Church - Hi Mormons!

We live in a toxic society. I find it hard to trust people that preach about how bad sugar is while I'm hopelessly underweight despite being definitely consuming too much of it. I know its wrong, I possibly "glitched" my body into some weird situation - as whats clear to me is that something is wrong. I from time to time suffer what I'd call "sugar fatigue". But as I put my brain to use, it slowly goes away. I'm convinced that - and "general science" would support this - my Brain 'needs' sugar. Whenever I try to eat something I'm not already used to I get depressed. My heart feels cold then - and I feel as though I might as well cut myself.
The only point where I "fail" the word of Wisdom is by smoking. And I feel weird bringing this up. Mostly because of people that are 'not' Mormons. "Don't love the world or anything in the world" - I guess I'm more guilty of that! But what is the world? If we all turned Amish, wouldn't that be 'the world' then?
Maybe I should turn Vegan, as inspired by the story of Daniel?

Or maybe I'm just sick but nobody will tell me. I certainly feel that sometimes my stomach complains. Like its tearing apart although I didn't fill it with much. Is it cancer? A tapeworm? Chewing Gum?

I Love Mormons! I just got reminded of it previously, where an Ex-Mormon gave a TED talk about leaving the church. Her heritage goes way back - and I feel the same way. Though my "escape" may have been more educated, the principles are the same. Lifestyle - first and foremost.

Atheists have a point. There is 'so much' that is wrong with Religion. I could tell you about how things work for me. Live unhealthy and eat some fruit every once in a while. It works for me! But someone else would realize, ... I don't look as though it works. "But yea, thats the problem! You have to have faith!" "Faith in what?" "In God!" "What God?" "My God!" "But it doesn't work!" "Thats just superficial!"

Originally my "best thought" was that I might come to "rank up" in the Church, the President would acknowledge my Status and we'd be moving on from there. And Mormons in general would tell you that this were the only way to convince them. But when the time is ripe I'm sure thats going to Change. Like Mormons know that the Salvation of Israel is to come from the outside, they can apply the same logic to themselves.

This has been a source of conflict for some time. That until I was really at the bottom, having run out of excuses and hope. Then God would simply 'pain' me for thinking of it. Talking of which: The 'Unholy' ("Holy Satanism") truth of mine has been bugging me still. Trying to explain it usually sends me on lengthy tangents, especially since subject matter and 'source/reason' of concerns shift around. There's a very specific thing that keeps bothering me - and it kept doing so. The simple answer just occurred to me now - and I don't need a lengthy tangent to mention it. It should be here, where it would be more difficult to miss. The general point usually gets to be that all the pervy stuff I write about, the thoughts I'm having, remain true. But I'm not constantly in that 'mood'. Else I probably couldn't properly write anything. Most of the time I'm not in that mood; But while I'm not in that mood, I generally don't feel comfortable/good. Except once I'm distracted from reality enough. Lets say ... immersed into a Video Game or however else entertained. During those "off mood" moments I'm still "buggered" by its truths - and I don't automatically get back into "the mood" whenever there is time for it. When I so go to sleep it eventually takes some time until I'm in it; But I eventually do so at any rate unless I'm really distracted by something else.
So, don't get the "I have to be raped" statement too literal.

Weird contrast! But ... that has become second nature to me. For reasons just stated. Its what makes me feel uncomfortable in Church as well. And there's a reason, I find, for why this short trip was taken here. I have learned to see Church the way it is today as a lifestyle - and that one basically corresponds to a few things "wrong with Religion". I got used to "simply" express it that way too, in a sense of ... basically trying to "comfort" all those that didn't "see themselves into" that reality.
Now things are changing however. And so was I, on discovering God for myself, eased into religiosity. I think simply being serious and honest are sufficient Character traits to summon that attitude. And so it seems to me now that I'm Alienating those that were Alienated by Church by trying to argue these things. I however am not trying to discourage them either.
I think there is more than just "lifestyle" that could be a reason for not "going the way".
And so are my own experiences, which however have grown distant to me, the real reasons for why I believe what I believe.

But also - Church is going to change. Just as a natural consequence. Generally the idea here was to write about Zion. And while there's a lot that can be said about it, it also at some point all comes down to Church. Where Church simply 'means' assembly.
What I could write about though - a lot of times I'm held back and what runs through my mind instead is as a summary of a lot of things that all come back to saying that whatever its supposed to be, its nonetheless a communal effort.

Which also kindof basically means to me, a lot of times, that I have nothing to do. Sometimes I just want to write about something but I can't while finding myself occupied by these thoughts. And although I also come to mention this rather often in context to the Unholy truth - thats not what I'm trying to hint at here.
And yea, about that: I guess a neat way to explain the 'darkest' things is to say that its the product of "us" ... getting to love one another 'very much'. So much, that it would seem unlikely that we'd ever be getting there in this reality.

Religious distinctions of that kind aren't what I think is on 'top' of our priority list - I think - but it certainly is a key component of what to understand in regards of what we're getting into. "Ordinarily" one person wouldn't come to join an empty church - as those in the beginning would.
A lot of what we have to keep in mind early up is that Unification will change you. I mean - if you're used to a certain lifestyle tied to a specific religious orientation this is not to say that you get to keep your individual "Cult" or whatever by simply "attaching" to 'the body'. Whatever though, in order to evolve and "get it" we'll have to communicate a lot. Seeking the comfort of Church as it stands might be inevitable. Its the 'cultural center' at least - the place of truth as it is where everyone relates to. But being like me there so is no concept for getting away from that - nor what that should look like.

Well, this also seems to be more of a distraction than it should be.

What really comes to matter are the unifying factors. (But Unity without differences is Monotony). There is no point to try and wrap your head around these differences prior to actually being a part of it - but its easier to get it out of the way early than somehow shoehorning it in later.

"Getting into" "the Church" is however difficult without a Church. Thats where we're at in the beginning. Yet while this should seem as though re-uniting with the Mormon Church were inevitable, each and every Christian municipality that practices baptism is equipped to fill that role and as far as I'm concerned - I can pass on the Priesthood. The problems here are startup problems and my bet is that the more awareness that there is, the more inevitable individual and independent solutions are going to be. The simple pragmatic obstacles will be sufficient to actually substitute as a solution - and all that is part of the "not my business" stuff I get to skip on while the things that are left - for me to be concerned about - are just general things. Things that eventually aren't all that relevant but still contribute to a better 'common understanding' of the matters.

But so, what is the Melchizedekian Priesthood about? What I have is called the Aaronic Priesthood. With it I can baptize and ordain other Aaronic priests. I however don't know just yet why the Melchizedekian priesthood is there. Order, Prestiege, ... whatever. Its supposed to be for the 'inner' Ministry, so - it would make sense that my competences fail me at those points. So as an Aaronic priest I represent the Church to the outside - and in this situation a Church that doens't exist yet. But so early there isn't really a need for an inner Ministry either.
At least, ... I don't have it. And that pretty much wasn't ever a matter of choice.