Thank You Progress!

The ways of the Lord are higher than ours! How I ended up with this, here, now - on note of that Video ... thats technically a story of its own that my concurrent ... "mental state"/psyche/brain/whatever ... couldn't tell. I've reached a clear ceiling in what I can do. I thereby believe in our minds having limitted capacity and that we can go into 'overcharge' - but not without having to pay a price.

To some extent that confuses me; As certain topics on my mind can't process properly and ... stuff. This has bothered me as of recent where actually a bunch of stuff is coming together. I don't really have a clear direction. Things that should concern me somehow pop off the radar. That why I'm in this regard still as clueless as way back where I first realized its a thing. Apparently.
I don't know how I can come up with any clear or clever statements on this - but yea. I'm humbled by that. "Way back" - in the beginning of it - of course I didn't have any clue about the supernatural aspects of Unification; Neither of what would make it "less supernatural". I had 'supernatural expectations' and hence dabbled in them. Regarding my concerns I had no reliable source of information and thus "clairvoyance" was pretty much the only 'real' thing to rely on. Yet - how to rely on a thing you don't have much safety about? So there were those experiences that supported some of the clairvoyances; But for some "odd reason" that didn't assure me in just about everything zooming through my head. Its not that these supportive experiences only worked on a case by case basis thus actually achieving nothing outside of the specific case; But its more like learning one particular thing about a world as vast and complex as the one we live in right now. So, knowing how lemons smell won't help you get a drivers license. For instance.
And so yea - its ... pretty cool! I mean - if there are (apparent!) negative situations or consequences, there's even rather so a reason to be leaned back. Its the opposite reaction to a problem as the 'evolutionary' one. If you know there's nothing you can do its like God having nothing to do for you which means ... OK! "Who am I?". You pretty much have no choice but to be human; And by so being right away less concerned of the "superspiritual" you have more of your time to actually be ... you.

What I mean ... "I guess" ... is that in this confusion I try to see those things ... that should concern me. Those "superspiritually given" stuff. Clairvoyant insights. Or in case its all just that - making out a few things that matter. But I really don't have any 'firm experience(s)' on that matter yet. So, primary fallback: Inspiration. And right now inspiration basically advises me to just lean back, take it easy, play some Video Games or watch some stuff - and yea; After I was at the point where I felt like there was nothing left in this life for me but watching Starcraft II games things went on again. Ups and Downs. The funny thing about downs is that we can see them coming, but once they are there - we have a hard time seeing the ups. ... I guess. Its ... maybe different from X to Y.

In this regard I must say that I really have a (non sexual) "Hard On" for Neil deGrasse Tyson. I mean - I have a certain hope for the future - and part of that would imply someone like him to speak Truth that isn't Ahteistic in background. I think what I actually do is to try and see how the state of my insights syncs up with certain intellectual ... stances ... in a way of trying to figure how 'plausible' it is for someone like X or Y to 'get it'. Where in the advanced take the 'it' in that is different from individual to individual. Which is mainly why communicating the important parts is practically impossible.

In general I'm pretty optimistic right now. Maybe too much. I have no clear frame of reference to make out how safe or unsafe I should feel; But thinking about it I have to realize that ever since there barely was any time where I didn't feel pressured by something. And that is still there. I can't normally lean back and play games. I mean ... I could. Just until ... two days ago I guess. My Characters in Destiny 2 are all close to max power; For my "main" its just one item I need to wait for and I generally don't like grinding/farming - so - getting to that point I generally prefer to lean back and call it a day ... mostly.
Right now is Ironbanner week though - which the guardian inside of me feels a duty for participating in; And I'm sure I will, but right now I don't really get a good feeling from doing that. And thats the one thing that actually takes me here to write something.

So - as always - this world is in a mess. There is still "as much" triggering and controversial and what not stuff going on; And no matter how we, those who are legitimately concerned, are concerned - it only seems to get worse. #Lootboxes #GamblinginVideoGames. It was just after I wrote the last article mentioning Destiny 2 that the whole 'Gambling' issue became a thing. By that I mean that people have begun to use the word more actively in order to address certain issues within Video Games regarding Microtransactions. The thing is quite simple. Take a Digital Poker game and yea, nothing bad about it! That unless you allow to play for real money and woop - there isn't a thing differenciating it from "real Poker" because at that point it is ... 'real poker'. The idea has been around some time - yet I never thought it'd be a thing that concerned me because I didn't play or care about the games that were mentioned and I felt somehow safe from those things. And to some significant extent I still can maintain that "despite being invested in Destiny 2". What I mean is ... that ... "special oppinion/attitude" ... err ... like towards a movie you really like where you go on talking about it and it seems like every detail you can think of is a friggin masterpiece. I mean - I want to see someone objectively ripping Destinies model apart in a negative way to put it on par with the other ... obviously bad stuff; And the closest to that has been Jim Sterling who's concerns pretty much line up with my inherant dislikes to the model. Yet so this "special oppinion" comes back up. See - it takes shape now after more than 1 month of a lot of Destiny 2. I got all I need - which means: A lot of weapons to choose from, a lot of armor to choose from - and each of my Chars has fully modded gear (and not just with arbitrary mods slapped on) and alternate gear with alternate mods. The way the game is balanced - that is apparent to me now - is that by the time you have a pragmatic selection of equipment you also have a very decent collection of mods. "More than enough" to get along. And certainly more than enough to realize that spending real money to get those mods out of those shiny engrams ... would be the most nonsensical way of spending money. (Its cheaper to spend Legendary Shards on Exotics (from the Vault), disassembling them and cashing in Engrams from that weapons guy). So - after 1 month I can't see any 'gap' between where I'm at and where I might/would be at if I had spent any additional money. I basically don't have any use for any mods anymore; Except I find a good piece of armor that I want to use. So in essence the game does the opposite from trying to get you to pay extra; Aside from really just wanting them vanity items. Yet - that doesn't come without flaws!
"Inevitable Flaws" ... I might say ... inherant to the mechanisms that are being utilized. I have plenty of shaders. I can be conservative or progressive there. Progressive saying: If I don't use them, what do I have them for? Conservative being: I want to use that shader only once I really feel it on my gear! Whatever. The problem however comes in once you start to ... well ... screw up. Like: Mixing Shaders up vs. Using the Same shader for all of your armor. Same can go for Mods I guess. Once you have something, a Mod or Shader, on an item - and you have second guesses and you replace a legendary mod with another legendary mod - or put nother shader on your gear - uh, I guess it depends. I ... don't like change. Not in an anti-progressive sense, but ... its just a thing. So - I want to get my gear ready and better not tinker with it. If I change a shader it feels like I'm disrespecting my past choice; And then - what is safe? And once in that spiral ... its easy to spend a lot of glimmer and shaders on basically nothing. Just slapping a legendary shader onto something just to realize ... "nah, don't likin it" - and at those instances it is just really important to find a point to settle on. Either just rip all shaders 'off' of your thing or go uni-shader - and just pick one of the cheap ones you'll stack up on constantly anyway. And don't try to mod your gear without having a clear idea of what you want to do. Do you want to have a weapon focussed build? Or ability focussed? General/Flexible or catered to a very specific subclass and playstyle?
Destiny 2 at this point is just one of those games ... its ... its like with Blizzard. I find it concerning that I'm usually so damn positive about their stuff - and I really, for the sake of balance or argument, want to find something negative - be nasty or whatever; ... but ... it shouldn't be just bullshit either! That isn't to say that I truely 'feel' all positive about all the things that comes from Activision - or Blizzard - and yea; If we're talking about bad practices in the gaming industry; Blizzard has been helping to some huge degree to basically popularize (some of) them. And that is the one big bug bear. Ordinarily I would ... to neither endorse nor rebuke ... compare Blizzard to that Toy Manifacturer that just makes good toys! That good burger restaurant around the corner as compared to ... McDonalds Downtown. That Brand that creates good stuff with good value - and the thriving community really really helps to that. I guess that is one of the things we can consider about a Video Game when thinking/speaking of them from a parenting angle. Saying that where there is a community there is 'life' - and the next thing that mattered were if it is solely competitive or also cooperative. Whatever. The point is that I'm a huge fan of Blizzard or what Blizzard does; And while I haven't been into the Halo games because I was never into owning an X-Box - I did/do enjoy Destiny. Not to set it on par or into any relation with Halo; But ... good/fun in its own way.
So - if there is a thing to really upset me against Blizzard/Bungie/Activision at this point, ... takes all those good things and draws then into negativity. I'm not talking about disappointments. I'm talking about 'fun' as a negative. So, yea ... Video Games as addicting, that addiction as detremental in "so many ways" - while basically just having a pitty on myself and what my life has become ... even fundamentally questioning my appreciation for Video Games and hence their role in my life. And of course ... actually ... I should come to grips with that myself, for myself, before I should lecture anyone about it. But still there are a few things already standing that draw some preliminary outlines. Video Games won't go away, they shouldn't be demonized, censoring/controlling artists is bad - yay for variety and crazy stuff and HD remakes and reboots (...) - where having some clearly defined roads is only good for a given subset of everything. Not having them is good overall. I mean - my inner main reason to believe that we can't get rid of Video Games for instance ... well, its complex. In that idea I start thinking of "what if". What if we just censored Video Gaming from our Children - taught them to be happy as our ancestors were - and not knowing what they miss they couldn't miss it. So - in theory: a) Why not? and b) How many other problems could be solved that way? It sounds right; But ... it ... doesn't ... 'feel' right. Right? Its something that seems like it has to fail. It 'should be' 'doomed to fail' - and if not - that should be changed! I however would rather live in a world where there are safeguards in place to prevent us from going backwards than one that's prefer to settle on some stagnancy perpetuated by lies.
And I believe that some of the "esoteric concepts" actually aply. So that there will be people that 'sense' something is wrong. Less "magical" however were it to say: There will always be those that will push beyond the known world - trying to expand until they found the thing they want to settle on - and thats how our inherant diversity will; In my oppinion; Inevitably emerge, manifest and remain.

So - I mean to on the one side say that I'm not 'deaf' to Destiny 2 critics; Yet I enjoy the game and I'm not always really proud of it. I realize that a lot of the things I learned to love about that game are just in-game values. Nothing that matters to anyone but myself; And all that mattered to me is ultimately "dumbed down" to a number (the Light/Power Level) that somehow indicated the 'actual care' I have for the game according to some given metric. Whatever. On another note: I can live with the negative press the game has because in the end it isn't that one great super awesome game that everyone should be playing! There are those who enjoy it - want to enjoy it - etc. - and for all those, the more that there are the better. There's nothing worse for a Multiplayer game to have no player base! How sad would Ironbanner be without an actual playerbase?
The reason I mention my "non deafness" is because it bothers me. I feel challenged towards a response - and there you have it.
Modding tip: Don't convert any of the blue into legandary mods until you know which ones you want on your gear, 'except' you need to disassemble some to get them legendary kinetic mods. Once you're familiar with what there is and what you can do; It doesn't really matter anymore. (It is tempting to use or disassemble legendary mods you got (eventually) - especially because the use up space. So ... you maybe don't want that - and therefore just keep them in blue!)

Now to the featured Video. This basically doesn't tie into this even just a little - but due to the nature of the subject I have on mind it still basically has ties into everything. First of all: This Video actually gives me some positive feedback on my clairvoyancy. I have some ... idea, or oppinion or feeling about him - or 'have had' - which I now feel confirmed to some extent. Not that it hadn't been obvious to some degree - but ... human beings are complex. Sometimes. Or somehow. Yet this isn't some kind of super vision; Although it kindof is. Its ... difficult. There seem to be certain character traits that end up as more visible than others for some reason - and to some degree I can blame my confusion on this matter on being too used to things being transparent. I mean - I don't consult "my vision" anymore - which makes me feel reckless or irresponsible. However.

So, whats the matter with this dude? Well - what I basically meant to say in that last paragraph is that it took some longer exposure to get this guy sorted into some drawer. Its not practically a drawer 'for people' - but just to say that something got figured out - yet in essence it kindof is a generalization thing. Yet in essence its still like there's a drawer for each individual specifically.
So - he's a straightforward guy that does try to be cool on the internet. And 'being cool on the internet' isn't remotely a bad thing. Its just 'being a cool guy' ... but so on the internet. That works to his own extent - to what he's into - and because its the internet ... he's also exposed to a wide variety of nonsense. What I mean by that is not 'nonsense' per se, but ... just stuff that is somehow odd to him in particular. Or if you were just like him - to you. I mean - yea. We all have them. And so what he does is that he tries to compensate. Another good thing. So - you know that you don't know everything; That a lot of people watch you and that just a minor slip of the tongue can cause a huge shitstorm; And so you try to somehow censor yourself. And dealing with such things would change people one way or another.
This compensation now ... well ... it sometimes works and other times ... we, well - ... mess up. We could call this messing up: "Smartassing" - but actually it happens as our minds start to drift off and we basically step beyond the ambitions of correctness we've setup for ourselves.

The idea is that I have control upon what I put out there by just paying attention to what I write. "Duh". I can think about each of the things I'm writing as I'm writing them - and eventually roll or not roll with it. But sometimes we just loose that grip. We drift off and from actually being critical about ourselves we somehow indulge in our own oppinion. I don't think that is bad. I mean - it is bad ... certainly and objectively ... but 'reasonably' it isn't really a thing we can change. I'm certainly guilty of it - and eventually I ended up writing and posting stuff I even was kindof prepared to not write about. But there's the thing: The reason I yet wrote about it - so I believe - was because "deep inside" I still thought that way. Or in a way that would imply things rather "this way" than "that way".
So in a way its even worse than bad. Its like ... saying that we can't pretend being someone we aren't. Which in some other way is good! We can't escape who we are!

If I know that thinking of a certain thing is objectively bad I think I can dig that and learn to deal with it. Yet if I don't really understand the badness of the thing, I ... at least in a philosophical setting ... can't claim that I am "that "good"". I can pretend I understand it by repeating what others have said - and that just should show you how actually not cool that is!

Regarding my Clairvoyant insights - if we want to acknowledge any - that means that I get a weird feeling; And thats really as much as I could tell about it or my position. That it is controversial or iffy or whatever word you have for that - so; Its something like a spell checker that is in place; Just without any proposals for solutions. So in those regards its safe to say that I'm in the wrongs - somehow or relatively - and I believe that all of us suffer this issue. Especially in an ever-evolving social space, there is little chance for someone to ever be right about everything ever. There will always be those more right on certain issues than others - and the "bestier" you are on one thing, the more likely it is that you suck greatly at other things.
And so humility is a virtue. It doesn't imply a masochistic pleasure in being humiliated - its just an act of selfcontainment. Some might argue that its detremental - but ... what to think of those people? I mean, for reals?! Sure, there is some degree of detrement that could technically come from this - but that is assuming that this detrement is factually opposed to a 'good thing' that isn't done instead. But thats not what selfcontainment is about. And as asserted previously: We can't perfectly censor ourselves! Sure - it isn't a scientifically established fact yet; But all you need is yourself to understand some levels of truth to that. Then there comes vision. So - an idea of doing something that just compells you into activity. And so the issue of whether humanity is by default an instinct driven collective of psychopaths can be answered by yourself asking: What 'would you want' (if you had the choice)? Good or Bad? As straight or as edgy?

So - lets compare that to 'white privilege'. Regarding that, let me ask another question: "How does Culture work?". Think of pre World War 2 Germany. A place full of white people. Not only that: A "Germanic" Environment/Culture - and Jews, although white, were alien to that Culture. Germans were arguably Christians - and Jews are arguably Antichristians. So even from a Religious perspective there would be compelling reasons to hate on Jews - and the Bible even sortof defends that state. In that sense is the Thora itself, ... antisimetic. Depending on how they respect 'their God'. Which they had no choice about - but - none of us has! Whatever. I'm not feeling like going any deeper into that drama right here and now.
The point is that - well - focussing on them Jews really delievers that well. Judaism is a well established ancient Religion. It is "so ancient", it is 'the roots' to Christianity 'and' Islam. (Christianity is older than Islam as Islam actually establishes on Christianity; Though in the Qurans sense 'Islam' isn't a Quran thing - but just the 'word' for saying 'the right religion' (true believer) (which doesn't make the Quran more or less right. It just happens to be right on a few particular things)).
Now - this religion is more than just a religion. It is ... cultural heritage. It is Culture, Religion and Nationalism. Though by design - if diligent towards how the Bible presents it - the Nationalistic aspect wasn't ever meant to be seclusive. It was mostly even a statement to other cultures - to see God and to attach to that one God. This would only truely work if the Israelits stuck to His commandments - and yea, "spoiler" - it didn't work! Whatever. That they can't refute because there simply isn't a 'living truth' they can factually refer to as their own Book speaks volumes against them.
But even Gods chosen Hero isn't without flaws. "Yeshurun" "the Chosen one" (according to Isaia 41+++) isn't portrayed as perfect. He's compared to a worm.

So we can all blame each other - and thats what it means, supposedly, that none of us is without sin; That the Law condemns us all ... "etc.".

Anyhow. So - the deal is that people amongst themselves will develop cultures. The need for spiritual leadership will latch onto any some offering as there will always be those that care about such things; And thats how Buddhism fits in for instance. What thiese cultures are further depends on what they have. So, 'white privilege' comes in as of white people amongst themselves. Note: Islam brought its own detrement upon itself leaving scientific advances to the Europeans - and if that hadn't happened we today would speak of Arabic privilege ... supposedly. And really there isn't any privilege but that of being part of that ethnicity which so happens to be "on top of things" at the given point in time. Between Negros (N****s) and Caucasians (Cocks) (yea, I'm trying to put some balance into the bad words business. So, there are Niggers, there are Cocks and there are Slits. Not sure what to come up with for Indians, or if I'm missing anything ... those three just happen to be my initials! XD CNS!) there is a simple objective inequality. And this inequality cannot be neutralized perfectly. At least as things are now in a grand scheme. The thing is that black people grow up amongst themselves as white people do; Not everywhere and where that isn't the case things should generally be considerably in the greens. Otherwise we however have those simple dynamics that jumble people together - and that already goes far beyond race. Homelessness for instance is an issue that hits people regardless of their color. So there also are white people that come from a poor background and don't really belong into this 'white privilege' bracket other than being ... white. Saying that they have a background that puts them into a position of detrement rather than prosperity ... 'despite' their "white privilege".
Here it is likely that we have to expect mixed cultures. That would speak for 'white patriarchy' - by the way - simply by saying that white cultures mix with colored ones in poverty. That is a common demoninator while 'wealth' is predominantly a white privilege because of ... issues and reasons. Yet this statement is flawed because there are plenty of environments where cultures can and do mix outside of poverty. And poverty isn't some magic "peacemaker" either! Distrust for instance. Poverty however is a thing that promotes generosity (from poor ones) because the little they have is something they grew used to - and from having enjoyed wellfare there is a tangible incentive to be generous yourself. So, sharing is more of a thing and that is a thing of survival. But distrust can throw that over board.

Back to the Video. I'm not sure of that being actually the case; But it really strongly seems that way. You can quite literally see his transition from being ignorant into being understanding. And the remainders of this ignorance are what told me that the way I felt about him has been right. Which is still full of projection and assumption and conjecture. The big negative thing that turned up to me is some ... well ... 'ego' ... which is/was on a thin line between arrogance and enlightenment. Arrogance would be too harsh though - and so there are conflicts that ... are kindof unique and make things slightly more complicated. One can be arrogant while actually not wanting/desiring to be arrogant. Or even aspiring to not be. And to be on the safe side - depending on the point of view, I think all of us are arrogant at some point.

Ignorance is an inherant aspect of our perception! (The way our brain pieces together an impression of reality that isn't 100% accurate)

The reason why I really want to share this is because of all the things that have bothered me recently, of all the issues that have crossed my mind, the one thing I really "took home" was some general positivity but not to an extent that made me really feel well. And yea, as of yet I don't really have a reason to withdraw my voice. But things were/are confusing. And this video shows two things: The good and the bad - as prevalent within what bothers me. Saying basically that the big negative issue I'm concerned about is not a big conspiracy but rather so the little things. Not everyone who thinks he's a smartass is a smartass. And no doubt - that also applies to me. Maybe to me ... most of all.

And I mean it. Let me explain: Ever since I was young I had a strong interest in technology and science. The science interest sortof shrunk and kindof vanished - but thats OK! The point isn't that I could have accomplished greater things if ... whatever. It all turned out fine. To me it all felt like I had it all figured out already. The only thing left was to use that to do stuff. Practically. Well - I'm missing some important point here. Its about my limitations. That ... in all the simplicity that I see it in: I'm not the type of person that [...] all that deeply into any of that stuff. The point on where Technology and I.T. are different is that beyond the basics, creativity is all that is needed. So - once you know the basic Lego Pieces to work with, all thats left is to come up with something to do with them. (And I'm already laughing at those that are going to say that this doesn't apply onto I.T. LOL!)

So in essence there is stuff that really concerns me and usually that is stuff that is essentially simple. I mean, I'm pretty sure that most if not all of the things that I share do I share by dragging them down onto a vastly simplistic foundation; So that there never is much of an educational gap between the reader and my content.
And the main points that just are definite issues beyond the shadow of a doubt that are just and simply irrefutable if you asked me - are just a few.

I mean - further - that a huge part that defines me is a lot of exposure over the hundreds of years of being a Christian "in the Community" that keeps me pretty much on top of things even so just because of how much my past self was on top of things - of which I literally know nothing about. Well - so however as I assume that; That I've been around generally smart people and that they left some imprint on me - it also 'clicks' that it wasn't just that, but also that I wasn't that much of a smart person like that myself. I assume that I'm more like a child than anyone else. I feel like a person people would generally want around just for the heck of it - which from my side however implies that I'm acknowledged in my simplicity. So that I'm really just around for the heck of it and not some relevant purpose.
And it clicks "hard" because I can't transcend this understanding of myself. And this is one of those things that there is a truth to that I think is hard to properly convey. And that would matter to make this statement hold up to scrutiny once the general interpretative misconceptions rain in. "That stuff" where that what I just wrote is "not understood", then some rambling by what it might mean to end up at a conclusion that is entirely false but is being rolled with anyhow and then the main standing point to ramble on about how darn stupid I am.
So, lets compare meself to yar general smartass on the interwebs.

There are two general types of smartasses. Maybe 3. Those that know their shit, those that do their research and those that don't. So, knowing your shit and doing your research is like one and the same - depending on what stuff that person is about. Those that don't can be generalized as one big flock - but again there are sub-classes in there. There are those that don't need to know any stuff or do research - and there are those that do/should. And so for me the quality ranking isn't about which group you're a part of, but how you roll with what you are/got.
Social commentary isn't about much but having an oppinion. So - that is pretty much ... "free space".
This really isn't or shouldn't be about credentials to be bragging with - it simply is about what one brings to the table 'to do stuff'. So there is the term 'airheadedness' which I mean to appropriate for this, arguing that it is a state of "unsubstancial" sharing of thoughts/idea. The idea is that 'ego' is sufficient to create literally any kind of content. Well - sortof. Details that matter are about what work one has to do in order to bring certain things to the desk. Which means that the work you do, the exposure to stuff that you have, will immediately influence - aside of how you tick individually - influence the product "of you". To further this image, I got to talk about "chunks". Think of it as downloads in the Matrix movies. If you were to do something on Quantum Physics for instance - what you brought to the desk depended on what you knew about it. Depending however on which sources you got to - and how many - you either understand where your gaps are or you end up perpetuating bullshit. Possibly.
And no - Quantum Physics is not actually this uberly complicated shit that is just super smart and really edgy to claim comprehension about. The hard part is just that of acknowledging that the things that led to Quantum Physics being a thing are actually a thing!

Or maybe thats just me. (And it isn't that hard!)

So the point is that in order to do 'certain' stuff I need to do some work on top of the stuff I 'got' - unless I already got what I 'respectively' needed. To now aspire for more - to do more - to aim higher - in this regard; That either requires that amount of work or is just going to end up being bullshit. Simply put. The thing is that the 'real work' has its own demands. You can't 'negotiate' with reality just how much information you must process in order to be outside of the bullshit zone. And this is one of the reasons why I condescendingly look down upon "connect the dots" style artwork. You know - where the whole thing is just a rip off (of a rip off of a rip off) where A is simply replaced by B and fits nicely into a mass production habit. I mean ... I ... I don't really know the name of the game. It was some old DOS game where you had to run a cinema and eventually make your own movies. Holywood something. The point is that there are differences between a screenplay that could have been made in that game and one that is actually substancially deep. That game had a 'movie making' section. There you could select a bunch of themes (western, medieval, dinosaurs, sci-fi, action, ...) - and there was a plot summary like X does Y in Z and A happens and B. For each variable there are a bunch of choices like Man and Woman ... and it was actually quite entertaining to make ridiculous movie scripts. That just isn't how a Mad Max Fury Road comes into being. Its more of a the Force Awakens thing.
(The game can be savegame hacked with a standard Text Editor!)

I now find myself at a point where I have read into a lot of things - and the things that stuck to my mind generally are things that aren't too far away from the stuff that generally concerns me, err, the workings of my mind. Its like water wears down rock. Learning about stuff is like getting them rocks in - and over time my mind will get adjusted to that information ... in its own way. So, how it works for me. Thats the water wearing it down. Eventually you can then learn other stuff which changes the balance in a way that carries some of the information that would be worn away eventually; Similar to how playing with a ball sortof carries some of the information about physics/gravity.

So - for me to expand into any of the directions I'm effectively bothered by thinking of all this, I had to actually "abandon my spot". In other words: I realize that with what I 'got' I'm pretty much in a comfortable spot ("clicked in"). So, for me and what I do I'm feeling like I'm in the right "place" - and there is nothing professional about it in any way; Other than being me (or/a.k.a.) dealing with the things I'm used to dealing with. What I mean by 'abandoning my spot' is about my habits, what I do - ... where once I think about reading into something I for instance feel fatigue or just pain. A shallow pain ... like tensions in my brain. There so is resistence I had to break up to get that new chunk or chunks into my head - and a reason for me to not extend into that is that I don't even see a reason to.

Looking at this solely in the frame of creating YouTube content; My first limitting factor is of course hard and software. So, basically things that are just technicalities I could overcome more or less easily. With my given creative passion I might smudge some things together - and on my channel you already can get a pretty good taste of where that'd be going. Or how it looks. Ignoring any potential progress that has to be considered. That is one side. Personal capabilities, visions. In teamplay I can take a leading role - but that only works if my 'certain' efforts are appreciated. I'm something of an all or nothing type of person there. And that isn't a demand. It is an offering, from my end, in any case where it might apply. So if I see that I can contribute to a thing I'll try to position myself in a way that people can see what I have on my mind and that I'm willing to go on with a lead. Once I do so I however do so with the ideas I have on my mind - and certainly I'm open for suggestions. That is the whole point of taking creative lead. There leadership is about balancing between pushing things to move on and listening to concerns. If things can't be solved - its eventually time to just go on anyway. And I basically mention this to properly represent myself. I can take and adjust to criticism; Yet only to some extent. Once it goes too far - I'm going to end up doing what I want to be doing anyway. And the whole point for me actually is that this teamplay aspect isn't really one of my strengths. Saying that I don't have the mental space or capacity to host these "social chunks". Does that make sense to you?
Its not that I couldn't try. Or get something done. The point is more that by for instance testing it - challenging me for whatever reason - I'm actually dragged into discomfort as I'd acquire a "flow" that just isn't me; So that shortly there-after I'd be back to my old self and all that I learned from it would be whatever unexpected Life lesson life had at that point plus the one or the other technicality I could benefit of.
In contrast: Someone who is 'good' at making YouTube content as part of a team "should" generally have 'normal' social skills so this step 'up' isn't much of a big deal. Otherwise they just have different habits I guess. And I might work that way. I mean - I do. I ... I am a one man show! Sorry. I think I should say 'woman' to not alienate myself from myself - ... err - yea.

I'm not trying to be big on YouTube though. I don't know what or how to change ... only some nagging "I might".

At this point I feel like electronics would be a thing I could stick my head into. So - thinking about an actual job that'd suit me. And this ... I don't know. The matter with that is effectively so that over the years I have accumulated knowledge and questions - and so I have come to answer some of my questions in a way that makes me understand electronics better. Its not that I didn't understand them back in the days; Yet some things just mysteriously eluded me. Similar to how I just don't have the "green thumb" of craftsmanship. So yea - in a way I'm intellectually advanced I guess - but this doesn't help me step beyond the bounds of myself. And that isn't bad! It is good! It tells me that I don't need to be afraid of 'learning' - ... it means that I only need to be me in order to be me!

This is just an example of how things are for me at this point. I don't know if I would be any good at it though. Thinking of cirquit drawings though ... ouch ... that might be a problem. And that would already be a good disqualifier. Kindof. Depending on what is enough for what.

So - OK - back to the point. What I mean basically is that due to the things I 'got' I end up being pretty smartassy - but thats it! In the end there finally are those smarter than me. While I roam around the place and look at what people do and learn a bit from everybody. I guess there is a purpose for that function too. The thing is that the things I'm telling you are only 'smart' while new. I guess thats an inherant think to smartassing. Its only a thing in terms of things that aren't common sense. In other words am I trying to convey knowledge I'm not really ... "supposedly" good at. The ambition is kindof to tell people that there are those things, anticipating that some people will be inspired or hooked or interested or whatever - and sooner or later they will surpass my level of insight/wisdom/knowledge and realize that I maybe have gotten this and that thing genuinely wrong. And that also pretty much pivotally sums up my message, or the value thereof. You might be concerned of what is wrong 'now' - but to which end-game? Learn what is right and you'll learn what is wrong - and then when you know why; You can actually benefit of the 'right'. And supposedly we will then get to know 'why' when we can actually deal with that information. I mean; Whether or not I am whatever - or why and however - those are things to know. But knowing these things 'now' - whats the point?
The only point is ... basically questioning whether or not diversity is a Christian ideal. And if ... to which extent. Those are the simple issues. When we get to what diversity there is, how it sticks together and what not - that then goes into the issues of what we can or cannot or will and will not accept; That is then about so much more than empirical philosophical standards/concepts. It depends on a lot of contemporary stuff too. And in this context, I guess, the real good of progressive vs regressive vs liberal vs conservative comes forward. ...

... and stuff