Acting on Desire

For some time now, something I ended up calling "Sparklies" - though probably there's a better term, moved to the forefront of my attention. Sparklies are ... well ... we might call them "Flash Memories", though - whether or not they are memories isn't all that clear to me.
These Flashes - they pop up and disappear, leaving some ... kind of emotional impression. Technically an image, but more dominant in form of an emotion. Bliss, we might say, in a shallow sense.

Also - some time, perhaps 2 weeks, ago - I had some feeling about what to do with this page. Thinking of it led to me assume that most of it I've done already; And the idea of starting over made me hesitate. I should probably re-arrange things and put some things into more html/website friendly text - but that ... isn't something I could just hack together at this point.

These are just two instances, where I might write of desires. And generally, to me at least, there is no reasonable action to follow up on them. Though a "me" thing it may be. But whatever that may be - desires are a strange thing. And it seems important to me, to try and categorize things a bit further.
So - maybe ... let's start with:

Hope

"Hope isn't a Desire" - some might think. Yet, when people speak of hope - aren't they also speaking about desires? It may not be right; But, nonetheless I'm under the impression that it is a mistake that has perverted Christian thought for centuries. Though hope doesn't actually happen to get featured much in the Bible - I mean, I can off of the top of my head only think of one verse; And that one verse says as much as that when we have faith - we'll get what we put hope into. And that's ... something that apparently does qualify as Christian thought, so much so that it would seem to be at the heart of every misguided form of Christianity.

So, accross different translations ... you can get an idea of ... why I might cringe about this. And I have so far had significant problems comprehending that verse. That is ... to wrap my head around what it might mean. Or ... tries to say in most neutral terms.
Well - obviously it is about faith. OK. And that faith ... 'is' "Hypostasis" ->: foundation/al ... to hope. Or to what we hope for. It's weird ... it's a single word: "elpizo", to expect or confide in - so, the 'for' makes it weird. But .. OK.

In a 'pragma'(of things (not seen))tic sense - this faith could be a very particular 'sense' of something. We might call it a 'hunch' - especially or in particular the sophisticated type. Though this verse would be somewhat backward about it.
I'd at first think of how I previously wrote of faith - or in that sense - where faith is built up through reciprocation. In an extended sense, it's how a 'test of faith' would come about by God showing himself like ... always somewhat out of reach. Outside of the safe zone perhaps. And acting upon it, then getting rewarded, will increase one's certainty over that aspect of the relationship and hence the person will have what we might call 'extended faith'. To say, rather than only certainty in what is immediate - one can be confident in things that aren't immediate.

But so - hope ... isn't really ... the big word here. It is rather that once we have faith - we can from there on hope. So for all the things we grew certain about ... but, not yet conclusively so.

This is a very different reading of the verse - as once we take 'hope' as the pivotal term; And from there imply that we need to have faith in order to get what we hope for. So may faith here merely be that 'the dogmatic standard' - a stand in for [your flavor of Christianity] - where faith in Christ with all the dogma that solicit obedience will give you that fuzzy feeling that what you hope for is a reality.
Now, I guess I can be charitable here and say that this isn't like 'general desire' if we are to imply that this faith based hope is somewhat filtered through Christian mysticism - a.k.a. the Righteous getting into Paradise and good things happening to you, so - a passive that focusses on the good stuff.
And in that regard we can take it that "frameworks of faith" have qualities. The Christian framework is very Jesus and Heaven focussed; The scientific framework is very discovery focussed; The capitalistic framework is very profit focussed; And yea ... if you consume a lot of fiction it might be very ... fictitious. Especially in as far as romance is concerned. Which ... is where a bad reading of this verse reveals its flaws.

On a sidenote: It is as there are various issues these days where the phrasing of things is important. Or so will people take issue in "false" phrasing. The thing of course being that one can describe a thing charitably or maliciously - and as either way takes one to a different conclusion, or interpretation of the fact, it is evident that either way describes a different truth. It is further difficult with ideologies - because a person may believe in a bad idea with however good intentions.

And yea - there's some stuff left worth looking into or expanding upon. Or ... stuff that fell through the cracks. But for the big point here, the pivotal concern is to basically untangle certain words and their meanings - as, sometimes I think these meanings have no business being described by the same word. At least ... do we live in a day and age where it matters, I think, that we learn some of their differences.

So, moving on - I also think there are:

Active and Passive passion

Now - passion here is to be somewhat equivalent to desire, or hope for that matter. The main difference is in where we find the motivation. 'Active' passion so occurs when we have a desire or hope in form of something we mean to attain or accomplish. Like ... "that carrot on a stick". We want something and go for it. 'Passive' passion cloaks as that, while the motivation itself is however more like "in the past". It is also more of an avoidance. Or - a mode of denial. So, if we don't like something - or where something is going - like say: The implications of climate change (doomerism) - we (want to) exist in denial, and every reason that allows us to further do so becomes like a cherished object that can be taken as evidence or passion - a hope or a dream - so we don't have to face the world without it.

And ... I'm not sure if I need to add any more to that.

Compassion

is a weird one. Here too I can find a difference between an Active and a Passive form. The passive one is thereby the one that would usually be understood as a weakness; At least in how a play on one's empathy in combination with an absent motivation or desire to resist one's plea can be seen as a vulnerability. On the other hand there's an 'active' form - in which a person has a desire - perhaps a passion, active or passive - to help.

Buut ...

Love

Intervetion

(2023-08-07)

Now - that ... has nothing to do with Desire. And neither does what ... I'm about to do here. Sortof. I mean - I find it interesting for instance how Love ... does not actually happen to be much about desire. And that assessment may not make a lot of sense without the analysis I've now chosen to scrap. But the thing is ... I ... have a hard time motivating myself to go through the motions.
I suppose it just hits me with some kind of cognitive dissonance - given where I am emotionally isn't - like ... back at my desk writing this stuff. And perhaps it's not even going to matter.

So - on that end we have urges. And maybe it's just a me thing ... separating desires from urges ... .

Well - I may be burned out. Is the point, or the issue here. And yea, so - thinking about faith and hope - I don't have faith in this. So - I also have no hope here. I understand that all the writing I did eventually led me to a point where I was capable of summing stuff up - and ... with what I yet want to do I feel like ... I'm out of my depth at this point.

And with that out of the way, I ... can only tell myself that maybe people are reading what I have to share, but at that point ... I don't know why I should keep on writing. I suppose it might be because of ... reasons. Time and logistics, fear or just strategy. I mean - if God doesn't tell you that "it's time" it isn't time yet. So ... still. My mind ... has a hard time ... being enthusiastic here.
Also - the whole moving thing happens a lot slower than I thought it would. I thought I could at least settle in there before I start my apprenticeship - but ... seems like I might just get into my new appartment in time ... with a day to spare before then. So, it's disappointing.

And yea - so - do I have hopes things might be different in a new appartment? I sure do. Justified or not. I have a good feeling. But ... for now anyway I might try to pretend. ... anyhow.

That - and other things. It's ... neverending and always more than I can deal with ... it seems. And I just ... it seems I just can't focus on the things I'd rather put my mind to.

Anyhow - things will be OK.

Well ... Love.
So - taking it from what I've written already: "Though technically a different topic; I thought it'd be fine to at least mention it. So is there what we might call ... a fire. Flaming Emotions. Bliss. And, as love songs have it, this feeling ... causes people to act in ways that "sober people" might have a lot of negativity towards. This isn't as much about desire, but about bonding. A bond that generates sympathy for an individual - and leads a person to feel strongly about another person; Respectively also their wellbeing - and one may not be capable of ... being neutral in regards to that person."

So - it is sure about desire if you so will, but the desire is a function of the bond - whereby one tries to attain some kind of equilibrium in regards to the conceived attachment(s). In that sense ... it's more than just a desire. And as I care to say, the craving that may come with it is ... not even healthy. Probably for anyone. But here my perspective and experience may differ from that of another - and ... I hate writing about this. Maybe it just triggers me bad. And now I'm sitting here ... bummed out ... not knowing how to close this.

I don't care writing about what point I was trying to make for at that point I'd have to probably also go and make it. And there isn't one. Beyond just ... digging a bit into it but it's totally just annoying me right now.

And maybe here desire is weak. Depending on what it goes into. I mean, I would try to put effort into this - following the desire of proving my worth through sharing valuably insight. Then maybe the desire of just ... having some peace. And I suppose I must suffer some sort of stockholm syndrome where I always chase after what might just be the most detrimental course of action. One moment I want to leave this behind - then I can't stop writing - then again I get tired of it - just to then turn around and continue anyway. I suppose I behold a pattern there.

So - maybe I'm the worse person to write about this because my relationship with feelings and emotions is royally fucked. For all I care I don't find myself able of wanting - where the only thing I can from my ponderance utter with certainty in regards to desires and cravings ... well, are then things I have to be critical about. Anyway. So ... whatever.

So - I don't find myself affected by desires. Not to the point where what I desire makes any sense to me. And maybe because I don't have intimate experience with them, I fail to see their impact on me - when it's in the little things. So yea, well. This is a 'dud' - it's called, I suppose.

And that's that.