An end to the Terror - part 4

a.k.a.: It sucks to not have the answers

So, in Fighting Games - like Street Fighter - there's something called a Reset. Generally, that is a move that puts both Characters at distance and ready to go. Basically as when the game just started. At least I think that's what that is. Especially in Games like Street Fighter positioning plays a vital role - as plenty of moves are or are not possible, depending on who's where and in what state. Naturally.

As for me - I tend to do my thing, eventually (albeit not each point may have been properly addressed) come to conclude an "arc" of some sorts - which to my impression usually leads to a reset of some kind. It's so perhaps "the" default position where neither I nor "them" are in the offensive. And "them", in this sense, might just be a phantom of my own imagination. We might also, I think, think of it as a metaphorical 'Ball' that represents "the truth" of where my narrative is going, considering some fierce opposition to it. So at least, in my head.

As for how things continue - well. There are like ... three modes. The first is the most straightforward; As that is me having a very concrete ... I guess we might say 'need' to express certain things. And some amount, let's say 80%, thereof I actually have a very specific issue on mind. That would be a simple attack. The second we might say is the equivalent to entering a combat situation with a buffered input. Which could be equated to 'hidden potential'. Buffered input means, that I already have the input to some move - most comprehensibly that would be the charge on a charged special move, but in event also "hidden" within a normal move. These would be things I have thought about at some point in time, so, things that are part of my system, but perhaps haven't really grown to an urgent insight yet. And some question or notion might trigger something - and I get an answer out of it. The third one is where I'm effectively clueless - and therefore usually have to stick to what clues I have.


So, a classic ... we might say ... example to the latter, would be for instance questions - perhaps as via an imposed hypothetical - that imply an alternative answer to ones I have provided. Well, stuff like: What if Clarity isn't what I say/think it is? This might appear obnoxious at least, but perhaps not too daunting. But when presented in form of a theory that formulates an alternative answer - such as: Maybe Clarity is a byproduct of the Antichrist's tinkering with his Key - it becomes infinitely more complicated.
Well - to give you a satisfying answer to that specific problem.

And that is usually where I'll find my way back to basic concepts. It's even become a routine at some point, to the point that I started to try and mix it up somewhat. But sure - with Clarity - it's a really long shot. And, to be fair, I may have to share, that a lot of what I envision - in the positive sense - for our future, is based on a widespread appreciation of it. That may not be helpful at this point, that because everyone who has flagged the concept of Clarity as a potential error - may thereby further imply that the way to get there is also a potential error.

As per the above described provocation of my cluelessness - I generally perceive my situation to be "in check", as every direction I might go, there is an answer overshadowed by one such hypothetical. All that then led back to the conclusion that because I don't have satisfying answers - nor could possibly have them - my cause is "debunked".

Well - naturally - if you thought about it well enough - the counter to that is siply put: What if I'm right though? Well, technically at least. Because, if I'm right, the imposed hypotheticals are false! And even if not, there ought to be a logical explanation.
In a weird way we might compare this to option selects. Those are basically inputs that in a sense perform two moves at once, and depending on what the oponent does, one of them comes out.

Well - inspirationally - I'm hinted at some kind of frame trap. That's a move that comes out before the opponent can do a thing - and hits before whatever he could do can hit itself. Hereby I'm thinking however of a thing that I'd say God taught me once. This concerns the game of hypotheticals in general - as that game eventually foregoes the concept of empirical reality. So, if I asked you: What if Gravity wasn't real? And you'd be like: "Oh no! All of physics would be wrong!". Sure - I guess. But ... Gravity IS real. So, we can simply skip on all of the "what if" of that. So the question: What if I'm not worthy? Well - "Oh no! All of God would be wrong!". And on that basis "they" would probably move on to tell you: But because God isn't wrong - [I] have to be unworthy! That would only stick if there'd be enough of lingering skepticism regarding my worthiness - thus leading to the belief that my existence implied that God were bad. Well ...

Anyhow. But ... because God is real and God is good - and He's telling everyone that I'm His chosen - I have to be worthy. Were the straight answer. And due to that, any wrongs that are still in my correspondence that I cannot or could not fix (so far) - I might need some help on.
But how that?

So obviously the question: Well, how much are we even talking about?

And that takes me back to the part on Clarity. That it's a long way off. There's baptism, unification and possibly seals 10-13 "in the way" - before people come to the point where Clarity, by my understanding, ought to happen. Regarding myself, it even took a little longer. So, a second iteration on the matters of the 10th and the 11th at the least.

The point then being, that by the time Clarity becomes a concern - there are more than enough answers to be found that I would consider to be implicit to the matters of the ninedom. That is, I don't see how I could possibly be wrong on that.
Which, sure, you right now only have my word for - but, if we go to the start of it all - baptism - and matters of entry into the ninedom - we're talking of the actual stuff that is within your grasp. So, matters of the eightdom.

I mean, if I report on "the absolute" - or so the ... "perfect glass" that "mirrors the silence of the well" - or further: "the tear that is God's outreach to take you into the ninedom" - and you're hypothesizing that those are hallucinations of mine - we're at a very stupid impass. And sorry. Not telling you about the ninedom has so far not been ... making a whole lot of sense. So, if you think I should have - I'd say: Stop kidding yourself!


As for Clarity - I'm not so sure. But ... then I eventually speak of matters of Individuality - or something individuality adjacent - and at that point, it inevitably becomes part of the full picture. At least to my understanding. And I sure am aware of ... how some might deem it problematic; But I don't think there's much of a way around it.
It is inherent to the concept of ... Divine guidance. To so point to the thing where ... matters of divine guidance and independent personal growth intersect pivotally. As so, alternatively, we're basically in the "you do you, except - not really because you have to fit through this eye of this needle first" situation.

Which - mayhap is a complicated situation to fathom, but so have I recently rambled about the question, as to whether or not my relationship to God is only a parasocial one. And yea, that ... touches upon a core issue of what I present unto you. As so, from the very first moment, basically, I try to present matters that don't qualify as "parasocial hooks". The Curse for instance. Sure - it seems like a parasocial hook at first; But, I seriously doubt that selling my stuff would be on the plate for most people - so - it only becomes a thing if you mean to test it - and at that point - you have to deal with the consequences; If any. But moving on, we take a glance at the Gnostic Dilemma - introducing the general plot of personal gnosis. While that may sure lead to parasocial developments - by which I basically mean: Dogmatic alignment to the concept of a God - the proposed solution is Wisdom as per James 1:5. To say, if you wanna glance past what I'm directly and in the immediate proposing to you - sure you may find all these weird ... non-starters - that yet doesn't change that what I'm directly and in the immediate concerned about is highlight the aspects and matters of forming a personal relationship with God.
In which way it'll take hold within you ... that's between You and Him. Naturally people may be skeptical of the invisible and the intangible - and I regard it a serious problem, to which there however isn't a real solution; Other than you just doing it; And ... counting on that what follows to work out.

I mean - I talk "of God and the High Heavens" a lot - in this sense; And that's possibly the best I can do beyond just waiting for you to figure stuff out.
But so - as for the presented question, there's my story. So, once upon a time I smoked some weed - using the sticky part of an envelope to roll a joint. Apparently that envelope wasn't meant to be inhaled - and so apparently poisoned myself a little. I certainly thought I was about to die - and so I prayed to God that He might let me live, subscribing my life into His service if He would. And then I beheld a voice, audibly, saying: "Och Johannes!" - which translates into as much as "Oh John!" - in a tone that was like: "What do you think I am?" - like: "You think I'ma let you die?". Anyhow - there was also that moment where I desired to bring down 'the Construct of Lies of our society' (thinking of the Roman Catholic Church in particular) - and a force came upon me implying that it'd be difficult endeavor. And so the story continues. Every step of the way - all I got was support - that I could speak of. Nothing tangible or visible ... at least not until I entered the ninedom. Or ... I guess the testimony may also count as somewhat tangible or visible. So, being in the ninedom then - I had made my way there, without any human guidance. And so was there also no dogmatic overhead - nothing telling me how I should ... deal with it. Should I tell people? Should I keep it to myself? Am I supposed to find someone? All I could tell me was, that effectively I was free to do whatever. And then eventually I breached the 10th Seal - and ... at that point it was clear to me that God was taking care of me. That I was in the ninedom for a reason; And things would be going on like that. And so it did. Sure, living in Germany made it a whole lot easier - versus ... had I lived in the USA for instance ... - so, it's not much of a Miracle that I always had the opportunity to focus on my journey - but that journey also entailed more than just applying for unemployment benefits.

And when it comes to my identity - well. As per Clarity I developed some - and from that came a sense of ego - and for all I understood God to be - He was always in support of it. He fed into it. And that's an important thing. To say, that once you can get to the point where you've sufficiently cancelled out potential suggestibilities - and you can separate, at least roughly or vaguely, God from all the other noise - ... hmm ... well, I suppose: There goes a challenge if you're looking for one. The: Drown everything but God out from your Consciousness challenge.
And so it was. I'd think myself to be Queen - and the Spirit be vibing with it - yet there was always that sense of: Well, who cares or could tell? I had to be silently myself - but, due to how God fed into it, I started to also live it more and more. At least ... in my digital correspondence.

The final problem would always be "you". Once "you" would have enough of a relationship to God that you too started to understand me for who I am by His correspondence ... it would soon be inevitable to note.

But so ... here we are

And ... can we ... make Socialism work? Sure, while in a sense I'm luring socialists into my fold - or trying to - I also try to help Christians understand what to make of their share of reality. As to ... not bury their talents ... as it were.
To not be luke-warm. To be socialists in church while being capitalists outside of it.

But - ... I mean ...

Am I now real or what? I mean, technically you could look at the Magic Book and be like: We have no clue as to whether or not the miracles are actually linked to anything contained in either book. As in: For all we care, they might just be an independent thing - and the contents of the books are just there to create a false impression as to what's actually going on.

And here we get to my personal: "What to expect from the Nemesis - 101" - which is: Nothing that actually matters is allowed to matter while everything that is made matter are effectively items removed from their proper context. Which works because the proper context eventually ... is too far removed from primary concepts.

So I try to build around that - but the more words there are, the more difficult it becomes to keep track of everything.

And thus has it been one of my main points in the past, that the Matrix Phenomenon should help me get heard. And the second point should be, that there is this God who is above Everything - whom you can and should turn towards.

And in this order? Well - which theistic religion isn't gonna tell you the latter? While then also imposing some parasocial condition by which this can happen? Like so, am I then making things too much about me? Well - it might just be a minor detail - but I'm telling, asking you to not let that happen. Basically in the hopes that you understand where to look for guidance - before taking other people's word for it. Which means as much as: Where I seem to be lacking in terms of guidance for you ... well ... sure, it's convenient for me that I'm not alone in this, but do, in fact, count God unto my Allies. Well - He better be ;).


And beyond that - I'm not sure what I haven't told you of yet.

Sure, a lot is theory - yet, at the end of the day, it's the living - that matters. It just so happens that thought, or so: Philosophy - is a thing ... I'm occupied with.


But so ... I believe ... it's time for more about Clarity.
Because ... the book I wrote on that is perhaps too in-depth; And then perhaps fails on answering more simple questions - or at responding to "new concerns".

Primarily I think the contrast between my Standing in Heavens - as per Status Quo - and the exact definition of my Clarity - may lead to some ... confusion. And sometimes ... a direct answer is the best answer - where one has to be cautious to see the tree in the forest. But well. By being 'the Queen' - the idea would put me into a position of wealth and power; And that idea, at least emotionally, would seem to be distant from what my Clarity entails. The two, in simple, appear to be emotionally incompatible.
And ... it is so. Effectively. At least when thinking of the two within a dedicated framing.

Now, I'm not sure if I've written it as part of my recent correspondence or as part of a script I'm working on - so, on the off-chance that I'm repeating myself or will repeat myself (it's still a long way out), there's a matter of expectations correspondent to labels. So, part of that is to be expected. Some labels do have implied meaning; Which is why they're used. So, Queen, for instance. Thereof you deduce an understanding of what that is to, or could, might, should, may, stuff ... imply. The reality would however be somewhat unique. Like so, am I not head of a state. And maybe princess would be the more comprehensive term - because at that point I don't have any specific responsibilities ... and pretty much as Princess Diana set the precedent; I'd just be doing whatever. And yet - I'm a Queen.

Something that is here part of the uniqueness - is that the King in Question is basically existence itself. Hence concepts such as Love and Marriage ... work differently. So am I also 'human' - to say that the Father has a parental duty. So does it at first merely imply a condition of exaltation ... and in as far as Clarity is to be removed from the table of legitimate concerns ... that's ... what's on the table.

And so - because God does as God pleases - and I can for the most part just stand idly by - I've developed a confidence based on His support for me personally - and whether or not I'm doing enough right while basking in the glory of my privileges - quite frankly ... doesn't change that. Or in other words: Between God's appreciation for me - and His own ambitions with ... putting me here ... I'd say: Whatever - it's basically as good as it gets!
And if that ain't doing it for you ... you maybe want too much!

But so - there is now that story of how my Aura was abused - and it kinda sounds like a Kink of mine. And that's that.

It sounds like ... . While at no point I appreciated that abuse, nor did I ever appreciate any of these weird connections that would render the matters of my Clarity as unto my abusers.


And so - in as far as it is maintained that my Clarity won't go away, me being a Queen wouldn't change that either. Does it really need clarification?

Well - I sure don't want to end up like Marie Antoinette ... which would be a fate I, as related to me, would associate to a load of misconceptions - corresponding to which, as per the context provided, I got to ask you: Who do you think we are?

Maybe it's a bit daring of me to put it this way; And I'm sure some might find some "principled" way to be offended over how I'm now using all this time and space to implement parasocial dogmata as a guide to our relationship. Although at this point it could mostly only be that. But that's also ... only so in relativity.
I mean - you sure are free to transgress my inquiry here. And what you got from that is ... an open road ahead. You are free to go down it. (Is that even proper english?).

The thing however is - at some point ... or plenty of points ... I can't help you. I won't be there to solve whatever concerns you have - and you'll be on your own dealing with whatever it is. Or maybe not all on your own, but ... whatever. I mean, I've gotten used to the fact that I'm basically running from one end of the proverbial world-map to the other - like, constantly. And sorry, but ... I'm not playing that game! I'll take my time. Or maybe not. Whatever.
I mean, I figured that 'this' would happen. That, although I have given you enough, I'd still be running around finding issues to write about. So, possibly, to the point that I'd play into the hands of the Nemesis - as they'd ... try to move the goalpost of what matters.

As for my standing - I can't tell ... of exactly what impetus is bestowed upon you to dogmatically maintain my exaltation - yet I'm somewhat certain that I hold no sway over you, should you still be skeptical of the very basics of my offerings.
But ... sometimes ... there are no shortcuts. That is - if you want to properly learn how to play Street Fighter, for instance, you wouldn't do right by just skipping on ... basic mechanics, even if they're difficult to execute. And God knows how I struggle with that. Which is also why I'm ranked in the lower tiers. Well, I tried to give me skill - which I'll just "leave on" for the time being ... maybe it works.

The point being more about seeing things clearly. While it is a tall order in the extremes, in the basics it's a very simple but key aspect to understand what we might call "God's Holiness". Basically it corresponds to faith - and is also further deepened round about the 12th Seal - and deals with matters of trust. Maybe I forgot to mention it in my books - but by showing trust, God can reciprocate in a way that consolidates it - rather than feeding into your skepticism. And feeding into that skepticism is bad ... because you'll learn to rely on your weakness rather than developing strength.

I should note that for the skript I'm working on. Just to be sure.
And eventually I'd appreciate if people could compile a list or something for things I shouldn't miss out on or maybe go into more depth on. Like with bulletpoints of what mattered to them specifically.

And yea. So, putting it as: "Acknowledging skepticism bestows weakness upon your soul" - may give off a somewhat false impression. And yet that's effectively a semantic problem. And here again - as one gets nourished by the Light - one will understand how to differentiate. As so, there's skepticism like this and skepticism like that. Generally you can however look at the consequence and deduce a cause from that. And within the infinite - well - cause and effect can be one and the same to a circular progression. Some might call that a feedback loop. Or a practical version of the chicken-egg paradoxon. Or what it is.

So - the request for Wisdom. It is ... as simple of an attempt at trust as it gets. One does not even have to be ... trustful. As per its destinct nature, it can be reciprocated - and ... trust grown. What Wisdom then implies - but also demands some kind of action - is to take the logic of it to a practical conclusion. So, to take that trust - and work with it.

And like that, you'd have your won "Ahw John!" moments. Maybe not as sophisticated as mine - but ... you have access to things that I did not. Like - everything I accomplished since.

So is one thing, that sometimes God will impose - and other times He'll play hide and seek. And at that point, there is inherently no way for me to tell you where to find Him. But He won't hide away in a manner where you can't find Him. And so, that I am THE Queen - is yet another Truth that is part of this whole ... thing. Significance is derived for things where my word should hold weight. You start with the basics - yet, by the time you start defending them - you're probably already in a position where you appreciate what I've done. And whether or not I am THE Queen ... well ... shouldn't be of any significance at that point.
Strictly speaking.

Yet, inevitably so, has God taken care, that His work can be recognized regardless. There only need to be enough people insisting on it. It is another ... gap. As the one between Queen and Whore - even so as between Importance and Insignificance. Like so I would assume that people, the Nemesis, keep pushing you on matters you don't have solid answers on. Naturally. But Reality is a Unary thing. It isn't: "You wish, we play". So, by implying - correctly even - that "at the end" of it, you are to recognize me as Queen - they'd be harassing you on your uncertainties regarding that outcome. And you should be able to find solace in the fact that God will be keeping pace with you. Rather than expecting you to keep pace with the Infinite. So, the right answer would be: You'll get there when you get there!


But - as for the end of it all - you can say that ... it sure seems like I'm right.
Beyond that, I sure think they'd try to nourish your fear. Of course. And ... that's another one of those issues. While from an agnostic position you'd be right to ... be cautious ... from a gnostic position that's as though you were afraid of a plushie.
You should know that God doesn't hurt you if you turn your back on Him. Unless ... He can reach you and maybe encourage you to ... not do it. And so, in the end, you'd be wrong to be afraid of us.

I have to say however - the feeling of being trusted in by blind faith, that makes me feel uncomfortable. Maybe that's a form of PTSD - where I'll run your reasoning through my mind and be worried if it's ... weak. Or unstable. Or just ... built on fluff.
Which is another reason, why I want people to get into the Ninedom. That's ... what'll do it for me!

And that's it for now. I hope ... this sufficiently covers the respective concerns.


To be continued ...