Sense and Nonsense

(Luring God out of His Cave)

movie recommendation: Taimanin Yukikaze


So - I'm not actually doing what I basically said I would or should - and as you might guess from the Headline, things don't quite make sense to me yet. But if the answer were easy ... this shouldn't be too much of a problem.


So, starting off - God all of a sudden was strangely quiet. And that of course is what He needs to be if I were to somehow cognitively evolve into a Satanic Whore. Skipping on the details - after some back and forth and a minor to major hiatus (which I might get to cover to some extent further down) I got to the point where I 'found Him' - so, that was a case of God playing hide and seek - which yea - He so likes to do every once in a while. Quite literally. I mean - you first get to know Him - and once you're used to certain things God all of a sudden is like gone. "And now what?". If I had gotten into this at a different point in time this would however sound entirely different. I'll get to that when I get to that ... hiatus. And so when I found Him, well, He was like - or - I mean ... like two huge eyes like those of a child that would hide in some dark corner because its afraid because it did some nonsense ... well, so yea, ... and then He's there like usually and so He basically dropped the act and so I'm here now.

Regarding that hiatus - its likely about some major to minor misconception - yet further one thats not one of the easie... well, its not like any of them is generally easy to solve. So, since ... I don't know ... two days ago or so I sortof couldn't play any games anymore. I think I shortly could play Street Fighter, but something about my head was ... incapable of being motivated to play. And so thought of telling you that; But then right away jumped on to say what I'm essentially gonna tell you here now - which is that the moment I upload this I'm sure I'm back into playing games like its nobodies business. And so the whole thing would go on like - where's the point? What does God even want? I'm constantly tossed back and forth like whatever - and so, how am I supposed to tell you about God if I myself don't even have a clue anymore.


Then yea, I could be greatful that I can play games - but why can't I? And so yea because thats how it is - and - I don't even know!


But so I wouldn't come to get into playing any games because I have to write stuff - and right now that would be stuff about how God takes shape through the force. Or effectively how the whole Good and Evil stuff comes together.
So, for once, there are certain things I just can't do. Or even want. So, if I can want it - its right/good. Or as the Bible says: Everything is allowed. And there my mind is still revolving around the matter as pointless. So I would see it as pointless and then go the other way: If its wrong - then why does God not help me get away from it?

And my mind is basically still there. Or worse. I get aroused by things I don't want to get aroused by. And so the back and forth continues. And onward - I have to come to the conclusion that I have to be aroused by those things because thats what I want people to get aroused by - taking me as the child. But that doesn't work for me - I ... if male don't want to be a rapist - I want some peace, tenderness, good stuff. But by now my mind is already upset about that. I so while writing this don't see that as something I want - and am reminded of all the times where I had such desires - was allowed to vibe with them but couldn't really find any peace with it. Those times I would then turn around and either try to think of nothing of that sorts, or I would try to dive into my female self. Well, as of recent that however didn't work anymore. And I need to stress that I don't think that those are absolutes - I rather think they are temporary - and yea, those changes can be really annoying. For the one part God shows me some strong interest in my comfort - while on the other hand does God not show a lot of support for things to stay the way they are, at least so once they aren't supposed to.


Further however I have to say that God is really really humble about that. But ... not always - I mean - God is ultimately limitted to our own limitted mindset when it gets to those things - and sometimes we need a little 'clap' to not forget that God isn't just and always that softie.
There are quite some problems that I have with myself and the way ... or how to put it? Like, why condition me these ways if there isn't really a point for that? Obviously there are reasons - but we aren't guaranteed to really get them right away. And so we keep on spinning back and forth until we get it.

And yea - the more important thing there is: If there is something we really want - we have to be in touch with it. That is the one thing. But further: The more alternatives we want to enjoy, the more sophisticated we want our minds to be on that which matters to us most. And so every now and then we need a little correction. And so what this is ultimately here to say is that - when writing about things, how they are and so, its easy to get a wrong impression. Like watching a lets play doesn't ultimately reveal a lot about the games real difficulty. Except you watch gameplay of a kind that you are familiar with. Like - if you know how good you are at Mario/Jump'n'Run - you understand how insanely difficult "I wanna be the Guy - Gaiden" for instance is by just watching a lets play.

(Though that Game isn't difficult - its bullshit!)

And yet - the nuisance God has been to me recently ... lets just say: It has been quite some time. I mean, eventually you're getting used to it. I did, but, I didn't really notice that though. And during that time it was also tied to progress here and there - so rather than getting used to 'it' I got used to there always being an iteration. Now that seems to have come to an end. And so I needed this little kick in my butt to come and write about this things and here so notice "oh yea, ...". And if you know the game you can play it!


Extended Reason

by CNS 2017.03.21 | 10:48