B - Can I get enough?
Well - what am I trying to describe here? If I were to describe something you could use in "the real world", then yea - I should strip things down to the basics; And so there are Seals 9 to 13, things repeat - and to what end? Or from what standpoint speaking? I got mine. So, I entered into Sphere 1, got through Sphere 2 and ended up somewhere, somehow in Sphere 3. So to me its obvious to kindof draw that Line - from 0 to now; As also what the now is to me and how "all the things in the Universe" led up to that.
Saying that 'individuality' is a problem can come from various positions - though I think of two. I thereby am not thinking of what exact idea or definition composes the expressed problem, but what general idea the problem yields to. There is on the one end the issue that 'my individuality' seems a bit weird - and putting it this way already could possibly spawn a major topical crisis here. The other one is a matter that generally speaks 'against' 'individuality' as an ideal, to so limit freedom as in the sense of encouraging sacrifices that are required for social order. So, the two can be thrown into one pot - but to me its still 2 ways. Either I'm the (example) problem, or the way is generally the other direction. Whatever.

What changes if we adjust the environmental idea - there isn't just one 'odd' example (me) - but an amount of individuals that have different perspectives. So - I can for instance begin to fathom ways to describe the Ninefold using Mathematics, or to generally apply mathematical ideas of Multi-dimensionality or ... whatever actually ... onto it. As the basic root would be to emphasize that describing the Ninefold is like describing existing on a higher Dimensionality. "And as complex numbers are a thing, and Quaternions are a thing, but in between the two there is no thing" - this higher Dimensionality is another set of 3D. But I wouldn't know how to explain it that way if I wouldn't have the corresponding knowledge. The truth were still the same. Its not like Adam looked at a tree and found: "Oh, Quantum Physics!". Though, you know, its obvious! Just ... "look at it!". Well, at least there is a level of knowledge 'when' it becomes obvious - and what the mathematitian might describe the way I just did - would be described somewhat different by someone else. Like - 'a blankett'. The first spheres first half is like a blankett - the force - is layed upon everything.
When it gets to the other point I was at, the 'straight line' I could draw, ... I'm thinking of a Video I've just seen that was about "Hyperbolic Space". I'm not sure if I understood it all correctly - but from what I saw there are many things in our cultures that I can compare to that. So - in Hyperbolic space, if you have a circle and you want to move from one point on the circle to the other, turns out a straight line isn't the shortest way. Also - throwing a ball and being just 1 degree off takes you much much further away than in "Euclidian Space" because space just somehow gets wider to the end.
There's actually quite a funny story someone once told me - that just nails this whole comparison. So - she was going to school, she was a normal girl, thats how it begins; Since the story is about how she got to where she's been at the time she's been telling it to me. So - after school was out - by some incident she was 5 minutes too late at the Bus stop. Thats the "1 degree off". So, there she met that girl - a classmate I guess; She knew her but they never really dealt a lot with each other. Turned out that they got along quite nicely - and so one thing led to another and eventually she came to work as a Domina. So - the whole story of how she discovered her fetishes and got to ways of gathering experiences on them, that would have never happened, arguably, if she wouldn't have been late to the bus-stop. Point being: In our society the closest way from A to B isn't always that straight line. Sometimes we're going where we think we have to be, but we're told we have to go over there first to fill in some papers. Then this and that and so forth. So - we can also take the issues of the Observable Universe, where some parts of it move away faster than the speed of Light, that at some point 'groups of people' are like little islands that share a common belief or something. Then, from one extreme belief to another the straight line isn't always the closest either. Eventually it helps to take a few steps back and to re-iterate from there.


In this world we're all biased. For as long as there are at least two general concurring ideologies - we can't be truely unbiased. I mean - duh - we can, but ... lets say there are those that count on the base 10 and those that count on base 12. Wherever you grow up, aside of a few outlaws, thats most likely what you'll be 'biased' to accept. What I mean, in this world, is that 'THE Monopoly' is practically a/the central paradigm. What I mean by that is that 'ability' as derived from skill, talent and education/knowledge does rank into certain schemes where we can somehow derive a 'net. value' of some sort, speaking in money; But not just, since, a teacher no matter how 'valuable' per se would possibly not earn quite as much as someone who quotes a few one-liners in front of a Hollywood camera! So - 'fame' is there beyond the event horizon. However, my point is, we can look at someone who's really good at math; And we're amazed. Turns out, if I try to follow maths, I kindof get lost along the way. But I don't question the skill. But that in some sense is the problem. The reason why I get lost on the way is because I have a harder time working my way through the processes - though I for myself 'can' work around that by understanding 'what happens'. So - what I mean is that we all have some sort of 'stamina' - and by the ways our minds are 'layed out' we have a spectrum wherein stuff is generally easily done - but once we move beyond that, our minds start to not really work that well anymore. So - I just wanted to throw that in because "too much" is, well, relative.

For same reasons I'm technically good in competitive video-games, but also not really a top-league player. In SC2 I couldn't get a solid ground in silver league, in SF4 I was always kicked out of B rank and in SF5 I'm smurfing around on 1000 lp. I'm a quick learner - but the things I learn work out for me - and once learned, things don't go too far beyond that. Maybe some people don't want to believe in limits - but in that case there to me is the one group that just doesn't like them out of some principality; And the other group that consists of people that just haven't grown far/large enough to really get to 'the limits'. Like, I'm sure each one of you could become a top-tier Street Fighter; Even if you're bad at timing - all it takes is practice, eventually. But then you have to wonder: Is it worth the effort? How much time do you have to put in - and what other things would you rather do?
I mean - as this is all about 'independence' and 'individuality' it should on the one end be counter-productive to speak about such limits - but - they are there! So, if you don't like to be locked into a place you'd try to take a few steps back to have a couple more options - and there really isn't anything wrong with that. Even once we speak of 'Eternity'. 'BUT' - or ... no, lets make this an 'EVEN'. So - to look at it this way: How would you define your relationship to your best friends? I mean, what do your best friends 'have' that make them good friends to you? Ignoring 'sympathy' as a reason - just sort those friends into a separate universe - what then makes Person A a better friend than Person B? So, what I'm trying to say is that if you take 'my' concepts of social alignment and apply them onto yourself, ... hmmm ... crazy! Turns out thats a misconception! There isn't a difference! But - if you look at the wrong stuff and translate them the wrong way you'll still get a bad comparison! So, speaking of 'sophistication' and 'changes', turns out: You won't need any more sophistication than the people you're 'on the same line with' - as on the other end you wouldn't want to change 'too much' from that - except you are into making always more and more new friends. So - with that on mind I think we can even draw a more general separation line; Based on 'the meaning of friendship' or relationships. So - for instance: When does the term 'friend' begin to be weird to you? Perhaps the way I use it is generally that kind of weird. I guess examples from physics will make this a bit easier. Uhm ... lets take marriage. Marriage in a classic sense is two people out of a community moving together and becoming a couple. This couple continues to exist as they used to, just that the new connection does change things marginally. Well - and there we go! Depending on how much we want to alter this description - regarding the range of changes that happen - we so speak of corresponding 'magnitues' of ... something. Social bonding. So - if there is now a group of people we want to call the 'neutral center' (of our hyperbolic space) - there's really a cloud of 'homogenous' individuals, pretty much as any 'standard -common spectrum- society' has it. Therein we can speak of friendships as partly arbitrary but also partly special - but so we speak of friends as 'the familiar faces' and the "lesser friends" eventually will grow away and others will grow in; Its a bit of a coming and going with some being more constant than others. So - its something to not really think about; Thinking about it makes it weird - as - being drunk or Seinfeld/stuff kind of weird.
But it goes on. Once you're out of school and you find a work you love doing - it then really comes down to your collegues; And there we rather speak of collegues than of friends. But - what if this work is like some military grade top-secret stuff? I mean, specifically 'taking' that 'legal scope of friendships' 'outside' of work - and forcing it 'into' your work. So - its complicated! And that is the conclusion!

Its not individually complicated. From your own perspective its easy! Its just difficult to apply that same perspective onto everyone else! Doing so will require you to impose a social structure/idea that follows these paradigms onto others; Where, if thinking of that as just the thing that we 'need', this structure/idea 'in' Unification 'is' Unification or for the sake of mathematical completeness: God; And in that frame we're not trying to get all into the same perspective universally - but we're trying to get the same perspective of reality - like - agreeing that a green ball is green; Where, the agreement doesn't change a lot about how I personally like to live.


So - I guess a lot of this 'individuality "problem"' with me can be considered in the following setting: You can't change me! I have to change myself! And done! So - if I say that, you're 'positive ideas' for me are cock-blocked because I won't let you! So, we have a problem, you want to solve it by changing me, I won't allow it - end of the discussion! So, then you wanna call me bad/names - and I return the favours - and whatever I say from there on are just "words of some prick that ...".
So - if I wanted to draw you a hypothesis - where I would put myself into the center of a scheme, as the person in question at the time; And I would now want to express my 'individuality' as it exists in relationship to/with God, just ... being 'not wrong'. There - you would so have a few conditions as what belongs into the center of that scheme - where, whenever I say something that doesn't fit in there, I'm sortof pushed out of the circle and therefore 'wrong'. But thats not how it works! That, ... that just ... doesn't follow any real logic or reason! Well, except 'your own' stuff. So, because that is so - we can 'up' the anti and draw a common circle. But either you take my oppinions for trolling - or we literally end up with a circle that can't really be 'described' by any other condition than Gods ... 'something'. Lets call it 'something' rather than 'will' or 'support' because at some point that might include everything, even being totally not alright with God. So, to remove the ambiguity - lets call it 'Gods expressed compliance' - so, although God says that we shall not kill - God still is the one who makes a bullet that leaves a gun eventually kill someone. Gods 'expressed' stance to that is for once the law, but also (Jesus did that) that there are exceptions and that rules like that are a mess if you're dealing with ... a certain kind of people ...; But ultimately yet that killing is bad - although He technically supports all of it.
But then we get to the other kinds of problems and we're wondering: "Why like this and not like that?".

OK ... ! - Well - ... breathe in, breathe out. 144,000 (one-hundred-fourty-four-thousand). Thats a number. It is particularly a number of people mentioned in the revelation that is a bit special. It says that they never "touched" a woman - so, proposedly that is metaphorical for: They are 'virgins' in some sense; And they are going to be in some special place with God. So - thats a totally odd setup, I mean - if we want to use our tools so far we'd certainly just do trivial nonsense plus (a few bits of "nice to knows"). I mean - we can say that the pool of potential friends there is narrow - in whatever way, the thing is, society is composed of individuals and their relationships to each other - but our 'norms' of privacy, intimacy, friendship, etc. - they aren't universal 'tools' to construct any - they are 'fruits' yielded from "social dynamics". If you're new to a school those dynamics are different (for you) than the way they are 'at home'.
Or, in other words: privacy, intimacy and such are things we can possibly find in any society - but the way they scale and interact could be different. Bees or Ants for instance have Queens, Mammals have Alpha-Males; They kindof are the same 'thing', but generally speaking: as their entire social structure depends on them, its also influenced by what a Queen or an Alpha-male respectively is or does. The Alpha-Male can be simply described as 'the most potent member of a pack' - and from there on it goes into reproduction; And that can be applied onto an insect Queen - except that the insect Queen is 'born 'as' such' - there is only one. In a pack the members, including the Alpha-Male, essentially do the same thing - they're the same biological 'thing' - as the Alpha Wolf is still a Wolf. In a hive there are a variety of different versions of 'the thing' - so, the Queen Bee isn't the same as a Drone Bee - biologically. Not just by some minor margins such as physical superiority. They have a different anatomy!
So, lets take circles, triangles, diamonds, stars and squares to draw a scheme. So, lets start with a cluster of circles. Then, at a different spot, a cluster of squares. Now, each geometric shape has its own set of properties. Squares have 2 equal sides and all corners are rectangular. Circles have no 90 degree angles anywhere, or straight lines. You can extend the circle by two lines that are perpendicular and say, well, "there they are" - so, the circle can technically 'comprehend' this, but the diamond essentially would understand the logic thereof much better because you don't have to 'add' anything. The star on the other side is a bit of an odd-ball. Technically it has more in common with the circle than the other two - and logically finding a 90 degree angle in it will be a bit more difficult than with the circle.
So, new picture. Think of a squared sheet of paper - I mean, a sheet of paper with a grid of squares printed onto it ... - and here each square is to resemble an individual. The area of each square is that individuals set of ... stuff. So, we can start to describe it by taking a red pen and putting a dot into each square to say: Work. So - every square needs that. You would try to either relate to yourself or what you see is 'normal' - but while we're at it, we can then take a purple pen and add purple dots to say: Sleep. If we had our squares full of dots - we could ask the hypothetical question: Who values what the most - and each square would so send a 'ping' of some color. And then all the squares start to assemble into groups and have war with each other because ... well, at least the one with the most legitimate 'demand' has ... well, the most legitimate 'demand'. But can that demand be legitimate?


The problem to me is that my "end point" is kindof a big deal. Including that I can't even really speak of it yet - as this here should also be about taking you to the point of getting it the right way. And so - even that is not yet possible - since at first we have to establish if taking you to that point is even whats supposed to be written in here.

So - what happens in Unification? If you keep thinking of that town in the middle of that etrnal road, you have one way of 'but'ing the argument that 'Unification' - pardon - "Enlightenment" is an ascetic thing that needs you to move into isolation and meditate yourself into the bliss of whatever. It would however be bad if that were the case because, well, we then lost our best chance so far to solve a lot of our social problems! Thus the picture of the 3 Spheres does specifically take away from a 'ladder' - where, if you tried to climb it without Marijuana you might get to a totally different scope of results. Smoking weed takes me 'deeper' - deeper into my mind. Being sober is maybe gonna take you the other way. Who knows? It doesn't matter! Its just one of the things "to do" - where the second sphere would cover the 'gist' of what happens to be your way. Eventually you can then take that way and wrap it up within yourself and become a member of society - beyond that - so, as you grow on, you go on. There, that line between your individuality and the society you're connected to - well - thats as with friendships. I can imagine - yea, its that: What I can imagine - that there are no special implications for/on you other than general social norms.
The reason why this can't be true for everyone ... humm ... well ... turns out: That question is imposing a bit of a bad angle!
I however really want you to understand that this 'homogenization problem' IS in deed a problem - where, if you wanna play out the 'work' card, question is: Why don't you clean up the toilets but let it do someone else instead? OK, except you're one of those that cleans behind other people. I mean, are you somehow 'special'? And why? Couldn't it have been just luck? Or maybe you're 'too bad' to do that job?
In the end you're kindof glad, in your own way, that we're not one homogenous crowd but that 'specialization' ... or more so: 'individuality' is a thing. But lets not pretend that its all good that way either. Anyway - so, ... if we want to be a 'whole', as civilization, naturally we need specializations. That is also found in the metaphor of the church as Christs Body.
In that sense, I can tell you about myself that I don't have a drivers-license. So far I haven't needed it either, certainly I don't have the money or management capactiy to support a car and everything else around it; And all the 'bad' that not having a drivers-license holds did so far not apply to me - except that walking essentially tends to be a lot slower than driving. Another thing: Money. If you happen to be really into finances then you would disagree with my way of dealing with money - which is, uhm, the "Dark Souls way". That means: If I (could) calculate all the money I would have if I hadn't spent any on useless shit - sotosay - I might have efforted myself a car (and really not had that annoying long walk - these - "4 times" in my entire lifetime) - and maybe a bit more. In dark-souls you can however not make that calculation - because eventually you die, loose your "money", try to get to it - to collect it - but die on the way there and then its 'lost'. So, having a bit of cash left over and spending it on useless crap isn't as wasteful as it might sound. Especially because you can buy stuff that you then keep after dying.
With these things on mind we can somehow derive a social concept for me - and then wonder how legitimate it is. I mean - on a first glance it sounds like I need a lot of people to get my act together - "for me" - so, well, you could worry that I'm just being smart-ass lazy. But to me the fact is: I don't need a car - and money that I shouldn't spend is money better given to someone else! As simple as that!


So, what am I saying? That we shouldn't learn? That we should stick to what we think is best for us? Uhm, - ... I guess not! I'm not saying we/you "should" anything - and you've possibly read about the Universalistic solution, so ... thats fine; But now I have that problem that ... I have this weird feeling - lets say: My subconsciousness is "aroused" by these premises seeing them as sufficient to write about the way I am. But ... that is not entirely correct and basically that even touches a point I wanted to write about at some point. Its however weird - so I didn't. The weird bit is that while I have these "things" going on that are definitely like 'wrong ways' - I kindof can't take them. I mean - once I can they're somehow OK, ... . Lets call it a different topic - I really have no head for that now.
I'm not really 'aroused'. Although some familiar feelings/emotions came to my mind - they lacked 'the other side' - the side that makes them legitimate. I guess you can call it a 'trojan horse problem'. So - that is more so what really belongs into this writing.

Imagine whatever I 'have to say' (that is: what I 'see'/know as true/the hard stuff) as a ball of dirt moving along a line through space. Then assume we're looking at it from further away, so we can't directly say what kind of dirt or what else there is in that ball. So, we can come up with suggestions - and depending on how we formulate them; Scientists beware; These suggestions can be established as more or less fact. So the problem is a matter of similarities. In that sense I can go on explaining something 'specific' - like, ... well, lets think about the History of our knowledge about Gravity. Once Newton had done his work people could check the formulas and numbers and find that yea, they are correct. Except ... well ... not everything worked out well. So - people wondered; And the conclusion finally was that Newtwon was only somehow right - and - what I mean is: There is eventually this conclusion that makes an ambigous situation unambigous. Bad example? I mean - on the longer scales - as thinking of the evolution of the 'explenation' its OK. So - once I start writing there is barely a thing to go with. As things go on you have your ideas; But once they are wrong and I did my work right you'll have to throw them over board at some point.
Really complicated talk for such a simple thing; But anyhow. If you so get the idea - you get the point that ambigous material shouldn't be labelled unambigous just because, well, of convenience for instance. What does that make of this and me? Well, it means that if I didn't get it right there's gonna be some problems too. However - in this particular case I was overcome by a feeling that missed some other part - so, I was basically impressed by "the asumption" that did however not "carry the fact". So, what do I mean?


Uff, so - ... here we go! I guess. Once I write about me and try to be accurate on my - uhm - lets call it Masochism although part of these attempts to be accurate is to be specific about it not being Masochism - I for once easily get carried away by trying to be accurate; But also I'm essentially like 'weighing stuff'. My impression of what I wrote is there in the center, and it has to match the truth of myself; And this sentence already holds a bunch of "problems".
So, what is 'matching the truth of myself' or 'the truth of myself'? I guess we could, just to make it 'sound' right, say that those are things that requires its own field of science to really get the context right - and that new field of science would be rather 'specific' to what I am, so, tendentially 'the science of whoredom'. So - its kindof ... far far away from what really concerns us legitimately here. But while I so try to be accurate - and balance things out - I also to some extent take "you" into consideration - as basically that factor of chaos that requires me to be careful with my formulations. So - long story short: Ultimately there are those two sides: There is the 'inside', which is expressing the truth - for sake of argument, and there is the 'outside' - which is what some people would/might/could understand, so, misconceptions for the sake of argument. There I can't deny that within my attempts to be accurate I'm also assimilarting some toxic material, metaphorically, so - my idea there then happens to be similar, by some definition, to another idea - and these two ideas now practically overlap each other until the case is resolved. One problem there however were that if its being resolved; You might not really accept it. So - what can I do? Let me think - ...

What really concerns me is that this "trojan horse" "attacked" me here. We can say that its OK because it ultimately takes me to this topic. But thereby its still essentially 'wrong' - a bad thing - a hostile event - and as far as similarities are concerned - well, to really get to the differences we have to dig deep. Really really deep! Matter of fact so deep, that is technically really simple again - because - well - within our finite understanding we have an easy time dealing with absolutes.
But to 'really' get the right drift to it - I guess we should also talk about 'getting into the right menthal state to get to the right answers' - and some of you might dig that this 'getting into the right menthal state' is - yea - getting into Unification. So, how come?


One of the two conditions is that you get baptized. So, thats really already one thing that will require you to 'change'. You have to take an elaborate detour from your every day life; Unless you're "honey-baited" into it or whatever (social dynamics); And the studying and individual growth along the way ... that changes you, somehow. But in the end its still 'a physical thing' - so - you don't have to go through all that to get baptized - technically. You can just half-arse yourself through it. And that is why, dear Ladies and Gentlemen, Baptism isn't the Ultimate thing! It doesn't really protect us - and the blessings of the Holy Spirit - well, I guess a seasoned Mormon Elder who finally makes it into Unification should have a much better idea of that. Essentially my time in the church was just a brief period. But - I guess its vastly correct to assume that most of the things (well, not all of them - as Baptism in and of itself is bringing fundamental changes that are necessary to get unified - duh) are simply a matter of ensuring that Baptism can be a thing; Where the rest is just the social dynamics that evolves around that matter.
Well - anyhow - lets ... not ... the focus is anyway on the other condition. What is so called 'an invitation from God' is basically ... you can say its a challenge, the challenge of getting into Gods book of cool people. So - the point is as with 'the Law of the Holy Spirit' - you can't really find a 'checklist' - which is, so - as ... you might guess ... that people can't just run the checklist and then say: "Hey, I've done all the things, I have the right to get in!". There is no way to cheat yourself into it! Thats the biggest and most importantest thing about it - to me - and I just take it for a fact. I admit it! While all the reasons to do so are self-explaining! I mean, obvious! Like - green is green!
Green?
The big deal with drawing the line there is also somehow obvious - but - obvious isn't always obvious/clear; So - the matter is an issue of cheating, as I was saying. The core of the problem is 'sincereness' or 'honesty' - or as we live in a social world: "What people would do for ... some worldly gain". One thing that I personally really do find manacing about the Roman Catholic church is its history of deception - that it always somehow managed to adjust, to maintain a superior position, which doesn't even slightly reveal just what I mean thereby. Its the same 'similarity' problem, just on a different case with a totally different context. What I'm troubled by is something I though 'assume' into it - but generally we can call it 'exploit'. Just like the western world exploits poverty for cheap bananas, effectively. Its something 'science'ish - while the 'how to maintain social dominance' question is always closely attached to it. I guess its even a practically dummy fact to think of it as the primary or even one and only question "they have" all in all. So - if there were a way to 'sneak in' they would - and that they can't has some vibe of 'criminality' to it - kindof. So they have to hack their own equivalent of this together; And thats most likely going to be the "it takes a lot of meditation and prayer" explenation. It has the fancy upside that they can put whomever before you and tell you that this person made it and you'd have to believe it! Well, "spoiler", thats totally "perpendicular" to the way I'm trying to describe to you.

So, to call it a 'life hack' nonetheless ("my" way): Try to think about 'your' life - thinking about 'the cermon of the mount' (blessed be the "fools", etc.) - and what God 'can' 'actually' do 'for you' relative to the way you intend to live! It sounds all a bit ego-istic, but - all that 'egoism' that I basically hold up is - although its quite actually 'ultimate egoism' - not ultimately egoistic. There is sotospeak a golden line between yourself and society - but God will only somehow 'drive' you along that line. So - there is a certain 'autopilot' that does make the whole 'big picture stuff' come together. Those are things you effectively don't 'have' to think about - although you might think about it nonetheless. However - in that 'boat' there is still you - and that level of control you have is effectively no different from the one you're used to - except, in some sense you have a bit more as in other senses a bit less. There for instance happen to be certain boundaries - like huge infinite stop-signs - but, if I for instance think of suicide I'm not getting those kinds of stop signs - I get a different kind of "Uhm, please don't! Stop!" response. So, technically you could still kill yourself! Thats not the kind of stop-signs God is implementing! The kind of stops that I get happen to relate to things I'm really really engaged with. So - its really more like a traffical stop-sign; And you'd start to follow those rules because it turns out its just all over more effective!
Saying - some of the driving will be your own responsibility; But even that isn't much different from how you're used to it. So, life is still kindof the same from day to day thing.

By the way: If you're thinking of drawing schematics that involve Gods existence - my understanding is that we shouldn't be paranoid as of the 10 commandments exagerated. Matter of fact - one of my earliest "Pseudo?" memories is a drawing of God that Jesus once drew into the sand. If it isn't a real memory, well, it got drawn into my memory nonetheless. The image are two circles, same center, the inner one being a bit less than half the radius of the outer one. Then you draw two parallel lines to connect the inner with the outer ring (not drawing beyond the boundaries) - and next you draw two more circles, still the same center, in that 'bridged space', an inner one just slightly larger than the small one - and an outer one just slightly smaller than the large one - and thats it! So - the outer space and the inner circle are those spaces that are for all intents and purposes 'beyond' us. All God can do there is to give us impressions of what that is about. The small rings resemble just that; So, thats the Ninefold - and the space between so, relatively clear, is the Eightfold. The Bar itself resembles Gods independent activity as an individual - where the rest is really the automatization of things. So - the causality that is built for us.
And really, as these 'outer rings' are (supposed to be) just the smaller bit - but still wholistically significant - is not too much going to change. The Ninefold there is just an extension of sort; And where its certainly more than that, is where the Bar intersects with it.

So - in this sense you can easily relate to there being a so called 'inner' and an 'outer' ... uhm, "reference point". There is stuff going on inside - but also around yourself (there). What this means is ... whats going on outside is, in my current situation, for me, usually totally different than that whats going on inside. Outside means, currently, the world as it sucks and is. And because I'm mostly spending my time in my own room - well - its all ... kindof ... just really clear in the schematic.


So - what God will need (and that I'm giving you tips, making it a checklist, still establishes on the initial and final thing that God will decide individually/independently) is ... hmm. I guess - for the beginning: If you picture your way to Unification as a road; One that is built by you 'choosing' to move there, or at least thinking about it, you may know the formulat that gets you in - but - move it a bit beyond baptism. In an idealized image its a social ritual - and once you're there you wanna get in 'first try'. So, you don't even want to get started thinking about "what if not?" and eventually trying over and over again. That is totally loosing the focus. So - I guess - in essence this could be totalized as 'peace'. The main reason why you want to add a delay between Baptism and Unification is that some of the things I'm supposed to (I guess) tell you in this regard is about 'self checking' - so, 'do you have what it takes?' - but ultimately you can't have all it takes unless you're Baptized. I mean, there are instances where people got it - but those were outstanding situations. So, though there may be exceptions, I wouldn't count on you being one of them. I wasn't one of them!
Better safe than sorry! Case being: One of the things it takes to get in is what we might call a clear or sober conscience. It may sound a bit scary to put it this way, but, you are to function properly in a perfectly harmonic environment; But still - it should be clear that demanding you to be totally aware of yourself in the big picture and behaving accordingly might appear too much. Well - 'spoiler' - it really isn't that big of a deal once you know all the things ... but that is then ... in the Ninefold. So, from the get go the only 'real' thing that you have or even 'can' have is 'ambition'! So, if you've tried to be a good person all your life - then this shouldn't be too strange for you! So - instead of demanding each other to find a job and be a productive contribution to society - the same thing on the right distribution of priorities is that; This 'core' of "the all of it". Not yet fixing it to a plain "out point".

What you would do to explain why you think the 'out-point' you have in mind is the best - is something you should allow God to explain to you first!


Then, actually, the entire gist of all the things I can think of basically play the ball back to you. You could also try to ask, though its a bit hairy, why shouldn't you be allowed in? The case in the end is really simple; And its one good point to think about 'cheating in' - or how that would look. You have to be 'Upright' - and this; Lets say it isn't the only requirement for that condition to make it simple. So - you can effectively visualize your Uprightness and turn it into a mechanism. So - a point where you straighten your image; Trying to be as Upright as you can by picturing a straight Line through your heart that goes into heaven. Sortof. In some sense thats a good way to go - but - its just a figure. Essentially you have to make it out for your own and in the end I can also only tell you my story of success so far. And I really never had a doubt. I mean - firstly it all sortof came raining into my hands - so - ... and as I got to doubts about it I was also finally willing to risk trying it; As the only way to finally find out. And it worked! First try!

So yea, not a lot to go with!


But certainly the gist is that for as long as you're willing to try - A leads to B leads to E/U. There really isn't a reason why this shouldn't be the case! And now, to the real ... well, maybe not. But one of the many reasons to emphasize "what" I am is to ... maybe its ambigous because I'm you know who, but ... there really isn't a true 'clerical' demand. Technically you could assume that Unification is a 'high spirituality' thing - but - then, think about it! How can that be? The Ninefold, after requested and granted, is simply put 'imposed onto you' - like physics - so, it doesn't take a lot of spirituality for that! My smoking weed is effectively as much spirituality as I got going for myself there!
Even so, prayers are going to change drastically! I mean - with the Force all around you, well, God isn't really distant anymore. The few times a day you could get to pray are really just I mean - ... its less 'alive' than the rest of life. There is still valuable meaning and purpose to such dedicated prayer - but ... the real relationship happens throughout time; And, whether it seems like a good or a bad thing: 'don't worry!' - the ambiguity of Gods immanence remains for some time! I mean - discovering God is a process. And - the deeper we grow into ourselves, for instance, the more new ground for discovery there is. So - I guess its obvious but not quite; So: Entering the first sphere isn't God popping up in Spiritual Special FX saying Hi by some figure like a personal guide and showing you the heavens and what not; Although that is exactly what happens. Just that guide isn't a person speaking to you and giving you the basic crash course. Essentially it then comes down to points like: "So yea, there is that Force, ... God! ..., but where are You now?" - I mean, speaking to God - how can I make this right? Once you so get to that question for instance - you've lived a while in the first sphere, perhaps you're already in the second; And everything feels kindof normal - although - you know that its not! I mean - you just need to look at it! Its ... not normal; But it became normal - and eventually you don't even get an elaborate reaction. So, you get one - always - thats part of why things keep growing and moving onward - but basically God remains in the background - usually - and the big things we can write of as milestones of some sort are things that just happen at some point. Thats mostly how God finally appears; Through moments that just occur and conclude stuff. God doesn't even really appear - and this, as His invisibility, is what I called 'the ambiguity of God'. So yea - you're basically still 'left on your own' - except that we're looking forward to something more civilized.

The reason why this isn't bad is because we're basically encouraged to 'maintain' our independence. Also - in certain social conditions life happens primarily between us human beings - that is simply the reality of our 'social existence' - and how God thinks about it is answered in His 'backgroundedness'. You can even try to think about changing it - and God won't really be all like "yay!" about it. More like ... "humm, I don't like!".
So - tendentially we can compare God to running a simulation - and we're just 'Sims' - and the whole point is that Sims interact with each other instead of 'bugging out' trying to communicate with you. Though in the light of Baptism we're more like bugged software to begin with - and in terms of Unification we're just 'random NPCs' that need some of their own adventure to become a unique and independently cool NPC. Or - well, thats derived from the idea of us becoming 'Neos' - so, breaking the Matrix. However - thats more metaphorical.
So yea - we can say that we're living in a huge simulation; And the simulation goes like: If I throw a stone against your head I'm hurting you - and - although I don't have suffer any of it, I have to learn that I shouldn't do that! So - thats dumbed down really hard - but I guess to some thats even ... I mean, ... thats ... it seems like; ... well. The point is that the afterlife isn't to be too much of a difference. And why oh why? Well - I would say that our reasons to be skeptical is partly why it is so!


So - where was I? OK - yea; So - let me be simple: Drawing 'my line', there was that one moment where I felt like a break from my (skill/talent based) 'work' (programming) would be a good idea - and I was sexually aroused. I browsed the web to eventually find something - and the chance to be working as a prostitue sortof captured my interest. What I didn't expect was that the change of atmosphere would do me 'so good'. I mean, from a bold emotional perspective I felt homey and comfortable and ... after all, it made everything else that I had experienced so far seem like a harsh and horrible world - and so I kindof didn't want to leave. So - though I initially thought that two weeks wouldn't hurt - it eventually turned out to become more than 4 years. A lot of stuff happened during those 4 years - but somewhere during that time it occured to me 'what I have become'. Well - to get that into a bigger frame: It happened twice or trice I think that I couldn't sleep, was wake at night, sat on a chair, looking around myself and being sortof baffled about where I was. But not only that. I was - especially at those moments - overcome with a really really steep impression of 'what bad' this situation had going for itself. So, mostly what people outside would think - or how me being a prostitute was laughable - well, really getting a steep kick into feeling something like ... well, those feelings aren't the other kind of feelings ... that I should be really embarassed about myself. And I guess I really didn't do a lot against it either. I mean, I was practically a bit of a mess indeed. But anyhow - while I so "was put to shame" - another feeling was however lingering therein; A feeling that didn't really make me feel shame - so I get back to having been baffled. And eventually I so got to the epiphany - regarding myself - that I'm a whore; And that not as a plain observation of my actual situation; But an insight regarding my own self; My motivations or what you want to call it. I figured that I never felt better, that I loved the work (I mean, specifically: Sex with strangers, being a sex object, ... that kind of stuff), that I loved the environment (there, so, the place had its own BDSM studio); But all that really not so much in this conscious context - but condensed to a spiritual/emotional "meta cognition" of myself. So - when I thought of my past, so, for instance starting with the curiosity for anal intercourse; Certain transgender issues; Things like that - they are all, you could at first describe them to "dots in my mind" from where emotions would flow - as for instance desires for cross-dressing or playing with a dildo; Where I finally realized that a whole lot of my mind had actually revolved around such things, but I used to discard them or worry for myself - considering it abnormal and sick or ill, while in that environment I had the time to really live without this shame (although I actually didn't. I mean - I still spent a lot of time technically living against the woman in me, but not ...) - and I realized that all these dots and what flowed from them, did flow together in my center after I realized that "I'm a whore". It finally made it all come together - perfectly - where OK, anal pleasures and cross-dressing could mean a lot of things; But realizing/considering myself as a whore ultimately became one of those dots, connecting with the others (as a slave fetish for instance, or feeling good once sexually exploited) - and since the 'force-light' illuminated it so wonderfully and nothing ever really shook that understanding; Well - thats what I read into a certain story that was about a Crystal like clarity; So, calling it 'clarity'.
The similarity problem that mingles with this problem connects here with the idea of 'feeling good once sexually exploited'. But - if you see how it is just a dot in my mind that just somehow connects to the clarity, you can see how it could work; That you take that dot, draw some arbitrary picture; And you might - chances are high - end up with the picture of a mindset that doesn't resemble mine! The real problem however occurs once adding more of the things I told about myself to make an accurate 'copy' of sorts - while somehow trying to claim that the clarity I claim is delusional. Then you don't get the image that I try to produce as a conclusion to whats going on inside me, but as a visual example of whats wrong with me. With that on mind you're also not going to approach me as having concluded something right, but as being delusional. So, instead of further being interested in a deeper/wider/ongoing conclusion; You're waiting/wanting for me to conclude the opposite. So - to take two 'clarity dots' ... or, whats that? So - first there are dots that just have been there prior to the 'convergence'; The epiphany however changed their significance, as for instance causing that I would now rather accept and embrace them (as I inwardly do/did) rather than pushing them away. Then understanding what kind of a person I am/would become ... I needed words to describe certain streams of emotion; Those finally are those clarity dots - for simplicity. So - like the other dots just ... yea ... born from 'after the fact' - kindof. I mean, technically there was always a bit of a prisoner/captive/slave or animal/cattle in me - but, yea - thats how it works. (By the way: It isn't even concluded yet how far 'non unified clarity' can be accurate). But so - those two words, captive and cattle, they ultimately lead to another level of clarity dots - so - on a further conclusion I was/am into getting raped. That may be somehow chaotic though. The point is that the idea of being cattle or a slave also has a boring side; Potentially - or - so, ignoring the clarity itself - Prisoner or Animal isn't really inherantly sexual. But I wasn't really happy with the simple whore connection - and rape was and really is the best way to describe it. So, taking these three words, there certainly are a few negative images one can compose. And because there are a bunch of words that make it even worse - there is this 'dirtball of similarity'; And if God just did so put it to my senses so that I could write about it, well, that I did!

The thing for me is that I'm ultimately 'locked' into myself there. I can't move from this position. You can't move me from it either. I mean - technically I could comply to some no matter how drastic measurement to pry me out of it - thus effectively taking me back in time yet even further; Which means that the real reason why I'm locked into it and can't be moved is that I have acknowledged things about myself that are true; Strong, well - stuff. I like it - I think its good - and I would really hate to be forced to abandon it. Does this even matter?
Well, to me it turns out that the human mind is a lot more than just the sum of its thoughts! Technically the human mind can be described as a function - I mean, to let you in on what I mean: try to imagine your mind as a volume of crumbled space-time. The function would take a coordinate and return information for what is in that crumbled space at that coordinate. But the way how this happens to be is a bit complicated; Though the idea is that even without memory or any knowledge whatsoever, we are what we are. So - you would get the same results if you measured a person right after its birth or just before its death of old age. Its a claim - but - in that its pretty much like the postulation of the Higgs Boson - its, well, it has to be for everything to work as it does. The main reason then, why we don't necessarily grow accordingly, is because nobody makes those measurements and supports the individual respectively. As in my case. I was raised as a boy - and yea - finally I am a boy, kindof. That is also a thing. But through being kindof wrenched into this boy attitude a lot of my life/being got lost - though not really lost per se. Just burried underneath a whole lot of other stuff - as finally also my own doing. Then my gnostic approach on things did eventually make things even more complicated for me. Well, that for as long as my mind was stuck on counter-productive paradigms. Eventually I couldn't resolve them properly either; Except "assuming" that freedom of Sex is effectively not evil when done right; So - in the end it was just 'the simple truth' that had to grow large enough to make a difference.
Now - this crumbling takes shape in a variety of ways. While the first go-to thing would be to say that its about 'what' we like, its however actually more important to ask for 'how' we like it (that what we like). The how ultimately reveals more about our individual internal orientation; And all my clarity dots are basically just derivatives of "nothing new". Like rape ... captivity and that ... I mean, Hentai movies - they effectively turn out to be as explicit as it gets!
And I fancied being one of those tentacle monster victims way before I found my way back into the Gospel!


So - at the very least this one more "not a lot changes" points. What however really came along with Unification is that this gnosis could grow deeper and deeper - as to basically 'fill' or 'conquer' the entirety of my mind; So that everything I am is meanwhile subjected to that higher paradigm. That however isn't simply just 'whore' anymore - but it still is there in the center of what gets the point accross in the best and most meaningful way!

But so you may wonder: what is it going to matter for or like? Well - first and foremost; I think to here rather look at the rest. I mean - there is still rest. So, this here for instance would be part of what is coming from that rest. When I say that my entire mind is subjected to my clarity - I don't mean to say that I'm a hollow robot that can only conclude its own clarity; Although in a certain way thats exactly whats up with me specifically. Kindof. I mean - before I outed myself on Facebook, to be trans-sexual, I always felt awkward. Now, after that was said - I feel like I can live a normal life. Ironically - not even really showing it!
Also in my previous - and also possibly in my future - employment situation(s); ... I don't have the need to show my sexuality. I am there totally perfectly myself - although I believe that a bit of clarity is always good. I mean - just enough to; ... well, ... since I'm talking about the Gospel or am talking about my faith from time to time I believe its good to not try to be that 'cliche christian' as to thereby appear as though that would be what I think Christianity/God is about! But also - that employment stuff is 'the outside world' - and there I can be/am perfectly male! My clarity essentially describes me as captive of myself - which, to simplify it, means that this outside world, to my 'clarity rationale' is just an abstract absurdity that somehow exists. The point to me is that I actually have no place in nor a part to it. What I'm doing now, here, that comes from within me and matter of fact while I'm sitting in my room. Hereby 'all the clarity conditions' are effectively met - at least for the case of being alone. Uhm ... there is no real significance to it. For all intents and purposes you could also just say that I'm a lonely guy. That would somehow be part of the 'outer ring'. The point is that once replacing this 'outside world' by a social frame that meets the requirements relative to my clarity, then nothing would really change about 'this' either! I mean - maybe things would or even should; But that first due to social interactions that might help me ordering my work. However, to be true to myself I have to put it this way: I can't force out any of my work! So, if you wanted to write a game-engine, you would still need what it takes; And if God gave that to you, well, you - because you want to - would go for it. If He wouldn't, you would have to look for that stuff on your own; But respectively not get a "divine and blessed" result. At least so for me that is a special case because most of my work is built on that kind of interactivity of God. So, if I by some way loose the menthal ability to do any of it; Or, lets be more positive: Unless I'm put into the respective menthal state, there is no way I could do any of this. I realize that every now and again when I try to continue on my programming after a period of not doing any of that. But ... skipping on that level stuff - how is it gonna matter?
I would say - just as ordinary prostitution would, in a world without problems; Sortof. I mean - "ordinary prostitutes" might continue to do their work, eventually they'll find a place thats ran by Enlightened folks - and once we're many enough there may be exclusive clubs; Though - in essence thats how it would start on the other end - where we're then kindof moving from more to less exclusive. It should be clear that I am on these premises anyhow a bit of an oddball - which basically isn't too much of a problem since a lot about me is a matter of kink. So - I'd be interesting for people that have such kinks - and those have the emotional capacity to outrule any oddity about fucking me.
Such would basically be my life - generally - although; Not quite. At least in the early stages we could say that ... well, the point is: How much time there is for 'the rest' depends on how much time there isn't for that - sortof - a simple subtraction does the trick. What from where and how much; Thats another story.


This is however how my story with Enlightenment/Unification concludes - or concludeed. Whether you would want to see my 'this work' as my social contribution or my whoredom - I guess that ultimately comes down to what my life is gonna be like. I mean - higher power issues. So - for as long as my whoredom remains within the privacy its rooted in; Its safe to say that as nobody really has anything from it its gonna be 'this work'. But its really time for me to sleep now! ///