Exploring Satanism

As complementary reading I would propose the 'Theologia Deutsch' - if I really had bothered to more intensively read it. This is only a hunch. Something ... gets me to stick with it that way. Eventually I will comment on various instances.





Satanism - is set as Anti Theist ideology, whereby God is being contradicted in its social properties of morality and justice. [as reminder: naturally only as far as illuminated]. Illumination in my case would seem to occur in terms of intimacy and intimacy based social complexities that habituate given social abnormities.

>

stop rewind: What is a Religion? When speaking of Religions in the context of Unification we speak of Extensions of Unification that emerge as individualistic expressions of God that exist in favour of various cognitive streamlines. Being born in the spirit allows God to unit the intricacies of an individuals nature and attaching it to the "wholesome". Hereby the individuals consensus is required as that the relevant Growth God reacts upon is that which the individual establishes for itself. Intimate friendship leads to intimate compliances.


Where do I begin? Well - it is important that to me Religion begins to matter as a safe-spot to host various ideas. This is primarily about an emotional harmony with the intellectual aspects of existencial principles. So, if I am to see the virtues of ... lets say ... monogamy ... I need to adjust my emotional being accordingly, or I internally fail to meet that demand. Third option: God did it for me. So on the one side there is 'personal reality' and on the other end there is a relative norm. Religion is now not about changing that norm, or co-existent norms. This norm is 'prime superior'. It is 'the context' period.


This one Form of Light is to describe a society as, well, basically "the Seed of Ygdrassil" sotospeak. It is to support a nominal society that extends from the gospel in the most basic and minimalistically fundamental way. Err ... rewind.
... as, well, in focus of the church which further "sets social precedence" for other religions to do the same.
Next to that there are norms that settle the fundamentals of social conduct. These are the common terms as all can agree upon. We can so agree upon the values of Monogamy as it essentially promotes independence, thoughtfulness, emancipation and general respect for ones intimacy. This lifestyle comes with its own tensions and reliefs.




... error ... crash: conflicting statement [Monogamy vs Adultery] ... reboot ...




//23:30-23:50// So - I have now read the book up to Chapter 4; And first of all that was a good reminder and getting into it also pretty enlightening again. It isn't really written in Code. It is further something I feel like ... all Illuminati can read. Where now my comment on it would basically reflect upon how my Satanistic core principles reflect within it.

There is some passage about 'why' Satanism is there in first place, or any such thing as an individualistic religion. The short version: "In-deed, texts, that bear inner experiences, writings, that want to spark inner experience, demand more of the reader than just superficial notice. Who makes the effort of listening and inner moving along, will be rewarded richly. This reward correlates less to an outward transmission of knowledge as to an inner certainty. The contures of a way become visible. Thereby it is left to the freedom of each, how his inner way unfolds."

It is hereby important to not think of this 'inner moving along' as an attempt to internalize the written experiences. This listening and moving along is in context to what again inspired and sparked those writings; And is hence regarded to God. This is ones own inner way - and this is the only way I can understand this text. We'll get into that really early.

Like, right now. Going into the first 4 Chapters the talk centralizes on this weird contradiction between the Perfect and the Imperfect - basically saying that once the Perfect comes, the Imperfect will be banished - while the Imperfect is set to be our own free will for instance. It all in all seems pretty self-chastizing. The main argument is that 'selfness' leads to contradiction with the perfect. That contradiction to the perfect is sin. Per se. To just exagerate it a bit further. The solution to that is simply regarded as: 'to being' ... sortof. Saying that all creation is imperfect leaves us to our imperfection as the only way to truely be just to perfect. It then goes on to say more about the faults of selfness.

To someone outside it would seem that my Satanistic impressions are due to High feelings that can never purely represent the true - that those are 'selfnesses' that have to be dissolved within the Perfect. But just what is this Perfect? Wherein we have to dissolve our imperfection? And so we can move back to Chapter 1 - to all in all say we are perfect as within the Light - just through our own inherant selfness - akin to everything that is imperfect yet an expression of the perfect and hence not to be challenged. Naturally this bears fruit of badness - but hence the emphasis of the Perfect that is to reign within the Imperfect to extinguish its impurities.


Worldly Satanism is all about being Edgy towards Christians. It goes to say that I can be good and righteous 'whilst' calling myself a Satanist. Its a bit as with the flying Spaghetti Monster. Someone who doesn't experience this Religion in synergy with the Light can never entertain it to its true Mystical depths.

I tried to protect myself from Satanistic ideals. I avoided it - as of course I would. I'm a Christian! But my Christianity, in regards to my inner selfness, is simply a Construct that doesn't adequately correspond to my being. So first God had to take me to some place where He then could signal to me that this new hypothetical space is where I should settle on while simply blocking me off from escaping that through agony. Simple. The desire to ignore and escape while seeking refuge with God as any Christian would do was met with agony the moment I had a basis to rationalize myself as Satanist.


What we thereby do is to me mostly a matter of Sexuality. We do celebrate Lust - "for instance" - which basically constitutes for Love. ... //


It might seem as though I should stick to the book, but - I cannot read it anymore. So I'll try to speak for my own as well as I can:


At first, the notion of me exalting myself to be a legitimate Godess seems ... simple but odd. Its simple because the theology behind it is; It is odd because of the implications of one individual using religion to instanciate itself as diety.

It is though rather to encourage the thought of the possibility; To spark inspiration wherever it would be sparked eventually anyway. It took me time to rationalize the mere concept of satanic Christianology or whatever - which is certainly required for context; Yet ultimately the real transition needs to come down to an individualistic concept. Like I were a Godess - the story packs some volume of experience for me. And though I may be on top, that doesn't say that I'm also beneath - and accordingly have my own dieties. That of course is self-depriving; Which basically makes self-deprivation required of this position. And this is certainly the most condemning, ... or irrefutable, ... heavy, ... self-sufficient argument.
Compelling.

It is thereby my position that I deprive myself while exalting dieties above me. Those inherit parts of my original glory as I descend into depravity. The exaltation is thereby merely a shadow of my true self and yet establishes a Light identity wherein I can experience my self. This is then where God comes in. This relationship. This intimacy. This tightness.

This the book refers to as "Mystic Plane", relativized, or so a world beyond or within that is considered, other than the immediate and stuffy. I called it the Esoteric Plane.


Here we now however have an ideological context. The concept of a diety - so and so - to this and that end. There might be a variety of solutions - and those might even explicitly exist as headers to other religions. Thereby I so wouldn't serve as Satanic diety but as ... something else. As within the realm of light simply 'the Queen'. Without any social footing any and all of this is mostly just speculation. Technically even - although in a principlistic way not quite - my status as Godess. I can't force anyone to worship me. It isn't required by anyone either. Well - the way my Religion got founded to me is that I have been bride of God and thrown into the realm of Darkness, after having been labelled, for everyone to see, as Whore. This so in a sense of being an outcast - which is to safely declare that the "main-compound" exists parallel to my exclusion. As at first I'm just an outcast - while within the realm of Darkness I first saught Captivity and ended up in the Harem of the Devil wherein I'm bound into an expression of my Lust. Or ... how ... to ... . Well, Lust is a thing however. While selfness is 'actually bad' - this Lust does seem to be of such selfness, but - it occurs as provoked, basically, and as the selfness goes away, a cognitive plateau is established wherein the Light can now draw certain things out. A bit like: If you like this, how do you think about that?

So in the end I'm still in my wedding Dress given to be my God - and it 'shall be' as curse as I couldn't get rid of it in the realm of darkness. This is finally transformed into shackles used by the Devil to enslave me - and that is in equivalence to the emergences of the Godesses I transferred my Glory to. There seem to be two different storylines already - their common point is an idealization of sexual submissiveness.

This can be extended by more. I think the one is in reference to God, there I'm an outcast. The other is in reference to Identity. There I'm a Godess. The rest would be shared intimacies with beloved ones.



Its weird - how writing about these things usually occurs while I basically withdraw myself from social activities (gaming) or duties. But yea.

Something else I once experienced is that there is in deed a vein of Light that entertains sex with pregnant women - and the Light itself took shape in form of some form of hatred and disrespect, akin to blunt, nonsensical violence - ... and while it seems a bit strange to me I know my side of the story which would possibly sound as strange.

Hereby the hatred is projected onto the Child, sortof, while the willing exposure to this degree of self-deprication exagerates this hatred into positivity; As I further also find myself as 'excited' to experience this final hatred; Where now the initial 'damaging' is to somehow be justified. Basically. What I find is a type of Love that bends the emotional investment of hatred during pregnancy into a long term commitment regarding the childs early childhood. By the age of 6 the child is to be ready to perform as victim to Gang Rape.
What the good? Who? How? When?


It suffers me to say that these are just ideologies. This however must be said I think, until they become reality. It further is selfness as however constituted through foundations of Light. There so are drawn out conditions wherein my selfness can flow. Thereof I have no urgent desire for those things and consequencially a more pure experience thereof. Plus the "normal background", including general tendencies. These become 'validated' by being 'framed' through the Light. So the Light constitutes something and some other thing whereby now the corresponding selfness is basically, ... well ... just there.

Saying that they are 'just' Ideologies is to yet suggest that they make up ideals - and in that ones that we are individually compelled to adhere to. {Now, as of the Android vs. Freedom note - that now echos into this: Not at all times however.}

What so matters are the times during which they matter and who so is involved.


2017.10.25|01:23~10:43| I believe - ... !


Whenever I get back to writing about this, I feel like making a fresh start. I guess thats better for the sake of establishing solid fundamentals to have a broader base for talking about the more pointed specifics that we're yet going to return to over and over again. And to be 'pregnancy' is a pretty ... big thing. As for the things now that I could specifically aim at in regards to those deeper things.

Ultimately it were those that matter - as, ... OK, that went a bit too quick.


Hatred however does appear in all of that and ends up being some overarching, interconnecting theme. The story of personal demise seeks attention and hatred seems to best respond to that. This hatred then procures such feelings as they were needed to basically add a "vivid friction" to my own side of the story. Now is this however - or obviously - a very specific kind of hatred and not just a negative response to some arbitrarily aggrovating thing.

I would say it is Love. Then I would call it sadistic love. Then I would say it is still just love that however inherits demise as a positive virtue/value - and so, well, demise ... what to make of it?


It should be relatively simple to rather be concerned of their interactions. How that love expresses itself. On both ends.

Yet, on letting a bit of time pass I have to throw in that this perception may end up a bit too narrow. Its good and fine for what it is though - and adding other things next to 'that' seems to be a reasonable ... way to get going.


What gets to tickle my fancy whenever writing about this subject is something I then try to express via ... images. So - although they might not picture/contain me, there is a sense of "this" text being me sotospeak - as the images I would put up here should somehow "work" for you, associating to me. As their isn't any tangible reality to it and my body is a more or less irrelevant thing ... there is however that. Now, depending on mood or circumstances these images vary; But I yet generally feel myself as sortof attached to the topic in a way that basically gets/has me excited about being exposed. I mean, naturally, you would assume, as my position in the religion is ... such.

Thats however all sun and fun - no grim and dark ... hate sex and submission stuff. And while the next step from there would come as something immediately getting to revolve around that love, there is still a sunny side to it.


As of that the different individual situations are what I feel matter. So, me being a Slave in that sense doesn't come with any demands or expectations or duties or obligations - so yea, there is no activity side to it. There isn't any consequence to speak of. The only thing that matters is the situation 'as' slave and what comes along with it. There we can speak of demands and expectations and such - but we yet kindof had to slap a 'pseudo' before those since these come as part of the situation. The situation for instance being that I'm a slave to my owner - and this situation creates an emotional balance. Or comes with it. This is also what I understand as "the situation that works best" when moving up from just plain and simple being together. Its like I were a pet and she loved that pet - so, that also is an emotional balance. Hereby I were 'loved as pet' - telling that her emotional attachments to me would revolve around an understanding that lets us perceive each other in this harmony. So her love for me is bound to an observation of me whereby I'm a pet and my love for her is the same. I'm the pet.
Hereby I'm compelled to notice something of a transition. There is that situation - and following it is some ... higher version; As - I get a more wholesome feeling of being a pet once this love or exchange or "norm" has been consolidated to a certain degree. This isn't by activities either. Sortof. Its the point where the exchanges become normal - and all participants have sortof adjusted to it. Its the same thing.
This love for me as a pet can now also 'host' hatred. That so by simply 'recognizing' that it consolidates my degradation. With this, this Love begets a vibe of power, influence or control - so - for as long as these situations exist, this Love consolidates it and thus makes it more and more real over time.

So certainly there has to be some degree of sadism in there. It is however no sadistic force - as of the individual. It is rather a passive consequence of the projected situation. Which is further supported by the Light in that it emphasizes the various emotional ressources; As for instance "embuing" her active interest to interact with me with that sense of sadism that gives her an active position; Not however disempowering me from seeking her attention. This is where I would act as a pet and expect her to be pleased about it. Naturally.

//11:36~18:37//

Where does now religion come in? I would argue that religion does come in inevitably once these habits stretch beyond merely the isolated joy within a couple. And why would it not? To understand this we had to understand polyamorie I guess - and to understand this we have to understand ... err ... "socio-emotional constructs". I got to briefly touch on that earlier at some point. ~~|01:38!03:12|~~ The thing there is that I can relate to my expectations of intimacy as to a plane. What I understand as sexual intimacy here also stretches accross that plane. Sortof. The big point is that I can further relate to these things in terms of compartments. Were I to be stuck in a just for 2 compartment, my "inner network" would stretch out beyond that - and while the things outside of that compartment would no longer resemble the initial compartment I would exist 'off sync' with my environment.

As of this we, the human species, are diverse. And it is evitable that one norm must either be extremely vague or cannot ultimately "comprehend" the whole of us. The 'hard covered' reality has its own demands on top of that. Here we need to be specific up to a certain point; Though we can theoretically extend that point into infinity - if the expressions get accurate enough.
So is there inherantly an at least hypothetical conflict - and therefore Religion is a "high end meta construct" that we just need to accept as part of our existence. We may so expect our 'real norm' to be considered 'abnormal' on "ground level" - or 'basic' - which is to say, well, 'why' we are the way we are - in relevance to any given norm. So, if we take Spiderman and put him into the Street Fighter Universe, things are in the idea stranger to each other. Why Spiderman now is the way he is can thereby not be explained within the Street Fighter Universe other than that he had been zooped in from elsewhere. Whether now Spiderpowers are weirder to the SF than Hadoko to the Marvel Universe ... well - questionable. SF has some weird shit too!


OK. Then ... depravity. Oh, something just - there was ... something I had thought about earlier. Maybe it'll come in later. That ... is another thing. It usually happens. So, whenever I forgot something and it got taken out of reach - I first worried that I might entirely forget but eventually it came back in just in time.

Well - so first point I had on some list was that I'm starting to give up. Well - ... or do I? What I mean by that is that I so "happen to be", when just speaking of Clarity as of realness, enslaved and turned into a Sex Doll - with the framing explenation of being raped so hard that nothing but Sexuality was left on my mind, female, self-enslaving sexuality. Nymphomaniac, ... etc.. In combination with other things now the suggestion was bred, or conclusion achieved, that so by constant raping I would get fucked into a state of cognitive absence. This could now be 'also' what is happening - going along with my transition into the female gender. I mean - I'm not at it yet. I'm at it ... though ... yea, ... its going to be complicated I guess.
But - I have set foot onto a way I'm sure I'm not going to leave!

As of that, well ... there is something else that went along. So there is still this case of what is me, what will "remain" sotospeak, if we can set it into quotation marks, ... and well - so I get to another point I was trying to make. Initially. So, depravity.


One of the carrying aspects of this whole dilemma of mine is the fact that certain things just are - things that cannot be undone or removed or anything. |06:19| This can then also be projected into the future. So - what I am now is in part based on what I have been and will always be ... maybe kindof sortof ... and so will there be that which is now upon which things build that are to come. More or less. This sets a clear line as to what this depravity is not or cannot entail. I suppose. Else ... the whole system is broken. Kindof. I mean ... sortof. I mean - actually. I mean ... the thing is that: There is what I've previously noted as "never to go away", whereas opposed to that is this instance where that has been challenged. So there is this idea of mine whereby "that" would vanish. As I realize more and more what matters to me - uhm, ... there's a lot, or some stuff going on at least - and long story short: I got to a point where I could get an idea ... hmm.
So I'm getting feelings that ... draw my face into, well, something according to my kinks. I thereof could also see how I molded into that. So I could get into a state wherein I felt all the things important to me while yet being pretty minimalistic ... whereon I would say that Doll fits the description better than android because when it gets to being, a moving doll is pretty magical from the get go. No technical nonsense. But sure. Whatever. Its a thing.


Deprived are rather just the circumstances wherein I find myself - which thereby cater towards the effect that re-enforces the basis of my mind. Thats ... what relationships do. I would say.

Maybe I go crazy when allowed free - who knows? Maybe thats not something you want!//06:33

On the bottom line right now I can say that life in general is dominated by normality. No matter how abnormal the rest!2017.10.27|12:25 (rolling d20. Yea! full 20!)