Carefully loosing my shits about ...

... something I'm gonna be telling to you now. There is a terrible nuisance; And I'm not really angry about it because I've gotten used to it over time. Well, to be really careful about not misrepresenting the case, I have to start wondering: Is it good or is it bad that it is there? Because as well all know: We may very well be upset about things that after all are actually good for us.

Well, one upside that comes to my mind is that I'm constantly reminded of there being yet something I didn't care about properly; So - that I'm potentially misrepresenting something. But I'm rather certain that of all the things I've written about, those are the things that really annoy you the most! Well, however, I'm gonna write about those things here specifically - and I'm trying to not digress from it at all.
So - if this whole topic here is a huge nuisance to you - well - welcome to the club!

First of all - arguing that this 'thing' - that 'whether it is good or not' thing - is a good one or not is a matter of wondering whether or not we actually do need anyone but God to point us into the directions that are important. So, that what I mentioned as upside would apply here as the "what if that isn't the case?" - so, if we needed one another to point each other into the right or important directions. And you might say: Yes! We need each other! Or isn't that the whole point about me writing of the upsides of having social backup?

This however barely scratches the surface; Though, if I were as straight as to get straight to the things that annoy me - wouldn't I be biased? I mean - I'd take a superficial thing that I'm extremely annoyed about and start rambling all negatively about it; So, how is that not biased?
But, lets put that into perspective. I'm so laying there in my bed - enjoying stuff that I so am used to enjoy - and this thing doesn't even try to be any different from it. What I'm publically expressing as part of what I like certainly includes some general pleasure out of being collared - and so there is that thing, which pretty much is a collar. So you might conclude: If I dislike it, I'm obviously biased!
So, as of my bias I try to get rid of that thing - as nothing actually makes me want it to be there - and whether do I know how to get rid of it, nor why it is there to begin with. And so begins a journey, an oddysee, of trying to figure out what that thing is. It doesn't take too long and I hear it "echoing" from some plane of existence; That unless I mention it specifically, I don't really care whether or not it is there and as of that it is there legitimately. Sigh ... . So, here you go! Satisfied? Why? Whom am I talking to? ... and ... Sigh ... again!

Then, there is this thing known as 'Stockholm Syndrome'. I guess the point is that once you're used to something, you'll miss it once its gone. Regarding this thing, I'm so used to it that I can barely imagine a life without it! And for some reason I can't help it - while whatever or whoever it is that that thing is coming from seems to take that situation as reason enough to go forward and believe that I'm actually wanting it. Well, 'duh', I kindof 'am' wanting it - but that is because my mind is screwed, as, that is what makes the Stockholm Syndrome a thing ... like wanting it to be there to see if it'll come back. But ... lets get back to the top of this; As, I was starting that way for a reason.


Am I just biased? Or is that question already too biased? Well - I'm trying to tell you things like that you are supposed to believe that life within Unification is simple. That God will take care of all the many problems and concerns you may have. The reality is however this: I tried to reach J.Lo for years - and eventually I turned my back on her - gave it up - thus have been open for other things - and initially I found comfort by settling on simple compatibility as good enough. But more positive stuff was coming my way and eventually realized that Monica Bellucci is really someone that fits my needs. Yet this voice in the "back" of my head won't stop prying in - and that usually once I'm really OK with my life and how things are - just to make a nuisance of it it seems. I tried to ignore it, moved on with my life, and by now I do have a perfectly ... well, is it an OK situation that I got setup? How certain can I be that Monica Bellucci really is the one I want, as the one who wants me? Well, I can look around me and tell that she at the very least isn't here - but neither is J.Lo or anyone at all. Thus, whoever the right one would be - it should be clear that if I had some remote knowledge of her, it'd exist in my fantasy. And - whether that should be Monica or Jennifer, doesn't matter as far as the fact of it being fantasy is concerned. So - I have this fantasy that feels alright and resembles a pretty solid and fundamental part of my own self-understanding. And if I want to include all the other positive things; It isn't just Monica - but also Madonna, Amanda Tapping; And since recently Britney Spears. Well - I've been thinking of her for quite some time and the thought was really really nice; But, since recently things have changed - it seems that she's finally found her part to that really really nice thing; So that now its actually mutual. It seems. And none of these do somehow have a conflicting position; Although technically the opposite is the case; But that is an issue of polyamorie as it seems to apply to me. So, my fantasy makes a lot of sense - and none of my attractions feels like an obsession. So, thinking of Megan Fox for instance I still feel a little bit uneasy, so that I only mention her cautiously. I don't mean to pry in - and if she is't into it - well - I don't have a problem with that. The point is: There is Monica, or whoever she's a placeholder for, and within that relationship I realize myself as originally male, yet effectively female. This gender shift is what turned the relationship into something more serious. Part of this are a whole bunch of guys that I see as part of her 'family' (pre-terrestrial) - and because of logic it so happens that whatever their relevance is to me, it exists through Monica. That means, basically, that by sticking to Monica I'm getting two in one, without any conflicts had. Extending that into my primary self being a whore, its even three and more in one. It all flows together and it feels right. So, nothing of that was remotely complicated. The only or most complicated part about it was myself prior to that simplicity being compatible to me. I've been obsessed with some unreasonable kind of love that only catered to my expectations as grown from being overdozed by Love-Songs - with the person whom I related to those emotions being entirely exchangable, as it has matter of fact been the second time that I've been in Love that way. The exact same way.
So - its a nuisance already that I have to tell that to myself over and over again. And why do I have to? Because some "force" comes prying in ... that I don't wanna be biased about at this point.
And now so there is this collar thing, which somehow seems to take me by my most intimate Kink - but my Clarity doesn't connect to it. And so - once more we can say that somehting good has come from it; Though wondering about who actually even needs this info - I'm initially biased to think about people that wanna screw us over because otherwise it should make perfect sense already that in the Ninefold we're dealing with a genuinely superior power that is beyond all the things we know and therefore simply outruling all the other things that might be getting us. Oh yea - except for all the cases where that isn't the case. Which are however things that we can genuinely destinguish from these intimate personal things; As well do we understand the general concepts of growth, but, well, I don't wanna be biased here. Which is however a point where I'm starting to gnash my teeth.
So - breathe in, breathe out.
So there is the second group of people that might benefit from that - which is that group of people that is concerned about the influence that people who wanna screw us over have on us. Yea ... . And the reason why I won't see it any other way is because my Clarity doesn't connect to that collar. So, what is this connectivity about? Well ... lets not focus on that too directly here; Or let it be a case for another time unless its becoming relevant again.

I called it 'collar thing' - because starting this morning, that was the morning after I wrote the Thanksgiving Turkey thing, it was more like a screw drilled into the back of my neck; And it leads to someone who has a really penetrant interest in fucking me - but I really can't comfortably connect to that person. Its the opposite of what I would call pleasant. And pleasant is in this case not a twistable word - such as 'punishment' can be twisted into 'reward' due to Kink. Kink is pleasant; And if I enjoy punishment as reward then punishment is pleasant. So - I have an older experience, also relative to my Level 3 experiences, and basically it happened that I first was in Monicas hands, then there was the case of me being handed over to someone else whom I'd have to be as loyal to as to her - its all been fine and well - until that person got replaced by a different one - and I started to feel utterly uncomfortable. Well, biased? Well, ... if we wanna settle on that term being the most accurate description, then 'biased' is the new word for something being 'personal'. Like Love is something personal, wouldn't you agree? So, I'm naturally biased towards Monica, ... while actually, thats a good way of describing how Britney Spears would for instance fit in. Or Madonna. Madonna really has been the first big positive thing - while in process of more positive things coming my way I experienced how a really fulfilling Love can take multiple shapes. Without using the bias term though I would have said that I have an emotionally larger attraction towards ... 'not' Monica ... but I'm deeply biased towards her. And the idea of ever being separated from her is deeply disturbing. As the interests I perceived of that second person - the one that got switched in - as he went on arguing that I was alright being given into the hands of that other guy; And that he wouldn't treat me any differently; Following up that it'd be unraesonable if I craved to be back in Monicas hands because I was alright with being in that other guys hands.

So - do you wanna know what is annoying? A fly that buzzes around in your room although it doesn't even touch you! Do you wanna know what else is annoying? Someone who thinks he could just mimic someone you're deeply in touch and Love with and be right on claiming you instead of that person! And you wanna know what else is annoying? If that person always keeps on finding a way to call you being biased for not complying to his reaoning! Do you wanna know what else is annoying? The need to spell that out in more and more detail, over and over again, isntead of being just able to say: I GIVE A FLYING FUCKSHIT ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I'M BIASED ABOUT IT - GTFO OF HERE AND BE QUIET!


I just wonder what next I have to explicitly write about to make the same sodding point! Do you wanna know what else is annoying? If you've fought for something you wanted, you've achieved victory, embrace your reward and then there is that ... shallow "voice" echoing from the background that wants to make you feel like you don't even really want it anymore! Like once two people quarreled over something, the one who was right one and the other one saying in a taunting way: "Are you happy now?". At this point I really have my emotional claws popping out and I wanna really really hurt someone! Someone specific. Like a shallow voice coming from the background! You wanna know what else is annoying? That if you are incapable of prying yourself away from that background due to whatever reasons and you feel something like a dick shoved up your ass! Do you wanna know how annoying that is? Its that kind of annoying that makes you wish hellfire upon whoever that cock belongs to and you wish that hellfire to burn and burn so hot that 'burn' is the only word left on your mind and you're enraging to keep that word in your head and fuel it with all the anger that you can mobilize by which point you've already thrown all "legal concerns" out of the window and you don't care whether or not that person might be saved you just want it to BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN! NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN. And yea you guessed it! The nuisance won't stop! Thats even more annoying - and at some point you just give up, take a deep breath and hope to God that this person is gonna be bitchslapped so hard that it defies comprehension! And it still won't go away! Thats annoying! And you wanna know what else is annoying? To have this very same situation occur over and over and over and over again! And by the time it starts prying into your pussy you're starting to pray to God that you may be the one to bring pain to that person! And you guessed it! How else would this be a situation that happens over and over and over again?! Eventually this something infiltrates your vision too - so you can't even enjoy porn anymore - or whatever else you choose to watch! And do you wanna know what really sucks? To see someone like that getting elected as President of the United States of America! And you wanna know what else sucks? To see millions of people eating out of his hands - metaphorically speaking! And you wanna know what else sucks? That person rubbing it into your face! You wanna know what else sucks? If you here that person from the background basically laughing and belitteling everything you do or believe in. So, do you wanna know what I deem extremely pointless? Arguing with such people! Amen!

Nuisance or Bias?

by Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.11.25 - 06:58

(My advise: Just ignore it!)
Period

Ignorance is Bliss!

by Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.11.25 - 07:02