The conspiracy - deepening the theory
"The whole thing"
I have problems. I have issues. I have oppinions. I have ... beliefs. I have a lot on my mind/heart to talk/rant/ramble
about. Usually when I go on to then write about these things I'm then hindered by something. And that something is reason.
I mean - to start it off simple: Some 'phantom menace' has been going through my mind recently - and its one of those
random thoughts that come and go. At the time they seem important, but the next moment they are forgotten. I don't even
know the exact content anymore, but it would be about the question: Why don't I use my "power" as 'the One' to just say
things - ignoring the reasoning? Like, ... I have the suspicion that competitive Video Games/Gaming is 'rigged'. I wouldn't
just say it that way because I can't back it up. I can't record anything, can't proove it - as anything I might have to say
could be easily countered by saying 'git gud'. Right? Case Closed!
So, what 'stand' do I have to claim something like that? And usually I get around declaring to myself why its not worth
writing about it. Part of those arguments are: Eventually other people will figure stuff out or do their part to it and there
is no reason for me to actually commit to these things. And certainly I'm wrong every once in a while - and aside of what
the headline may suggest - that is the actual topic here it seems.
Day in day out - well - I ... I'm torn back and forth between being really pessimistic and really optimistic about what
I've done so far and am doing all in all. The main issues at this point were - well - people are, as it seems, right now
trying to figure out a way to wrap up their oppinions about me, what I have to say - and aside of what I've written, they/you
get around to their/your own conclusions - #Wedontneedyourapproval (mine that is) - and for the most part that is OK. We
really have to get to the point where you're going to look at your own understanding of things rather than looking at me
for some kind of approval. However - in certain points I feel the need that I yet have to weigh in.
Here again reason stands in my way. I have no way to verify that any of that is the case - and there goes "big Mystery #1".
What do I know? What 'can' I know? What do I 'see'? How much can I 'tell'? And how much of that am I enabled to write about?
Its one of those things where you might figure things out quite easily; And I ... couldn't add a whole lot to it. I'm sure,
for instance, that here and there I've written things, being kindof beside myself, ... thus 'unknowingly' helping out some
person to get some general idea of something - and from then on that person would be more capable of providing in depth insight
than I am. As - obviously: I just marginally scratched a point that another persons mind is going to unfold upon. Like, what
can I do to ... further ... our scientific understanding of the Universe? I'm no physicist! I know little about the "high end"
details of whats going on. There are people who studied that stuff for years - they know their shit. So, what can I do? What can
I 'know'? Couldn't God just tell me? Well - how would God explain ... Quantum Physics to me, 100 or 1000 years ago? And how would
I then tell you about it? Its like claiming that earth is a sphere and circling around the sun. Its 'heresy'. We had no concepts
that would allow me to 'tell you' what this world is like. Or - lets say that Hawking Radiation was part of some ecosystem. So,
how is God going to explain Hawking Radiation to me? Right! He first had to start explaining to me what a Black Hole is. Then what
Hawking Radiation is. Science ... is an incremental process. And those who know 'the frontier' well enough, they become capable
of advancing that horizon. So, what can I do? God could make me a pro? And then I could go on and explain stuff? Well - sure!
But God could also just warp in a Jupiter Sized Butthole above our planet and make it take a huge dump on China ... and why doesn't
He do that?
And - before people actually understood that there is a God, this wouldn't even be an argument. It would be a non ... sequitor?
(Yea lol! I understand now that its ... seguae ... ??? or something ... not 'segway' ... whatever!). Yea, thats ... the "mystery"
of knowledge - or to the Gnostic terminology: AN issue of/with 'the Mangle'.
What is the mangle? I haven't gotten any specific 'reference' at hand that explains it 'to me' - other than ... what I get from
thinking about it. And what might it be? "Human Imperfection" is a pretty good starting point. The context is pretty simple. The
mangle is something that makes us different from God. Its like how we look at animals. We see that we are capable of stuff that
they aren't. To us ... what we are - is kindof ... selfunderstood. We look at the world from our perspective. And so are we to
God ... kindof like him, but yet there is that 'mangle'.
So, in other words: The mangle is what makes us human. Sortof. Or, ... sotospeak.
Now, previously to it being simple to say or believe that there is a God ... this ... simple issue ... imposed a huge problem.
Saying, there is some kind of expectation that anyone who believes in God is to be held accountable for that to the sense of having
all the answers "because God". The idea that God would deliberately hold back information ... wouldn't make any sense. But now that
its more or less inevitable to accept the existence of there being a God ... its just so. God holds information back. As simple as
that! Why does He reveal Himself 'that' way instead of just ... taking over ... all broadcasting Networks "magically"?
So to me - those oppinions or beliefs or [something] - that Competitive Gaming might be rigged - those are ideas I don't have a
solid context to. I have my own experiences from engaging into competitive gaming - and ... in the end the case is simple. Either
I am 'the Best' and everything is rigged (against me) - or I'm just not all that good (at those games). Simple scenario: Destiny
2 - Trials of the Nine (Top Level of Competitive PvP in Destiny 2) - I approach a corner, just move around it ever so slightly
to take a look down the lane and right away I'm catching a bullet. Immediate reaction: "This is bullshit!". Zoom on to another
moment. I arrive at a corner, peek around it and nobody is there. I somehow know where the opponent is most likely to appear,
zoom in on that corner, and the moment someone peeks around that corner I pull the trigger. Immediate reaction: "Got Ya!". But
right away he pulls back. Its normal. What else? See - the most ... 'scary' moment in Destiny 2 so far has been that. I moved down
a an ally, trying to approach the opponent from a position I thought they would expect. Then, all of a sudden 3 folks pop up from
different corners, looking into my direction and taking me down right away. That is ... coordinated action. That is, kindof awesome
... although ... kindof ... demotivating also, considering that ... this isn't quite how I/we play.
However. There still are some issues left. Things I can't easily ... convince myself about. Like, starting off with the question:
How to get a positive K/D? (Kill to Death ratio). In an even playing ground, so the idea, people are going to have an even KD. Right?
Its a finite economy. If you pitch the best players against each other - not everyone is going to end up having a positive KD! So,
lets look at that from the "Elo" perspective. Elo is a rating system supposed to reflect a persons 'skill'. It is supposed to take
into account how often you win, whom you win against ... kindof derived from chess. I don't know the exact background. Perhaps
consider a web search. So, when I look at my elo - I notice that my KD is fluctuating around 1.0. My win:loss ratio in games is also
50:50 ish. So, lets think about it: How am I going to increase my elo? I got to win! I got to get more kills than I get killed -
and a simple metric were to just say: If I loose against those players, they rank up and I rank down. If I win against some others,
I rank up and they rank down. Each match is a new step into some direction, and ultimately I'll end up beneath those that are better
than me and above those who are worse than me. And - entering the frey, those who are on top of the broad mass are going to end up
with a higher KD. I mean - if I complained about having a low rating because I'm getting pitched against folks that are better than
me ... that'd be sortof ... stupid! And that the ranking system in Destiny 2 kindof works ... that got clear to me recently. Sortof.
I was playing PvP with a friend in my team and he'd complain that it'd take him too long to finish that PvP Milestone. One has to
reach a 100% - and how many percentage points are being added depends on ones own performance. So I suggested him to try it alone;
So ... that he'd be matched up against folks of equal skill and so he'd perform generally better and he'd get through it quicker.
And woe and behold - he realized: It worked!
So - that then ultimately gave me something 'solid' - in regards to influencing my oppinion on the matter.
Yet, prior to pronouncing it right here - it wasn't all that clear and obvious to me. The problem is, well, how our minds work. I
had a great ... perspective on that. That would be something I guess someone else had figured out at some point ... being one of
those things that I could weigh in on where I'd think ... yea, actually I shouldn't have to comment on that because its ...
clear and simple enough. The case is: Lets think about my ideas for an X-Com game, or the 'stubborn' oppinion of "wanting" Time
Units rather than just 2 moves. Ordinarily that was just a 'feel' thing. Something that inherantly grew on to me. The bold
idea that the 2 moves system is bullshit - at least it isn't 'X-Com'. So, very 'vague'. Later on it turned out there was more to
that; And that so in a given way, ..., I'm totally right! The 'pronounced argument' then was: Time Units just offer a 'higher
resolution' of 'per turn' "activity choices" than just 1, 2. Now its simple - now its 'pronounced' - and the more we do so, the
simpler its going to get. And why wasn't it 'so pronounced' from the get go? Because our minds don't work like that!
I mean, its obvious that Quantum Mechanics are a thing, that electrons are rather in a state of probability than actual balls
orbitting around a nucleus - ... or ... lets think about the Higgs Boson for a really good example. The higgs boson was supposedly
a thing ... we kindof ... 'expected' to find it at some point "because of reasons" - a.k.a. "Mathematics" - which is another
way of saying that it has always been really obvious. We just had to do the math. So, in 200 years we'll know other stuffs that
are reasonably basic and simple and "obvious" - there in all the things we know and see today - but we just don't have a clue of
any of that right now! And why is that?
I can put it this way! Regarding the Higgs Boson thing. Although a real physicist might be able to explain what I just explained
a lot better. The "math perspective". A.k.a.: How everything adds up (so far). I ... couldn't! But from reading and watching a lot
of stuff on Quantum Mechanics ... I 'get the idea' ... of what a Higgs Boson is. I would call that "passive insight". I know what
hawking radiation is, ... although I don't have a clue about what it is. The thing is that some particles are sucked into the
event horizon of a Black Hole - the stresses tear them apart and the half that isn't sucked in radiates away as hawking radiation.
But which particles that are, how it happens exactly ... such and such ... I really don't know!
And - is it now all that 'propostrous' that I 'don't know' everyting? The exact detail? [sigh - what have I been trying to explain
so far again?]. No - I really feel like that whenever I 'don't know' something its like ... a major catastrophy.
Yet - I'm not done with the 'competitive gaming is rigged' idea. Yet. Some issues are still left. The basics are clear. That doesn't
know that the system is waterproof. Its ... in the end ... a game of its own. Like economy. That is indesputable. Thinking about
pitching the best of the best against each other. If they just got online, logging into Destiny and playing PvP - whether or not
they get matched against each other in an ordinary setting depended on them being online at the same time for instance. So, there's
a hole already. So - playing Trials for instance ... the time people like me and my fireteam are going to have there depends on the
players that are online. We call ourselves "addicts" ... we like the game ... and so we end up online up to late. Who else is online
late? All the other "addicts" ... while we however just sport a casual skill set. Same goes for Street Fighter. There are times where
the competition is noticably harder than other times. No need to delve any further into that.
So, I was just playing some Street Fighter ... and I haven't played it in some time. The way it goes for me is: Match 1 - I get to
play some dude. Match 2: "Possibly get matched up against a "bad guy"". I so just wait for the dudes that are going to get sent my
way to keep me down. So there is that 1600 LP Balrog all of a sudden ... and of course he's gonna beat me. I really haven't figured
that dude out yet. Yet, not a problem. But then there is this 600 LP Juri (I'm at around 1000) - and then I have that 'feeling'.
I look at the Loading screen where the Characters do their stance with those changing facial expressions; And each time the Juri
Character has that 'mean' look - I get a flash of ... well, it sortof ... "connected" - suggesting to me that this is the mindset
my opponent is in. OK. Round 1 - ... she's all in my face, ... then starts teabagging me - and takes the round. So far - the feeling
... wasn't wrong. That teabagging ... really ... did it! Round 2: I'm not having any of that - I get all up in her face - and all of
a sudden ... lag comes in. No problem! I beat her. Round 3: Lag still a thing, but I'm superior! I take the match, press share ...
the menu pops up, I wait for the 'square button' to indicate that the system is ready for me to press it to store the video - but ...
all of a sudden the button goes grey again, the menu disappears ... something crashes ... and after a blue screen reporting some
error I'm back in the game - seeing the menu that is there once either all the matches have been played or someone opted out of
taking a rematch. And, considering my mindset going into that match - of course ... you can see where I am coming from thinking of
something suspicious going on. And I can add more to that. I ... was in a Desting 2 (sorry, why do I make these typos? Makes no
sense!) match at some point and a funny thing happened.
I popped my Super (striker), another one popped his super (arcstrider) - and we sortof missed each other consistently. I know that I
have saved that clip - I even 'said' it ... in our voice chat to those who were in ... after I was laughing about it. Then, as I went
into making the video where I meant to insert that clip - ... it wasn't there! Just like a bunch of other videos ... that should have
And no: I don't end up using every video that I recorded. So - ultimately - I might have not included it. That I however was motivated
to - and then it wasn't there - thats odd! Its like God pitching me up at it, to then just realize something rather odd. Not the ordinary
"don't do that" type of stuff.
So, what I get from that is - just one more on ... well ... something is wrong. Deeply wrong! Not only do/can folks spy on what I'm doing
here - so the suspicion - but they also "hijacked" control upon my PS4 - or the PS4 OS in general!
There are other things worth noting. My YouTube account is constantly getting decoupled from my PSN account - I constantly have to log
into YouTube again and again; Following some other suspicion that my PSN account is used by someone else secretly. So, at some point
my Destiny (1) Character had some different inventory - sometimes being inexplicably unable to log in, ... either subsequently to me
being paranoid about such or triggering paranoia of that kind ... yet, ... I can't figure out ... what the point were. So, ... if my
suspicions are true - the simplest conclusion is that someone is pretending to be (some part of) me. But why? Why ... 'my account'?
Whats so special about my ... extremely average KD?
Perhaps the scheme is so fucking twisted that nobody would even think about it. Maybe the point is just to make me all upset about
something ... to then ... think I could beat Daigo and Co (Street Fighter) - or face up against Hero and co. (Starcraft 2) - so I would
get myself into a situation I can't win! The idea were that all those 'good' players we see ... all that ... is staged, ... and the
'real' competition is actually going on in Bronze. So, ... its a neat little fantasy for someone who isn't ever making it out of
Bronze. And there were some ... explenation. That being that all those who "suck" enough ... as 'on par' with those famous guys on
YouTube ... they are getting matched up against other "Low Bobs" ... while those who keep on performing well are eventually matched
up against Bots.
Yet that idea doesn't synergize with the other ... side of what I'm looking at. I mean - if there were the Bot option, why would ...
there still be those ... preying on me? To forcibly keep me in Bronze? Well, maybe it ain't all that simple!?
Who can tell?
I ... had the pleasure of 'once' fighting someone with a YouTube channel ... Tru3Tale3nt or something like that ... in the video he
complemented my defense ... and ... not being too sympathetic towards that ... he's been a Ken player. Which ... fits right into the
formula. "Pick Ken", because Ken is OP. While everyone is getting buffed or nerfed according to some idea of Balance, Ken always gets
Buffed in some unexplainable, ridiculous way.
And yea ... so the story would unfold that ... "even if" I were to get a public match to proove my true skills - they'd possibly pick
some BS Character ... who has some cheesy setup. I might be able to get better than that though ... which is closer to how I felt these
days ... and I really feel like some of the opponents I'm facing are specifically adjusted to my playstyle. So, Chun-Li would try to
bait me jumping into an Ex Spinning Bird Kick or otherwise airgrab me ... while ... being afraid of getting V-Trigger comboed, knowing
that I've figured it out, start being overly defensive and only wait for me to be too reckless.
I mean, ... its just a small thing - but ... its kindof there ... in my face. There are those cheesy characters such as Ed and R.Mika -
yet aside of those, I feel like I'm playing the same person over and over again. That because the people I fight ... seem to have gathered
the experience from my previous matches. All following some ... "tremor in the force" about "oh fuck, he learned to play". That would
conclude that the great tournaments are setup so that there are 'assassins' - which take care that certain people are "B.S."ed out of
the Tournament - to ensure that the top competitors are 'safe' - which is then all just a 'show' to just show "the best possible
gameplay" of some sort or whatever for whatever reason.
This would however imply that the corruption is really there - everywhere - and what differenciated 'Indie' from 'AAA' games is just
some backstage line that is drawn between who is allowed 'in' - and who isn't. So, back to "Illuminati Confirmed" nonsense?
Yea, ... on that note. I suppose that ... yea, that is true ... but secondly: Its ... not all that simple. I so believe that the
Antichrist is bad at arts ... simply because he ain't getting inspired. So, on one side he has to 'work' his own inspiration out ...
while on the other end the 'really' inspired stuff 'actually' resonates with people. The final line then were that the Antichrist
'needs' Christians ... for the whole machinery to keep running because else people will be more and more unhappy - and ... yet he is
in some position to make demands. Yet so are we. Its a ... weird arrangement.
To ... underline this ... I would pick 'Guardians of the Galaxy 2' as a great example of where the good guys were allowed to make
something they wanted. Unrestricted. Destiny 2 Microtransactions on the other end ... or that Blizzard also goes down the Gambling
route ... that would be one of those Antichristian demands.
Also, the huge upsetness about Destiny 2 is to me sortof 'telling' of something having gone on that the Antichrist didn't like ...
so that he has some motivation to ... make it ... stand there as bad. Ultimately I stated that I would Delete Destiny 2 if there were
some Pay 2 Win nonsense in there ... and on first sight the Mods being included in the premium engrams was just that to me. Enough
to make me by principle delete it. Yet - I can't really ... find that motivation within me. So to me - in that sense - it got thrown
in just ... to piss people off, or maybe just because I "wanted" it.
There is a recent story that popped up surrounding CD Projekt Red, regarding the company and employees giving it a bad rating. I
would generally mention them in a Positive way because to the outside - they seem to be good guys and kindof know ... how to be good
guys ... at least towards the outside. What I then had to read and hear there ... I can take in 2 ways. On one side the issues are
familiar to me - speaking of a top-down hierarchy that doesn't know what its doing, giving instructions that don't make sense while
letting the employees figure out the details; While on the other side I can see how the leaders of the company favour a positive
working environment and therefore endorse those that fit in on a basis of sympathy; While - I believe I'm pretty far on the: Let the
creative mind rule supreme side of things. So - the less people that are involved into crafting out a vision, the better. Sortof. At
least ... too much salt can spoil a soup.
I really don't know! I can take it both ways - yet, that its breaking in such a negative way, in this context, suggests that they
are just ... some ... unexpected factor in the industry; And therefore a thorn in someones eyes. Thus "assassins" are sent in to
eventually take over the company from inside, the people in charge are having none of that and the "assassins" then bitch and whine
about it on the internet. "Classic".
It fits together 'way too well' for me to - just shrug it off; And I'm reminded of that "way too often" to really have peace about it.
So, ultimately ... this had to happen!
Alternatively however there are other explenations for things. Regarding Microtransactions (a.k.a. Predatorial Business Practices) in
some titles/MMORPGs for instance, there are two. One being that an MMORPG is a bit more complex than just some Online Multiplayer
game regarding its infrastructure. So, ... continuing those extended services would require some extended budget. The base price pays
for the production ... Expansions/DLC and Microtransactions keep the thing alive. The other one ... is ... that if we want to think of
the Industry as a war between two or three factions ... we can compare it a lot to Starcraft (2). Watching high Level play ... it
really gets rough! Watching Heros games, from Quarter to Grand finals in the IEM 2017 really got to show how 'rough' the 'fight for
the ressources' can get; Also arguing that PvZ is a hopeless encounter for Protoss. Simply put: As the opponent cashes in big time on
predatory business practices - the own team has to kindof play the game accordingly ... to just keep up somehow.
And so, "subconsciously" a lot of gamers are already complaining about it! That games are getting too silly! Too much of always the
same. A.k.a.: We've arrived in a day and age where the 'inspiration' factor has become more and more irrelevant - arguably - because
if you have a PvP oriented game, what use is an inspired campaign? "Just rip off the PvP, tack on some lazy Campaign and sell it full
price" - which works because of Marketting.
I think some gamers might now be compelled to think about Halo. That Bungie gave away Halo to someone else and then continued with
Destiny. Activision being an umbrella corporation of the Antichrist to keep those ... "Inspirational assets" in check. And ... people
weren't happy with 304 (??? or whatever) s Halo.
Is that so?
Well, whatever the case - I think I can here now draw you ... my perspective of how "the world" ... is composed. Or so - why Donald
Trump behaves as he does. (Which reminds me: Am I mad at Ice Cube for being outspokenly pro Trump? Or is it 'pro' Trump? It really ...
negatively impacted my appreciation for his work! Thats for sure! On the other hand I can't imagine Ice Cube to be pro Hillary either.
Its a scandal how Hillary did beat Bernie - and all of her bitching around ... now also made me really get to hate her! I can think of
his success however I want - I can't denie that he's got Talent!)
There is that saying: "The world is my/your oister". And ... in this sense, you don't have to be a genious to figure out how I mean to
expand on this statement. Yet, in depth, my perspective is that: Don't think in terms of economy - think in terms of ego. The Antichrist
wants to be God - therefore he 'needs' that kind of validation of being in control ... and so he'll use whatever smarts and ressources
he's got to get to that.
So - Nestle for instance. Its just ... a crutch of an example ... however, Nestle is a company that has a range of products - and in this
sense they are there to kindof ... feed his ego of having some product out there that covers some of the 'basic needs' and yet is part
of his empire.
So in a sense he to me is a kind of guy that likes to brag. He even needs it. He needs it in order to influence people to ... "believe
him". He so would say that he's God - with all sorts of bullshit how that is really how it is - and with all of his assets he would then
proceed to proove that. So, on top of everything he then had everything - and everything he had also had to be 'top of the branch' -
so, lets ... say ... the "Ferrari Syndrome" - although that I think is outdated. You don't have to worry any concurrence that you own!
And that is kindof where 'advanced cheating' becomes a suspicion. As so on the 'need to win'. I also have to here think of where World of
Tanks went - by now having 'premium Ammo'. The idea being that he plays the game, eventually looses a lot, ... and ultimately he's then
like: In real life you couldn't beat me like that because you don't have the money. Logical conclusion for him: Make it premium content.
I think thats why I feel like he has such a hard one for "fucking" whichever character I would choose. In Destiny 2 I pretty soon had
that feeling that Warlocks got nerfed and Titans got buffed just because I at the core of things I used to be a Warlock in Destiny 1 - and
in PvP I used to be better with the Warlock than with Hunter or Titan. Its ridiculous how high and far the Titan can jump in Destiny 2 -
while the Warlock in comparison ... is like a flying snail this time around.
Yet so - I have a strong reason to believe that there isn't much of a need to be intimidated here. I mean - he's only human too. And
... the more things you want to have on mind ... the more complicated keeping up with things is going to get. I mean - the more you read
from me the more you'll notice the 'niches' wherein my mind actually ... is 'habituated'. I have a bunch of things I'm interested in -
that is stuff I know a thing or two about - and when it gets to my 'general oppinion' those are the things I resort to in order to make
examples. Its similar to how - well - if you wanted to be a professional Street Fighter or Starcraft 2 player you really had to commit to
one Character or Race. Switching back and forth between Terran and Zerg for instance ... thats going to mess you up!
Also, or "finally", the reason why I'm not 'that good' at Starcraft 2 is because there is a 'skill ceiling'. Everyone would hit that at
some point - and the professionals are 'on the roof' ... sotospeak. The thing is: Which unit does what, is good against what, bad against
what ... so you know how to react to what situation. That is all information you have to learn to become as good as those who have learned
it. Else, they will have an advantage ... increasing the chances for them to win against you! In Street Fighter its less complicated since
learning a second Character can be compared to learning just another Song ... so, playing Guitar for instance; but still a bit more complex.
Yet you really have to commit a lot to it - and just knowing the melody isn't enough. The timing is really really specific sometimes.
So the point to me is that I have some 'scope' on my mind which I "reserved" for playing Street Fighter for instance. Or back in the days:
Starcraft 2. That so by saying: OK, I want to play the game - become good at it - 'period'. Then, eventually, having other stuff on my mind
as well, I would have to discard that stuff in order to become better at Starcraft ... therefore: "End of the road". Kindof.
And for similar reasons I won't bother to learn Menats V-Combos (Street Fighter) [and for same reason I would appreciate a more simple
Rose ... rather than something excruciatingly complex - because I would really like to add her to my personal roster/be good with her].
Speaking of Menat ... weird story. The first days she was out - whenever I lost I felt like it was ... the end of the world. Like I was
supposed to be magically super awesome with her. Yet, things don't work like that. Do I really need to explain?
Well, its one thing to learn the sequence of buttons to be pressed - it is another thing to actually 'know' what these button presses do.
Sure, if I memorized the buttons and played the 'track' I might eventually get a hang of it - but thats not how I play. I tried to learn
combos that way ... so ... going into training mode and practicing those sequences. But thats not how I got any better. I had to forget
about that, just go into online matches and start at 1. Move from 1 hits to 2 hits - and sortof expand on that basis of situational
application of offensive movement. Just knowing how a combo works - thats the point - won't right away make me land it. I first have to
land a hit - and only if that hit lands I can go on with the combo. If that was all I tried - the opponent had a huge window to really
get in on me ... . That so because all I payed attention on was to land that one hit, rather than adapting to my opponent.
I also have the suspicion that the Antichrist is generally bad at school because he can't be bothered to get those things into his head
because he's preoccupied with "more important" stuff. So he's dependent on teachers that give him a free pass - or other connections
that he of course has that others don't have.
Yet I also think that this attitude is ... bad. I mean - I sometimes feel like I'm being fooled by a dummy.
So - what to make of this?
The biggest 'threat factor' to me - some time in the past - was to ... speak out against being intimidated by him. So, there would be the
idea that he would 'have to win' because anything that would work against him ... "couldn't" work out because "he wouldn't be that stupid".
So to the extent that people would worry that any trace of success I had couldn't be real because that would mean that he isn't all that
smart. I mean ... 'that' smart as in: Invincible. You get the point. Eventually you so would subconsciously twist everything around in
favour of thinking around as many corners as needed to see him back on top - and that ultimately would put him on top. And he would play
the game based on that!
For instance: If you ever had an argument against him - in his face - he wouldn't admit that you're right. He'd ... abuse something
... which is: Our own awareness of ourselves being imperfect. So, we have second guesses - since, we want to ... be proper. Right? We have
an oppinion but we want to give other oppinions some space to exist as well. So - he would go on to pretend that we know whats wrong with
our oppinion so that we would argue for him against ourselves. So - in my considerations that leads to a "funny" end-game. That being that
if you ever really had a 'hard one' against him - his final argument would be something like: "[Sigh] - You don't understand it!?". So in
a way that suggested to us that ... we are stupid. In the end-game however we're pretty sure of what we believe in - so - we for a change
don't know any counter-argument to our own belief - or we know some but can debunk them right away. Alternatively: Whats the outcome of
asking him to lecture us? ... ... ...
Nasty side-effect: Those who are however caught up in some 'bullshit attitude' - they get the same but twisted. There I'm the one who is
supposed to explain something - like, well, why I don't know everything. "Where is your God now?". "Come at me bro!". "Sorry, can't do
that!". "Why?". "Err ...".
Oh yea, back to Destiny. Whats the matter with my account? Is that even an issue? So - I have a theory. Its a ... delusion, probably -
but - thats the whole theme of this article. My personal delusions. The idea were that Destiny is actually 'more' than just your average
Video game. The idea were: Is there something like 'the One'. If you had an MMORPG - and you so created the world, its Lore, the events;
Eventually that theory is going to pop up. Similar to ... how Stargate Universe starts up. Some ... hidden mystery in some MMORPG ...
thats going to eventually point at one guy. That 'couldn't' be a matter of skill however since that would 'exclude' a certain fraction
of the player base. On one side you want that, on another side you wouldn't. So - a couple of people are going to come up with tests -
and nobody would know 'all' of them. Eventually the algorithms would spit out some data - and if there's more than just one ... well ...
whatever. Maybe its just some "the 1000000000s person that signed up" or something. Whatever. And if I also did hit that mark - that would
add significant value to my Account - if that were considered an asset. I mean - if that 'experiment' actually had any reasonable value.
But ... how is it that I own my account? Or ... do I?
And weird stuff happens to me and my mind. So - regarding the Warlock vs. Titan thing for instance. I ... so was immersed into that
perspective. I liked how my Titan turned out ... and that is a "First week" type of thing; Where ... what you got is rather limitted.
There is only so much loot one can get - and there certainly still are some weapons I didn't get yet. That Haekke SMG for instance. I
really want it. I mean - its not like I wanted 'Hard Light' because I liked it in Destiny 1 - I want it because there is that Blue
SMG I picked up and it played really well. I put it in my vault to later compare SMGs to it ... but so far it hasn't dropped for me.
Yet I get the same Sidearms and SMGs and Pulse Rifles shoved up my arse over and over again.
Then I started to play the Warlock because eventually I wanted to have all three Classes up and ready for Nightfalls, Trials (supposing
that Power Levels were active) and the Raid, and the Warlock quickly grew in Power - and at that point I felt like ... something was
trying to pry me off of my Titan. So - in the sense: If my Warlock got higher than my Titan, in clutch situations I'd resort to my
Warlock because 'she' had more Power, ... and during that phase I ... got kindof ... paranoid or conspiratious ... even sortof depressed.
That depression consisted of various factors. One being that I had a feeling that someone was 'controlling' which Loot I got. Not all of
it - but ... certain pieces. Eventually I got 'tipped over' (that one drop too much) - which was that on entering the Tower I was spawning
in front of Ikora rather than where I spawned every other time - and it just was the one uncanny thing too much for me. I didn't want
that! I didn't want anyone to tinker with my experience. To tell me which weapons I had to try out or anything like that. So - I found myself
there in front of Zavala - and ... I don't know anymore what triggered me - but I was pissed and so I started to slide into him. Like,
with an agressive motivation. So, projecting my 'disapproval' onto him and expressing it as best as I can.
I did it until I either convinced myself of "that unknown observer" to have noticed it - or however getting that feeling - and ... I have
no means of communicating anything of that sort whatsoever. I however got a hostile vibe in return - and now what?
Well - yesterday I so just played the game, then redeemed some Vanguard Tokens (Zavala is the guy for that) - and first I again received
another SMG ... again ... and alongside felt some "dash" (punch, strike) against my head.
Maybe that is just a thing in my head. Maybe it all just is to lead up to the sane conclusion that there is no "unknown observer" fucking
around with my loot drops, other than the 'real' God. On that end - my Hunter really is the Lucky character. I really dig the pink/purple
shaders on her - and right away I did get a ship for her that had a pink/purple shader on board (the icon of something shows its original
color) - plus a 'Golden Ghost Spawn in effect' - which I think is really cool. I also right away got a pink/purple Ghost Shell for her.
She's the last Character I levelled up - she's got the lowest Power of the three - yet the Blues drop in 291 already, while for my Titan
who is at 299 power att his point only 288 to 289s do drop. Which means ... that ... I really don't know what to make of it. Maybe its
If there is a fine, sane and proper conclusion to this ... I don't see it anywhere 'within' this whole mess. Its one of those cases
where a 'safe orbit' is really the best position ... in my oppinion. In this case its simply that the main problem is a lack of
transparency. In some ways its good that we don't know everything; But in other ways its however ... not enough either.
Maybe in this world its OK. But in the better tomorrow - we would want to communicate shenanigans like that. Like - certain design
choices. Bungie is just too vague on everything. And probably that is kindof the point, ... at this point.
Or it isn't - and there is no rule ... it would be ridiculous ... to communicate that. Yet ... weird.
I also experience a weird 'pressure' on ... what Loadout I'm using ... and having an actual Loadout mechanic would help circumvent
those issues. The thing is ... to me there is a 'right' Loadout I'm having for my Titan and my Hunter. On my Warlock I'm not so sure
yet. Yet ... as I'm being judged based on what weapons I'm using - I'm judged in regards to a) What I have, b) what I have tested
and c) What I have equipped at the time of you looking at my Characters. And I won't bother to swap in what I think you should see
each time I log off ... or even at all time. So I enjoyed using that super shitty Handcannon named Pribana-D for instance ... or
something like that ... where this is practically a symptom of me thinking that I have to justify using it ... ever.
I don't know ... but there is a weird ... suckage ... overcomming me ... compelling me to handicap myself by using such nonsense.
I guess that makes my Warlock my Character for weird setups.
I also ... have that paranoia ... that I have to 'hide' my setup. Like, for my Hunter I have two setups. One for PvE and one for PvP.
Higher resilience and restoration for PvE - max mobility for PvP. My Warlcok isn't that advanced right now - high regen should do,
not neglecting movment and resilience, ... while for my Titan its similar to my Hunter just that my Titan sports more Resilience and
I think this is an issue beyond Conspiracy nonsense. Further there also is some weird Identity nonsense going on. Who am I? What am
I? How much do my Destiny Characters resemble me as a person or individual? How much of it do I own? How 'real' is it, considering
that I only have access to the things that dropped for me? Is there a style vs. practicality issue?
What is legit? Is there a point to having 10 in resilience? Would I know? How much do I care? How to play a Tank in Destiny? Is it
even a thing? Arguably its Movement > Regeneration > Resilience. But ... technically thats what the Crucible is there for -
well - to the extent of the things you care about. I might loose all the time not realizing that something could be wrong about my
setup. Overcommitting on a High resilience Titan certainly made me oblivious to the difference between that and a high mobility
Hunter. Yet, with that knowledge I can adjust my Titans PvP loadout - and play her accordingly. So, how to Tank in Destiny? From the
Arguably thats a Damage Dealing position - being out there shooting the most while those in the front are rather getting shot at.
Thereby then going with the really high damage scout rifles ... but that is nonsense because MIDA.
And on that note: The reason why a flat Class Diversity is preferrable in Destiny is to avoid it to become like Overwatch. It takes
away from the "Play what you want" aspect.
Err ... but I digress.
Its simple enough for me to get along with it, not giving too much of a damn about the details; Yet not simple enough to take away
all points and purpose of trying to get the most out of your Characters.
So yea ... night and day. Light and Darkness. So close together ... . And so the advise stands: Build on the solid rock ... rather
than the sand!