A trip to Trivia Lane

So, I'm important. Which ... is like irony ... considering that this is just trivia, in and of itself. That it is trivia, however, is also weird - in its own right - as, something that is important is just important because it happens to be of importance - like, if someone has to say they are important, they probably aren't all that important. Like so am I probably not of much importance to anything, or at least much, in this world as it is - else I'd probably feel a little bit more important and I wouldn't have to say it. But, I also don't 'have' to say it - and yet, coming from me it certainly ... might be a weird thing to say. But I understand that I have importance based upon what I read in the Bible, of course ... assuming that I am who I think I am.
In that sense, there's like a virtual machine - of which I'm a part. Virtual in the sense that it doesn't exist just yet - as it should. And sure - saying that you need me because of that machine that yet needs to be built ... is weird in a world where ... uhm ... that sounds silly.

And all that is to say, that ... I also kind-of do sound silly to myself. Like, if anyone I knew personally were to read this ... I'd be somewhat ashamed of myself - as about being confronted with the fact that I believe or think these sorts of things.

Now, the Bible speaks of "the Servant" whom God "gives as a Covenant". It sure fits my description - if ... you're willing to entertain the reality my narrative implies. Well, rather than ... insisting that I must be some kind of Rick (or Evil Morty) Character beyond which we'd talk about things so utterly removed from reality, one must question ... what the point is.
Though it sure isn't impossible - except that at some point ... things become unreasonably weird.

So, when I reference myself as in the Bible - there are like two ways people might take it. Broadly - when ignoring all the ... sub-par examinations of reality. Either I'm staging it - constructing my narrative around it - or it's just true. And ... if you wanted me to respond to concerns of the former - you'd be making things weird for me. And, with a few exceptions, would the two takes at some point diverge so far from each other, it's increasingly annoying to also consider the respective other.


But, long story short, I think I have understood something about myself ... that links my own personal development to the greater fate of humanity. I mean, sure. People of influence generally have that kind of link; And my influence is like ... deeper than that.

One part of this story is one of leadership - which in turn is about the concept of leadership. And my take on it is, or has been for a long time, that leadership is bogus. So at least a particular take on it. There is probably a plethora of Villainous Monologues that speak of it.

On another turn of the page, I'm so given as a covenant. Not quite like Jesus - but yet enough to make me question a few things. Like, my role as an individual thereby. So my priority 1 take is a message of individuality and independence.

Now, I also happen to believe that I'm the oldest of us. And that I've further been born into circumstances or conditions that give me a bit of an advantage, in spiritual/mental terms, so at least in term of conformity with the divine. With it, I suppose, comes a greater degree of independence (ignoring co-dependence on the divine), insight, reason - with various downsides of course, in relativity - or in simplest terms: An inherently more pure heart. So pure in fact, that God seems to have been willing to bet a whole lot on it.
Though 'bet' is a bit of a stretchy term here - as I don't think that God is gambling here.
But there sure is a degree of trust ... that I sure don't want to disappoint.

And yea - I suppose that people are eager to interpret a whole lot of human error into that, more than is actually ... justified ... or reasonable or at least accurate - as also the whole matter of being better or smarter or wiser or more mature or reasonable and all that ... is something that challenges ones own world-view relative to their own position in it. I mean, if we think someone smarter than us - there are two ways for us to go: We imagine what that might imply - or we lean on facts we understand about the world. I suppose that is also how an Einstein get the shorter end of the stick compared to someone who ... builds cars or rockets. For, cars and rockets you can see and understand - and deductibly conclude that your inability to do so makes them smarter somehow. When it comes to the General Theory of Relativity you however only understand that you don't understand - and so everyone that does understand it also only understands something you have little to no access to - and so all of that might also just be a big lie.

That's also what I think is a reoccurring theme in Star Trek; When it so comes to "Super beings" and ... well ... "Super cultures". With Starfleet - or at least the members of the Vessel the show focusses on - being the pinackle of human understanding and perception, everything else needs to be "less than" that by some margin. Unless that particular culture or being is somehow ... meant to enter the "good guy" sphere, such as ... Betazed for instance. Or even so with ... oh my ... Nog? Well ... Quark's Nephew ... joining Starfleet we so get an angle that makes the Ferengi relatable. Regarding the Klingons there's a whole lot of lore to that end. And that sure is the Star Trek approach to nuance.
And sure - it is mostly positive, as ... it isn't really a bad inspiration to think we should strive for something that is ... ideal. So ideal, that anything that doesn't fit in, must be absurd by some margin. But naturally that comes with a dark side. (Looking at the USA *caugh*caugh*).


Anyhow - at the end of the day, I'd say something along the lines of: My personal development is of no relevance to you, or the world, or our species at large. Or impact or weight, significance ... tangible meaning ... . But then again, I get the idea, that ... I'm intrinsically a part of the Forces that Be.
And the way I act and behave as such - is thusly an intrinsic part of the human fate.

So, to come to the point - there is the Key. I mentioned some kind of child-safety that may have been put in place ... and am by now fully indulging the idea that ... there was in fact such a thing and that now ... I'm in control.

What however happened, exactly and to the point, is at first something I'd sort into the topic of "Spirit Wars". Between experimenting with my inherent authority and being confronted with the topic of the Key of Peter - stress has been building up for me in ... I'd say a variety of ways. Most significantly the Spirit War bullshit I wrote of. I eventually realized, give or take, that my word would yet compete with the effects of the Key, that I didn't have the nerve to enter a lengthy combat scenario of out-defining each other, that things I had established for myself would still get torn hither and tither - and eventually I just snapped; Begging God to put an end to this. Or so, questioning ... what the fuck and why and how and ... really just wanting to move beyond that nonsense. Also because I failed to see what the point of it was. And I suppose that if there were one, God would have told me so - rather than ... giving me access.

And the reasons behind it now, they too follow a sense of me taking responsibility. Sure, standing up for myself and all that - but also ... my narrative prior to the Experiment was good enough for me. The expectations that that imposes onto you at large I also deemed reasonable. And very much ... is still ... what a lot of it all boils down to. I didn't understand what 'moving beyond that' could entail - while as it stands now, the primary aspect of it is, that I'd have to be able to live with myself - in consequence of doing so.

That ... and ... of course the focus on it. Being rid of the baggage of what comes first. Having done all that I could - to have an effectively uncompromised view of what matters and how.


I therefore, once more, like the image of the Super Saiyan - in the sense that it requires a certain degree of perfection or wholesomeness - for the next higher sphere to be able to unfold its potential.

And in regards of who is how strong by what means - well - I am by all means elected by existence itself. So, an image that came to my mind is, that there's like a golden Triangle that just floats above my head - and whatever would be "if it weren't so" - is however not how it is ... like ... in actuality. So, yea - I suppose there's a lot of pettiness one might engage in over these things.

But also is physique and starting conditions something that is given to us - to some extent - and yea, if ... we were to boil things down to a "how we were based on only ourselves" - well ... to make it perfectly fair if that's what we were concerned about - I mean, I suppose the argument were, that if I focused my life on intellectual gains ... I'd lose to X and Y in mortal combat. Unless, well, once again, if given a body that would align with my ideals - as ... along a more meaningful axis of translation.

Though, since we're talking of Godhood and Absolutes and Divine Powers and such - I reckon that there's nothing unfair about me being who I am.

On the other hand - well - one aspect of the Cliche Super Saiyan imagery is what I would here call: Shouting into the Ether. As a loud and prolonged scream is like a display of fiercely prolonged willpower - which lines up with a narrative of "what one truly wants". And that were to boil down into a competition over who can yell louder and longer - in a world/context where we could however also just try to sit down and reason things out.
But so - since we couldn't just have that ... something had to happen.
And after approaching that outcome with patience, mercy and benevolence didn't work out - something more had to happen.

So yea, in that regard the imagery becomes somewhat blurry - but ... yea, I mean, abstractions and metaphors ... exist as simplified views of more complex matters. That's just ... how it goes.


Based on my senses now, I think ... one point of friction, controversy and or complications is my claim to Godhood - as that certainly does defy the rational approach to the story somewhat. That I think mostly because Godhood is a somewhat ... glorified/transfigured term - "a story full of misconceptions" as it were. I mean, in a lot of ways, the first thing one would think of when dealing with "a God" is worship, followed by deicide. These two certainly correspond to the two major alignments with the concepts of theology - which is: Religion and no-Religion (or anti-Religion even). That is naturally carried by the conceptualization of Gods as these inherently "removed from existence" type of figures, that the human can barely have a normal or healthy or real or tangible relationship with - as they mostly exist as symbols attached to concepts. And so one either adheres to the concepts attached to those, or must deal with whatever emerges out of not doing so.
Subsequently the concepts assigned to dieties are often ... rigid to a fault. So would most Final Fantasy games - a.k.a. "Deicide 2000 the Videogame Collection" - juxtapose the dynamic and vivid emergence and cohesion of life to an ancient "out of touch with reality" type of thing; To the take-away of: If life is to thrive, tradition must go.

So - yea, it's a bit of a mixed bag for me.

On another note are there certainly things that I stand for - which would again, eventually, by some, be transfigured into a state of doctrinal tradition to have some kind of enemy to rally against.

Eventually there's also a context of jealousy over power, or fear of the overpowered. I mean, I've recently watched Ragnarök - which is a ... Norwegian? ... Netflix show in which a guy is given the power of Thor to fight against Giants. Basically. At some point the show revolves around forging Mjolnir - which somehow gets the awakening Thor at odds with his (spoiler) half-brother, the more or less figurative Loki. The issue being, that only "the old weapons" can kill Gods and Giants. So is Loki basically immortal, though the existence of these God-slaying weapons makes him somewhat mortal again. What I find interesting is, how we are constantly surrounded by potentially mortal threats - and that is never an issue unless one becomes immortal but discovers the proverbial butt of that story.

So is the Superman as of the Supergirl also a bit of a douche when it comes to that. Just ... by the way.
I mean, I suppose it's relatable ... but J'Onn still has a much better point when it comes to that. But I guess that's cool while Superman isn't the star of the show. Like so is Kara also conveniently left ouf of that conversation.
But sure, nobody is perfect.


Anyhow - the matter with Gods - of which there now Canonically are two, one above the other - is one burdened by misconceptions and superstitions of the past. And ... I've been "there" ... realizing the implications of an omniscient God ... when it comes to ... well ... certain aspects of my pastime preferences. It's weird. For sure. Uncomfortable. And maybe even more so when realizing that every aspect of biological arousal and joy is effectively perpetuated by that same Omniscient being.
And like so is a learning of the intersections ... an odd concept at first. Especially while one is burdened by a certain form of internalized dogma.
So, in terms of the Father, an acceptance of Godhood entails an understanding of this internal relationship with the fundamentals of reality. And that should highlight the misguided reality of this "projection into the distant". That God so would require a form of awe and adoration on our part - worship, submission and dedication. So, a transfiguration into the distant, abstract and unrelatable.

More to the point however is God however just what He is. There's no way around it. Figuratively AND literally.

As for me - there are other terms that would take priority when speaking of me and mine with reason. Apostle, Disciple, Servant, Messenger ... and penultimately: Queen. Within the realm of Darkness we however have ... a different relationship to these things, based on how we value intimacy and attachments. Because we have a more crooked understanding of respect, love, fairness and equality - to name a few(?) - we have a more pronounced tendency to see things in extremes as per the various dualities that come to bear within relationships. So do we then also see things such as adoration, awe, respect (of authority) in a more intimate light, that then also overshadows what others might have for God. And so is worship to us effectively a compromised concept - as our valuing of emotional attachments positively takes priority.
So - following terms such as Disciple and Servant - there's also always that little bit extra; So that when we come to the term of 'Queen' - it's either mostly meaningless, or it encapsulates that little bit extra. That little bit extra is however not inherently understood as by the term - so that this 'little bit extra' is still a little bit extra that isn't exactly accounted for. That ... and ... some might also have a bit of a hard time to accept that I'm in fact 'THE Queen'. To justify that, as per divine and theological concepts - as something more than just a fancy title - we yet again need to delve into the duality between Light and Darkness - and as we do so, we might as well speak of me as Goddess.

As is custom, we might say, with Gods - there usually is a highly individual and specific lore - outside of more or less reasonable "standards" associated with them. And that is a good spot to settle that "little bit extra". That entails my unique standing among us. So, sure - I'm probably the Eldest - so, that is a unique and immutable position to hold. And the way I relate to it, does it put me into a unique relationship with all of you, though I suppose there are a few that can relate. Being myself a little bit of an outsider without real peers for instance.
But all in all do I think of the title of Goddess as something ... more like a honorary position.


But more so may I also be some kind of a standard by which God measures the progress of us at large. As I grow, I also grow with you. As people outgrow or outperform me - I get to see myself as part of the whole. And ... whichever way we'd go - if I couldn't follow, we'd have a kind of schism. And played out to the end, does that put me into a pivotal position - at least for as long as God can vibe with me.
And that in turn ... imparts at least a quantum of inevitable divine upon me - and the degree to which it can be extended depends on my relationship with God. So would God not only be encouraged to Groom me, but to also put effort into the quality of that relationship.


And yea ... that's ... that.