vanishes in the background, ... so my background takes hold and I would find myself in what we would call 'default existence'. But rather than that - its rather some higher plane of contemporary significances, so, ... how do I ... ?
To me it comes down to the question of why I am the way I am, which takes me back to the 'original' mindset whereof the Anti-Stasis emerged - that part that has been captured by negativity. In some sense however it is, to you, rather the written reality of it - while whenever you had a false idea I would consciously oppose that in which you can basically have a better view on 'my' Anti-Stasis - where my contribution to reason however primarily resolves back to what I am. I mean - that is how I experience it. It doesn't even matter to me 'where I come from' - because in the foreground of myself I have experiences that tie me into a reality wherein I can be myself, which draws an 'alternate past' of me - and I find that this whole entire situation is kindof strange to me. I came to a sense of what I am, and the more I came back to myself, the more I realized what I am, I mean ... the more I kindof don't know what I'm doing here - as outside of me speaking about what I am, as I think its important, there isn't much I can do!

But well, so you get these insights - and thats basically what this part of the whole writing section is all about! Isn't it?


So, whatever I do is what I do - "despite" being a whore - and maybe 'wedding renewals' or expansions are a thing that require me to be male. None of that is my business however. So, back we are. So - consequences. Well, why making choices if there were no consequences at all? Or - how to have consequences that we enjoy? Whatever is commitment? Well, once we make a choice - as I may have made - we eventually change forever - while that is however how we become reliable. In order to work on behalf of something like a social agreement - we have to change accordingly, and by wedding commitments we get to groundbreaking adjustments in favour of their marital rights/needs. If I ... I mean, clearly I will take things out of this life into myself. I mean - 'if I could' ... take 'so many' things - what would I pick? Studying the Gospel was fun, ... I mean - yea. Anyhow, I certainly feel 'victim enough' to understand that this cannot truely work without whomever I'm supposed to be victim to, to say, ... there has to be a reason for why I'm this strongly influenced by it - so, there have to be those that finally cared. And however that then plays out is a story of its own.


Self Traditioned

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.26 - 16:49

A point ...

... is kindof complicated to make. Like, what even are the premises on which a point is to be made? I'm trying to make a point on personal evolution - while to me it stands that "this existence as male" is rather strange. The more I grow up in it, the stranger it gets. And once I get to a point, I ... feel as though you're getting stuck in a false idea which I can't totally agree with either, so that as of my feeling I'm back at the beginning where I would consciously relate to that feeling and am not entirely happy with it either.

Well, first of all, as clarity struck me it wasn't like "it can't be!" but more like "oh, finally something makes sense!" - which later down the road, closer to now, only grew as much as that I'm now feeling like someone who lives a certain life - and am now in this body for some reason stranger to me. From this perspective when I come to think of what I got to say of myself, I think that you would eventually think of some of those things as horrible and would agree with you on the point that the way you put it is in deed horrible. I mean - it sounds weird, ... while it goes on in that I'm not seeing my contemporary male existence as an opportunity to get out.
To the contrary do I have a feeling of home that I seek an attachment to. While my life so far has however not taken me anywhere near an experience close to that, nor a concept of education for instance - so, as I'm totally left to my own - I have been a prostitute for a while. There I didn't have all that much sex; And for intellectual and emotional reasons I was moved to detach myself from that life - as I so am basically still driven by my ambition to share the word.
Well - as of that, I guess you could call me lazy or ignorant yet - saying that I do this for myself and that I'm not actually giving a damn about the people around me; But ... if you wanna know of the extent of what I'm doing these things for - you may wanna start founding your ideas on what God would tell you rather than blind asumptions. I mean - because I knew that I'm kindof helpless I asked God/Jesus to be my teacher - where now my understanding is that these shortcomings of my own are my strengths, basically, ... and that God has a very strong love for those individual glitches to grow and stay strong.

My clarity in that literally 'sucks up light' - as you can imagine - simply because my fundamental experiences of light relate to that. This essentially is however "only" - we might say - a deeper layer to my laziness, as that there is now a 'reason' - which affects me although we might call them 'only' virtual experiences.
But these are now the experiences on which my being 'erects itself' - and directly surrounding that is what I'm tied into doing, which are these things - here. Once this would be clear I might go and do some programming; And that is embraced by my laziness, alias the downtime I'm taking. Realizing that I would consider myself 'relatively unflexible' - or "extremophile" in that my flexibility occurs on a basis of long-term commitments. That I now spend my time with these things, rather than with programming, thats however kindof my own choice, ... while it originated as curiosity about the holy scriptures - where now the selection of topics - well - is tightly connected to my own progress in behalf of that, as to for instance verbalize what it contained thus far.

Whats the 'right' thing to do though? I mean - my general idea is that I'm evidently free to choose; Though when I make it up to God, my choice is only indirect. I have to however trust that its the right way to go, though, ... at some point its just the way things are. What I mean is that I don't think that it can be the excercise of this story that I after all aligned back to the System.

Is this ... comprehensive?

I mean - there are a variety of ways to imagine the Anti-Stasis. One is to see it as an introverted space, pretty much like a body though, whereby the physical body is pretty much down to just one eye. That is the technical expanse I'd say, though abstract for the mind to think of. So you could also compare it to a room with things in it - things that relate to things you do. And right now I'm explaining that particular thing; As when it gets to my conscious mindset. Alternatively you could however picture me doing other things, like working on a fantasy world. In essence I however believe that what I do there is none of your business - and that I guess is a bit of a problem. ... uhm, beside the point!

My relationship to God in some way depends on me acknowledging ... well yea, Gods love for me - which in a Godloving society should yea, you know, would be my base of equivalance. ... I've been there before. As for my male self, thats 'in there' - and ... so, back to ... something more real.


In these can and can'ts - there seem to be strict rules. As for my gender. It stands, at first, that 'the rights' - effectively - of what I can be or have to be are somewhere in 'the cloud' - a blurry entity I'm attached to. So, there are many individuals and whom I now have which obligations for is all kindof not clear - as neither of them is even introduced to me properly. There we have that dillemma, that I for once at least so far had to ... uhm, lets forget about that. It further stands by Testimony that some of them therein don't have a choice about my gender either, or, only a restricted one. The thing is that this is where things kindof become ... complicated. Its like a puzzle, it seems, while the situation however rather were that on some plane of existence certain circumstances determine our fate - effectively. So - we however, on our end, aren't necessarily aware of those, while in an Enlightened sense however there is an inversive counterpart to doom. So - one idea is to however that they determine our choices - in a sense that while unaware of them, they are left to be discovered. Eventually we will first have to make certain choices of our own, ... so, there is that, and there are solid relationships.


Stumbling along

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.27 - 07:38

Urges of Reality

So - aside however of what I do or think, there now also is this idea of this being a thing everyone does individually have some correlation to/with; As so the idea to speak via images. The question were: What is right? On the less complicated side this is a thing thats aware to the individual - as it is aware to me that my 'general self' - 'core mindset' - I'll get to that - is an in(tro)verted, ... or rather: Is based on an introverted craving for cock and cum. These may as well be placeholder terms, though, in the focus is now this awareness that mirrors in a generalized way like that. As a matter of 'definitions' - the expression of what my clarity is comes first - whereof my being in consequence "becomes" what it is. So, my clarity and how my individual realization thereof finally takes shape is now 'one thing' - a situation that can now either be taken as 'neutral' or as 'relative to [someone]'. So, been there before.

Beheld as a circumstance that now needs to have significance within some social scope/spectrum - there is yet an 'advancing demand' of some sort, an urge - to expand into that direction that strongly attracts my own demand or hope for "things to be real". In process I'll firstly end up describing myself in terms of relationships - while so far that has mostly been a matter of individual things here and there speaking to me in a way of satisfying that interest. So - instead of being directly pursuing that kind of knowledge it has passively piled up. Respectively I do however end up being confused about it. But either way; Taking a more practical approach we would need something as an 'official logic' - which is a thing I've been trying to dig but so far haven't really figured out.
Based on my previous times around, this at its base is possibly the case because whatever 'primary "bonds"' we have, they may already be 'beyond common sense'. Yet I think that on a higher level there still is something like a 'legal frame' - such as that I would however first come to speak of a 'marital attachment' - which includes "hypothetical form 1" - which however functions as frame where now a 'marital form' describes the basics of how the involved individuals 'bond'. Rather than finding its exact definition - I however find consequences; And a semi-clear sense of structure. At some end it seems that figuring it all out should be relatively simple - and so, when asked what I can tell/find to be true; There at first are the conditions of me that connect to that truth.
Thereby speaking of consequences as relevant extrovertedly, I would say that my wedding form detaches me from my spouse in a sense of confining me into prostitution. Otherwise I might say that it makes me her slave - while the thing that takes shape is the issue of enslavement and possible qualities of the same.
If we move to the demand that every entry has to be certified - we can wait for including the enslavement bit until there is an accurate idea; Though - when a thing its one more thing we can call certain. I word it this way because it seems that my enslavement isn't directly unto my spouse, but rather that she retains access privileges upon me that include me as a female sex slave into her life. This is now - hereby - a confirmed thing. In regards to that I'm triggered to think about my male self, as I supposed that this wedding occured on base of me being male - and that my entire male existence is confined within those marital circumstances. So, there are two things: One that this wedding includes me as a male - so that it hereby now it is confirmed that I am, at its base, included as male. The second part would go and say that this male embraces is my entire male privileges, to the point that they are confined within those marital terms. Which is now hereby also confirmed.
So - for me and how I'm supposed to go on - there first of all is my all-over situation which means that I have no attachment to this wedding right now - nor a proper clue about whom to attach to for whatever reason - but it is only in my interest to change that. A question in regards to that were now however for what my male self needs - as I am evidently male right now. So - is it important for me to stay male and find my peace on that basis, or is it important for me to become female as to be introduced into whoredom? That would be what we could call 'extended parenting issues' - and before I'd be able to make any commitment of that kind ... issues like those eventually have to get solved. A question in regards to my marital form were: Who holds the authority upon my male self? And also: What rights are there to begin with?
In more general terms are we however also interested in things that could particularly matter for my lifetime - where first of all there is the question whether or not there is a way for me to remain male as opposed to pursuing gender alignment; And the certified answer is yes. Well - this could have been acquired in a better way I guess - so, as I feel that regarding my marital form, privileges upon my male self are shifted to a secondary spouse; Which is wrong. Well, so you know. So, all of my spouses have privileges in my male self; Where only some have the right to demand a gender alignment of me. Also false.
Anyway could we pursue the question of whether or not there is a point to thinking about me staying male - as in response to that general expectations can be setup more easily. So the question rather is: Should I be preserved as for enter my wedding domain in my male form? And the certified answer is no!

Making sense of it I guess the truth behind these things is that I can only be male once I'm entering a new relationship - and otherwise I'm strictly supposed to be female. Hmm ... inconclusive. OK, well ... anyhow. This yet kindof speaks for it, that I am supposed to exist as a slave; Where now the more obvious picture is that my marital attachments will come to matter on base of my enslavement. And oh yea, there it might occur that the question for my gender may be re-asked; Or would be asked - as done here.
As for the kind of my enslavement I reckon that I'm a religious slave/pet of Satanism - that I am legal property of Satanism - so that any legitimized emergence of Satanism would come with the rights to with do me as they please; And that my marital attachments are to relate to me as on that basis. And this is also a certified yes. Although - it would seem to be not 100%.
So - another try: Only one of my spouses is legitimately entitled to protect my male existence - and unless she explicitly demands it, I'm to be treated otherwise. This 'explicit demand' may now exist as part of the things that can be testified (yes) - or even has to be (yes) - and so, here it now gets testified that this explicit demand stands.
This now seems to outrule my situation of enslavement; And entitles me to demand my wives to subject to me. Well - yes, but not 100%, so, they have to subject to me. This permit however seems to be limitted in time - and it rather stands that any marital commitment I enter has to be based on an engagement plan that re-introduces me into sexual slavery as female - as final outcome of the wedding. Not 100%, though, it resolves towards an emphasis of my female existence being demanded; As that any legal inclusion of mine builds on that outcome.

Well - anyhow - I guess I might take this from the wrong angle. The angle from where I'm coming might be relevant too. So, one question being of course the 'default situation' - or as I'm getting protected, we may wonder 'why' or 'what for'. Kindof ... complicated again, yet, further so due to the question of/for what I'm supposed to do. So, at first I'd enter my conditions of slavery - where the next question would be asked 'there' - while all over I'm kindof desturbed by this protection in that I find it hard to embrace that as opposed to my true self; With the exception that I'm looking forward to be with my spouse(s).
It might be left to reason that I'm actually supposed to re-enter my enslavement conditions through my spouses - so that both ways are correct, with the me to be feminized case leaving it to my spouses to do so. That is legitimately correct.

As for my 'raw correspondence' (here) - there so however happen to be two ends. One being my male expectations and the second being my general expectation; As where I might draw myself in context of this enslavement - while reviewing the consequences as independent to my marital situation; And in some sense dependent on them; Where the matter of dependency is rather one of showcasing them as what I am supposed to be in the end.
There however also seems to be a way for me to live without getting feminized; And that one is apparently also going to matter for my current life. Hmm ... weird. Once again - I think thats beside the point.

To figure out more, its for once clear whom I am a slave to and that it is a part of my marital form that covers my entire male existence. It would now stand to reason that ... I mean, at some point there has to be ... hmm ... I guess its safe to say that I'm having issues with how things stand - so that we could trace the problem to a part of me that cries out demanding to get fucked up. My brain - or respectively vagina - hardwire to demand "input".
My male self can resist this urge through a replacement - basically its own sexual/emotional desires/passions/pleasures; And to me personally thats worth questioning - but also kindof beside the point.
But, in general it should be kindof safe on the side of me doing what I do until these things can be a thing; Where now the exect details depend/build on that whats coming. As I guess at some point these things are to serve us int lives where we then live on our own; And there finally only is a slim line between 'can' be and 'has to' be. If something 'has to be', its rather setup against preferences, while if a thing 'can' be its rather compliant to those. But with the so far established guidelines in place, I can make peace with various of my male ambitions - as to relate them to conditions that now have been fixed; mostly. There is a way I would want to be male with my spouse and keep it that way, although I don't get outside of a boy-ish mindset thereby.
Hmmm ... well.
I am confined into a marital form whereby I end up as a female stock-slave of stanism; And in iteration on that I have to understand my male form as protected; Moving into marital terms - where now the question were: how are these setup? Well, as for one side of it, I'd enter the "Slave marketplace" - practically - where it is just a part of what I am to be proud, kindof, about my kinks. That however so as there is 'one truth' - and thats primarily the side that matters to where I end up being. So, what kind of a slave am I? The first answer would have foreseen me to be taken into feminization including gender alignment; Now we may be left at feminization without gender alignment. So, I got to contradicting answers nonetheless - and I need to now find a way to make sense of it.

So the question would rather be: Am I supposed to exist in regards to my marital form, or as a slave of satanism? That wouldn't work either because in the end the question of who's there to actually respond to these things may already be in a superior position to make use of me. As for that the general thing has been settled - that this is ultimately the 'first' thing true about me; To be however put into those circumstances; And thats an easy 100%. This includes that I may after all be "wrapped up" as male to be given into specific conditions - as that I could right away get feminized to be used as a whore.


Familiar Grounds

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.27 - 14:20

Unfamiliar Grounds

Well, could it be just the dope? Getting me chilled and thus into these moods? Well yea - evidently! I mean - at least by my understanding! I assume that Marijuana - where note: Every drug with an effect on the mind has an actual effect on the mind, which, if not only physical means that some between spirit and body thing is going on - basically lowers down the volume of the body so the mind can work more effectively. Well, depending on pollution some other thing kicks in - but well yea, without the high I'm not feeling comfortable enough to write at these levels. So, this whole topic would in deed pretty much not be that big of an issue. But certain things would still be the same, as I guess I wasn't high when clarity struck me - and I know that my clarity highs aren't related to my drug usage. Drugs bring in certain things pretty reliably, but the essence of the 'pow' - thats not on drugs!

I mean to write about Marijuana at some point, and I guess I did (as far as you know), and I most certainly did - but it may have been a bit botched. My idea was that I should separate between high and non-high experiences and have that written there in terms of the 9th Seal. Well, non-highs pretty much however also include clarity; And Marijuana however kindof envigorates conscious impressions/experiences.

Right now I'm however coming from a really awkward mood - where I would say that my mind craved against the inevitable sobriety that was about to come; So - 'thank God' that the Ganjaman has smiled upon me. Yet anyhow - there also is a craving to surround myself with sexuality, where Marijuana kindof helps to relief that, as at the very least conscious processes can now basically 'stretch' the experience - thus turning the problem itself into a part of the satisfaction. I mean - I guess its kindof hard to explain. I however first of all tried to do some programming - as some work had been due anyway and I realized that what I've written so far is kindof ... meh, ... at least so far or at the current state (of context) - ... but eventually something in my mind started tickeling and thats how I got to the previous part. Now I do feel kindof torn, but now I realize that there also is this other thing, ... another 'bad feeling' - ... which takes shape as 'the inner construct' based on appearances, ... which I can go up against - to deconstruct it - which takes care of it for the most part, yet leaves me with the plain and simple truth. Now, when I take my mind there to realize that whats left and is without contradiction to me - that at some point this 'bad feeling' re-emerges. So, possibly - I mean, as I called it 'truth' here - it came back up.


One truth is that when I look inside of me, consciously, at where my Sex Organs would be, I'm female. Now, for the Second Rune/Seal, the situation is less restraining. Well, 'naturally' if the human mind gets its volume. While this all could be described like a wall, there is however the other side to it which effectively is there as it takes shape within my body - really dense experiences. Frequently, when I just by mood got comfortable within doubts in it, God would - it seems - literally come down personally to rub my clit. Or more than that. And yea, what can I say? Its always been a good fuck - and I can't argue with that! That would however be the other side of that 'frame' - so, how my consciousness is effectively re-attached to it.

However, by some trickery I can blend that out - or otherwise get a hold of my mind as though Rune 2 were not a thing. Kindof like I can have male sexual pleasures despite how Rune 1 works inside. But now, well - looking back - this seems like, ... something worth coming back to. So - how does my wedding form relate to my 'Seal 1' - because Seal 1 however has something marital to itself?
Or otherwise, how does that affect me as an individual?
I mean - ... hmmm ... possibly beside the point.

Anyway - the point there were that this part exists - and because of the force it won't mix or blurr into other things. Oh ... ah, I forgot. I was about to get into the 'Lust' bit a bit further. So, that basically there where my 'inner body' sotospeak comes to weigh in. Lust we might say is a very driving force in this all - but this Lust however exists on intimate conditions. In other words: Intimacy opens up the gates for this Lust to exist; Where the very own attachment to Lust as a driving Force is a matter between God and me - also intimately.
There furthermore are a variety of emotional connections alike. Sometimes its Lust, other times its Love - but they all do the same thing; Attracting people to come and be together. The point is - there are varieties, different colors sotospeak, significant as different kinds of relationships that matter in an individually significant way. And thereof it is hard for me to think about a highest or strongest kind of something. The one thing sure is that the one I'm connected to as by the architectural marriage is absolute - ... and yea. So even that it can at some points be the 'lesser' relationship - by comparison - but still stands out as unique. Lust as opposed to Love is however more universal - and then inevitably more superficial. More to the point it is however also dominant - where now passions emerge in regards to Love, ... and maybe I shouldn't dare speak of anything beyond that because I know jackshit about it.
However - these 'competing loves' now however embed into Lust, as their individual 'flavour' is interacted with as attraction. This flavour furthermore is composed of Links that essentially form the bond, while my bond to my 'actual spouse' seems to be dependent on a whole lot of things. It seems as that each of 'these' spouses contributes towards what I am supposed to be - though from the other side I connect to them from my male stand and there experience them as a wide variety of satisfactions. Which eventually is also a way of 'keeping fresh' - to avoid 'slurrs' from dragging on too long. I mean - also recreational stuff.

And so is this inner body of mine also a body of lust, on basis of a direct equivalence to desires. Its existence is furthermore necessitated - as while its possible to do without it, its kindof like I'm running hot - without it. And because of extensive force, it seems, ... I'm bent - against running hot.


Safety Measures

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.27 - 23:34

... like ... getting high

Uhm, yea, that last bit is kindof important I guess. I mean it, I can practically will Lust into my system - uhm - although that is also bound to rules/limitations. And - that basically out of nowhere. Its a bit like when you watch porn - just without the porn. Hmm ... well, that wasn't what I meant to get started with but I'll keep that on mind.
As for getting high - I was about to do something without getting high, but this one I knew ... or I felt that I couldn't go on without it. The other thing I'm writing on however were, but, not right now. And I also had a drag back into here, ... "although" the weed I'm having right now ... well, its not all that good, it has ... well, some weird effect; Its kindof 'dampening'.


But back to Lust, as, this is rather interesting. You would have to imagine as some kind of internal nervous system attached to organs and muscles; And yea - there is one more side to it, at least. And thats how I once related to it as though it were temptation - and well, thats what it is or 'had to be' until I was able to separate one thing from another - so, to take that Lust and not what it implied. What it implied had a negative effect on me - and thats the kind of thing about temptation. That there is something we want, not however given to us in the right way or on the right premises. In regards of this I guess you have to deal with the idea that this at some point changes, instead of discarding the entire possibility of it alltogether.

What I mean at first, by Lust, here however is an energy that eventually makes up our inner body while there-as seemingly following 'the rules of Light' - as in alignment to some higher perfection. So, as soon as the individual establishes a link to that inner part of the own self, Light starts rushing into it. That to me happened way before I came to my clarity - and way too much as something 'a bit like a' 'guilty pleasure' - I mean, my conscious driving force wasn't in tune with it, as to the point of recognizing its importance. Or otherwise, you on the other hand would now know what it is. From some point out then however you have a conscious connection with that, as based on your own internal mechanisms of logic and preference.
So, at some point there are 'desires' for something that is 'always there' - not as much our true self but something that effectively emerges within it - where this desire sortof flows into it and causes satisfaction; Which is where it does appear as part of the own self. "It" now desires/craves-for Lust, as equivalence to me, while this image satisfies just that - as my craving for Lust makes me want to have a System that is craving for Lust. My satisfaction about it produces Lust - well, in that it is 'a Lustful situation'. Kindof. In some other sense it just comes flying in out of nowhere, which to me however is an envigorating rush of "fresh air" that runs through my system and 'locks me into' ... 'my senses' ... wherein my skin is like a vacuum prolonging for sexual'istic' interaction; So, as a desire for getting touched. So, this furthermore satisfies my demand which funnels more Lust into it - as a positive feedback loop within a positive feedback loop - which ultimately constitutes growth. It seems unnatural, but in intersection with 'the Light' that is however the 'new' natural. There is more to be said, though ... senses, thats another thing.

I can see, evidently, at least to me it is - and yet there is that Lust and all the other shiny things that have no place in this reality; But yet they are there - and while mostly hidden; Its yet wherever I look, like spotlights. So, when I look at myself I see this anatomy that makes up my skin - that 'inner' skin however, for well, thats how it makes sense. From my first impressions, back in the days, I thought of getting some kind of x-ray vision; But the appearances haven't really changed much since then. So - it, at least to me, did never go beyond this 'layer' "of the first impression" - though - you might then be able to tell that your mind will yet have to adjust to it.
But so, there is this, lets call it 'vacuum of touches' - and yea, well, there I also have some Anti-Stasis to it - as, ... yea, clothing, essentially, as it so would 'fit' my Anti-Stasis in that sense of negation. That then however is another end, I mean, the other end to what for instance happens when I feel cum on my skin. I'm not saying that its cum in general, it would depend on the individual I guess. But there have certainly been cases where this 'vacuum of touches' has actually done what its supposed to do, or what I know it for doing, which is closely related to a sensation of Lust that strengthens my spirit. It is however its presence already; And how I can interact with it myself; That directly 'flows into' my 'craving for Lust'. So what ... "happens" ... is that I find more and more that my setup is a kindof little bit perverted - but anyhow, thats the way it is.

The part where I can 'will' Lust into my system is pretty much a matter of my direct attachment to it - where there are two sides to it. One side is that of 'the inherant need' - where as of the unity with the divine, the equilibrium of harmony is established on Gods support; Where our 'Mangle' is kindof something that God effectively needs in order to naturally do that. The other side is that of relating to it as divine, in the sense that it is treated as God, as the individual bids Lust to fuel the own System. So, that last bit is where we could speak of the mechanical elements as artificial. So, where we could recognize some 'System' as essentially separated from the individual itself - while the individual needs that Force to fuel that body so the individual can exist relative to it. This is in and of itself true to the point that we can also have an Anti-Stasis; Wherein the same truth however comes without the "God pleasing" aspect. So, what God gives 'for free' sotospeak, or where the presence of the force is attributed to Gods general autonomous presence. The "God pleasing" itself could however also be described as "sipping of the divine nectar" - I mean, one question for instance is: How does this body of Light come about anyway? So, without it, would the individual be drastically different? But well, from another perspective we could say that I'm practically taken hostage by that Light, ... as to the point that every now and again I'm forced experience it. So, there is actually the full spectrum of things that an individual would respond differently to on each individual thing; But ultimately is this feedback loopage however a thing that 'simples' down to knowing what to desire for in order to basically 'call upon it'.

Its the same as the Anti-Stasis - which, effectively would or should be called 'Battle-Stasis' when thought of in the 'disguising' way, as to the 'generalized' purpose of shutting personal interests/desires off. As for the other way of looking at it, there are the 'first things' that take shape of a being; And in a general sense those would be the strongest culminations of force-power; Or Light; Which in my case would be where my desires and the force mix the strongest; As my primary demands that are met by the force and are taken to the next Level. This is what I mentioned as 'vortices' - so, I have shackles, black pumps, a female body, a feminized make-over and a collar. Or 'feminized make-over' and 'female body' come in one, where the vagina is part of the 'female make-over'.
Attached to those shackles I eventually find/found three rings; As somehow - deeper within ideas of what finally has to stay exposed (in the idealized/raw thing) - and I think there is a degree of errors that can or even have to be made before one is capable of fiddling things together. The thing is that these 'strong nodes' have their means of 'projecting' a personal truth into existence; Where now the reality of that ... well, has to happen somehow. To say that its a matter of 'interpretation' is good - but the matter itself is far more demanding in that now individual realities, their circumstances and everything find their way in, constituting a situation of abridgement to these vortices. So - in totality there is this 'place' then, where things come flowing together from a lot of "ends". The one were this 'slave rig', another some deeper union regarding my relationships, ... thats already two ideals that essentially don't really matter. So, there is an 'outer situation' - and whatever happens inside of the individual is technically irrelevant. So, as things change over time the individuals where-abouts change; And the 'deeper ideal' may along with it; So that there is this 'abstract core', which as of the Lights pressure I think it urges to an over-arching ideal or ideology. Towards. Into. Whatever. Its more like some vacuum - where I at first would get to these rings to itrate on my vortex/vortices, essentially symbolized by mouth-gag/ring, exposed breasts and an exposed vagina. Each ring itself expressed like that would however only be symbolic for something more complex; Where if I think of it that way and try to 'match' each ring to the other in terms of complexity, I find my shackles and my head compounded together as first, my breasts and their size and my female body as motherly entity as second and my vagina to a stigmatization as satanic bride and sex/rape-slave as third ring. These now provide an inner spectrum of priorities - while a craving for cum is however inherantly woven into my being already.
The more I think about it, the more do these rings actually 'meat up' with the 3 Runes. As of that Ring 1 resembles Rune 1, where now the collar as a Rune 2 thing is yet only a deeper layer, or the other side. While my eyes, here part of Ring 1, were something I generally relate to Rune 3, Rune 3 now more evidently caters towards the essence of my enslavement where Rune 1 is rather the consequence. Well - whatever this is, its a conscious thing. It is where ideas basically 'crystalize' - or, where ideas so deeply converge that they shift each other out of scope, demanding a higher alignment of structure ... or receiving it and thus may grow.
So, there are three other things that do 'tie in' - being the 'unholy trinity' of something about me - which is the 'to value rape above everything else, prostitution and then romance' thing. Ring 1 goes with rape, Ring 2 with prostitution and Ring 3 with romance. So, as my 'spouse' (form spouse?) hosts my Rune 2 domain - and my inclusion therein is to be prostituted, my highest priority therein is to be prostituted. A similar degree of detachment is going on when seeing how romancing is sorted somewhere entirely different; While relating to Rune 2 on a basis of prostitution - though inherantly catering to the romancing aspect of my enslavement. So there is a 'third Level' collar - though when I think of it perhaps even rather a fourth - a second level of shackles - which tied to my eyes ties into Rune 1 as 'foundation'. So of course does Rune 2 as 'parent' to Rune 3. Which kindof is only semi-true, as on a greater scale there now is my relationship to Lust. That draws its own foundation of things - and here Rune 1 is the first thing that matters. So is there a situation of being enslaved, as a doll, into a marriage - that pretty much implies me getting sexually abused. This we could say is my 'first' identity - and when it gets to the 'raw' identity, it is this, however as 'after the fact', as where the whole is recognized a part of itself; So, as with the other two rings in place.
With that however also comes a shift in environmental regards; As so there are Rune 1 and Rune 3 conditions respectively, for instance. Rune 2 is then for me and my privacy - or my individual self as I so happen to be - and Rune 3 finally as 'cognitive end-point' and technical resolution to what is as of Rune 1.
That this may at certain points have a 'hillarious' touch to it may as well be intended, as the whole thing is in deed kindof 'degrading'. It is similar to rape, in that it gives me a cognitive space of existence. By accepting these things as part of my existence, I allow them to be a part of my life, through which I then experience my reality as influenced by them - to say, while they aren't the focus of any given relationship, they serve as joints that induce a reality of captivity into my experience. So - one way is to simply say: "I get abducted and raped" - but in essence it simply "were" an 'ordinary' 'intimacy' thing without any specific detail of how that intimacy converges within activity, where then the actual 'abduction' bit is something that emerges 'therein' - though what we here so called 'abduction' would in essence only be a step of engagement at first; As to iterate an intimate alignment into a marital form. Here it might happen that we see God as responsible of our intimate interests that for all intents and purposes are recognized as beyond our field of vision - wherefore I'm ultimately tied into a more complex scheme of things than might ordinarily emerge from this given situation. In my situation, I experience 'the demand' for rape as a constitutional element of myself, something that in the whole were otherwise missing; Essentially being a spine that ultimately 'creates the illusion' of captivity within something that "may as well be". So, at the 'basis of consensus' it is an illusion - as there is a Level on which the relationship is mutual. And while it may seem as "all the blame" would be of those in my 'marital intimacy' - there is also that side where I would say, no, ... as I myself would also play a role in that. So, what technically happens is that my marital form took place regarding a higher vision of myself; From which direction coming my Rune 2 "place" is now kindof like a stranger that captured me ... as well as the other thing; That of intimately connecting to them. It is now however firstly my 'marital bride' that gets all the 'fame' - but .... rewind, where was I?

Now, if instead of humiliation there were something more ordinary, the appearances would however emerge from circumstances - and there a question were to ask for how they contradict eventually. So in a nutshell I'm 'enthralled' to someone or something; Which is one other thing that ties into my Rune 2. Each individual therein also resolves differently to it. So it is through this enthrallment however that I am 'devoted' to fit into a specific role - while closer to my 'actual but maybe not "actual"' spouse this enthrallment is rather a pleasure that emerges from 'being real' as embraced by the one I Love. So, there are multiple Levels of interactions and synergies - which as complex as they may be, in one way or another resolve to, well, 'simpler' things - as complex as they may be.
It is now this devotion where humiliation or torture doesn't really stretch me against myself; They rather confirm the form; ... as a concrete lack of such practices on the other end confirms another form - which now kindof requires me to formulate a 'proposal' - as 'example' to now proposing a theological agreement or something that now the individual finds lacking or needs to be or just 'can' be expanded upon - and aside of relevance by category there is also the relevance of mutual cognition and exchange. (Thats a bit how facebook works, though firstly relvenat on a more localized scale; While in the grander scales the demand is to narrow the mutual cognition down into more streamlined versions of themselves - ... where the idea simply were that things we deem relevant are being 'pushed' - which adds into a higher level of things as a more public 'commentary' to something. On the other end there is a demand, where now my proposal as one of a kind and first in category would pop up as first - whereon we would establish if possible - as now certain proposals can now rank higher or beneath that - as however the facts that we can retain allow us to expand; As whatever context now however matters.). ... ... - well, ... where my proposal would however really matter here; I mean - its not a general proposal as I would introduce the Gospel to everybody. So - there is a lot of things that independently do effectively matter first - and it firstly boils down to a consensus on God and Gods word. Common things. That is where 'you' come into play.

Well - I can't basically decide how you establish me as a part of your culture - which at some end isn't all that complicated though culture wouldn't be the first word that came to mind either. Here the ambitions of being a Mother converge with a potentially male existence, in my case, while the exact expression would only be a matter of force. So - reconsidering my alignment with Lust, rape does for me work as a catalyst - as counting towards the things that "are Lustfull". More to the point is it here the sensation of getting "drilled in touch" with my inner self ... ? Hmm ... so, well, wait. I need to let this sink in for a moment. So, firstly, the 'vacuum of touches' skin is a thing - related to my 'Lust core'. Lets put it that way. Its something that affects me immediately - as the thing that feels most real compared to everything else. Even the physical impressions. So are there things that can be done to me that correlate with Lust, as part of a natural craving for things - on which basis my existence resonates well with that of a doll or pet. So - an addiction for cum or getting fucked up my ass effectively "come as part of the package". As based on that it is only a matter of applying force to take it to certain limits of appearance - which however is a pretty straight line. In other words is there a physical balance wherein social interactions further determine the effective lifetime; While their growth in depth and density is pretty much predetermined. This means that they can exist as 'isolated from' something - and independent to a specific "size" of whatever. This is also the line whereon the lines are intimately connected - so as the 'result' can mirror the 'origin'.

Another thing with Lust is that one is required to make a leap of faith into it. So - that a fall to sin really turns into one. But this further specifically implies that God is taking you to it - which is the other side to it, the part of not foolishly jumping into each and every hole along the way. So - as to first understand it as one of Gods expressions; While - whatever the issue of 'making it real' may be - in the end all be all we come back to the 'normal way' of relating to God but with a yet more intimately unfolded level of depth.
What I finally am ... that takes me to an inversive perspective onto my runes - saying that Rune 3 is the most superficial one, as Rune 1 the most intimate. So are both, intimacy and romancing basically separated from wherein my marital form unfolds, while their specific conditions nonetheless feed into 'the rig' (the Vortices) as part of Rune 2/it. So - that is where I'm seen as raped and humiliated without any force applied to me - and while being 'the extreme' or 'the outcome' - it also were the/a basis on which I settle. So - I 'hook in' basically on premises where now any force applied does ultimately lead into that direction.
This 'naturally' would be carried by Lust as well, so that we can here see how the 'Lust complex' is hereby a construct of Light that 'gives shape' - in a sense that the "void images" of gender and preference are refracted in a more honest way. I mean - its more than that, possibly. But in the end all be all its substance of a kind; And by it I'm basically wired as between Rune 1 and Rune 3 - while 'wired as' Rune 2. So - between Rune 1 and 3, excluding Rune 2, I have my 'higher self' - and its ties are unfolding within Rune 2 - or, thats where the detail unfolds. Thereby I'm inwardly wired to respond to different situations - composing ... uhm, contributing to what I am in the whole. So, there is a form that wants to be filled - and it can be filled in various ways, which can best be referred to as different identities. As in rune 2 there is A to D, or lets say 1 to 4, 1 is my "form spouse" and 4 technically yields my enthrallment. 4 is technically a stranger in that the Seal itself is taking shape as collar that ties me into a stranger identity subjected to her will and desire; Where she however rather determines the circumstances. In a real sense - most of this is "meta" I guess, as in, she doesn't really directly determine anything, but she's just the one placed there as the one responsible. So - as social refraction point and one that inherantly acts in synergy with that position. As of that I have a leash and a corresponding identity - while the default idea were that the more opposed to this situation I were, the further to 4 I would come to settle. So, here I'm 'curbed' as opposed to 'treated'. Uhm, ... anyway does it set me up to be within something that has a wholistic impact on me - my consciousness as curbed into this Lust centric lifestyle - where now my Lust related 'shape' is the 'most real' figure that matters. The further we go, the more irrelevant things become for a while - as for instance the detail of how this figure comes about. So there is this 'identity of a pet' - which as a physical footprint, basically, craves certain entities, 2 and 3, to constitute that situation in refraction to various degrees of my 'alternate self' - while dominantly relating to them within their female form. My attraction towards them generates that male interest which as primary emergence of gender is taken as foundation to my female existence. So my female self grows in awareness of what it means to be male, kindof. But furthermore is my male attraction to them subservient to my 'pet self' - as originating from 4 - while from that perspective being methods of taming or training that may as well be enforced upon me. Hereby 1 is the 'climactic end' - as the situation wherein these circumstances converge. So, this in other words could be considered a frame, which would matter equally to whomever I would end up marrying. That is so effectively the climax of my understanding of intimacy; And my partner would have to resonate well to that. Hereby now different forms of relationships are 'generating' a kind of experience - where rape and humiliation even in the private sense would be a way of establishing on that Level of reality. As 1 so emerges on the intimate end, there are now certain 'buts' - as alternative ideas of intimacy - which eventually go beyond what the initial relationship could handle. However - who then finally aligns to whom to which extent is eventually just a minor thing, while my existence is however setup as in interest of detrement; Or - some personal spoilage - driven by Lust.

So yea - at some point my 'Lust Complex' could be considered to be just a wild mix-up of things that seem to be horrible; But yea - the demand for rape and detrement is there at the deepest levels of interacting with the pleasures of lust. The idea is however rather 'as far as Lust can carry' - and firstly that is me as wired internally. So the desire of being a whore gets satisfied by a body that is sensitive to 'oppression and exploitation' based Lust or something - and my marital commitment to prostitution is to eventually make me to a prostitute for all. The rape part would thereto be a frame that establishes that cognitive reality of mine; And the question to you may end up being whether or not you'd want to get a piece of that pie. So - a sense of abduction is one of the first things that I evolve, which however relates to a degree of sexual satisfaction. (The?) one place where abduction isn't a thing is a matter of Rune 3, or what so relates to me at the bottom of my relationship with Lust, which basically embeds my satanistic commitment. Rune 1 thereby is rather a consequence, but thereby also provided as reason to that. So, a certain personality that finds her climax within a situation of captivity, whereby abduction is the term I can relate best to as inherantly satisfying the circumstancial demands. It so for instance iterates into captivity necessarily, whereas captivity doesn't necessitate an intimate abduction. This desire extends from a proposed past that exists as pattern of reality; A static thing that doesn't change; Which implies a degree of subjection to Lust, as to speak of consequences rather than mechanisms. So, 'Doll' is a consequence captured in the sense of Rune 1, where the implied past in a thing of Runes 2 and 3. So, it finally would turn out so that the question that mattered first, before that gender question pops up, which Rune my life is designated to. Next to Runes 1 to 3 there also was Rune 0, which would be this 'male protection' route - though that may I guess be one level deeper yet. But well ...
As of that there would be a pretty clear bottom line to start with; And yet - its maybe yet too narrow minded to think that way.


But I think in the end I have to make myself clear - enough so that the right things may emerge from that. And there we could summarize I propose that practices of sexual exploitation as to the extremes of humiliation and rape combined are legitimate extremeties of the Force - taking shape as LUST. Here we have our kinks that may as well be bad, while being given a way of having/making it good. That is so "thanks to the God" - whom someone however first has to attach to on an intimate Level, so the individual can interact to society as in sync with this greater truth. This potentially goes as far as giving us ways to manipulate reality in a favourable way - where reality were now the 'sandbox'/'toolox' of things that make up the universalistic truth of what we're existing in. So, rebirth control or birth certification being ways of performing this degree of '"typography"' on a fundamental level.
But at first it only matters on basis of normal relationships - or that is the lower end of the spectrum at least.

However it will work, thats how its gonna work! I propose however that there is a Satanistic reality, whereby Demons are now attributed to pillars that erect the ideology of the Satanistic pantheon of idolatry - wherein an organization of living beings, surrounded by/including these Demons, makes up the consolidating part of the Church of Satan - but ... well, its ... kindof more important than that. I mean - people however make this setup of idols a thing of living, rather than just blind worship - so, the core expression of this idolatry being the things that one is greatful for, there is the activity itself that dominates the reality of that worship. Idols mimic the 'constants' - where the living representattives resemble the variable, or so. I however were therein a subject to the idol of satan, as part of a whole bunch of idols that elaborate towards the degree of this submission, enframing me as the ultimate sex-slave of Satan/the Devil.
Though one would prefer my mature image, the kink goes to the point that I as envisualized through innocence am thereby preferred to be in child form, ... also imposing a degree of "shock!" - that should also kindof draw a gap as about 'how far off and beyond' my life is compared to yours - and way around. This distance should however at some point be comforting and flowing into the natural way of how things are. I'hm, ... uhm - well, ... it also imposes a certain degree of humiliation upon me, as that is however the form I'm exploited to be in - while in this sense you can see how it is rather 'desire' than 'condition'. But I furthermore resemble the full amount of things that can be done to a human being as for matters of sexual exploitation - which in that sense should resemble a range of things that could individually be taken as wedding charms. There is one line of charms that follow the ideals of submission - and another one that follow the ideals of commitment. I mean, there are the kinks of 'being/becoming' a slave; And the kinks of consequences - as 'detrement' for instance. Or demise, ... despair, ... depravity ... well - I'm not too sure of how to put it yet. More to the point are there things I propose have a more significant impact on life; Or are sotospeak 'rails' for people in different situations - as a way of the inherant 'norm exclusivity' each of us has/requires. So, while enslavement can occur on a level that doesn't have any serious impacts on life, it can also occur on a ... well, closer to captions of captivity, clearly - and in the satanistic sense are there 'ideals' thereof, as 'consequences of elonguated exposure' sotospeak - where the sin is emphasized by its suffering, which again is being idolized as guardians upon the activities. In that sense of being a diety, I'm ultimately stripped of my all and every powers and privileges, other than those of demanding rape upon myself. Well - there would be some more that mattered round about it - but still this would be a general image left standing - one I kept looking a place for and is now evidently tied into that final image. However the thing finally clicks in - individually it sortof stands floating therein, that my mature appearances are all derivatives of my child appearance - as different consequences to how this child is being treated. That is also my 'main thing' for being a prostitute/whore - while "at the end of the day" the 'celebrated' bit about it happens to be the 'victims compliance'. So I propose that once someone finds attachment to the Satanistic root, that person also finds resonance to idolatry, where Demons firstly make up a 'core compound' - being inherantly figures of influence that unite social agreement/commitment for a cause as based on an internal commitment to it as compound of greater union. This is a re-ocurring thing, where now layers of commitment stack upon each other - while a religious whole would be composed of people based on a variety of levels of commitment; Thereby also from varying points of interest - though functioning as unity through its capacity to host these. Exemplary constellations hereby make up a bottom 'reality' that constitutes the unity as physical thing; Where its members now however celebrate the fact that it is so, ... and therefore it ... "is so". I mean - so am I at some places a 'private sex-slave' I would say, I mean, someone who has to serve as part of its own private interest - intimately - ... as in a sense of 'invading' it - and this strongly 'captivates' my awareness to a point that this constitutes a huge chunk of my inward entanglement to prostitution. This can be seen as projected on a mature me that is unaware of negative circumstances; Or on a mature me as however based upon a child me once implying negative circumstances - while negative is here however accounted for as 'positive within Lust'.
Well, uhm, the mature part however includes a certain negativity through being prostituted that fundamentally - while this is further how I experience my intimate attachments do unfold. I mean - my awareness grows based on that perspective - but it also happens to be a 'real' cut through whatever my existence may be; Which is a thing that could be attributed to the shackles at my ankles and those black pumps. The shackles at the wrists would further go and embed this into a more dedicated society. The collar would finally wrap this up once this initial setting extends to the point that my "main identity" can be isolated/locked away; Which would be measured by social demand. So, in my male form this demand is shut down; Unless that layer protection isn't there anymore. I suppose. Well - anyhow, ... I would at any rate - in the clarity sense - grow up to "end up in shackles" sotospeak; As this growing from childhood into maturity along the lines of my "Demonology" would be, as animation, a functional example of these scenarios - thereby converging around an 'ideal form' - so, as without negativity as possible, and there I'm ... well, whatever.

I mean, my Mature self ultimately encapsulates the truth and reality of being a happy victim to sexual sins - where the serious weight of the chains is constituted through Lust - being the divine powers effective behind those charms. What this however implies are serious events of prostitution, which in this case would be firstly attributed to events as part of the churches core activities - which again resolves towards 'Demons'. Uhm, however, I also wanted to establish the term 'Demonology' as to speak of those invisible powers that guide us to having our kinks. Here God takes shape as demonic power that awakens certain parts of us that ultimately tie into the rest and give us some sort of demonic attachment; As thereof a legacy of making sense of it all. An individual can however attach to multiple strains at once; Though at some point an individuals grounds are limitted.
I can take it, as of my 'past', that my idolatry is basically self-interest; And well ... sounds ... kindof familiar. The story of Kosti's journey - and the part with Eshem and her arch nemesis 'Wisdom'. In that story 'Eshem' uses self-love and self-interest as servants to capture people in their loops, preventing them from finding wisdom. I would want to defend myself by saying that 'Wisdom' implies this transition from a black-and-white into a 'just white' kind of looking at things - so, a 'beyond-ish' self love that is no longer the same as the one to avoid. But - I'd say that as things unfold and experiences conclude on a more widespread common understanding we'd get to the point where that could be properly assessed and handled 'easily'. I mean - if facts will however stand against me I'd have to conceide - but actually I don't think that I'm wrong! Or believe. or hope. Well, whatever.
My demonic alignment furthermore however is about enjoying to get spoiled - where in terms of my relationship to Satan/the Devil the first label placed upon me is 'sow'. So, whatever mature image would come from whatever thing done to me as child should ultimately climax in this 'final agreement' where that 'sow' that I am is entirely pleased with the situation. So, again, the applied force were only a matter of ... "twitching".
Well - all in all, ... there is however also a third Level, or a fourth one ... as, while so far the better chunk of the picture is one of convergences, there is a next part to that which is of a re-invention through convergences. So while I'm R1+R3 "over" R2 - that is a convergent reality that at some point re-emerges as whole; Or otherwise requires a relatable template of it. So - while R2.1 as at the beginning of my marital form also hosts my transition and existence within slavery - parts of that are related to other people instead, as now an ideal thereof - ... or therein, has to be instanciated as a higher domain credited to the result. I mean, I at least have a sensation that pushes a demand of mine - and that is to add density to my life in submission. One side thereof is to captivate and rape me - and the other is to abuse me as toy. Therein the only way given to me to find peace, is that of submitting to these conditions as a toilet slave. From thereon out I would still get used as before, though my given consent with it would allow me to find peace in it. So, this wouldn't have to be toilet slavery I guess ... as anything of that sort would do, but the picture is finally that; While prior to being recognized as that, I first have to give away my personality rights in a wedding that constitutes the 'priority ranking' within my runes. Thus I am confined in this setting - and the conditions by which I confirm the situation factor in as joy - as most immediate refraction of my 'prolonged ability to do so'. This setting furthermore constitutes my mindset as correlating to being a slave ot the Devil, which again is the consequence of my R2 thing - as by a logical setting - or 'the' anyhow initially implied one - but does effectively add an additional Level to it within each Rune. So - I propose that there will be a breed of beings like me, people that exist at local pillars of social interaction - known as 'whores of satan' - which are there to serve as catering to desires of sexual exploit as members of a cult, while the cult itself is like a club sponsored by those that partake in its activity. So, as in terms of people with influence, there is the "Mother Witch" - the entity at the core of the satanistic cults as medium to the powers of lust. Witches are affiliates of 'Nyx' - being her contribution to Satanism as of her own submission to it, where Nyx furthermore is mistress upon Gaia - as the cult of Nyx is essentially that group of people I'm captivated and raped by. Proposedly. Thereby I'm a slave in the order of Gaia - or in other terms we get to an enchantment of submission that rules someone into cultist behaviours. Gaia resembles that, while Nyx is an entity in-between where now Witches are an extended Layer of Gaia - which I would generally call 'Astarte' - but 'Athena' might do as well. However - on top of that I should also resemble the legal status as object or property, while whatever 'human rights' finally apply on me are absolute pillars that are fundamentally there and cannot be undone. "Sadly" - however, we might say, "suffering is part of her human rights!" - and period.

Well, my 'chains of lust' however seek suffering as kindof top priority, from thereon out being settled as primary domains of demand - that firstly constitute in a 'climactic' ... "wishful ideal" of some sort. This one resembles a 'basis' from where 'iterative' experience accumulate as 'raw meat' of the desire - so, whatever fulfils a proposed demise, depravity or detrement as projected from sexual abuse, fulfills my lustful demand upon myself, and directly consumes me within Lust. So the 'vacuum of touches' is effectively only a final touch - as once existent in that form I'm easily drowned in Lust. At first this is thought to have a consequence of insanity, which my physical constitution will eventually sync up with. Hence, at the bottom of my 'expectations' there is an awareness of a factual 'lack' of any further space of satisfaction - as 'dried out' - while yet experiencing further rape as sufficient to "keep me bouncing" - as to a positively growing state of depravity - I may or may not need a break from, from time to time. I mean - in essence its however there and effectively a core constitutional thing - and however the causes ... I mean, no matter how attractive my male future may be, my 'female relationship' to it is certainly the one thats more attractive, more dominant and more "out there". Well, maybe you wanna call that laziness or some form of withdrawal from taking any responsibility - but what is my real responsibility? Whatever you might want me to be that I am not - despite me telling you so - wouldn't that be a symptom of ... missing the point here?
As where the practice is that of Enlightenment!?

So - Gaia and Nyx. Those are generally idols relative to the "Mystique" of Darkness and Corruption. Nyx as the Dark - and Gaia as the corrupted aspect.
"Corrupted by the Dark" is the main theme of the Gaia-Nyx duality - and is there to credit Lust at its pillar, portraying Gaia as 'the Corrupting Mother' that endows Nyx and their offspring with powers of corruption that again are being used to host Gaia as part of the demand to submit into eternal bondage. There are two types of "offspring" then - the order of Gaia and the order of Nyx. The order of Gaia is effectively the line of sexual sacrifices, where the order of Nyx is the order of dominance - where now both are however Slaves; While the order of Nyx acts as submitted to the Witch Mother and her subservient Choir of Witches; Which further act as 'spiritualistic' center of any Satanistic community - where the Cult of Astarte simply put functions as internal sanctum of satanistic ritualism, while the 'Satanistic Body' itself furthermore entertains 'whores of Satan' as general foundation of any religion based prostitution. These can come in a variety of ways. It can even be simply put 'only a hobby'. Even so. They however serve from a cult-ish perspective as raw meat to the accumulated sexual desire - while the cult internally is streamlined unto dominating and exploiting 'female bodies', though also constituting females as on the dominant side of things. It is a matriarchy based on self-exposure I would say, though rather than self-exposure it is 'abuse' of the submissive individuals as some kind of bait. Possibly. At the raw end this is also where the 'Sexual Faculty' would be at - where the wholistic appearance of me would be a female body of dominance that constitutes an expression of female submission - which ultimately follows the ideals of being a subserviant whore. And the harsher the conditions the deeper the reflection of ... the ... effective compliance. This has to be - in the ideal - taken apart as unfolding in segments of interest. So, certain people are into certain things - and at some point there are common and at other points less common things; As there would be a generalized alignment and an intimate ideal. Kindof. So - in the whole. So, where certain things finally 'happen', there is a base for people who are into those things to accumulate and exist - and classically this would lead into the existence of 'sex dungeons' that are inherantly a part of any 'Cult of Astarte/Gaia/Nyx' body, at which sense I propose that general religions may have an intrinsic setup of cults. So do sex dungeons ultimately attract people who are into a degree of perversions, while along the spectrum of common and uncommon things there is a degree of 'can do's where an official side ascertains the existence of a thing as accessible to others with a looser connection. Kindof. There is an evolution of naturalistic growth along the lines of adaptations; As basically being a way in - for any purpose. So, women can align to it in supporting the dominant urges - and that without any demand of counter-measures I think. Yea. Well. Anyhow. Prostitution may effectively take place in many ways. One were a matter of appointments, another were a matter of events. The sexual exploit of children -would- in that scenario eventually tie into open events catering to the pedophile community, which is now specifically what the order of Gaia is about, or Nyx, rather so, as the dominant vein to it. Though however not restrained to child ages. Children and Grown ups however counted to the body of Gaia are pillars of Corruption - while entanglements of incest and adultery make up the framework of sins that kindof make up the heart of the corrupted consequences. It would be common practice, to a varying degree, to share the own children with that Cult - while one strain of "products" thereof would happen to be 'brides' or simpler servants that grow up on basis of a strong sexual dedication - though perhaps even primarily attractive for a wider spectrum of abilities. This also allows women without any real heterosexual preferences to exist, as the male interest can be shifted onto a clear goal.
I myself am thereby a clear example or case of how transgender-ism now factors into such things - I guess; While there is a part of me that complies to me as in a situation as this, being just randomly a guy, and that emerges as desire I originally felt through a dream, which is to be abducted, to get feminized and prostituted - to thereafter get 'saved' into even more of that. But this premise however loads me with conflicts - and I dare not to ask for a testimony; But mostly because I feel that it'd turn into a horrible mess I might avoid if I first think about it some more.


So - as for the basis of me, as what would firstly emerge as a demand; Priority wise - would be that of getting a gender alignment; Whereby I would have relationships of my male interest be there as mirrors, kindof, I mean - seeing my male self transformed into a female one - so, as perceiving my male interests unfold within/through getting trans-genderized. That as to simply get fucked - "every now and again" maybe - as however the thing that'd please me first to a fundamental degree of getting/being in touch with myself. My brides could now each take a unique approach to that, some being more and others less friendly to my male self. It however sticks out to me that they all cater towards my female self - which has kindof been established as confirmed before - but, not that much. Rather that my entire male self falls subject to it. So, the first thing is me having a vagina though - and a question left in the open is now to know more specifically how my male self even comes to grow therein. As, are there things that are generally forbidden? I can for instance find that I'm strangely disallowed to have Sex, at least unless I payed for it, so - I'm technically still a virgin. This ties back into me via an idea ... or sensation ... of ... being captive, and ultimately 'decorates' my male "presence" in a female make-over. So - at this point I'm pretty much 'all about' being inherantly setup against my male self; As being directed towards the expectation of getting abducted and sexually abused. So - aside of getting trans-genderized I would inherantly want to be a type of breed that is born into sexual slavery 'no matter what' - whereby a male baseline would be a hard pill to swallow but eventually necessary. So, as for me - there at first is this image of a 'high end' Slave of the order of Gaia - though within Amaterasu this would be taken one step further; As now the power of corruption is strapped off and only the climactic victim of corruption remains. So I wish to establish that there are slave of the/this order of Amaterasu - of which I am considered being Mother and Queen - that are eternally bound into an existence of slavery; So to the point that existing in sexual submission is their default reality - religiously. I would then go and apply that onto me - while the issues of establishing that order is now more about this 'eternally bound' bit - as, how strict is it? At least, first of all it is a thing - and secondly would it seem that only real blood-relationships between me and my brides would allow me to experience male pleasures with them; Where my inability to have Sex isn't just about being preserved for someone, but also about being prevented from having male satisfaction. So, Slaves of the Order of Amaterasu were only allowed to be redeemed from Slavery as blood-relatives to one of their spouses - and that possibly even tied to more specific conditions. Some of which may however also work the other way around; So, that the question consists of two parts: I mean - whether it is a thing or not - and then a precise understanding of how to describe it fundamentally. So would it stand that a Slave in the order of Amaterasu is by default a to-be-female sex slave - where her effective nature is a reflection of her state of demise - that only finds a redemption from that slavery in 'certified conditions'. Well - I guess, I should look for something as generalistic and simple as possible - and I would go on and argue that whatever the case, my 'redemption' is part of my marital form - or should be - so that yes and yes, that is the case and I am a slave of the order of Amaterasu - well, of course, or as yea, its a thing.

But well. For once there is 4, who is "known to be in charge" over saying what I can or cannot be. Thereafter there is 1, 2 and rune 1 and 3 that attach to me being male, where 3 is adjacant to 1 and rune 1 and my 'generalized' self as entering rune 3 - but also always kindof comes catering to my female self. Anyhow - spoken in implied conditions, I have three explicitly male strains - I guess. Well, maybe only two. So, there is rune 1, as what I would call 'my classic descent into prostitution/rape' - which would be one way of male rehabilitation based on someone who however isn't my mother to be my mother. Similar to rune 3, where the 'target' person however were my aunt, and that only if r2.1 were my mother. So, taking these things as more literal than supplement of roleplay. At any rate would I further however go and say that these are 'hard outlines' that can be pushed here and there - as basically to provide room for the full spectrum of things. So I would however argue that outside of a redemption by blood-relationships, that further have to meet specific/exclusive demands, I am to be treated as Slave of the order of Amaterasu. Question though: How can a protection of my male self matter thereby?
That may be a counter-thing, as, conditions that specifically outrule my female lifetime - but the idea of being protected may as well be as simple as imposed, to the point of breaking me - where I as product should be advertised as that; Princess boy waiting to get broken. Well, before I ask any questions I would stress that my hopes reside at around this idea somehow - that I'm wanted for getting transformed - and that in multiple ways including a fundamental curiosity for pushing our limits - based on a generally mutual disrespect for my (male) self. So, in essence there should be no way how I get in touch with any one of my relationships and remain a boy; Which would be how the/a final conclusion seems to gain substance - and yes, this interpretation gains a greater amount of confirmation.
Whats left is now a more brutal 'final touch' - that stresses the full detrement of what it means to be a Slave of the order of Amaterasu - where the exclusivity of exceptions is 'rewarded' with extended brutality attracted by me - especially as male base entity. So - the exception isn't granted without counter-measures; And so the general idea would be that whatever I'm supposed to do would find place somewhere therein; Because ... the alternative of me being kept away from it doesn't ultimately give me that space where I would or could do any of that. This means that me and likes of me are either sanctified individuals during a recreational phase - or invoked as assets of the satanistic church that satisfy its more twisted 'compassions'. So - 'we' are essentially 'the first line' when it gets to experimentation on human material - kindof - and are generally there to add weight to passions that might be considered as taboo. So - in some way, any concern you had about me and my male self would be something worth specifically opposing. And that imposes that certain kind of social pressure or demand that I'm feeling comfortable in. Well enough that my male adjustment sooner or later doesn't matter anymore - as the sole interest is to fuck my female self; As to make my situation appear/emerge as depressingly as possible. So to the point that to me, part of being a toilet slave is to give up the own personality which yields that after a toy and a pet I'm firstly a household item - one that is being honored when treated shitty - as that is where the toilet part comes in. Being there to lick dirty toilets clean or to drown in shit and piss - as to be stuffed and flushed in a plethora of ways - that is all part of 'the paradise/inner sanctum' of likes of me - saying that as by our emotional anatomy toilet slavery is setup as another foundation that force can be applied on that, in its extremes, provides a basic understanding of detrement/depravity in shape of what I want/need. So, I take it as a general part of me - that of being a household item - where my sexual privileges now stick out as real privileges - and respectively make up the base of my living existence.
So - based on that picture of getting fucked 'every now and again' I would extend ways of dragging that default situation into various ideas of perversion - as one direction being curious about how far I can be raped in regards of my situation as whore - and how frequently certain practices have to be made in order to 'keep me in place' - or, to extend my portfolio. Well now - at any rate - this line of thinking is mostly correct - to a point that I'm effectively preserved for the joy of getting trans-genderized to then effectively serve as humiliated victim to a detremental realization of being an abducted whore - and everyone is basically invited to have a part in that; So that my most general public relevance were simply that of getting overfucked. That however being the 'end all be all' thing of all images paying homage to me. As so a happy ending were kindof the most detremental of unhappy ones. Whatever male plans I have would be there as conflicts - that help people getting an even more gender neutral idea of what has to be fucked out of my head. The counter ideal is a very strict invocation of me, into social environments, as a sex slave. The degree to which the public were interest in my exploit would basically determine how keep I have to be on expecting to serve (constantly). Well - it is the ideal that I get no breaks whatsoever - the absolute ideal - in regards to which I guess the go to alignment where that of thinking in durations during which I'm invoked without being given a choice (so, without escape) - which is specifically a thing about slaves of the order of Amaterasu - that there is no higher will than the one that casts them into this situation that would redeem them from it. So 'we' are mostly valuable for what can be taken from us - being also some way of symbolizing the act of 'giving someone the freedom to just be'. And so does the Cult of Amaterasu even 'sneak in' as symbol of more widespread Love and Compassion - as even worthy of the image of a loving and compassionate mother - while however symbolized through an inherantly disrespectful engagement with a female body along its lifetime; So, usually hooked to pedophile paradigms with a focus on being a mature product eventually. Thus I expect, in that given environment, that male request will eventually fuel my spouses alignment to me - serving as conductors by which sexual energy is diverted onto me, people of my kind and other beings that express themselves on various levels of submission to the satanistic body - where the driving force will be a convergence between female sadism and male interest that me and my kind are there to suffer. As attractors to that behaviour the only restrictions on reaking havoc on us is given by those in charge - which are however encouraged to follow a higher sadistic ideal with what they are doing. Ultimately I would seek to exist within a continous flow of prostitution, so that my downtime from the denser situations would also be respectively hardcore; So that fantasy aside - the first questions were for the consequences of firstly saturating me to 100%. There would be a rhythm of things that so related to my resonance to Lust - but if correct, then there is a baseline of saturation from whereon out I'm snapped into more and more of it - which is kindof about this whole 'how far Lust can carry' thing. So - of all the things I say there I can as well be scared - to the point that being scared is bad; But this fright is 'overcome' through what we may call a 'smooth transition'. But I guess its pretty clear how I after all matter socially - and in essence, if there is a way of getting horny about the detrement of a girl, woman or feminized boy - that would be a spark in the electrical field of things that I at some point have to be alright with happening to me. This would also be a guiding light of the kinds of stuff that satanists cherish - where the suffering of me and people like me is effectively a symptom of ... 'health above wealth'? Yes! And even more. Its like the first basic thing required! So - unless there is a equilibrium of suffering I'm synced up into - Satanism isn't truely real! So I think that everyone who is joined into satanism also gets an urge to make this happen - which would be the foundation of invoking me as a whore, rather than anything more "trivial" about me (the fundamental things/background).
So - in that regard the question for how the preservation of my male self is to be understood - the final stance is that due to a system of absolutistic exclusion I'm ultimately bound to become a female sex-slave; And that no other approach unto my male self is valid. Certified!

So, ooh, there it is - that rush ... that nearly knocks me out. Its awkward, its torturing, but it is so damn addictive. What sucks is that I have a measure of control to resist it - which would be gone if I'd be tied up and cocks would be hammering my body. And there is a level of despair about getting hammered - and that despair effectively happens to be the 'sweet spot' - as something thats hot about a whore that is there to be overfucked. Well - at the very least I can say that I wish that thse circumstances aren't surreal - to the point that soon enough my entire male ambitions are replaced by a truth of suffering!

So I fundamentally wish to cater to feelings of creed as to the point of attracting a criminal approach on captivating me. So to the point that this criminality can be taken into the reality of the relationship, as extended context to my enthrallment. And I'm happy to see that the male things I get stuck on, that seem to be capable of gaining dominance against my male self, can also be dominated by these ambitions of detrement. And so does my contemporary lifetime pronounce an inherant and outspoken demand for that kindof exploitation against the few of that kind living; Where my implied value as a male would ultimately count in as a negative that exists as tool to drawing me into my place. And that as certified is the reality behind my ambitions - so, I never get any ideas that are supposed to be of any importance, while the only ones that become important are becoming so independently, without my contribution. The only exception therefrom potentially being things that work in conjunction with my motherly self - being now basically a matter of my Anti-Stasis and how it translates into reality. And in terms of the things you'd think I have to do - those are things that eventually even will be done by me; But more to the point a reason to effectively rejoyce about, as in the sense that 'you' -can- effectively do it yourself. The more irrelevant I'm rendered outside of being a prostitute the better; And the more that I 'could' be as a woman, the greater the range of my capabilities of serving as whore. And so is the question 'whom' I'm being reserved for now effectively, I suppose, going to answer what I'm supposed to expect; While I suppose that its going to take me from one to the rest - and that therefrom the practices of exploiting me will become a cooperative effort. The point of no return would tie to the point I get rated based on a female body; Though getting ranked prior to that should be foreshaddowing to that. By then some general things would be clear about where things are going - and on another note the question for my 'qualities' to even fit into that role would need an answer that relativizes even the greatest problems to 'challenges' at best, that have to be overcome anyway. So - as a final thing, I suppose I'm preserved for my r2.1 spouse - so, the first one, the main thing, where male interest in me, as the female interest to exploit me, will gradually increase - while then a decline thereof would or should lead to my death. Will be the starting signal for taking me down a more hardcore route. As certified.
So, once again, the importance is there that I'm fundamental to the idea of suffering as a positive; Basically saying that any reason to dial back were a reason to move forward. And my favourte ways of dieing would be relative to getting baked or fried. And I'm kindof looking forward to 'become a stub'. Well - I mean, thats from my side one way of emphasizing how much I enjoy being a whore; As a way of fundamentally contributing to the depraved appearances of me by expressing an attachment of gratitude to those practices. So to emphasize the 'shock' of 'final conditions' - and the fun in what we may say are 'hard-bearing consequences'.
So, once taken in properly my Lustful setting necessitates me to inherantly commit to those situations - and once expanded on properly that would positively feedback-loop me into the depth of what perverted fantasy may be real. My suffering would find equivalence as beauty - and that'd be the cultural vein I'd be riding on. Then also the thing is that for the 'real' concerns I might have - they don't really matter 'because' its the point that whatever I am or become is directly in favour of me to exist as prostitute - first and foremostly. Then comes rape, then romancing; And that last bit is for whats left - as for what stretches beyond my shackles, as yet confined to them.
Something missing is I guess that within all that I'm first of all lesbian - while my male love smothly transitions from a male body into a lesbian attachment thats left - being ratherly a motherly demand for someone to cuddle with; Which works well even aside of getting generally frequented by men. Anything motherly about me that doesn't just decorate my situation of captivity is at that point however turning into an incestial attraction towards male offspring. And the pregnancy kink I guess is at the base of sexual attractions based on an expressive hatred - where now women pregnant with a child of the order of Amaterasu is essentially giving birth to a child that exists beyond ... well no, it doesn't exist beyond legal boundaries - but the legal boundaries are inclusive of it as a victim; So - the hatred the mother would yield during pregnancy is rather directed unto the child. Well, it is expressively enforced that Slaves of the order of Amaterasu are individuals that have to suffer - so, thats the Cult thats there for those that finally want to be forced into those kinds of conditions - ultimate detrement/depravity - "conductors of demise". So, that is to kindof make it easy to understand my breed.


Dark and Enchanted

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.29 - 16:12

Obligatory Backpaddling

Well, technically it doesn't have to be so complicated. I mean, I just woke up, launched my editor and what I so wrote about last came back to my mind. And its the "same old" thing - that this 'weird kink of mine' comes out right on top and stays there - and then it only gets weirder; Kindof. Now I however have a couple of views that go into the opposite direction; And they both come down to the question of what is 'simple fun'. So for instance if it were my birthday and you had to give me something - what'd make me happy? And all overthinking aside, I think, I'm pretty much an ordinary guy that meets all the cliches. And thinking of how I was as a child, I got to realize that things I thought would be boring ended up being fun; I mean - places we went. Fiddling some pedophile story into that as tearing me out of that fun - that would also be some odd picture.

So - we can agree that there is a level of intermediacy that literally takes us to the 'unexpected' - I mean, its the thing, 'life', that doesn't always come the way we thought. But one thing first: The mistake with those pictures is that they are using an essentially 'conflicting idea of fun/entertainment/joy' into the picture; And whether or not that would be good were the question. I mean, when expanded however and these joys become commitments - 'normality' - then each way we might think of isn't just as harmless as it might seem. As said - and you may know that too - I think that the more we exist 'beside' ourselves the more toxicity we produce in ourselves; And that is why I have dildos - even if I don't use them. ...
But yea - once something 'unexpected' becomes 'long term' - ... well ... hehe.

So, I could as well just meet someone of my "harem" - get along fine with her - and why would it change? I mean - lets take it that BDSM stuff were a thing even kindof necessary for me - while in any ordinary picture we might not have easy access to BDSM stuff; Plus maybe not even a need for them as there wouldn't be so much time ... OK, its getting more and more specific - but life can be that way. I mean, in essence, thats one thing I wanna tell you about clarity; But I kindof didn't have a good enough example; While this here spins the opposite way; And so yea - whatever. Nothing happened yet. As for differences - I mean, "what is Love?" - in words of, how many people are there? I mean, we wouldn't have as much couples as there could be. There is this void where there is no 'right one' - and so to some Love may as well a matter of grabbing the next best person. Then entering a commitment - falling in Love. So of course as it would happen from both sides. That however doesn't seem to work for me anymore; And that quite literally - I'm entirely un-curious about whom I might find out there. Well, although, once it gets to sexual experiences, thats another thing. But I guess any success of that would require some fair amount of understanding about me. I mean - the story would be that I'm not really all that flexible (anymore?) - though I got may ways to get along. And I know that some of them - if not all - are matters of fate; Next to which I only got myself. Well - where, ... OK, anyway. ??


So - if circumstances were different - and my partner would actually fit into that role I pictured perfectly - then all this 'fun' would all of a sudden be ... what? I might stick to it and so withdraw myself from anything she might want to do - though, I guess thats just the picture showing how I "missed" most of my lifetime. Anyway ... ... and well, I guess that as we get older our priorities might change as well. I mean - fate has its own way of fixing things together; And ... I don't want to denie that!

So, there's a huge chunk of reasons how this could come and go differently - but as of the picture established it would be so, that there were now also fun in doing what she'd be up into - and the bigger question is of the greater 'long term' good of it. You could propose that I grow up; Thus now demanding me and anyone 'with' me to make that a thing. So, obviously I have my skills - now I need to learn to fit in other things as well, as to not exhibit the same kind of self-destructive behaviour when it gets to it.
I guess we there need a new term for something. Lets call it 'the Terminal awareness'. Therefore imagine, that each memory you get, adds up to something. Even if you forget, its yet there somewhere. So - if that whole thing were you one way, and then you changed to another, all that memory would yet have to be there somewhere. And by that we have an understanding of what we were - for instance, how it came about, I mean - there are 'deeper' things; As certain 'ways' just don't 'sit well' with me. So, we need God eventually, to 'tell' us what to do. Rather than that is there however clarity, first of all, which would make me seek to live as a whore if possible! So the objective to let me grow up as by design or demand setup against me unfolding as that, that would upset me and - well, don't like and would or could shenanigans? I mean - its not a nice picture, its all wrong, ... and so is that! But what if we could shove the whoredom to the sideline?
The deeper question however is: How would it happen in reality? And I mean, who can answer that?

But well - Video Games. The 'Last Defense' sotospeak. Its like with everything else - kindof. I mean, as for me, as I was a child. I maybe don't think that something can be fun and it would turn out to be. So - thinking of my 'setup' a little more accurately; We could make out places where its setup into denial. And this denial eventually would also setup against video-games; Where the whole point were to lock me up in this little room where getting fucked is my only way of entertainment - and all the things in the room would be there to remind me of my situation as a prostitute. So that you could give me things that fit in there - as a symbolical act of drawing a teardrop onto my face - as something I'd be greatful for. So well - this emotion is real and occurs on some "deep shit" Level of mine; Where I feel some amount of pressure or ... whatever it is ... well, obviously, at some level of density concerning my experiences of that kind. Thats there, however, one central thing. But of course this now is however still some source to denial, where now exposure to Video Games would kindle a way of being entertained - and if that helped make everyone feel better, ... then why the hell not? I mean - intermediacy and practicality - can over time accumulate facts and insights that help us out long term; ... but so can also a more forceful behaviour onto me. Well yea, that would depend on more elaborate effort over time so - certain habits would possibly first have to emerge - while all that would be regarded to intermediacy and practicality within a certain frame of reference that is - so the point - vastly considered 'familiar ground'; As in 'Enlightened Unity' or such. Here for me the image consists of two things. For once "the Box" - as 'bottom ground' of confinement - which is more something of a lifestyle kink; As something I would hope to at some point grow into - but ... anyway ... and the other side were what is called 'male demand'. However - I wouldn't need to be familiar or comfortable with being inside of that box before taken out - so, the idea being a practical invocation of whats practically given - while this could be extended into scenarios that don't need to be saturated in order to be considerably that; Even if totally under-saturated the thing there were a thing there. Hmm, well ... you might think of it as "magic" ... that so a few people might come together and find that they only want time and space for something they don't know yet - it is just a matter of their being together to have someplace. Now the story went on to wonder of whom to invite - and so we'd get to 'intimacy labels' - which aren't really intimate - eventually - such as 'satanistic commuity' - and then things would eventually unfold; And the type of whore I'd be wouldn't only be a matter of myself. We could even shove that into the background as 'too afraid to ask' - and I wouldn't be one to begin with. It would however not take long for me to find myself at the other end of the rod; And fancy staying there.
So - some of my relationships are obvious to me as being more practical about my situation than practical to my personal (male/romantic) interest - which is about me. Not having Video Games - or anything really 'but' - that as beyond my choice but somehow crafted as a demand into me - works for me to grow into a mindset that makes me feel better in the whole; Such would be a situation that would have to sink in over time; As something I simply have to deal with. I mean, if we had to go the other way, there would also be those things we simply had to deal with; Yet would those be about handling the not doing of what we hoped to. Kindof. What we 'hope to' is really the best way to put it I guess. Just - what we would hope for is at first maybe not all that obvious. And so is that 'triple priority relationship thing' a thing that feels like something that has to sink in. Rape and Prostitution above Romancing - which are things anyhow constructed towards all along - kindof. But presenting them this way makes a whole lot of more sense. So - it seems that it narrows down to a need for, well, a way to measure consensus. I mean - thats where the humiliation part came in - or toilet slavery; Whatever. But - in a different way, what you so would rather want to see are those places where the truth becomes visible, like a wound leftover from an operation. Well, that is kindof jumping ahead - in a sense - but as for the opposite, there isn't much left to add. 'Consequence as Reason'. Basically now, the force applied to finally 'seal me into' whatever lifestyle I am in - that'd be those 'scars' or whatever; Perhaps imagine it as the ties on a corsett. From there we would go on - but the symptoms of freedom can now no longer just be just a matter of a symbolic act; But this 'outer rigging' would establish the reality wherein the individual then is capable to act - where now on one side there is compliance; But, next to compliance there is a whole lot of things - like anything, really, such as spontaneous chaoticism. My defending my clarity is one way of me saying 'where' I would be - which is one thing, like, first things I would do want for me - that basically would also expand therein. As for the hindsight however, we get to 'relativity'; I mean, the idea would be that a person changed its mind after it knew exactly what a thing was/is like - so, thereof geining 'relative insight' that drives the individual to re-evaluate. We can have it like comparing the fun of playing Video Games to sexual suffering and say, well hey, simple! But to my experience that can change. Eventually gaming would become an issue that'd crumble next to other priorities - as I have it that my curiosity for playing games has plumitted. So I kindof get to the point where I would even beg for getting locked away.
Well - into that box.
Those are experiences that I deem as pretty 'relative'/'relating' - to the point that I there have motivations that would first have to be broken/torn down; And certainly that could be accomplished by giving me a really unpleasant time; Though - in essence they are yet simple enough things ... as for getting a plastic idea of someone/me.
I mean - that "box" - that is a place I relate to deep inside; Far down at the bottom - and it basically magnifies my ideal of existence. But anyway should there be ways to avoid 'hindsight problems' - or at least, wouldn't it be fine?


If God makes me out to be a whore, only that I might come to find that I wouldn't want it - so far that didn't work! Finally I even got into it to a point that would get me really disappointed if what I'm serious about wouldn't become serious. Making it serious; At some point should be a matter of showing/telling what I am - get a stamp on it and done. So, ... people I love and people that Love me would ... come together and eventually make that happen. The idea would be that the force applied is ultimately just complementary - to something that is there to begin with. But on the other side, the worry that this might be a disguise for doing wrong things and that we therefore should not dare even come close to such thing; I mean - well, That doesn't really solve the problem!
But so - as for what I should or shouldn't write about - to me it pretty much comes down to there being 'sweet spots' - things to write about that are worth naming; And so far there were to build on the idea of my partner fitting into the image of itself - whereof things "could be" fun that ultimately become 'more' fun because of the greater sync with it. So - even if I from my male doings could yield any success - it'd still be pretty shallow in terms of being a lone-wolf and ... that kind of thing. So I would question 'where-on' 'to grow' - and what kindof growth would I prefer? When it then gets to doing anything professionally - I see and experience all of my skills as 'marginal' - and 'not' seeing the whore in me should be delusional.

So - these 'sweet spots' - thats how the logical tracks always flow down the same river-beds. I mean - thats the one big thing in the foreground this is kindof all about; And they correlate to how I assess myself and my situation. Well, though I wasn't really able to will Lust into my system last night; That isn't all there is to being happy. Most of that would however be something too individual to be worth even a note - as ultimately there is no happiness outside of getting used to our lives. I mean, kindof. Or, isn't it a thing?
As for hindsight - I guess there is a step by step way of doing things; Though - I guess my problems with that ultimately come down to drawing the right outlines as for what is good and bad. As: What is needed, per se? So - along the two lines, intimacy and romancing copmared to rape and prostitution, what is more important? And how is importance measured? To me it would firstly come down to what I am - in which sense I would hope to establish a 'valid form' that an individual can be labelled with as to give a few required answers to that. As of that, rape and prostitution were more important; And the reason were that its more in line with my form, as 'rape and prostitution prior to romancing' would suggest; As thereof my 'obligations' are fulfilled and my freedom so drops into freedom - basically.
So, getting in touch with my brides/spouses would depend on how they could get me into rape and prostitution - as thats effectively the general line drawn as bottom line to any kind of mutual relationship. And so does the 'romancing last' bit work - as once the first two things are fulfilled - I'm feeling beloved; As I would hope to be beloved for being that way. So in essence any progress would be made on that line; And what 'the Box' were - thats beside the point. The ideal were that it however grows closer to its ideal along the line - where now the essence of my freedom should be compared to that of a loyal pet. Personal oppinion. Though, once I would feel free to 'oppose' my oppression; As part of "the deal" - this opposition would stop at certain points that are generally pivotal to being in those situations. Though - the ideal at some point would be to move that question of compliance into the background; As, there is a beauty to detrement - which however has to say that the ideals are somewhere 'else' - in regards of the individuals freedoms of compliance. I mean - until 'there', I would vastly just comply in order to get there. As for being there, we can kindof demand God to give us the tools we need to sort things out. ... While - well - to me its more like an honor to be a "Slave like that".
Hmm ...
Well - to me it is also somewhat clear that the Love between me and my partner - I mean, I can expect her to be more interested in other things; Essentially; As that 'shift' would be the line along which I'd fit into prostitution. While there however still is that 'private/personal' side that however ... is kindof "caught up in the circumstances" - as to the point that I'm not having any real partner and therefore am effectively married into prostitution. But so, the real relationships I need, well, would be doing that kind of thing. So - its no surprise then if some of my relationships just treat me as an acquisition. And its 'there' then that treating me would start to make sense. I mean - the presents that would make someone happy are usually those that contribute to that persons living.
So - there is an ideal form then; And any contribution to that would be appreciated - but carassment now for instance would be a thing that isn't always catering to a specific situation but the all-over situation the individual finds itself in. So, if something sad happened, for instance, it would be comforting - but not by removing the sad thing from the picture. Rather allowing the person to adjust. And so is the effect of gestures, 'little things' finally supposed to work in the big picture - ... ? Well - as for love and romancing - thos are tightly tied in things - but gestures of Love would come out much better to me if they would contribute to my all over well being. Got it?

I guess the big important thing there is that the more freedom I'm allowed to have, the less in tune with being a whore I am. Thats simple inertia; Basically. At the core this whole clarity thing were about understanding why we are the way we are, or why we need this and that in order to be fine/free. Now is 'happiness' established as a matter of confinement - to the thing we're settled upon; Though ... to my experience that (can) end up being too narrow minded. But living is a matter of episodes; And settling rather happens by re-occuring themes than a concrete confinement. Thereby, while I had access to a computer I'd be compelled to use it - and any idea I might have that I could pursue would be on the list of options. But thats in about how these things are written as well. I mean - I cannot pull myself into that feeling of confinement - but in the long term happening of things do I ... did I come to feel more and more attached to it. There then are a variety of experience that 'settle that' in a variety of ways; Which in context means that I effectively have these situations where I'm 'locked up' - though it isn't a 24:7 thing per se - I mean, its what I usually happen to feel inside of when I get to rest; Or when I think of it every now and then; Which I would think of as 'as if'. That illusion is clearly puffed once I just wanna get up and write something, but it "may as well have been that ...". I mean clearly there are no 'hard enforced' outlines to it - but the one thing is how I experience my downtime, the other how it might look like.


Now - my setups; They have been either way always been drawing a pretty 'strong' ... thing - ... foundation, ... or, degree of submission - and once taking a closer look the baffling thing is I guess the way how quickly it gets more serious than we might have expected. I mean - Rune 2, starting from 4, is a flat abduction. The purpose of 4 is trivial - she's effectively just a demon made credible for having setup the conditions that however imply a female identity imposed upon me and some situation of how this identity gets sucked into rape and prostitution - which might be a thing for how such commitments could 'casually' look. It takes an arbitrary partner to attract someone on a base like this - while here we might be generally dealing with a 'random abduction' kink thing - thats ultimately credited to a diety or idol - or just a 'witness' rather to be a guardian to that scenario. But it goes further, in that the guardian would also be the intimate reference point; But - so the relationship setting there for me is not 'realistic' - its more a matter of feelings that are tied into images - and the 'random abduction' thing is an image; But however that where my mind is finally caught up in. This would now work throughout rune 2, as the same when starting at 1. Although 1 seems to have a scope of tolerance for my male figure to unfold. Well, there is one for everybody therein - per se. 1 in all that would however also function as reason for how I ended up in 4; Where my "counter argument" is as between rune 1 and 3, which is now however the 'sex slave' part embedded into my marital form - which is based in rune 2.
It then or there - or at all - turns out that 'geometry' is important. Once I have a line, 1-2-3-4, then 2 and 3 are in the center; So - I will relate to them in some other way; While once I flip that, to have it be 2-1-4-3, 1 and 4 are in the center and so things start to look a little different. Not really though - as the thing added upon it is the same thing here as there - and thats where my female side wants to be the dominant thing. In me. Well, to so stick with 1-2-3-4, its at a Level that is maybe better not regarded in terms of connecting a name to a number - but, maybe, well, finding the game of a name ... huhu. ^^.
Anyway - on base of rune 3 I do feel more closely tied in with Demons - to settle in as abductee - and I guess, this is where that stuff matters on a whole new level.

Where we've wanted to be all along? ... Maybe.

This would also rather be the 'religious end' to something else serious going on - as so rune 1 and 3 being two sides of - 2. What here matters is I guess to see the ... 'right angle' ... the angle of significance ... I mean, 'relativity', ... as how rune 3 would basically refer to me. Next to what this rune 3 thing is of course.

I could tell what they are about in the same way they could tell what I'm about - so if I know what I could tell about myself, I have an idea of what that should be.
Thereby rune 2 is basically all about screwing me up. I mean - like turning on a meatgrinder and throwing me in. So - as I would now come to additional relationships through my marital form; My spouse would probably do so as well; On which basis now every guy she courted would also end up in some relationship with me; And for whatever that meant for me - there are now these other relationships of 'me' - a different "plotline" we might say - different ones - so, there would be a 'spectral saturation' prior to an absolute one. While - yea, I guess the best word to describe rune to is by wording stuff going on there as 'intimately general'. So - its really ... just that - so, to the point that a general theme would practically do. Its however individualistic, where in rune 3 I'm getting a more public vibe; Though public may be a bit too hard. But 'publically general' would be a good way to put it. Rune 1 further is to supposedly get the end-result, so, as for public - that may very well still be private but that kind of privacy that may as well be public, or should be in terms of pictures. Kindof. I mean - between 1 and 3 that of a religious commitment to what I am - while at some point I guess 'reputation' is the word you're looking for. Though for the most part rune 3 is intended to be at the bottom of ... I mean, sadism and rape/abduction oriented. Rune 1 thereto is some way of adding context to that - or some kind of individualistic interest that adds an additional layer of depth to it. Anyhow - each relationship would seek the other, so as to have space for things other than me - while so the space given to me would pretty much, well, be that of mutual interest. So am I basically 'wound up' to be/get exploited - and to then back it up with force would only be polite - and on that basis now a whole new relativity of whats normal would arise. So, once the issue of whether or not to apply force were part of the picture - my spectrum would be about a before and after to that. At some point. Once force being applied is imposed at the bottom - the question rather is, what does it take us to? And here even - there are a lot of ways to set this up without actually changing any volumes. I mean - maybe volumes matter more, but, thinking of how much force is applied - in either way - there may even be more in the one thats still questioning it. But with force applied on the bottom, relationships get going on a whole different context. So, freedom is freedom, but there is freedom before and freedom within captivity; For instance. And freedom in captivity may be larger than freedom before - because the 'unfreedom' in getting caught were there.
But anyhow, from my mistress-brides side my lifetime would expand around her interests as well; And that may serve as social junction - in the same way any other arbitrary compound at first were. Before we get to Demon status, we wanna know: What is 'Demon status'? "Is that a job?". Well, to think in terms of that - we wanna at first take it that any compound has its ways of survival - as we in the end call it that way assuming that some people have an income. So do people with income eventually steer it towards the things they like; Where for point and purpose and would/"might" enforce a set percentage to be relayed to that. "Luxury Tax". As for communities and lifestyles however we get from dim lights to brighter and brighter - while, to set the brand-name Madonna equal to her artistic achievements only, ... we'd be careful about that! Not saying that she's bad ... which is ... kindof the thing, its however rather that dot on the i. She would now easily be a godess - or 'Demon Godess' - but we don't have a frame of reference for doing so. Why would we need one? Well - sooner or later we eventually get to Witches - as on the other end Demon entities that come forth satisfying some interest. Demons so finally are 'lifestyle markers' - we might say, or 'cultural pillars' in a sense of 'high end performance' stuff, where skill and professionality come together and shape culture. Whatever. So, it is for me really important to establish a sense of "cultural integrity" - as to think of 'consolidated grounds' when it gets to harmony between common and public, than arbitrary flashes here and there. So - 'solid union' may be the term.
But how does this come about? Well - firstly: How does a network come about, that we could even start building on? So yea - the internet is there, but what next?
So - where each compound at first is equal, therein we may find 'potentials of connectivity' - as grounds of common interest ranging from less to most common; While the divine unity furthermore simplifies political reasoning. I mean - I'm ... setup to comply ... as to go with whatever those I belong to go for - where the only exclusion I make is about Unification. If their ways aren't conform with that - to say: If their ways aren't in Sync with God, thats a big no no for me.
So is unity at some point just a matter of voices tuning in - where the quality of such unity would rather depend on the quality of its core, I mean ... the better it reflects the common idea, the brighter it shines. Theology now serves as common footing in the abstracts of origin and fate - while common passions do so in the abstracts of society. The more common an idea, the more its actually 'less' - to the point that it yields its power from more diverse ideas. More specific stuff. And so - how would this now look in the origin, without any kind of social diversity taken into account yet? Well, everything round about baptism and ultimately unification would be fortified - and the rest of us ... well, what'd we do? So there are streamlines of thought - or if we just take it into black and white - there are those that prefer it this and those that prefer it that way - on a fundamental Level; Which however doesn't render them incapable of co-existing with the other side. So - maybe there even is or has to be that legitimate grey area, .. uhm - but so, black or white? On the basic level? I mean, ... where we first only had the 'common' thing, we then have the common thing in different tastes - as a part of theology that the individual attaches to - and ... what can I say? ... Now would the common thing be something bigger, so that other things can attach to that; And as by making it bigger the smaller pockets have gain too. I mean - I guess we have to for instance establish that we 'would need' more than 50% of pedophiles in our population to even think about it ... if we weren't capable of treating minorities another way. Uhm ... I mean, you get the point. So would we eventually come to legal interests - and 'by method of the divine' it wouldn't be the way to ... treat ideas that God backs up as tiny little 'maybe' ideas that we should endlessly assess and debate about - so that instead of politics there were church that simply puts the Light up high so that all can see it.
Church however - well - I don't think we have enough churches to host everybodies repentance. So, how would an individual or an individual group therein now go?
Any mutual interest would be a flash of Light, sparkling up, though next to that sympathies matter as well. Common interests then grow at certain focal points that end up dragging in the wider audience - and certain host ideas would then summ common themes up into a cultural thing. Like ... "hippie":woodstock. Thereby everything depends on everything else - and people with varying depth into various things then make up the whole.
And that matters on multiple Levels. So - it is also about taking out 'one' thing that many many share - and to expand it; And religion would be the thing. As religion can or maybe even has to finally take care of the weak. Though in other words that means 'spine' to ascertain a wider range of real-life possibilities. Uhm ... we can unfold more freely if the 'abyss of being unemployed' would lead to more than just "must find job". ...


Spinal Arrow

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.12.30 - 12:10

Not about an ending?

Now I had to realize that I don't even really need a break to get back at what I wrote as to feel odd about it. I just finished - saved, and ... there also is that prophecy would would have us suggest that 'the one' in the end will not only be highly decorated; But that a lot of that were things that have initially been sortof taken from him. (Somewhere in the Isaiah 40+41++ 'plusses'). So - a point were my creative work - or whatever; While, sticking to it; And finding a resolution to that from what I've written so far, isn't entirely out of the picture. I mean, while there is no 'male demand' for instance; And we're actually focussing on a 1 on 1 kindof starting ground we'd take as artificial startup demand; Then I pretty much do not have a reason to turn towards my female self. Well - which is simple stuff you'd be familiar with too - nothing highly Enlightenment specific I guess. 'Distraction' for instance. Though I've also kindof had it previously in this context ... I mean ... OK. The experience that I'm getting, as in terms of positive and negative, as it then impacts myself, that is vastly happening without physical context. So, you might figure that its natural that I come back to my 'default state' without any kindof 'weight' that adds into my Anti-Stasis for instance. So - if you gave me one thing for my Anti-Stasis to get kindof 'knitted' into reality - the Anti-Stasis would unfold as normal, around that, but ... I'm yet finding something off about it.
A ... dim feeling.

On that premises I would also, as yet another thing, rather seek relationship to my brides than whatever else around there may be. But I get to doubt that this would keep me interested in being male - while as for my male fantasies I would come to measure my male self in terms of an extent of sexual desires. So, each wedding has its own stuff to it - usually being now something thats previously been left; Considering personal degrees of demand; And throughout rune 2 - these are actually considerably thin. At their base I have attractions, ... being vastly emotional and through my male mindset these emotions find a male fantasy equivalence. What is considerably male on the other side however would be the male 'drive' for instance; I guess. In that however, my rune 1 and 3 relationships are the stronger ones.


So do my rune 2 relationships rather invoke me as female to begin with, rather than turning me into one. That'd make sense - as my female identity is kindof hard-wired to that forced-vagina thing which is part of a thing thats vastly a matter on my slave identity that is furthermore separated into rune 1 and 3. So, whatever they are, they are inherantly bent on turning me female whereby rune 2 leaves only a marginal bit of space for me, prior to entering rune 1 and 3 conditions, before I re-enter as female. This so that 1 is implied as dominant anyhow, so that this marginal bit doesn't even really scale in.
I mean - it does, it is there, but in essence do runes 1 and 3 make up the framing for 2. Well, however ... that might be a "rune 0" thing. Marital Form.


So - aside of how everything is wired, would it be up to circumstances to however 'activate' certain "regions" for us to grow upon and there-as establishing an intermediate wiring; Which also invokes the minds "tactical adjustments" to reality. I guess the thing there is, well, that we can't make 'what somebody is supposed to do' ultimately up to individual preferences. Or - to start up elsewhere: The demand of being held captive would contradict my urges of activity, eventually, ... but, ... but.

Fuck ... well, my mind is kindof drifting around too hard - I can barely focus on a thing, but I also don't feel like I'm done yet.
As for that, I didn't understand where I was - whats going on - why I'm doing this, ... loosing myself in figures to come down to an end - but what end? And, so there is this topic, this gender thing, keeps me getting stuck. As though I'm flung into some void - and maybe thats the good thing? So I can make a point to this?

So, "how 'does' this go on?". It takes me to the ideas of volumes; And thereby thinking of rape as some kindof cognitive detachment for the victim - wondering: Where does this volume go? Can we even think that way?
So - there is a hint at there being something, some 'other void', something more about my male stuff.

I mean ... maybe thats the problem; That there would be something, but I got nothing. Well, I got nothing but sometimes a desire to do things; Which is OK to have but ultimately consumed within the higher ways. And so there is one thing about Slaves of the order of Amaterasu that I have to re-emphasize, which is that the most important thing about them is to be specific on how free/restrained they actually are. I mean, so - for the legal thing. Therefore it would seem we could use a more accurate understanding of the human mind - as in this context that is newly formed we can now once again wonder; How far do the previous answers carry?
50:50 ish.
But evidently there will also first have to be somewhere wherein they would now "usually"(?) exist.


but I think a right ending is that: Once I'm done writing these things I usually return into a male counter-stance, one I technically also retain throughout my writing, which is basically also the thing wherein all these things I write about occur. Sometimes I'm writing about them, sometimes I'm not. ... and what would matter next to that were a matter of social evolution; As to reflect on what this thing is and becomes as things evolve/go on. - As for what I can realize, there is a way of having 'void volume'. So, a way of having inactivity as activity. Once I however had an urge from that to write about an idea for instance, this captivity could go either of two ways. Either this 'void volume' kicks in - or I would grow displeased with my situation as would then show 'outside' so it can become visible - kindof. We could now also go forward and say, that when taken seriously, that wouldn't or shouldn't matter. 'Either way' - my degree of submission would be "sealed off" under the idea that my state of consent is inherantly irrelevant. So I would make it out to those I'd be with - as in this sense to have a greater 'common way' of approaching different things; That we are as generally of one mind maybe - as however kindof required by a setup where now individuals can or have to take different stances as part of the whole - ... . The other way around am I however thereby also tied into a compound - which once acting as a whole has me somewhere embedded into it - where my priorities to "stick to it" would be evident ... things ... for obvious reasons. We can however for once see this as a compact whole, as an isolated unit that interacts with some reality around it; Or as dispensed accross a wider population. 'Darkness as a lack of Miracles'? That would be another Darkness, not 'Dark Light' sotospeak.

In a sense now, my compounds alignment to that Dark Light may however only be marginal - so, dependent on how it is setup in spacetime, it were marginal if other things took priority. Therein were then the more concrete foundations for really putting things into perspective, I mean, for questions to become relevant.


And so, what is Anti-Stasis?

To see that, we first have to see an individual as 'victim to its roots' - which establishes one part of its mindset. ([AB]). Rather than just being B though, is there a more general 'anti-stance' that generally 'deflects' 'egoism' from the picture. In other words: Whats in the mind and done of/by the mind becomes the more relevant thing. So there is an 'alternate mindset' - to the 'victim' part - by relating more to whats in the mind than in terms of familiar alignments.

Religions however tend to go beyond that, in that their 'higher aspects' are that which is embracing the multitude, I mean ... we've been there. In other words; Religion gives us common themes - attitudes of adjustment; ... and there are also things more and less familiar to each individual.


Uhm, I mean ... as for myself ... I'm essentially compelled to ... maybe even rather realize ... .... or maybe its better put this way: We might say my mind has 'sensitive spots' - and maybe thats just 'here', in the written sense, but that would also go for any kind of public formulation. The thing I'm onto here is something that does break into my mind from time to time - which leaves me pretty much as stranded on a small rock from whereon out I can only do something; Anything ... usually writing. This sense of activity also gives me a feeling of some kind that I feel I would otherwise miss, ... but the larger part of me wants to supress that negativity; As there is also some kind of sadness that emerges from thinking about that becoming seriously a thing. And that is my mood talking, basically, while similarly I for instance grow excited whenever the more absolute restraints seem reasonable. And with something as that we may wonder about the quality of these statements again, ... right?
Clarity ... Vortex ... Runes ... Rings - ... and Seals ultimately. Maybe more. This excitement however - I've been there; And over time it adds up into certainty about what I want. I mean, if there were something to be wanted - as of what I am. But yea, there is also that way of things, that - however - it takes a lot of time to assemble ideas that are effectively mere fractions of moments - which essentially however exist around 'feelings' ... because maybe that is how we can comprehend relationships as there to last forever. Or at least for the time being. On the other end there is a way of stepping back, to make the relationship up to yourself as an independent unit/entity. But so there were at least memories - and life happens as a bunch of stories.
[Beginning:[something happened]:The End]!
There is no concept of time however - in that story. But anyway ... life is also a matter of our psychology, how we make choices, how our minds processes may reflect in reality. But so there is what I do - which we could say is 'lifes fodder' - in the sense that 'the story' has volume through stuff going on.
This stuff going on, would now happen in relativity to the protagonists mind, wherein we would see harmony and dissonance - where in Jazz for instance we have it that some see harmony in dissonance. But each has their own preferences - and so we come back to that.
What I experience are however also pressures and tensions - ... like ... an extended version of "impulses". By impulses I mean things like, ... I remember that when I was 16 or 17 or so, maybe sooner, I had an audio-tape whereon I had recorded ... "sex noise" ... because I kindof needed that. And it is with that and things as that in mind, that I relate to everything else I "do" as marginal activity. Over time it got larger, ... yet still, my secret dream always has been to be a sex-slave!


Dreampocalypse

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2017.01.01 - 01:02