Condense Sense Dance

And yea, now it cringes ... and it cracks ... which means - ... well - I'm just realizing that I'm in some weird mode again. Basically - I guess I'm having personal issues or struggles but as my normality has it - I take them as something I should write about because thats gonne be somewhat important. Anyway, you might say, because just ... well ... I can't talke with "these" people!

What the hell is even going on right now?


OK then, keyword: Logic.

And how the hell is this already - problematic? Yea, so - I do get to a new window, along the road, ... and I've been there before, but now something is different.


So - I guess, usually, when you are in denial of some kind, you basically got to face one of two situations: Either you do, or you don't have excuses. ... Ahw ... well, this is gonna be some Pluto-ish detour.




Insanity - who has it, who doesn't? I mean - lets face it! 'In-sanity' ... so, the 'inverse' of sanity. But, what is sane? To come up with a 'walking down a cliff' example set in a scenario where you believe there is no cliff at all while there is shiny treasure at the other end of the bridge; Well - you could be sane but not knowing ... yada yada ... ; Clear - but what if you're yelled at and get all points of indicators but you just don't want to see that cliff there? That is ... is it? "No" - some people would say; Because it might or could or - it isn't insane! As in "insane" - like - 'coo coo bananas' - as the person could still speak and think; ... but so my point: 'INsane'.

Insanity ... yea ... now that I so look at it, the world is full of it - like - nobodies business if it wouldn't so happen to be the place everyone actually dwells in. But now, ... there is no longer a bad boy to blame. At least in my head. Maybe he was guilty of some things - but now the bad guy rather is the absence of such ... but that isn't even the point. This insanity was there before - just a much larger insanity that ... made anything else rather seem normal!
... its basically so that the bad guy was kindof 'bathing' in it - ... but, thats just marginally ... "interesting". I mean - in the end ... if we wanted to blame someone we got to ask for some beginning. If anything at all - the Antichrist was only one of many who ... ...

Well, what do I got on my mind?


I'm having a minor identity crisis - but, this crisis is ... weird - ... as it is due to me not having any answers ... to, what in this context should be called 'insane questions or asumptions/weird patterns of logic'.

So yea, the bad guys at this point are 'all those' - that haven't quite "gotten it" yet. And by now you kindof understand that a human being isn't as easily convincable as to just 'teach him better'. You would however know it from yourself. You have like 'one' base principle - along a line - which is like your anchor of sanity. But then, everything that acts differently - is someone you inherantly perceive as insane.
"Rightfully so". So you would go and talk to that person of your sanity, trying to kindof 'operate' your idea and understanding into the other; But it won't work! For some ... weird reason! And yea, that being however that even your 'simplest basic ideal' is actually rather complicated!

Lets say its just to have Sex ... for the sake of having an as dumb as simple basic ideal for reference. Thats the same as any other. Not hurting anyone ... doing good work ... being honest ... making money - ... at some point you can always 'dumb 'em down' - to "just cause" - and yea, so there is a way of actually being entirely ignorant about it and so just choosing something for the sake of having something you don't wanna explain because you actually even can't! But lets be serious. If you're seriously convinced of something - thats the point, that 'deeep in there' ... in your head - there's a whole lot of stuff, as to 'why' that is. And a person that isn't willing to change, ... I would say ... "game over".

So, as of recent; ... like less than 24 hours ... well ... I guess we can compare what happened prior to that to a pickle filling up ... and then it eventually bursted. Taking it simple: Who am I identifying myself with and why? So, I was in high-school and I liked Spiderman. That being my favourite - well - made me partially glad about everything positive spiderman related. And thats where I have to basically scold myself a little - though - I'm kindof in an excusable grey area there. Its not "all good" however. (Only God is really Good! Its a pyramid. Maybe even a Davids Star. At the bottom however there is bullshit!).
(Like a real 'bull shit-cannon' esque load of shit!)

(In your mouth)

(So, beneath the middle - ...)

(And [lawl! Owned!] If you can't imagine - you're possibly right down there!)

We could make this point a whole conversation and social dynamics, respect, staggerization, ... boom - I win!

The thing is ... maybe Warframe triggered this bubble-burst in me - and now I just got some neural pathways established that channel the shit right my way. So, there is stuff like ... well, ... actually ... there is a quote from Warframe that I would have at this point. But ... 'Ordis' or whats his name ... well ... that analysis on them relics. Really ... deep ... Quantum Theory ... stuff. To ... its not Warframe specific, but some guy on their team had a bright idea and ... the thing is: In MMOs its become a thing that certain things can be multiple things, but are in the end only one thing. So, you get a weapons engram and it decodes into a random weapon. It is prior to that all of those weapons, but once you've opened it - its arguably the only thing it has ever been.

Same goes for some people. As some might yet want to argue that same goes for me. What I mean is - some people make up their oppinion as they go. At least so the cliche image. What I mean is: You could take a thing they like, present it to them so they don't like it; And there-after they'll be as though that has always been the case. That would only be an example - as the actual point on mind is about conversation. For such reason I think has it kindof become custom to first of all ask the other person out - to so have a solid foundation as opposed to the weird feeling that they're not really honest.

What I'm getting at ... I mean, this right here is different, in that this 'cliche person' is 'a crowd'; Where the final conclusion is 'always' gonna be in disfavour of me. So - there's that bunch of people, sotospeak, where I'm not important, but more something of a medium or buffer - as I'm there, with my own truth, as many others may be able to relate to, but people just make shit up about what that truth is - and you're pretty much always not gonna like it!

Also - the world/universe we live in may be vast and complex and deep and rich and ... and ... and - be penultimately we can narrow it down to 12, then 4+3 and ultimately just one thing. So - 'base principles' in mind. OK, for the pragmatic purpose 12 isn't enough - (and what is it with people anyway that like to shove cocks into their mouth like - I don't know! But I know! ... hihi ;)) - the thing, is yea, maybe the next example comes because I'm watching porn right now, but anyhow: There are many cocks, but only a few ways to suck 'em! So we eventually live in this "tiny world" - where at some point, after we talked for a while, I might just refuse to give any further answer. Now, ... in this context though, this would be one of the things that would come to my mind as the symptom of someone just not having an answer; And refusing to give any to avoid 'being caught'. There is though a difference; As - I would refuse to answer if I have explained it over and over and twice and more - and am just not seeing 'it happen' - so ... same as with "them" ... stress, tension, ... 'sanity' - ... or "sanity". Well, if we wanna take 'sanity' as an individualistic thing; Then everyones sane! The spirit is inherantly sane in that regard - as - it can 'make sense'. Like, "the definition of sanity". And so, if we actually want a word to describe someones 'intellect' on a universal scale - non individualistic - then ... we have to climb higher to understand what sanity implies!

In this sense - to get at this from a weirder angle - we could argue that people only have Sex to be on camera! Like, Sex were genuinely an invention of the Porn industry; Totally overrated/overhyped - and way too overpriced! I mean - thats what we kindof get to once we think about our urges to share all of our life and are always thinking about what others think about us.
Yet so is the beauty of 'good Sex'. It just happens! (#screwyou)

Well, insanity is certainly related to 'Babylon' - as in setting Babylon equal to confusion. Confusion was a great asset in the war against the Truth - as, the more confusion about the truth would spread and 'settle' - the more people couldn't distinguish the one from the other. Then just mix the truth with a little bollocks here - a little over-exposure here, a little under-exposure there - and bam - it perfectly blends in.

If we take a 'true' sentence - like - 'he is the image of the invisible God' - and place a wrong sentence next to it, ... which in this sense is rather just a macroscopic misrepresentation ..., does the sentence become less true? Well - as it depended on the context, the context were that of the bible where the context is pretty much straight to the truth. But yea - at some point things get intransparent and you'll need an expert to tell you rights from wrongs!


Anyway - so, my crisis kindof is that I can't 'choose' anything, for anything I look at/think of - well - is kindof getting sucked up into that "its only because of [insert random reason]" kindof nonsense. Where Warframe ... the thing is that the Characters/Warframes look kindof odd - and customization mostly narrows down to colors and "hats". So - there is some kind of 'depersonalization' going on - as you don't start the game with defining your personal look either. You are ... 'the player' ... and the Avatar is ... well ... your Warframe! And you can change it whenever you want - provided you got more than just one.
And the 'childhood naivity' about what you like - it ... its different once you start to get aware of those things. I did get it a lot ... some time ago ... that basically everything I ever did or wrote about or said was somehow misrepresented by some "cockblocking entity" - which even has me somewhat traumatized. In this very immediate case example ... this 'misrepresentation' could argue that I'm overcomplicating things. But - acts have more impact than words; And so they go and make it 'practical' - by one of those many "just and simply so and so" - as, just think about what the game allows you to do, think about the truths of yourself, then maybe decorate it slightly, ... "where problem"? Yea, like my problem was 'actually' the 'how to' create an MMO Avatar "properly". (And that why Warframe sucks! ???)

(Well, Warframe is inverted to how an MMO usually works. At least before Blizzard introduced Transmogrification to WoW. So, in the beginning you create your Character - then you go out and Adventure - and in the end you look like everyone else. In Warframe you start looking like everyone else - but the weird and abstract shapes and patterns - they kindof force you to be creative with the tools you got! And in the end - everyone's as colorful as a bird! ... or not. I mean ... ... and yea, Warframe kindof makes money on the "possibility" that people actually care about how they look! And the more you enjoy the game, the easier it is for you to throw money "into" it. (And why not? I mean - I was happy to buy Akuma, a Costume and his stage - and Akuma in SF5 RULES!!! ... awesome !!!) (So far I've spent like 30.50 bucks on Warframe ... and I don't feel like I need anything else ... and still got some Platinum left over. It really comes down to ... being careful with your money - if that were your concern! - I have two Frames now, Meg and Frost, ... and while I kindof also think I want/need Trinity, ... I'm nowhere near actually needing her - and - yea, time ... has an actual meaning in Warframe! Like - you could broke yourself out by buying blueprints (for in game currency) - but you can skip on that if you see that you couldn't even build it yet and spend it on other things for the time being.))

What I'm trying to say is that Warframes 'options' - they are somewhere between an MMO and ... Final Fight for instance (where you have three 'solid' Characters - like in Street Fighter - to choose from). You have some space to individualize; But rather than the way I looked, I looked at the way I'd play. And so - MMOs take the 'classic gaming' to a 'higher' stage, in that ... well ... fun is a social experience. I mean ... taking Tomb Raider or Mario for instance; Everyone who played it, played in about the same thing. So, in Warframe you'd ... then go for the Excalibur frame because he's the Ninja ... and the prominent face of the Franchise ... kindof ... though, perhaps thats Loki now ... ... ... ... ... . In WoW you've got it more 'edible' in that you only have to choose your preferences from the role-playing perspective. Race, Gender, Class ... Race Class Gender ... Gender Class Race ... whatever. Then as priest you maybe realize you don't wanna be a healer, ... and start to play Rogue ... maybe.
Warframe however really limits you there. You may at some point have multiple if not all frames to choose from - but platinum is possibly intentionallly that expensive! So anyway ... I wanted to be a supporting Class, but ... not really "just the healer" - and there Warframe is well designed too - because you can't pick a healer class from the start. There is the Ninja, the Warlock and the CC (Crowd Control) Character - with a more offensive vibe to it.
So - after re-digesting this ... I think what really happened is that I got torn out of my "pickle" - and then gained a better point of view to observe and behold these things.

But ... to add my few cents to it as well: I don't have a 'fixed truth' when it gets to playing MMOs. As for styling and such. Each game has its own fascination for me - and - I could 'always' pick the rogue/ninja class - but ultimately it depends on how I want to play the game. Same goes for the looks. As I settle on a mood for the game I also kindof come to express that within how I create my Character - or how I think it up - which is where ... MMOs typically suck at some point because ... you don't really know how things will play out. I mean ... you can't have it all your way! But ... thats OK! (Its inevitable! Thats life!)
[Yea ... sneaky! I almost had them coming right at it there - ... because ... [insert random reason]].

"Booosh!"

Aaah ... another thing. The way the Antichrist 'did his thing', I guess, was that he took care of these crazinesses being poured out over time, with strategy, ... and mostly not to accidentally trip people off into the other direction. Once things changed - he took that with him or whatever; So, those that remain just blow it all out ... and at first thats really awkward to me - but at some point it as they will/would barely be worth mentioning.


Or I was in denial all along ... but ... whatever.


So - what drove the crisis however, ... that was coming as I had to see the ways of how I would identify myself with certain things/characters - but the focus being on what people ... 'think' about it. And thats much weirder as I was able to relate to. As for me - if I just speak the Truth, there were nothing to worry about. But what I experience now is an external, deeply condescending stance unto each and every one of my pronounced choices - but here's a thing: What makes you different from all those haters on the internet that are claiming weird facts about you that aren't really facts?

So, back on Symptoms - what can cause an itch? Maybe you don't even know - other than itching powder maybe - but yea, not every itch you got is because of itching powder. And well you can science it back to the same things maybe - but thats like setting your childs kindergarten poem next to Shakespears works because its got words in it!

Well - this should be clear to just anybody - but - is that fact integrated into your mind so to the point that you wouldn't overlook the significant differences between similarities?


So, on the bottom line - I do really lean 'strongly' towards attractive female figures with some aura of Mystique but ... in that overpowered sense - in terms of what I'm identifying myself with nowadays ... or was. Or still am - as - narrowing it down to the Truth of me and all that ... thats what I am! Or ... what I make of myself? Where's the difference? Oh, overpoweredness you say ...? But maybe you - 'ho' - just can't stand being outshone by me!

Like - you wanna be that! Or you wanna have that or be part of that Mystique ... that "sing sang your epicness into Pop Culture" like ... "I am somebody"-ishness that in regards to "people like me" (Nerd/Looser guys/gamers) - should totally get me hooked on you; So I'll be the pathetic person that is being played with and made fun of. Well - too bad - ... !
So, maybe ... the problem is that some people are identifying themselves as me - ... for instance. But they have their heads clouded because its 'normal' to make fun of me ... or am at the very least being made fun of ... which would even influence their porn-watching experience, because obviously I would fail at fitting into just that role ... or at least you see it that way because you 'put' me, subconsciously provided, into a 'try hard(er)' position - so, you 'write the script' as a joke on my cost - while, the opposite kindof were, ... ... to get the point down blunt and simple: To see each porn actress as an expression of my being.
You should be able to intelligently/intellectually relate to that. (And I guess: To think 'with' the 'heart' - means ... to think 'with' the heart ... as in: Not excluding it - and 'to think' should propose that you don't forget that part either - so - to for instance not pretend that your heart could think on its own).
We can see each other as expressions of each other. If you were brunette - and you liked lemon ice cream - and you saw a picture of a woman that looks in a way that allows you to identify with the person shown there that enjoys eating lemon ice cream ... you could pretend that you don't see what I wanna tell you here all the way you want - nobody with a brain and their minds in the right place would accept that! I mean, duh, ... of course that person/image isn't 'per se' an expression of you - but turning it around - to ask you for an expression - that picture would be kindof ... the easiest way to get there!
OK, "I like lemon ice cream" would do too ... but once I said so, that I like 'vanilla' ice cream ... then its because everyone likes it and I'm dishonest. I also like lemon then! Yea, I would only say that to increase my magnitude. Well, so ... straciatella then! Now I got three ... and because I forgot to mention chocolate - I'd be then "the person who doesn't like chocolate ice-cream". ... - so, what should I do? Not eat ice cream at all - or piss into a bottle and put it into the freezer. Everything else would 'proof' that I'm a bad person; And therefore ... because I have ... sorry ... "had" (would have) ... an obligation to the people to be 'acceptable' or whatever ... (most of the 'sense' is just ... metaphysical. Like, how serious you are in putting, pushing and defending it) ... I should avoid looking like a bad person! So yea ... thats how eating any flavour of ice-cream - even if I invented it for myself for just that point (because nothing is more 'die hard try hard' than that! "obviously") - is amongst the vilest and evilest acts I could do and at the very least a very severe case of exposed arrogance!


You should be able to somehow, at least passively, understand how your mind works ... by for instance not ignoring that you have some inherantly 1 dimensional way of thinking. I mean ... its 'either ... or ...'. I mean - from the get go I was open about my sexuality, expanded on it, moved on and on, ... and no matter how much I would have convinced you, your mind would kindof inch back into default. Well ... kindof. Your reason would do its fair bit against it ... if you're actually trying to get yourself a legitimate oppinion about me - and then there was that Change. It may be any change - ... of some kind ... - but ... it opens up possibilities or whatever ... I mean, at the very least do I observe it on myself ... which kindof aligns to something we may say 'a strong desire' for me to, kindof be less sexual. Or ... well, you can however see that once your mind adjusts to a situation, that old patterns that aren't as effected by the change eventually re-surface - so, there's a cloud of thoughts somewhere that produces its own conclusions - and these keep pushing against whatever is new. And we can kindof compare that to physics, or inertia more specifically. As, the force you need to apply onto an object to move it is relative to its mass.

Like ... if you were strongly disliking "the Antichrist" ... and you read through the previous stuff ... you get the idea that I got to be out of my damn mind and that so the very next step for me were to acknowledge that and turn around and be totally cured from my sexual "problems". So yea ... where I on the other hand ... I mean, this ... kindof comes out of nowhere, with no apparent connection to the topic - but that again depends on your perspective.


So, did this now move a little bit too close to the "we're all robots" way of things? Chances are that you don't even know what I mean ... kindof. At least there should be some to which it is more of an issue or concern than to others - and the appearance of me arguing that way might suffice for some to believe that thats my point. But ... think of it this way maybe: Once God removed 'all bad' from you ... would God have to remove 'your freedom' too? Only 'you' can tell who or what you are ... not by saying but by being ... and though God could simulate some kind of you, the only 'true you' would show once the bad stuff is gone, but you're still there and moving on from that!

But yea ... I'm still a whore ... and my prospects for the future ... the 'afterlife' future ... were leaning towards becoming a Porn Actress of some sort, where Porn ... wouldn't be about acting, but truely living through certain scenarios ... and everything else is also still pretty much the same!

Random Buttons vol. 2

by: Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2017.01.10 - 12:48

No Choice

... but to go on? Well - ... nope!


... but so - I went sleeping (yea, weird time) - and now I actually got something close to a reasonable start pieced together in me. Of some kind.


But now, the hassle of getting up and booting and stuff ... sucked the memory of the semi(/waking?)-insight away; ... now that I've eaten it's ... well ... its still there somewhere.


Now ... to go on ... Warframe is still on my mind - and right now I'm nowhere near having any complaints about the game; But looking at whats around on YouTube ... the "same old" drama ... changes made - which however don't affect me yet; And possibly I might not have noticed. But maybe thinking ... "wouldn't it be cool if ...?".
And respectively am I not invested in the game enough yet to be bothered - while yea, I think some ... possibly just don't have another way to spend their time. But yea ... why do arrows pierce through enemies but big fucking lazer gun can't? Well - fun I guess! So - I just did it - what some would or could or might call a 'typical fanboy defense response'. (TFDR ... ?). (Well yea, it actually kindof defies logic!)
And once I was asked by a friend about what I think about Game Developpers messing up these ways; I ... knew I had an answer on my mind somewhere, but none of the things that came to my mind then was making any sense.
Well ... whats' this about?
IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT!!!

That was the 'toxic' main phrase for me before beginning with this - so, yesterday. But I wondered - yesterday - why ... or how ... ... or rather: If there is a significance to whatever I've had on mind, how to present it properly rather than just ... missing the point.

So, the studio that made Warframe got bought by someone else somewhere last year, ... and apparently things have gone to shit since then. Flat hand, palms up, edge against the chest a few times. I ... do that to kindof "Level myself out" ... just some weird habit I guess. Its like, it kindof helps against that poisonous rush of "Wraaaaah! I'm gonna now go and hate on the Internet!". (Where is the logic for Nerfing Meg? ???? ????????? I mean - I don't know the end game. but I understand fixed vs. percentual damage in terms of growing enemy Levels. So, the new DE Method seems like opposed to the old DE Method - thats just what ticks on in my head - and now ... we have those ... "considerate" changes ... that ... damnit ... where's my Mjolnir?)

It strengthens my theory that the Antichrist didn't mean to "take over" the Business, but to destroy it! And he had a plan! Pissing "fanboys" off while having other 'fanboys' that keep the tension growing - is in Warframe as everywhere else a thing - and "even so in the best ... best" - like Star Wars. "It was the best SW movie ever - but still some people only know how to complain!" - so, it'd be sentenced to ... Propaganda again. Government controlled Art - whatever, like, what could you do? Like, where are the Allies that'd save us this time?

So, 'considered': If you soon have to choose another Warframe because the current one gets too weak; You'll eventually buy one. Thats what makes sense on top - like - without any 'Antichristian Conspiracy' stuff. (But why to spend money, to then earn money, in a way that'll make people leave the game and no longer spend any? With a questionable profit under the line. Oh right, yea, ... there was the whole Ultros thing ... and a variety of other things like peer pressure, ... keeping up to date ... ... well, "what a beautiful age! (not!)")


And it really really drives me mad! To understand 'how' much it boils my blood you have to understand a few things about me that might be kindof hard to explain. Like, I didn't even really think about it. It just ... drives me mad! Take it so: I just started to play Warframe - but starting off I ... stars in the eyes, entertained, being 'hyped' for the game 'while' playing it ... so ... that "good old fun" ... you barely remember existed. So, you look around and you see, aha, all Frames are kindof viable ... and I kindof meant to settle on Meg - because, I anyway also wanted to keep out of playing it for looking good. So, now I just realized that what I experience on Low Levels was also there in higher Levels, but now no more. Which is like coming into my house, taking my toy and stamping, shitting, whatevering on it - spitting in my face, maybe a boot afterwards, well - whatever, until I cry just to then taunt and tease me - and maybe leave me with a bill. Which I then am supposed to see as bright shining light at the end of the tunnel, ... (and why is it that when I think 'Loki fanboy' I think of young teenagers that are just innocently having fun? While there are enough other popular Warframes that ... rock. This isn't about Warframe though ... its everywhere! ... like a Virus ... uhm - ... smith) ... but maybe they ju.[slow mo].st wa.nt ... . Fuck it.

I mean - this is ... to me ... how can I put it? I mean ... it gets me mad - and - makes me wanna be violent. I mean ... thats ... well, there's another story that might make sense. As a child I've been in hollidays with my Gramps once, and we've been in a restaurant and I wanted 'spezi' - well, cola mixed with orange-lemonade, yet they didn't have it and so they wanted to mix cola with orange juice and I wouldn't want it and started crying. Eventually they made me understand that its practically the same thing and it was OK. I was pacified - all was well - though, thinking back ... its been a weird time. I mean - it is kindof ingrained into my mind that my family would every now and again ... well ... pull what I might describe a 'weird stunt'. Like, they had Legos in that restaurant - I mean, it was a Guesthouse and the owners and my gramps were friends. So I was allowed to play with them Legos, though, before I even could build anything with it ... I got pulled out and ... here it goes dark. I mean ... if Memories are like a mountain, that within an area of time there are very vivid memories - there are others that are kindof forgotten. I don't know how I reacted - but what I recall is a feeling of confusion as from effectively having done something wrong (like, we're guests in this house and I have to obey and such jazz) - as even being scolded ... and I believe that this effectively screwed with me long-term. So, a key memory of my Childhood tells me that I have to be alright with things I don't want - and anxious about people actually giving me what I want. The thing is ... the whole 'spezi' "incident" ... the buildup to it is also kindof in the dark; But I do still remember that it was my gramps who asked me if I wanted Spezi. Yet, I ... I mean, yea, duh, if they don't have it then they don't have it - but why was it so up in the first place? Later in my life my gramps did a lot for me - kindof. So, I ... was and basically still am really fond of him. Which is weird because my entire mind is kindof ... the other way.


Sooo ... where is this going?

I guess ... we're kindof leaving the premises of Unification; But ... what about gaming/Videogames?
I meant to write about it at some point; I knew I would; Though - I thought it'd go on the front-page. However ... I still don't entirely get it. But to not start in disagreement, there's all the wrong in and about Gaming. I mean ... we're totally speaking "homebrew logic/wisdom" here. And I don't know what to say. Its a nonsensical and stupidous issue. People play games. Period! But it sucks ... ... and yea .... 'actual' gaming works, ... you know ... against ... talking/writing too much about it!

The thing is ... I cannot say too much. And by 'cannot' I don't mean that I just don't want to. Point being ... whatever the issues on my mind ... I'll ... well, give it to the future. You know ... its a development thing.

[Tearing it apart] -into- retry



The idea that people have 'a Logic' in general is of course bogus! Like I 'ever always only' ... . Well, there is something like that though. Nicola Tesla I believe counted his steps and was obsessed to end on a power of three. You know that ... shit, whats his name? How could I forget? The guy that played the Joker in the first Batman movie. I'm sure it isn't Nicholas Cage. That guy who ... I mean, I'm similar. I usually avoid stepping onto lines.

On the other end we got things like ... social paradigms. Like ... what "we" understand as fundamental to a fulfilling life. These days, here in the west, I think its weird - but in simplicity ... having children for instance. So, there is a logic in that - and an old couple that can't have children ... might seriously take that to their mood ... and that because their mindset is aligned to those paradigms, which are like highways; And emotions are the cars. Others might wanna compare that to tunnel vision. (Not saying that some things are not more effective at becoming social paradigms thano thers)

So - I myself get to the conclusion that we do in deed have certain patterns of Logic, certain ways of doing, approaching, looking-at or whatever different things. (Yes, thanks. Jack Nicholson is the name I was looking for! (No, I actually remembered! I had to checkup how to write it though)). The only thing we can do is to look out for new things that might enhance our vision - for else, thats just how 'mind' works!

In Arts we might wanna compare that to 'style'; Though a lot more but similar stuff comes into play there - depending on the art. Muscle Memory, skill, practice. Those are essentially things relating to 'broadening' certain ... and don't say "Neural Pathways" (you suck!) ... though, maybe a part of that is due to our brain.
Who knows?
Is the brain just a mirror, or how much of our cognition is altered by it?


But to say that we're inherantly incapable of growth, or changes - and I very well do mean 'minor' changes, adjustments; Thats just silly - and even more so that these patterns ultimately 'are' what we are - or know, or do or think. We are what we are, got what we got, know what we know - and yea ... we got to roll with that! So - we ultimately then are 'something' - that has certain ways, patterns, ... and thats just life! "Sorry!"


And so you would say or believe certain things - for instance, maybe the Antichrists repentance should mean that we now should have a big party - but thats still not how things work! Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. And that for what I care about is how it works!

As for enhancements or ways of whatever - I do think that I have a very broad horizon. Too broad essentially. My logic is, we might say ... "acidic" or 'dissolving' - yet on the other end constructive. Thats just how ... you eventually get good at playing with Legos for instance. You build, like or dislike, remove bits here and there, add stuff there and there - while the only right and wrong is a matter of your taste. And what I am in that regard isn't really unique. It should actually be rather common. We might even call that 'common sense'. As many many like, share and subscribe to ideas of 'being open minded' - (fuck Trump!) - and aside of that 'common sense' - which might compare to an 'effective infrastructure' - we still got our highways.


Some of those are passive constructions - so - like paths on a willow; They eventually appear.

But anyway ... back to gaming ... ?


Well, I have a lot to say here - kindof. I mean - I forgot though. And I feel like I've lost my 'spot' - and - need to find ... a new ... something. Yea, kindof ... orientation. Anyway - the one word I noted down so I won't forget is 'respect'.

Respect is one of those cultural paradigm things ... like, on the one side is respect, on the other there is plagiarism. And - whether it is respect or pride that makes Developers ... hmm ... hmmmmmmmm ... I just - see that ... well - when I say something is a thing, ... I mean, not something thats obviously a thing, objectively, but more like social behaviour stuff - 'common things' - like I'm about to ... I may just need some dope ... I ... - oh man ... the weight of words. I mean, don't take it like that. Its different - but then again - there is truth to it.

small changes! - Next note. Its so - we don't ever really change drastically - ever, like ... except its only a small thing that has a huge impact. Tiny changes happen. ...


...



Patterns of Logic ... do we always do what we do as part of an elaborate plan to get to an outcome? Or is so everything that so 'comes out' of whater we do actually intended? It sucks - you know - if you can't help but getting judged that way. So - I eventually get something done and then they're like "thats what he wanted/wants you to believe!" or whatever. I mean, maybe - or "of course! (duh)" - ... - but rather than 'believe' maybe turn that into 'understand'! So - its double ... a fuck up!

People are pricks! I certainly am one! I can't help but being one and fuck up and get things wrong whenever I voice some oppinion on movies or videogames. I am not supposed to ... you know ... be taken seriously there, or cared about. And think of a YouTuber that is passionate about what he does and people like his shit but then he doesn't do something and people get pissed ... but maybe nobody actually would care. Maybe its just 2-5% - and so, ... who's the prick?

I do believe - as everyone should at some point because its real - that culture is shaped by people! Like - Nintendo vs. Playstation. No matter what Nintendo wants - thats not what ... people want! Kindof. I mean - something like that. Its not some 'King' who told people to build houses - eventually people just wanted to build stuff and therefore ended up in huts; People liked it and so they built more.

The reason why I'm "bad" at Street Fighter - practically or physically - is because my 'High Level Play' is still kindof stumbling through situational awareness. Stumbling ... I mean ... at first everything is colorful, but then it gets darker and darker - and then you see faint outlines - thats when you begin to 'grasp' - which is in about where I'm at ... and what I grasp is beyond me! Its like - if you see the enemy is crouching, use an overhead attack. Simple! Yea - but how many things have to come together in your head, in action? That is different to just going with your feeling. Or - your feeling has to become 'more complex' - instead of just moving forward - you have to watch out for and keep on mind that ... - sometimes there are just people who are good at something, and then there are those that are just better!

The thing with gaming is 'time' - how much it takes, or how much it doesn't! Going by how many hours I spent on games according to Steam ... I most definitely am a Street Fighter, on PSN ... not so much! Although then - min-maxing - you'd rather go by whether I have it installed and keep coming back to it.
Its a game with long-term motivation - because the setup is simple. Forward, Backward, Crouch, Jump and six attack buttons. You're not gonna be the best if your baseline is to just play it every once in a while, but why would you care if you're having fun with it?
Silly rhetoric? But yea - thats still the way it is! And at some point I don't wanna care if people think that there should be more!
I mean - I'd be really hypocritical for once if I were to look down upon people spending a lot of time on silly games! And while I'm not really seeing why I should change my own gaming habits; I don't see how I could realistically ... take a stance against it. I mean ... I can. And I do ... to myself, to you, ... but ... what is that? I'm trying to wrap my head around something nobody really has a proper clue about - and ... what am I supposed to figure out in the end? If you 'give' people the motivation to do other things - then what? Then you're sacrificing your life to keep someone else from having fun! Kindof. I mean - how do you 'give' someone the motivation to do anything in first place? And money doesn't ultimately cut it! I don't believe it! If you get money for something you like - of course!
I mean - would I stop playing games if I did get money for it? ... ... ... - ... I would have to be really desperate!

Farming and Grinding for stuff in games sounds silly. And yea - thats what it is - kindof! Its however ... 'the play'. You know ... its ... human nature! Evidence is everywhere! I mean - how else would the first computer have been built? Someone figured that this and that works ... thought a bit about it - and 'ding' - an idea was born ... and then ... the rest is just about doing it! Its weird to compare farming in MMOs to the building of large Cathedrals - but its about achieving things. The Farming then isn't the exprience, its a part of it! Its ... depending on what you farm for or why ... its something that eventually has to be done - relative to your ambitions. And yea ... thats something that seems silly - while the person should eventually do that kindof stuff in real life, rather than a game. So - all the hours it took for that person to get to the point where it would begin to invest more time into it (Farming) ... would be wasted and hence the game just silly - all in all? Yea, maybe! But - can you really tell? What a specific game gives to and takes from everyone? I mean - individual. Take a random guy and take away his games - can you guarantee that you'd do him a favour? 'Small Changes'.
I mean - I'll throw it out there: I'll surely not be the one to ... say that gaming is bad or anything like that! And this is also one of the occasions where the "what God wants" thing is better taken aside - and without a private/intimate "environment"/home ... there is no arguing about it anyway! As a single (without money) my life is fucked anyway! Who the fuck even cares? The tax payer who finances me? Ooh - delicate issue! But a totally different and unrelated one! Its not like I'm not trying to do my part! And thats a thing not everyone can do. I tend to believe that all the visions throughout 'Inferno' (DaVinci Code/Sacrilege 3) are real visions someone had. Those old guys with their hands chopped off - that to me is at least a very strong symbol for that! The desire to do something, but the inability to do so!