And the beat goes on

Part 1: The real Deal

The Antichristians ... what can I say? Regarding their repentance, there's something ... odd ... that I have had to realize; And that is so of course just concerning my impressions - however, the 'point' or 'moment' - of repentence - that is, ... nothing that has anything to do with God, basically. Its just ... peace.
You know ... or not but anyhow ... there is this weird "its the same on both sides" kind of thing. Or, they live amongst us, we live amongst you - we're all living together; And while each and everyone has their own agenda - we somehow try to get along or even impress one another. And thats basically where we all come together - however - regardless of from where we come.
And so basically there is no "point". I mean - they would do their thing, I would do mine - so as we get back into our familiar environments we'd be back into what we'd be used to.

As of that I have a newer idea regarding how come that I'm the chosen one. That should make it pretty clear what I want to tell you here. What is 'the one Quality' we're supposed to have? I would say I'm 'the One' because ... some would call it naivity, others might call me having a golden heart, while in the Bible says that Gods servant is 'blind'. And thats what I am, sortof. Stupid. Whyever that would be. I mean, since recently I'm getting all those weird impressions that basically tell me that I'm not as good of a person as I thought - I see more and more of my own weirdness and as of that came to wonder how come that I'm even somehow special.
Maybe I'm not even that - but - sure thing: We're not all identical. But whatever. In other words I would say I'm like, an eternal source of "Joy" ... hmm ... I always stand up again, regarding my good mood. I may be mad at things or angry at stuff - maybe even easily so - but it usually doesn't last very long. Which is sortof the opposite to Antichristians. Although ... its possibly not that simple - and it might at some point even be all the same; Just that they had some grudges against God or whatever - being stubborn about stuff thats just plain silly - and this silliness wouldn't go away by preaching the Gospel to them, but by them just ... however "givign up" because they came to see the 'real' pointlessness of their fight. Not as in the Matrix where Neo certainly has a point to keep fighting - and such imagery or stories - those are things everyone can map onto the own self - whatever ones 'Zion' is.


Once you're an Atheist you would get at this topic from yet another angle. I mean, as a real Atheist you have more serious values - values that have a point. And you'd be upset about Religion because ... yea ... think about it: What you imply is 'less' 'positive' - its doctrines and dogmas and though shalt nots and prophecies or promises that eventually would turn out rather impressing unless you're closing your eyes. Though Seventh Day Adventists would disagree - as there is a lot of stuff that can be told about Prophecies which should actually convince an Unbeliever - technically - its 'the rest'. As, the Prophetic knowledge would be as a fishing hook, trying to drag you into this dogmatic Universe - and so I heard a lot of people say, when it gets to religion, that the only religion they consider good is Buddhism. Because there isn't any of that.

Jihad isn't about something largely different. To the hardcore believer the Atheist and anyone however that believes different is the reason for all things evil - and as they can't talk "sense" into someone else, what to do about it?

...

The problem with the Antichristians possibly was that they didn't have that 'good mood' yet. Neither Atheists. Nor Jihadists. You/They would have something alike - some way of having fun and peace in this world - maybe more in ways of cynicism or pride or ignorance; As opposed to which, put jokingly yet meant seriously, Christians do have Potlucks. And as that may not be everyones thing - ... OK, I think this goes down a slope that ... I mean, arguing that people strap bombs around their waiste because they don't like Potlucks is maybe not 'the' right conclusion - however - I mean, each "Orientation" (Sorry Atheists, in this regard 'Atheism' 'is' a Religion, or ... "Religion"/Belief(-System/"System")) has their own way of saying "why can't the others just ...".


Part 2: Clarity Segment

This is yet another 'serious' topic; But this is yet supposed to be in context to the previous part. When I mention Clarity - some of you may have an utterly dark image of me. And I guess thats why I keep on waking up being strangely disconnected from whatever I believed the other day - and then I would try to make sense of it yet always end up within the same type of thing.

There are serious issues and regarding those - I have a serious reason to just kill myself. And in my goodbye letter I would have to write something ... in context to a big huge fat capital 'Sorry' - as there are things ... well, they are written and can possibly be deleted, but ... per se, they cannot be 'unsaid'.


I didn't get into details in the last article about where I 'found' God hiding - and that per se was in my wellbeing from wearing some Negligee. So yea, I have that Kink, ... even when not Transsexual - and taking it off did make me feel rather uncomfortable right away. So - whatever the case - thats just a thing. And I would have serious troubles writing about it - as I would see(k) the serious issues elsewhere where 'that' Kink is rather self-understood.
But everything about clarity is about 'fun' - or 'good mood'. And so whenever what I wrote would turn out the other way - I would feel bad about it - which there is my own way of overthinking things.

And as of this I can update my idea of Clarity, as my idea of my own Clarity - as where I feel comfortable around prostitutes its just that we're in the same boat of wellbeing.

Yea, the Gospel asks us to be like Children!

And so I have to cloud this new dawn with some more on Pedophilia - where I guess I'll start with things that have been on my mind prior to this. There are two things basically that are closely related. I never really felt sympathetic towards Pedophiles - I mean, in a sense of an emotional connection; Not the sense of 'feeling sympathetic for their cause/thing/whatever'. And such things ... such 'non sympathy' ... are things I usually ignored. Yet as the topic here got more and more serious it just was a thing left to think about ... and the very next thought that came to my mind is ... a matter of 'resources'. I mean - once a Child would be verified as 'there' for sexual conduct - that Child would be a resource when thinking of it in the bigger picture; And thats something I wanted to write about for quite some time. Maybe I even did. Yet without more sophisticated knowledge this seems like an issue that ... can't be (re)solved. And so I would have mentioned these things and gotten to the point that ... well ... if we expect the fulfillment of such desires when going for Unification - we might get it the wrong way. Which would certainly be true for me. Though ... I basically expected some magical powers. A HUD at least. And when at first the force was everywhere I felt like, yea, right! X-Ray vision! STRIKE!
And to some extent thats even a thing.
But as time went on I felt myself transformed more and more - and that most evidently towards/in-favour-of my "deepest" "desires". And I 'have' to put both words into quotation marks - as 'depth' is here rather an 'average' of stuff - and 'desires' are rather ... flavours. I would say - I can see 'why' I would be allowed to be Pedophile - and that mostly because my intimate surrounding is sortof sophisticated. By which I mean: The resource problem is solved within my 'home'. Saying, we keep it amongst ourselves. Though I wouldn't go as far as assuming that Monicas Daughters are entities of that realm. It might be - but then there is the next thing; Which is that ... this 'Pedophilia' would in first place be about 'not' pulling up a sexual wall. Though ... I mean ... I don't think about it a lot so I can't really write about it a lot. Naturally - when pushed to thinking about it its usually about Sex; But getting to that point in fantasy is different than getting to it ... even just in emotions. There is a thing I 'can' add to this, but for that I have to speak about myself.
And so we're back at the 'good mood' thing.
I certainly would have enjoyed Bondage games for instance - because I know that I actually did "invent" Bondage for myself before I even knew Sex. How far that fun would go - thats a different thing though. Ultimately however I get to think/believe/acknowledge that I would - under ideal circumstances - not be much different from how I am now. Just a bit more feminized and prostituted. And the whole despair and detrement thing ... that would rather be a small part of it all - or just an impression that would creep up and make up the fun of it.


Part 3: Programming Onward

Getting back into it is really the only thing I can do - as so of this context here and anyhow. The more I write about other things, the less I get to write about this, or actually do this - yet the more of 'this' there were, the more of 'this side of me' would show; Which is basically the equivalent of my good mood. But so I don't really know what to start with. Right now I'm working on the Platinum Trophy for Final Fantasy XV. Cooking, Fishing and Adamantoise. I'll keep the best for last.


Volume 2

There is a thought I'm having: "How to tell why Horizon Zero Dawn is better than Zelda Breath of the Wild from just looking at some Videos". Where, before I get into that I want to say that I have reason to believe that this is a thing because of more 'absolute' things; For once that the folks who made Breath of the Wild ... well ... were 'noobs' sotospeak. But well.

This topic/thought is actually born from another: "Why action games are bad". Which came to me as I was playing FFXV and doing some hunts. Where of course my experience was/is: Action games are fun! And I play a lot of them. Street Fighter, (For Honor,) ... Dark Souls, Horizon and Final Fantasy. There is a "common line" there - which is: Each of those games has genuinely different Controls compared to the other. I might also add Destiny - but right now I'm not really playing it anymore. And it really got me each time I went from Destiny to Dark Souls or from Dark Souls to Destiny; Well - that I did get some buttons mixed up. And so, picking up FFXV after - month - I first had to get back into it.
These games all have their mechanics - a simple base that go into further depth - and the more familiar one is with its depths the more difficult challenges one can master. FFXV is really crazy in that regard. Getting back into it I did even have some minor difficulties with these Level 2 Dogs in the starting area. And fighting Bombs or Goblins in the narrow streets of Altissa - or just genrally dealing with a bunch of enemies and their fast attacks - you almost need to be clairvoyant to be any good at it.

But so the mind needs to get accustumed to the games mechanics - building 'functions of control' - and so the at first glance 'bad' thing about it is certainly that: The investment of time to build control mechanisms to navigate through the difficulties. Here when speaking of FFXV or Horizon - its easy to get the idea that you're speaking of professionals that made those games. Well, Horizon isn't FFXV - but Horizon is still pretty difficult until you really learn how to defeat the various enemies. You might run at a bandit camp a couple of times until you realize that sniping might be the better way to go. Or you noobishly try to shoot at the weakspots of the larger Machines until you realize the little "secrets" of each encounter. Eventually then you can just "go for it" - knowing how to tackle each enemy - until you're OP (Overpowered), where the rest of the game is just roaming around or getting on with the plot or just not playing it anymore.
With BOTW however - its rather like the devs were experimenting with Weapon Durability - where Zelda would be the testing ground, just saying: Make 'em as breakable as possible and we'll see how that goes - to so learn for some later game.


One thing you got to understand when watching a Video is that you're not actually playing the game there - and some Video Creator would tend to take the best shots to not look like a noob in front of the audience. And because of that, yea, one might have to experience a game nonetheless; Or be told the important things. Like ... I wrote about the High End weapons that one has to be able to 'efford' them - which is bad considering that this doesn't say that 'Machine Parts' are also currency in that game. So to buy some weapon you need some Machine Part thats a rare drop from some specific Machine - and so you have to go out there, hunt that Machine until one of them drops it.

However - from now just looking at the Video Footage you see in Horizon how the Machines have weakspots. They are however not always Visible. One has to turn on the Focus - and they only stay visible for some time. However - its I guess problematic to really see the depth of Horizon from just some Video. If taking it too far into detail. On the "surface" one has to though think of the "action functions" required. Zelda is more, well, Straightforward; Though there's alot of flailing around with the sword. Honestly, it doesn't seem 'bad' - while Horizon seems ... 'bad' per se ... like whenever there is more than one Machine - its like Chaos and Boom and Warning and stuff going on Everywhere. Ironically - its Horizon that seems to have a better "Arsenal Gameplay" - ironically because originally Zelda would have a large focus on Links Arsenal - which this time around seems to only be those some gadgets one picks up in them shrines. Next to shield, bow and meele weapon. Horizon seems to have enemies that are meant to be crazy dangerous - I mean, a Mecha T-Rex with Machine Guns that launches drones which shoot Laser Beams? Please what? Zelda has Lynels - and stuff that has eyes one has to shoot at - or whatever big huge obvious weakspot to flail at with the sword. Seems to be more chill - definitely.
But there's something I came to dislike about the 3D Zelda games - which is that there are the Trashmobs and then some enemies with some big obvious weakspots - where there usually is some gadget mechanic built around it. Like, was it Wind Waker or Twilight Princess that had this "roll around the enemy to hit it from behind" move? Where there obviously were some enemies that were invulnerable from the front. And don't get me wrong. When getting into any of those games - yea - you a) deal with that and b) still have some fun with that - where on the other hand, obviously, Dark Souls can get frustrating. But when taking a neutral/objective stance - as much as I can - I don't want to take the "if you're invested in the game" argument as a thing.


Finally however it kindof hurts me to hate on Zelda - but yea, as it hurts me ... for reals ... to see what Zelda has become. I mean, after I was done with Twilight Princess I was just no longer happy with the Franchise. Is this what I've written here so far however fair? I mean - I don't want to be unfair!

Clearly - its difficult to say that this thought is any good; As it so also depends on what you're looking for. This here is clearly written from an 'Action Game' perspective. When it gets to 'Adventure' - things look vastly different.
Yet there's a thing that Horizon and Zelda equally suffer - I think - while that however is something I would rather expect from a Final Fantasy game - though not on the list of things that make the games great. Its just a part of it. And that are challenges that are basically beyond what the engine is actually good for. So, where there are some tools the player has to get around; Though in Horizon for instance it every now and again does come down to getting tossed back and forth by explosions and what not; So that it isn't this "beautiful hunting" anymore but ... 'raw virtual survival'. In Final Fantasy those are just your "ordinary" "Bullshit Enemies" - HP like nobodies business and attacks that deal 9999 damage and so on. And so in terms of Adventuring, Horizon can just be claustrophobic at times, though, there are really just a few of those 'Choke Points'. And thats what Zelda Games avoid here and there - as those gadget mechanics come into play.


Part 2 - Make Love, not Warcraft

Rambling or Ranting like this has become my way of making up for the fact that I'm not actually working on my own stuff. I do want to believe that I did/do something good there - though usually people would take offense in it the one or the other way. And the story is already there in my head - how my Game would have been getting shit for being "like this" or "like that" - while "other games" are like "wow, its like this" and "wow, its like that".


So - how can I get started on this? How can I get back into my own thing? There are two options: Either I'm taking homebrew.daeryabaar.com down; At least the MoA stuff; Or I'm keeping it and get expanding on it - as - by finding some topics that make sense to write about.

A part of me thinks its unfair that I get divine insight into stuff while I got to look down upon the rest - while another part of me doesn't want to share anything because I feel like only the wrong people are listening.


If I'm gonna share stuff I surely won't share everything. Some trade-secrets have to be kept I think. The least harmless thing I can start writing about is however that the biggest challenge for me - as far as I'm aware of - will be to implement an in-game map of the world. That because the map would be its own independent representation of the world data - where I will have to go out of my way to create some "hand drawn" map if thats what I'll do. Otherwise I'd just keep it simple and use the world data that is 'there' - but then I would also want some "fog of war" ... which would be easier to accomplish.

In general my game is going to - of course - follow a "one man" philosophy when it gets to its production. So, the game industry these days is basically in favour of employment. So to get Characters animated there's a shit ton of work that has to be done - which involves a lot of people to get it done. I will mostly be able to circumvent that by using my own storage mechanisms/file-types. So instead of learning how stuff works - I'll just do it myself. Because I'll do it myself, those datatypes will be rather simple; ... which is difficult to relate to if you're not in my head - and difficult to explain without giving you the exact "resonance" - which in essence are 'seeds' to ideas. I mean, it shouldn't be a big mystery by now that I don't have the whole thing planned out in detail; But am more like 'Weasel' (from "I am Weasel") about it. I see a thing, tick-tick-tack, perfect conclusion elaborate in all detail. I mean ... people that know me a bit better know what I mean, and that I can be that ... "Weasel-y".
I want to avoid making promises here - which is basically the whole detrement of this story I guess. I mean - if I say "I want it like this and that" - and you don't see the solution - I'm left to proove it by making it happen. That is not the problem. I mean, a good portion of what makes my game work will also be used for other things. And those things, those could be promises. Like so - some type of HTML/XML script that is "super awesome" - and to you it must sound like "yea, of course P)". And that while I haven't even properly worked out any Syntax yet. Which is part of my "design flavour" - but also why my stuff is gonna be great - if I'll ever get it done. The thing is that I won't ever like any Syntax I come up with until it is as close to the 'core IT' of the interpreter. So the two will be developped in tandem - and the 'raw start' of it is a "Bubble based Syntax". That because its the most logical first parsing step to any object oriented Syntax. So before any instructions or whatever are being parsed - the files are 'split' into segments. So any {} block is an individual item - and a file would be a list of such items, being either 'base level' or 'bubble'. So the file: would be 4 items - where 2 and 4 are bubbles. Here the parser does at the base only count 'up' and 'down' - in "Bubble Levels". Whenever it gets to Bubble Level 0 - it means 'cut'. That is however not really useful just yet. But I'm not really there yet, where it gets any useful. I mean, its clear that there are gonna be directives, labels and such - as 'Part 1' will always have some meaning. Thats "lazy coding" if you so will. Saying - the space prior to first Bubble is either there or not - which is the next logical parsing step. To say 'if(Part1) { special functions }' - like general declarations, whatever; As in the background there are multiple datatrees ... and ... they somehow correlate. The most iportant one would be 'the interpreted sequence'. Which in regards to a programming language would be the arrangement of the program - or the 'mid-step' between input and output. At which point I'm confident that I can make some "single pass" compiler happen thats yet not dependent on identifiers being declared prior to their usage.
So there's a first pass to feed them datatrees - discarding the files - and then only running through the anatomy; Complaining if an identifier is still not present.

What I ultimately want - moving back to the game - is something along the lines of QBasic crossed with HTML in resemblance of a zip file; So for the part thats used for other things. But before I go on - I'm coming back to my understanding of what I should do now. Share or not share? Already I can see the problems arising from this as it is. And yea - this problem basically occurs wherever I have to say: "I'm not sure yet". Like, will the 'Part 1' now be actually significant or are Part 1 and Part 3 here basically the same? Some people might argue that its more logical that way. Yet in code, if Part 1 and 3 are not the same, its much easier to sort different things away from other things. Yet so I get these feels - as some argument that I 'failed already' - which doesn't matter however if its gonna work out. And so there's a problem I have - which is that I'm a "softie" - or "too tolerant/humble". I - aside of things I'm utterly certain about - tend to humble my oppinion in regards to others. As you might already see happening here. At first the 'part 1' thing was the thing that I'd do - yet thinking about it, about how people would perceive this, I get to see the other side - and so come to bend my understanding accordingly. And thats as 'serving two Lords'. Yet not only that. If I can work alone - isolated - with nobody whitnessing what I do - I can get that "Evil Genious" kind of ... rubbing my hands with a big grin on my face ... while anything you know of allows you to think all sorts of stuff into it which then rather demands me to take some "on the high horse" kind of stance - I mean, where I have to just look down upon you and be like: "You'll see". So I'm actually challenged - so the two options I have are actually: a) An NSA/CIA/Whatever proof place to work in - or b) I learn to handle it.
Yet here's my argument regarding what is 'most logical': An A.I. can never work without human direction - and so is any 'IT System' (a.k.a. "Logic") only as effective as the human "spin" given to it. Saying: There will always have to be choices made - and if those choices are made 'within' any Logic - that system can never exceed that logic. I mean, well - at some points IT is 'open' - saying that any good scripting language would allow some sort of external linkage or inclusion; But if that 'logic' is abstract to the human understanding then its gonna be abstract to the human understanding period. So is the part 1 block where I say 'thats like a headline' - and if it isn't needed its simply ommitted.


But yea - in case I can't always be this clear - and I'm sure I can't, and hence I'm telling you this, probably - its a bit so that what I would need in order to make 'me sharing things' work out is your "faith" - some support in some sense; Which I'll 'get' if I explain things in a way that wouldn't allow you to carry it the other way. And so I would have to continue as for instance done with Clarity. I'll get to work on a thing and eventually find what I missed and then will have to share it.


Anyway, the idea is this: I call them "Hashtag functions". Hereby the syntax interpreter is basically a 'tool' for any program - where the headline (of the entry file) would be used to 'tell' what the file is written 'for'. The program knows what it is - and if it doesn't find itself in the headline - it will find that the file is useless. It will furthermore provide "Hashtag functions" to the interpreter; Where the interpreter is like some "easy syntax" program. It has its own rules and shenanigans and stuff - while the hashtags would so be there ... to extend its functionality.
So the idea is to basically 'write' the Games Story/Plot as though I were writing a book or novel. So, in sense of an html file that however runs the game. This - so the idea - would work to the extent of a literal html file - but also to the extent of a compile script that could be used to write interactive letters, fancy "postcards", minigames - well - whatever a program could use the interpreter for.


Think of 'the Construct' in the Matrix. #Spawn(database/gun_shelves) {lots of them}. Sortof.


Than later down you have an established VR Environment - and so objects to attach functions to. Like @entity.NPC_1 {import com_node(shop.armory)} whatever. Which ... when not executed right can become really messy; As in reality there would have to be some more parameters and stuff - as each shop would need an individual database/file/description as to what it sells and - then the shop would yet be really bare-bones; ... I mean, as far as I see it - this is a really naive approach/understanding of the matter. It would work kindof like that - but the results ... may vary. Which is the beauty but also the horror of IT. So, planning the syntax ahead of any pragmatic usage has certain downsides - though at some given point the syntax is too sophisticated to allow for any regrets - and so right now I wonder: What when I get there? I would want to show it off - put it out there - but yet would need some program making use of an interpreter to have that be of any use. This relates to another flaw of mine, though there is yet another thing about me that kindof works against that. I have a tendency to not finish stuff - get to work on more and more things next to each other and ... well, about finishing anything ... my intention is or has to be to wrap things up side by side. I 'have' to do it so for as long as I can't go about it any other way. So, whatever. My plan - that what I see is right - however tells me to first get done with the game.


The more experience I gather along that road - I mean - certainly I want the game to be polished and thats basically on the top of my priority list - while I don't see that polishing as something done 'after', but something done within the fundamental code. And that will happen in phases. Yet first of all, I'll have to work on some user interface/framework/desktop/shell - and while I'm not even there yet - thats what I got to be doing. Before I'm not done with even having the simplest of all things running all of this are just distant dreams. I mean, yea - effectively I'm at 'line 1' yet, think of it as though I haven't gotten a single line of code yet. But yea - while this so far has been better than worse all things considered - I'm confident about the next part: I won't work on a desktop environment just yet - as I'm constantly stressed to focus on the game and not Crystals. This fits the narrative - as - I won't have some functional thing to share before the game is done - and sharing this makes it easier for me to stick to it.


Peace and Out!



Next Episode

CNS:2017.03.22[12:52]