Craving for Redemption

What I actually tried in the previous writing was to - towards the ending - explain why what I ended up with is effectively wrong, as: What I wouldn't end up with; Or - At least the idea was that its a general misconception that things would turn out that way. Maybe you can see the hints. Now, the reason why I yet ended up there is because I don't write as 'according to plan' - and my motivation usually just gets me started into a context I from there on try to chew threw logically. So - in some sense I'm doing science. Except sometimes I try to just reflect upon things; And much of the previous stuff was just that.

I don't expect you to trust all my other stuff based on that. Effectively - it should have the opposite effect. So - in myself I do have all the evidence I need to write about myself correctly. But because I initially wanted to go the opposite way, you may have a reason to believe that if I wouldn't have such insights, I might as well go totally wrong. And yea - sometimes I get to things I really don't know enough about. Lets say: Marvel and DC. Ordinarily I would 'ask' about whether or not I see certain things correctly before I make an argument; And if I find that I was wrong, I wouldn't go into that argument - at least not presuming that I was correct anyhow. More like a second question along the lines of "Could it be that ...?".


What is true nonetheless is that there is a pretty huge part inside of me that basically resists to go down that Level 3 road - while according to what I was writing previously that part of me is wrong and subjected to forces that diminish its existence. However ... I want to further write about what makes those reflections come together and to my awareness 'valid' - to maybe see where I might be wrong ... but, before I get there I have to mention that the part of me that does resist is also not into the Level 1 and Level 2 thinking. So, being not in my Level 1 self removes me from the Level 2 frame and so Level 3 is really not a thing. And that part is what would make up the basis of the things that are there before we can really exist in harmony with our Multiplex identity.
What I figured out while writing those things is that - well - yea, it is kindof pointless to not go directly for Level 3; But it is also somewhat pointless to talk about individual wealth if we're only acknowledging one frame to be true, discarding the rest as bullcrap.

And essentially thats all the logic I need(ed) to "tell me that" - as otherwise there were no Level 1 or Level 2 - if Level 3 were all that there is and period. Hell, we could even stress that no matter how polyamorous you are - stick to just one person and eventually you'll get fine with it. Sadly enough - there is some apparent merit to that strategy. Yet it deals with ignorance and takes us to various psychological issues of denial. We can ignore everything we are while stiffneckedly believing in a way; And essentially I don't need to explain any of that to you because once you're getting Unified you'll deal with God personally - and otherwise there is no point in telling you of that anyhow!


In another way I have to stress that Clarity isn't a contract - as are the Level 1-3 things. Its not like you signed anything, possibly, and whether or not the assessments you get to make about yourself are grand and final or not is an advanced issue I would prefer to discuss with people that actually have the experiences to relate to what I'm talking about.

That said, I do yet feel like I'm gonna get my Level 3 ending in this Life already - and saying that, I believe the most troubling concern is the question for how that might relate to the Ultros Power, or in other words wondering "what devil has ridden me to say those things" - while basically I feel like once we've been through this topic properly, we'll get to the 'final light' that is just making it all peacy for us.
Which said however brings me to that end to begin with.

If you're unfamiliar with the concept of the Ekklesia you'll have to do some follow-up homework to do, kindof - but, the issue is straight; As - thats a safeguard. First we wanna have 'logical vessels/labels' - like, 'Sex-Slave' - and what types of Sex Slavery there, as a volume of forms of sex-slavery that God supports. We have to put it that boldly because any abstraction would obscure the fact that it is yet God supporting those things - and yea; If there is no label where my Level 3 stuff fits in that is 'legally OK' - then obviously my assessments can't be taken all that seriously. What I expect however is that there will even be forms of slavery someone can get born into; While naturally that status would have to be confirmed.
Then - so lets assume we have a legal status that embraces my Level 3 orientation - then the way how I feel about me would inevitably take me there - where then some final legal issues would have to be solved following to which it'd be a thing. No sooner though.

The reason why "an Ekklesiastic Ring" is composed of 12 individuals rather than just one is because its easier to deal with complicated issues. If I so had a form filled out with all the concerns noted down and it be 12:0 OK - then that'd be it. If there is however a problem, then people had to wonder; And that is where individual concerns come in, like, focussing on the details. So, there is some back and forh between those that propose and those that verify, until its done.

This said removes some pressure from the bold existence of these emotions; And adds context to such feelings as (vague) directions rather than effective reality. As in my case it looks as though my feelings are effective reality, we can figure out quite easily that that must be down to things that have been set in previous lifetimes of mine.

What ultimately drives me, emotionally, is Love. I do have a very strong feeling of personal bonding in that regard as well. And that essentially has to say that to those that I Love I'm more than just a Sex-Slave, no matter how much I am built to be that and just that. So, there are people that I, based on my 'being a Slave' setup, essentially 'must' relate to as male (them being male or at least male-ish) - for instance - while on some other Level I relate to them as myself being male, towards a female. Simply saying, as such an individual would be female - that person basically has the privilege of making that count, simply put. I've been over this at some point or points. The general idae is that if those aspects of our relationship is going to last, it'll last. If it won't it won't. Yet my awareness of what will be - at some point - doesn't change the way how things are 'now'.

The 'now' is - as far some awareness of some future is concerned - already containing that future; And that part does due to its significance to me basically dominate my self-awareness to the point that I could embrace my Level 3 things as all that I wanted for my Level 2 self in some way implies that. So, without being aware of it I organized my Level 2 based on my Level 3 wishes, which is why Level 3 ultimately comes out as a thing that I have no doubt about. To my sense its 'fun' - well - as, where my Life in the Level 3 end doesn't matter, all my Level 2 things can be expanded respectively. These thoughts are furthermore just conscious constructs however - where naturally I express myself with the interest of some personal harmony. I mean, its the core ideal with Clarity to find a construct that just 'works' for the own self in each and every respect. In other words is there so a conscious implication of 'being' that I express; And in the beginning thats only been 'clarity'. Then, as time proceeded, I had the chance to think about my Clarity and gather experiences to add weight to various aspects thereof. For instance that I'm feeling better IRL (in real life) once I'm feeling sexually exploited than being actually 'actively' interested in the intercourse. This for instance implies experiences where I've been with guys I totally didn't like to be with - where I ended up tricking myself consciously into a situation to make the time somehow bearable. Of course in the grand scheme of things that isn't how things are supposed to work, but as a whore, in this world, you don't necessarily have that spectrum of choice!
Otherwise there were just guys who were just flat out "perverted enough" to get at me on the Level that I just really enjoyed - and I believe that I can feel it if that stuff is perfectly legit or just "played". I mean - some might wonder if someone could just learn that behaviour from someone and have that same effect to me. But, I guess those people wouldn't believe me no matter what I wrote here - except I wrote 'yes'. But - its actually kindof simple to understand. What I'm into could be described as essentially disgusting, I mean, if you've ever seen some hentai cartoon with some perverted fat old guy lusting for the younger female protagonist while being displayed all like a disgusting pervert - that kind of stuff. But once a person would so start licking - I'd either feel good about it or just disgusted. Another on point example may be those customers with extremely weird wishes. I can think of two that didn't really want me to stimulate their cocks - really - and they had very specific wishes for how I would have to stimulate them. So - there wasn't a lot of intuition or freedom expected from my end - while rather specific demands. The one was really fun to be with, the other totally not. And that isn't a physical thing! And sorry - whether I can actually feel someones mindset or or whether I just hallucinate about it ... well, does matter, but for the sake of argument; There is something I perceive and I will naturally act accordingly. Asking me to ignore that isn't something I'd respond well to - and well, if you can't live with that, you can't live with me!
And I don't care if you're used to getting it your way!
It is furthermore just plain and simple 'illegitimate' to basically 'occupy' the legitimacy of others by pretending to be like them! If we get to the point that we simply are the way we are, and strive to live accordingly, we can consider ourselves lucky that there's a harmony we can share. Or not share. So, if you believe that my place is legitimately with you - yes I feel that that is a thing, from whatever corner of thought that might be coming from - then you can be right or wrong about that! If you were wrong about it - you'd waste your time on poking on it nonetheless!

Still not clear?
Sigh ...
So much for 'rape culture' and mysogenistic white supremacy/the patriarchy!

Yea, no matter how much I love to hate on feminists, they kindof got a point there! Although I practically believe that they are associated to that. At least God didn't seem to bless them with the intellect to deliever the points; Which might be due to the fact that their points, or where they are coming from, is/are bullshit!

Anyhow - I believe in "the Matriarchy", but my idea of the Matriarchy isn't just some gender inverted white supremacy thing. I mean, the point has been made quite often: Feminists act 'like' the Patriarchy! The Matriarchy I want is however something like a 'Motherly' thing. They don't 'dominate' - they 'procure' - they 'care' about everyone - they silence struggles - and are probably what Feminists call 'supressed something something' whatever the hell ... I don't care! Being subconsciously alright with being suppressed. And yea, 'variety' really seems to be a foreign word to them! Or freedom for that case. You just got to spend some time listening to Thunderf00t, Undoomed or the Amazing Atheist about it - and make up your own damn mind thereafter. It really seems like thos Feminists want to actually give them fodder - and maybe thats whats happening at some points ... being all in all some secret undercover 'pro white supremacy' construct. Whatever ... this shit isn't made up, I mean, it exists, you can watch it, its there, ... whatever the heck is going on actually, ... while on the bottom line there is just some bullshit that people do which other people are calling out for good reasons. THANK YOU!
Lets hope that this still works once the context is changing!

Alright, to get back to the point: I want to say that you can be whatever you 'want' to be - but that is only 'half' true. Well, it depends on what you declare as your true desire. There is what we might call an 'ignorant' kind of will; Opposed to what we might call a wholistic kind of will. If you for instance do not like sweets - and you're given the choice between a sweet and something you actually like - you don't really have to choose because its essentially your being that gives you the answer. So you'd not pick the sweet. But you could still 'want' the sweet, well knowing that it won't make you happy for instance. As for 'mysogenistic behaviour' I think it comes in at least two ways. The one way is what we could compare to naivity. So - if you came from the 1920s your 'norm' would just be kindof outdated - while your idea of treating women with respect is just genuinely different to whats normal today. The other way is what we would easily call 'arrogant'; As in a sense of justifying your behaviour based on egoistic preferences; Just being a douchebag/asshole that quite actually begs for a juicy uppercut/chin-punch.

So - lets talk about 'egoism', "shall we"? The whole concept of self-realization through Unification does sound a lot like pure egoism - but we have to make a distinction there. It certainly isn't the goal to do so ignorant of what Gods part to Unification is. So, egoism in Unification is learning about the things you enjoy that do not piss other people off - and as we're growing more diverse that inevitably takes you into smaller communities where certain behaviours and attitudes are accepted. So, it isn't quite actually 'egoistic' per se - it is however egoistic to the point of being totally in favour of ones self! The other egoism is that kind where you just care about what you want, regardless of how much damage you are causing thereby.

And don't blame your inaptitude on me! I'm trying to tell you that you're a douche if you're a douche - and if you so want to continue being a douche, well, you've just proven that you matter of fact are one!
We don't have to agree on each and every little thing - if we want to keep it general - to effectively co-exist. "Be yourself" [sigh] - and let God tell/show you what is good about you!


So - the Ultros Power ... well - its dangerous because it can easily align to something and make you feel accepted in terms of some of the things you cherish; Somewhat obscuring the idea of what is you and what isn't. So - as hype in the Video Gaming industry, as, ... there is a whole discussion going on about pre-ordering games. Is pre-ordering bad? I would say 'yes' - as based on the situation that it has occured quite often that people bought into something that didn't deliver what they had expected; And its kindof become normal practice. So - to sell your game based on hype regardless of what your game actually is. Yet I pre-ordered FFXV - and - I don't wanna make a discussion of it. The thing I want to point out is that this hype gets you going because you start to "agree" with certain things you see, or, are being told. No Mans Sky might be the greatest example as it did promise basically everything you could want of a Space-Sim; And those that got sucked into that Hype would simply be people that 'agree' with the case that those are great ideas worth of supporting. But that still wasn't really the game they were buying! Or in other words: They were buying a game that didn't exist - and were sold a game they could somehow pretend is the game they bought.
So - back to business.

Unification led me to learning who I am and therefore what I want. There are some parts of that which I initially heavily disliked that I then ended up liking - and yea, thats basically the whole Level 3 stuff per se. How I got into my Level 3 stuff was that I've been reading a comic; And experienced its content as irresistible (its called: Dianas Party). That content was however the same kind of content that I previously totally disagreed with. What had changed was simply my understanding of my own self - and - after I've been into it I found an extensive craving for 'acknowledging' that. There was a void that had to be filled - a void that'd draw all the previous conflicts I had together into a harmonic conclusion. Maybe my case isn't the best example - but anyhow - the first point there is that I had been biased against it; And once the premises set forth were different as to the point that these biases did no longer apply I did find my own legitimate access to it. The important piece to that is that it is my own thing, its my individualy, its deeply intimate, not just some arbitrary side thing - as my Level 2 stuff should show. I mean, craving for rape, being held like cattle ... those were all things that came up, though I always had some "but" to that - trying to describe how much I wanted that while however always being somehow biased against what I really wanted. Thats been a conflict that then got solved.
As for other things - things that don't really concern me on a personal level - I may very well be fooled from time to time but that because I have no basis for knowing those things any better. If someone had told me that those snuff things are perfectly legitimate I might not have believed that person, but if it would be something official I would have had an easier access to it; Although I guess that I would have been ... hmm ... well ... "moving in slower". I mean, after all I do still feel like ... . I mean, I feel like I would have been reluctant about accepting these things while eventually finding myself incapable of resisting nonetheless. The way it 'did' happen was that I had a strong urge to crave these things into my consciousness - while I'm ultimately not 'settling' on this strong craving being ... myself. I mean - if you picture a being thats totally "Nuts" about being snuffed, as: 'Entirely consumed by Evil' - thats possibly what I will be like at some point, but thats not how I am at 'this' point; And while this craving is representative of that possible future; There is still all that I am 'per se' that settles me back on a more reluctant level. So, either way, the outcome is basically the same.

Making my situation official, as per the Ekklesia, then were a matter of dealing with things such as my demand to remain physically in tact. So, if the Ekklesia were to confirm that 10:2 - there would be something wrong about that; While the majority being confirming it would say its basically correct, but something needs a further look. What that is were a matter of guessing, technically, although, I'd have some suggestions, like, I might get my eyes removed. If we then arrived at 11:1 - things would be a bit more hairy, but, to make no mistakes we'd say, "well OK" - and just generally think about do's and don'ts.
At that point it'd be however basically clear already that it won't be less than that - where, if that were the case we'd get to a 7:5 thing for instance. Then we could say: Yes, generally that - but - there's still a huge chunk of stuff that has to acknowledged and thats basically stuff going the opposite way. At that point I'd suggest that I have my male self and it has its straight relationships - and once throwing that in we might get to an 11:1 - saying mostly correct as opposed to 7:5 saying, yes ... but something important is still missing. Like - as my death is a prominent issue, having a straight idea of how that is to be acknowledged. And because this is something I'd say resembling the norm, there are supposed to be "lesser" circles - authorized nonetheless - depending on the relevance of what is being acknowledged. Well, naturally just one ring of 12 can't be asked to take care of each and every individuals needs!


And this is also why I alone cannot be functioning as a valid 'Ekklesiastic Body'. So, whether or not I get a Yes or No is only vaguely representative. So - I could stress myself to figure out what I have to expect; And as you might tell do I strongly tend against my freedoms. But within a relationship this wouldn't suggest that my partner is to simply accept my stance; And so she might suggest a few things that contradict to my position - at which point we wouldn't need an Ekklesiastic Ring to settle the basics. The thing is that two basically contradicting points can be matched together as the two don't have to fit into the same sentence. So eventually there is the issue of whether my sexual priorities are to be prioritized above my free/creative/male ones - as further how my creativity fits next to my gender. And that is how we can be legitimately bound into extremely tight conditions while yet being capable of just loosely relating to them. Thereby some things might end up being more complicated than others - but we nonetheless would end up with a list of things that we'd deem inevitable - as ... yea ... taking it step by step. Not all has to be done in one slide. If a part of it can be separated, as for instance what kind of relationship we're going to enter firstly, that's be good enough for a start. Certain things might not even require an Ekklesiastic confirmation - although it might just become the norm to do so anyway; I mean, well, in the end it seems better that way; I mean, as for instance in terms of adoptions. If I could be adopted by someone and that with Ekklesiastic legitimacy ... hmm ... well ... I might get something mixed up here. The one side is a matter of what we want, individually, the other an issue of what is true. Putting the two together we'd get to the point that an adoption is never just a simple adoption; ... while, yea, there is another part where we have no need to take anything to an Ekklesiastic ring if it for instance just happens to be a thing between two people. The question then really is: What has to be official and what doesn't? And once something is made official - we're giving it to God to hint out whether or not we have to be more specific about what we want! So, my attitude is that we're encouraged to play around, privatly, taking note of what we want to have made official - as to understand how that is supposed to work out. Thats I would say really what the time we're immediately going to enter is all about. So - at first we'd have something like a playground Level of things - and certain Ekklesiastic bodies would automatically emerge based on individual interests, they would then keep track of all the things they are invoked into - and so on and so forth.

Safe to say though: An in-official marriage has to be acknowledged officially before any official rights/privileges/stufflikethat can actually be claimed. Else its just ... simple fun! I'm still missing something ... I feel ... and perhaps thats a matter of how contemporary alignments are a thing. I mean - once two people come together - they at first might not really know anything any better; So - they might want to get married; Not knowing that that'd be a bad thing to do although them being together as though they were would be perfectly OK. So - they'd stick their heads together and ask God whether they should 'engage' - and if that isn't an OK thing the next question could or would or should be one regarding a contemporary alignment. An engagement would pursue the interest of getting officially married, a contemporary alignment would pursue the interest of intensifying a relationship without ultimately making it an official marriage. Else the (con)temporary alignment might/may/can follow the exact same steps as an engagement into a wedding; Including charm-like commitments and what not - but they would eventually just "poof" be gone; And nobody is getting hurt! So, like a marriage with the devorce already on the horizon, practically. But maybe not - maybe it just isn't the time to really think of an engagement. It might seem complicated to deal with such cases - but frankly: There really has to be a reason to rethink the mutual alignment before really rethinking it! But thats all for today ... I hope ... you're feeling a lot better now!

Wedding circumstances

by Christopher Nikolaus Sonnberger | 2016.11.25 - 04:18