Everything wrong about Authoritarianism | (a.k.a. versus Totalitarianism)

OK, what do those words even mean?
Oooh - the Video ID to this video is truely 'EPIC'! Where does that come from? Well - I think 'we won' - for once. Its ... done, ... we're through, so - I can ... stop now? Well, 'done' is relative. And thats an assessment on my behalf. An 'oppinion' - or even less drama-charged: An 'idea'.

An idea as: Nothing spells 'loss incomming' more than saying "done" while nothing has been accomplished yet!

So I kindof don't know what to do ... still ... and still I keep finding topics. But as of recent this has changed slightly, to the point that those topics, ... lack ... 'stuff'. I'm about to rather just use numbers as headlines and que them all up in some random Diary-A list, and maybe a Diary-B list ... . Yea ... funny! ... -.- ^^. [shakes head].

The way in which the occurance of 'President Trump' is a good thing is based on the fact that people have been stupid enough to elect him in first place. Lets imagine the notion that the future of gaming were to go back to arcades, in the sense that we're charged for the time we play. So we needed a balance, and per hour money or minute or second money would be charged away. Oh well - this all of a sudden doesn't sound as stupid anymore. If we let the 'market' decide who then got out on top - Libertarian style - those huge time-sinks with yet little to no value would end up on top. But whatever. Arguing back and forth - at some point we 'might' get it - ... and unless it happened all 'oppinions' would only be that. With no merit. Should we therefore try it out? I mean - perhaps people will just stop playing these nonsensical games and it'll be really good! Who knows?
I think its kindof challenging to come up with an idea stupid enough to emphasize what I really want to say here!

"No" seems to be the one word most important to know these days. Whatever 'might' or 'could' or whatever - just 'no'. NOnonono! No-hooo!

Things are fine the way they are - kindof - and before we want to change anything, we want to make sure its going into the right direction. As in a sense that things are really critically on-edge right now. Well, there is that climate change thing and that would make an exception from this rule as its kindof an urgent thing in its own right! And we can't really say whats so negative about supporting clean energy except for kapitalistic paranoia. I'm anyway much for a green future - anyway. I like nature - we all 'love' it when greens get incorporated into architecture, I suppose ... its a huge thing at least ... - and it kindof belongs into our vision for what 'the good version' of our future would/must look like. Right?

An idea! This isn't Authoriatianism. Authoritarianism is for me to say that there is one Authority on top whom we choose to follow as an organized compound of somethings; As: We 'look up to' and furthermore 'expect orders' - or decisions. Think of Israel or any conflict in the middle east. We hear there are problems, we look up to our leaders and expect some decisions from them. But 'what' decisions? And what do 'we' have to do with it other than somehow being part of the process that decides the person calling the shots?
An idea! Is it good or bad? I mean, I'm sure it isn't as black and white as that! There are moments where we need leaders, ... but at any political turmoil where we in general don't really know what to do but expect some actions from our leaders ... what has that caused us so far? Anything good?
What has been good - for us, to the most part - is the 'western civilization'; To some extent - where, being a part of it there are the values we have, we're multi-cultural, and any 'nation' compatible with the basics of our principles can be considered a part of 'it'; So, it isn't boldly the 'western' civilization; Rather so 'a' modern one. And thats a good way to look at it. If you and I speak the same language - we're gonna understand each other.

We need Authority to stand up against ... stuff, maybe. Like - when challenged as a whole we need to somehow distill our whole down to potentially a single individual who's gonna slam the hammer. But maybe that isn't a thing where its a good idea to have 'one leader' for some set amount of time and that one only. ...

Totalitarianism is different. Its, in this my sense, the opposite to Authoritarianism. Although, its both. Its wherever we (have to, maybe) say: 'This is how it is - end of the line!'. It is thereby my leading desire to "open up the gates" ... to, make it more of a thing that we can operate as a whole in a more intelligent way. Various solutions I can think of lead to various problems on paper - but thats a different topic. Its bad enough as it is - so, basically the potential to improvements is huge.
Anyhow - my intention behind the word 'Totalitarianism' was more on the positive side - more though in a somewhat sarcastic sense; Like it stands now: What 'isn't' totalitarian? Its good! Its 'embracing' ... its supposedly involving 'everyone'. Totalitarianism and Authoritarianism however - once put together - lead to a very obvious problem! If you aren't "obedient" to the Authority, well, you're excluding yourself from the whole - and a Totalitarian Authority will see that as a problem and so you were to be exterminated so the 'Totality' is 'good' again.

Its a bid of a mind-bender I guess and perhaps more of a gimmick than an excellent political statement - but cool! I think we can lock this up, sortof.

And so much for the point of the headline. I was about to not even write this and start a new one, with what else has come onto my mind, I had only written the first sentence here, but I was 'blocked off' from doing so and when thinking of adding it to this my mind was flowing again. So - this is to be a clear destinction from a more ambigous "I can't". Maybe I can, maybe I can't. But getting 'blocked' - ... well, I think a 3 point shot in a basketball game is comparable. You might sink it or not - but if its blocked its blocked.

The new topic on my mind was ... something along the lines of "You curious about them changes?". Did anything change? And if, what are they? What is ... to say ... more ... anyway? About ... my gender journey?

Well, first of all - its, ... not quite serious yet. I stopped that Job-Center measurement because I was depressed and thats been it for a couple of month. Twice a year I get interviewed about my life, my goals, etc. because I live in a social ... err. Well, so, as I ended up homeless I got to a shelter. From there I got forwarded into a more sophisticated shelter. "Social Apartment"? Well - the thing is that there is this Organization ... one of many ... that works together with people working in them shelters and do stuff like that ... and they have houses with rooms and they provide people who got kicked off with a place to live at. So, for the time I'm here until I can find me some apartment. And these interviews are there to prevent us from getting too lazy I guess. So - some move up the ladder, others move down - and ... yea. Thats that. So I had to explain myself after stopping that measurement because its demanded by the Job-Center (which is the organization that is there to manage us unemployed people who get tax-money in order to survive) - and I was honest. So at some point a suggestion came from there for yet another measurement, but that time one more focussed on health. So they have doctors there and they first assess the health based capabilities of the person and try to figure out where to go from there. Just a bit before I first got there to actually hear what it was all about more personally I had that interview. And there the same issues came up as they were also asking for how my situation with the Job-Center is ... and through that interview things also moved closer to some ... psychological aid or whatever, basically suggesting a psychosomatic cure/treatment/"recreational holliday" - so I went to the doctor with some person from that social aid organization to support me or represent their interests or whatever, ... and 'once again' the doctor gave me a transfer paper thingy to a neurologist. The first time I had been there I had to call myself sick due to stress. I however shrugged it off - and now were a year or two later.
This time I had to take it more seriously, especially since I by my 1.83 meters ended up weighing about 45 kilos or less - and the doctor also slapped an 'urgent' onto the paper thingy.
The neurologists he suggested that I called ended up confused because I wasn't quite aware of, however, what a Neurologist actually is and 'psychotherapy' was on the forefront of my head - but anyhow. Finally I got an appointment - and that woman, well ... she ... - I noticed two things in this process so far. Those people are extremely passive when it gets to their suggestions. Like, they want to make sure they don't press me to anything. There's always some "if you decide to" or "do you feel OK with this?" - while yet they all seem(ed) very concerned - like: You would be really stupid/suicidal if you didn't do at least something.
So, part of my brief conversation with her went down the road of looking for the reasons - and ... I had totally forgotten to mention my depression until she suggested that if I furthermore ignored "it" I might end up feeling depressed or something like that. Well - anyhow. On paper its yet just "eating disorder due to adjustment difficulties" ... sloppily translated. If nothing bad comes out of the MRT next week its probably just that.
So yea, she further asked me if I were OK with a klinical treatment. So, staying in a hospital instead of just seeing a psychologist from time to time. So, today I got an appointment for an initial interview to that - as, I said "sure, that'd be great" (well, not like that, but ... thats how I feel anyway) I got the paper stuff, went there the same day - and there they told me I had to call during this time and make an appointment (which is literally just a half our on two days of the week) - and this appointment is right now scheduled for september; With a slim chance that I might get one sooner if someone jumps off.

And thats the 'what is (factual)' so far. So - I meantioned that I'm "possibly" or "kinda" transsexual, or "would call/consider myself that" - but its inevitable that once I allow someone to dig a little and I want to be honest and cooperative ... there's really no way I'm gonna get out of this one!

And I don't want to go out of this one. You might notice from the things I wrote to get started that thid decision has its history. Uhm, ... I mean - I've written about it previously at some point that I ... am kindof too pragmatic in a sense to really live my transgender ... 'tendency' or whatever. Something like that. Its ... however that. I didn't see the 'good' of going through it - or whatever, ... in a sense like: If I'm going down that road it has to come naturally. Like ... it now so far has happened.
Uhm - sorry. Confusing? Well - In the end I can say that 'escaping' doesn't work. Although it kindof does work. Either way, just and simply 'crossdressing' does - thats a significant change for me - really stand out as 'not the right way' - per se. I guess it depends on you though. For me - I'm - as mentioned - possibly too pragmatic or "intelligent" - to be simple enough. I mean 'rational'. ... lets, try this again. This isn't supposed to be 'good advise'. Its possibly the opposite. First of all. I would be a 'good example' of why that is. But hopefully one with a happy ending nonetheless. And as that it can be 'good' advise too, but not for everybody. Rather than advise, its even science. And on the terms of good advises or happy endings - this were/is/will be one more for the 'be yourself' thing. I was myself - "even in 'denial'" - and while that led to some bad stuff, I ... can't really tell if it was bad per se. I mean, also thinking of all the other things that went down. I was myself anyhow - and so I'm feeling well with the transition. I know where I've been/am coming from - and there is 'no' space left for any kind of backpaddling or second guessing. I'm gonna have none of that! And the reason is simple. I 'know' why I'm feeling miserable, ... I know that I'm unhappy in my skin and I 'know' that my main problem with finding a job is the perspective on just that - that I either ignore it and try to perform well - or that I get my problems sorted out first. I know that looking for a job and 'perfoming well' is pretty much not an option/thing for me at this point; ... it really really isn't ... and even when it gets to me, on my own, privately, here - its safe to say that I'm using my activity here as an excuse ... in some way. Its however not like all the free time I have really helps me being as productive as I'd like to be. I have reasons to believe that a gender alignment won't change too much about it - thinking that my head is just and simply screwed for good - but there's a chance; While else - there is no reason to be miserable plus miserable if I can be miserable but ... actually feeling good about myself.

I guess that last point needs some more fleshing out. I'm ... "extremely intelligent" - it seems; Which I can say with no ego as its not an "I perform well in an IQ test" thing anymore. I don't know too much about it, but I take it as a medical fact. A thing that can weigh in both ways. Positive and Negative. Maybe 'extreme' is not the right word, but 'very' ... should do.
Extremely sounds better though. And why did I mention that again? ... Yea ... my mind is sortof ... gone with the wind. I ... get more and more forgetful and maybe because I consume too much information stuff (and possibly too much nonsense) - but whatever, if it continues that way ... the rest of my life should pretty much be a nap, for my own good.
Well, anyhow. Intelligence at this point isn't about making good decisions. As 'good is relative' and my decisions will only be 'as good' as I can make them. In a sense can 'intelligence' be a handicap. Well, think about "Trump vs. Sanders". They - whenever people get all sciency about Trump stupidity - are worlds a part, polar opposites. And Trump moves the crowds ... kindof. ... uhm, ... which goes a bit deeper than just resonance, to me. I think it goes down to the very item that 'smart people' will look for ... 'reason' - they need a 'coherent idea' to go forward and propose anything; While "intelligent" people "should" discard that and just be silly, more daring, and therefore 'achieve more faster'.
ROFLMAO - but we can see where that leads!

I mean - back on point - I have known what I 'should' do all along. Its part of my argument, even, why I'm not! Kindof. Saying, "I am Transsexual 'but' ...". I think some might have thunked it to be some ... social issues, ... like, everything that would reward the Sarkeesians with a point - that I'm supressed by the patriarchy, too scared to come out and shtuff like that - and yea, maybe thats true - to the point though that I am my own problem there. I make my own choices about my life - and to be clear here: My shame ... if I can credit that ... on 'trasgendering' myself begins as I look into the mirror - in my own eyes. Where again, crossdressing isn't the answer! Not for me at least. Thats just a masquerade. Which is interesting because ... wearing lingerie is kindof a part to it nonetheless. Looking at the shopping windows with woman dresses rather than at what guys wear, ... that sort of stuff. But this said masquerade is a deeply philosophical concern to me. As, I try not to be superficial - I, as a guy, am not really ... vain. I have my personality - or how I got used to interact with society - and there it is my 'male masquerade' that came in for me to 'help me'. Where - I 'know' that I, no matter how much I dislike anything round about 'reverse psychology', am ... kindof ... more reluctant to do something if people want it of me. If I want to do something and people then push me to it - I all of a sudden don't want it anymore. I mean, social responsibility stuff mostly. It feels like ... theft. I set myself up to do something good, make it 'my' accomplishment - and once someone comes in to remind me - it isn't really mine anymore.
So, no matter how supportive people would have been - it would have been artificial and ... it wouldn't have helped me in overcoming my unsafeties. As I can tell because I know that this reverse psychology problem also happens in emotional things. I prefer to be independent - thats the easiest way of putting it.

And if you know about me you get a sense of complete messed upness - like, like I am some walking conflict.

But so - OK. There is no difference between masquerading as a male or a female - ultimately. We can establish that on a neutral ground. "Gender as social construct" maybe. Whatever. I mean, as a transgender person I have a unique stance to that. Getting risen as boy, getting boxed into "masculine shtuff" - all those are things I 'have to' look back at and find some sense of critique to it. If you know me well enough you know my take on that. To some that is defending pedophilia - others see the wider array of concerns and know how to 'buffer' that in/out properly. But hormones are also a thing. I wouldn't have a big issue with the thing between my legs if it wouldn't have some significant 'gender influence' on my psyche. Which is 'yet another' thing. It isn't just that. My transgeder tendencies don't come from that - but from time to time it weighs in.

It has been medically established that 'transgender"ism"' is an illness - sortof. Its ... not like it can be cured by talking to the person against it. Its about stuff like whats happening to me. It causes effective problems.

OK, this needs a lot more clarification. How to make good decisions? The right decision would have been: "I realize I'm transsexual, I realize I want to be a woman, I realize I'm not happy as a male, I realize that things aren't going to get better if I try to be - so I should try to change my ways". But yea - I had other 'issues' that concerned me and ... to my understanding there was 'so much time' that being male would be fine for me - and yea - that time has expired.
And on that note - whatever Love holds for me is at this point no longer a male interest of mine because there is no male interest to speak of. I might make use of a prostitute at some point, as - "for a last time" - but I can also find myself skipping on it. I ... don't really care anymore ... except, it ... would be kindof ... fitting - formwise.
So, whats right? Whats wrong? Well - as said: I was being myself. "Stuck in my mind" and not really giving a lot of shits of the way I look. And ... there is the problem. The 'looks'. Its not about how I 'look' - still. Thats why crossdressing doesn't help. It helps to associate, maybe - whatever. The real 'thing' however ... well ... what can I tell? Ultimately I can only really finish this paragraph once I'm a female - then, to say ... as close as possible at this point.

Ough, this seems to get more and more convoluted and complicated and problematic by the word. The thing is that most of these thoughts have to be filed in as 'past'. I'm mostly reflecting on things that were on my mind - like - just a week ago, saying, that was before 'change' got '"tangible"'. Thats the 'guy' me - who was as transsexual as: "Well, once I have sex with a woman I sooner or later associate my penis to being a vagina in order to ... get on". Or what I look at when moving through a shopping mall - when I first thought/dreamed of being a girl - so, all the 'symptoms' being there and so properly judging what I am but not really 'practically' responding to it. And that is 'aaaaaall' that goes there into the 'bad decisions' thing. No matter how much you want to point out that this is stupid ... thats what I said. There ... its ... up there. But is it all "the patriarchies" fault? Whatever!

I mean ... no! And some people won't take this no either way, no matter how - you ... know the deal! Emotionally my response to "the Patriarchy" so far has anyway been: "I'm a whore and you can't have this!". I have to make sense of it in my own head - sotospeak - my gender transition that is - it has to make sense to me; And while I couldn't really 'grasp' the ... seriousness ... of this issue, it wasn't all that serious to me.

So, from my 'vast understanding' it is now projectable that I'm going to be lesbian. Thats what I considered/called myself anyway whenever drafting out some 'clarity ID' and filling out the 'orientation' part. Until I had to think more of the male bits within me - which ... yea ... how is that?
Well - obviously - none of that 'male stuff' is ultimately weighing up against the female stuff. I can't tell how often I had to repeat that in order to 'silence these annoying ... "echoes"'. Past, Present and Future. I ... don't believe that actually getting gender-aligned will help! Its easier to then claim that I just did it to proove a point or whatever. But I don't care. All that is just and simply annoying. Its a bit like getting raped. In a more harmless yet provocative way. The most harmless form of rape is exposure to the stuff you like. Like, if you're a straight guy being exposed to a lot of hot women in bikini rubbing their titts into your face. One wouldn't consider that rape - but the rape part here is ... when not putting this into a 'party' frame where the "protagonist" would go to get that sort of an outlook - but one like ... if that guy were married and 'wanted' to stay loyal to her. Eventually it'd come to a decision - and then the rape part becomes 'measurable' in terms of the 'force' one had to apply in order to 'escape' that situation. "How rude!".

So, I'm a lesbian. I'm maybe bisexual - but I'm mostly into women and guys are really not all that interesting to me. That isn't really new. That was my reasoning since I labelled myself as lesbian. Thats ... just ... clear/clarified honesty.

When it gets to love I'll be looking for women, when it gets to Sex I'll be looking for cocks. Sortof. I mean - ... thats ... nothing bound to what I am physically - its bound to me emotionally. And I can't 'yet' (and according to projections neither for some eras of paradise) get warm with men. But ... and this is also 'still' true ... I'm ... sortof a cum addict. So - thats one fantasy that lurked and lurks there - and from how cum feels to me - on my skin - any fulfillment of that fantasy did and will only further that addiction. Except maybe after some amount of saturation where its simply a balance issue that I'd naturally, internally, ... be ... how to say? Fatigued? Well ... normal stuff.

So, this 'cock and cum' thing isn't orientation, ... its ... because I'm a slut and a whore - inside. (And what 'women' used to be for me in my male mindset, is 'bukkake stuff' in my female one.) I am ... however - all that more due to being a sex-slave and perhaps all that adds up to the conclusion that I'm more of a heterosexual female than a lesbian one - but this is the type of ... "not quite" as my gender position. Its more complex than that. But not as complex as in 20+ gender labels. That is a culture I'm not really a part of. I don't feel like I'm part of it, nor that I want to be - nor do I think it'll ever be mainstream. I might be wrong, but I'm sure that what comes out in the end of that is still sortof ... binary.

When I call myself a slut I can't say I'm ... extrovertedly so. As some say: Silent waters run deep.

But yea - thinking of having ... not a real vagina but something like a ... vagina ... kindof ... thats one thing that concerns me sexually. But honestly, the fact of not having a cock anymore is kindof good enough for me to ... even have soemthing that might end up not really working.

Well. I ... ... expressing myself here will lead to the reader thinking about me in a new way, or did - and now that its clear that its gonna take some while before anything serious can be told ... for that time ... I ... really ... 'feel a perspective' ... and in some way ... I ... need to stop - myself from being too silly about this. I mean, I see now that ... I myself don't know what to expect. Its like some ... black hole. Its kindof like people expect that I'll turn around - but either way ... I think it gets clear to me that I can't really see anything in the future because I don't know what to really expect, or whats really about to come, aside of my natural ability to project from what is currently factual. You however only have an external view onto me - I on the other end am my own person - and so on the basis of 'natural projection' I ... ... think a variety of things are possible. I might find it easier to find work in a 'woman dominated branches' as for instance working in a library as not 'the' librarian (which is a high-ed job here in germany ... university!) - or I might just and simply become a whore, or both. Who knows?

Yea, none of that includes any of the ... world-changing stuff. I can't see how any of that will/would happen or come along. But maybe I'm just transgender so I can punch women! ^^. Seriously, this Sarkeesian bitch has a way of being really triggering!

Applying MMORPG wisdom however should advise me not to aim at her, but to look for the Healer and take that fucker out first. I mean, she pretty much acts like a Tank. Pulling the aggro. And why does a Tank pull aggro? So the mobs don't go after the others. Which is where the likes of Sargon would come in. Were it not for Thunderf00t there wouldn't be a negative thing to report of him other than that he's a vocal Trump supporter.

Yea, carcasses also stink!

Well, ... there's that problem I had with being a whore. You know - that in this society everyone could come in and I would be naive if I were to think that I'd like all of my customers. Experience showed - and my collegues ... well ... OK, that one chick is into bikers ... and those are pimps or whatever ... so ... she liked almost none of her customers - but she wasn't miserable. Not that I knew.

And thats the thing. Being myself I could see that - life has a way of being fair. I mean, even if your life is shit - there are those things that are less shitty. And they come along. Whatever level you're used to, there are ups and downs. I think. But anyway - the amount of ... goodness, for myself, I feel from the outlook on working as a female prostitute is overwhelming. So, its what I'd want to do. Anyway. But in this world, as independent person, most likely nothing so much BDSM related.

But back to the point. One main issue about "the Masquerade" is that ... I got to wonder: What if I'm that type of woman that doesn't like to wear a lot of make up and would casually dress, ... somewhat neutrally. I mean, ... I can at least in theory boil my style down to something that works both ways. So crossdressing? Except for the fact that I'm wearing boxers right now, I'm done! T-shirt and jogging pants. Perfect!

On the other end were slutty outfits. Which would work in line with my desired work - and - that pretty much closes that part of the story.

So, ... changes. What changed, almost right off the bat, is that all of my 'attachments' sortof weighted in differently on me. As 'decidedly male', the attachments to females of course were more relevant than being a whore and as that the focus was mostly on the intimate/private question in turn on ways that'd cater to my male self. This part is turning 'lesbian' - and while previously being known but still basically just in theory, it is due to a more sophisticated shift away from male interests that my interest in women still comes out as of my male internals, more visibly so. But with the gravity on the female end, this becomes more passive. The general situation regarding clarity is however still the same. So, only with my 'ego' drafting differently on the given elements. So - I wouldn't expect to be magically male all of a sudden when put into "that room" (Spiral Lv. 1) - as much as I don't expect to become female once I leave ... this room for instance. The struggle I however had about what my life inside of that room would be about ... that ... now leans more towards the "darker" side, ... as ... well, "duh" - there is no 'room where I am male' then. Effectively. As much as all the rest wouldn't 'really' be a thing if I stayed male.

But that is 'within' the "Enlightened Realm" - (where by the way: Being 'furry' is a thing there - I strongly suppose (not for me - actually (the whole pet thing is something different) - but more something like 'not Satanism', or within that general scope between light and dark)) - ... ahw - ... anyway.

Outside of that - I think I have to look forward to (not as in: "I'm looking forward to ...") possibly dealing with the 'mysogenistic patriarchy' ... ... yea. I mean, I got creds on that already - general ones - as in 'general, the military rank' - something along the lines of veteran status - ... and to not go down the whole FemFreq Shit Creek - here's ... now, more on the Video I posted on top of this.

Yes! Yes! Yes!


Seriously! Gamers have issues! Problems! Struggles! Like - whenever there's an issue that goes against gamers and/or gaming - (its mostly an and though) - and the public response belittles us as 'mostly cis white males' (a.k.a. 'fat dudes sitting in the basement of their mothers') - where are all those 'LGBTQ/Girl' gamers then? Why is it always some 'cis white male' who's there 'on the front line' taking all the flak? I guess its something about the mechanics of how news works, how information flows, ... where one big thing is that information that isn't there can't really flow anywhere. So what do all these "LGBTQ/Feminist" gamers do? They shit upon gamers. Like ... that isn't information that helps, or, that any sane person would 'push' in order to 'represent gamers' in those types of struggles.

And - next to that - their narrative so, oooh, happens to be just the same as ... what we generally are troubled by. "By the way". Like, everything is sexist and violent and what not. "We're all psychoes" then, while ... they yet somehow try to suggest to us that they are one of us and that we shouldn't be so hateful to them ... ? err ... and, that its the industries fault somehow?

Recently a few words have been flowing into my head that constitute something of an 'initial draft' of what I'd expect from a direct, verbal confrontation with Ms Sarkeesian; And it starts with something like, coming from her, that: "Don't you think that much of the backlash is just due to me being a woman?" - I mean, ... with a bit more nuance, like circumstancial and leading up to and what not, ... so - to be looked at from the feminist perspective. Like, some of their points are legit. Or whatever legitimacy there is, is undermined by her gender. Sortof. But so far, it didn't really matter how diverse their cast. But anyway, thats not the point I'm prepared to make. I would counter that question by something along the lines of: "You come from a point of privilege.". See, she is a 'girl gamer' - potentially - which really works on Twitch it seems, by the way - and bla bla, to lead up to the point of saying "You are this Juggernaut" - she has influence. She has this 'victim card' on top of it. She's that 'damsel in distress' - she's got a lot of things on her side, so, 'Juggernaut' - as in, even so speaking at the UN - "and don't you think that contributes to the degree of 'anxiety' that gamers who disagree with you have?".
[dum dum duuuuum]

Like [drrrrrrrrrrrrt] a bazillion deep red exclamation marks popping up next to those gamers head that ... kindof ... don't really agree with you? Or would otherwise say something like "wo wo wow! Hold your horses!" - as in: the whole thing is a bit too ... unripe ... but ... off they are already. Reminds me of that scene in Spaceballs. "They've gone into plaid". (Wow, just typing in 'they've' already shows the result).

And bitching and whining and bitching and whining - spiced with a huge amount of ignorance and intolerance. Well, its the plate, rather than the spicing. In other words: A dish of shit ... err ... feces.

So - to the reasonable reader: Why do gamers that go after Anita end up 'fact quoting'? Like, what does the 'sexism' in Video Games really cause? Does the violence 'really' cause violence? And thats what makes it soooooooooo fucking wrong! And that also happens to be a "good" figure on Authoritarianism ... coupled with Totalitarianism. Hooo - I didn't see 'that' coming!

I mean, something like that. But this is actually quite catchy!

So, something makes me want to pet that dude and give him a dog-candy. "Good boy!". Although so far I get some 'pro Trump' vibe from him - but I haven't heard 'it' yet. Its possibly just 'anti lefty hysteria'. Well, what can I do - in that regard I'm somewhat allergic. In general. Not only Trump. When it gets to Boogie I get where his "pandering towards Anita" is coming from - and I don't like it either! And I think this is also how "the internet" works at this point. You get associated to something and thats like a stain you can't wash off. I mean - I could imagine how not all of the 'racist and mysoginistic' hollywood stars actually just had a bad day. But ... there's also the problem that we tend to associate those people to the Characters they are playing. I mean - there is this one story of some dude who played a villain in some TV show and people hated him so much for that that he had to lock himself away ... and got fat playing W.o.W. or something. But this also works the way around. I mean - in closure to saying that I really liked 'the Expendables 3' - I realized: Yea, I like Jet Li, but ... what do I really know about him actually?

OK, I know the types of movies he's making. And I don't mean playing a sidekick to a sidekick. I mean ... Fearless for instance. Awesome movie! I man - top! One of my all time favourites. On the other end I think we could call him a Supersoldier created by the Chinese government. Really! I mean, apparently he's "one of those" Chinese sports people who got put into a camp trained specifically for one purpose - camps which some leave as cripples. Apparently they even have 'literally' 'bred' a basketball player.

Yea, there are things the ordinary person would consider 'too much'. ... And creating cripples ... OK, I'm in a really bad spot here. But some of them end up homeless and have to sell their gold medals in order to survive. ... apparently.
There is some side that exaggerates something ... that much is sure!

I have a theory of whats really wrong with Antichristians, or ... "something like thats": They haven't earned what they have earned by 'normal' means - so - normal social interactions, trials, tribulations and such - they took the shortcut - end up on top and have no clue whatsoever what life on the bottom is about, other than whining; Or ... being greedy or ... whatever else negative 'preset' that would generally make them suck in life. Politics would seem like the perfect place for them because politics as we know it is ... sortof taken as seperate from real life ... somehow 'elitarian' by default; And so we are used to some ... less transparent appearance. So, that being 'the perfect mask' - as it then usually stands on what one has 'on paper' - us however not knowing how those came into existence. Its not unheard of that people have earned things that they did not quite actually deserve per se!

LOL! Emotes in Hearthstone are offensive! ... what the fuck is going on in this world!??
Oh yea, most prostitutes I came to know are pretty cynical in general!

Thats --- one thing ... that kindof has bothered me somehow for a moment; The idea of whether or not my 'expressions' are "feminine enough". But ... its all just in my, or your head. Well. I get to think that my Amazon buy-list reveals my gender as ... male, because I bought woman stuff and tech stuff, but thats a sexist asumption I think. Women can also buy tech stuff. Why wouldn't a woman buy a USB hub? Or a USB switch? I mean ... really! When it got to wiring up our place, my boss at that time who is a professional domina was pretty Pro! There is something about female determination - I think we can say - that can be quite scary to a male!

But yea - I have bad manners. I burp ... and I like it. Its the one habit I actually learned/adopted from the "patriarchy" at my home when I grew up. I'm kindof proud of it. And it resonates with me. But more so because of the lifestyle understanding I have of it. "Be free!". Yea ... "let it out!". I genuinely believe that a juicy burp is a compliment to the kitchen.

Google is ... weird! I wanted to make sure that 'burp' is the right word - and so I typed the german word into google - and apparently the german word for 'burp' is actually turkish. ... That ... however turns out to be gegirti. ... [shakes head] ... so, ... in terms of 'stuff that is wrong with this world' ... its like 'raining' feces at this point.

But well - some statement I think is relevant: The actual negativity that Video Games hold in store are perpetuated by actually negative people, or peoples actual negativity!


Really Loud (Hahahaha) (but not really ... giggles)


By the way: This is where the stupidity of my stupid decision really sticks out: During my time as prostitute I had this transgender collegue and I tried the hormone gel she had to take on myself - and while I can't say its generally better, for me - it felt better ... to ... work on what I was working.