A New Era! (or something)

So was my thought this last Sunday ... when I smoked the last countable pot that I had. Because it felt ... so. But so, three days later ... I feel like I'm back at the start of the last one. Which, yea ... makes me recall ... I had something on mind about ... how I've been feeling ... the last weeks - or more so the start of this little excursion or whatever to call it - which is that it's nothing new to me. But what do I mean? Anyway ... like four weeks later ... I'd have to add that the pressure is certainly more intense.

Which is ... something really bugging me right now. I ... feel terribly stressed right now. And I'm sure that this stress is carried by this weird period of getting adjusted to sobriety again. Which is ... neat, I guess ... but I don't plan on extending this very far. I hope that by Saturday I'm good again.
But ... the stress has certainly also been building up ... before I started this last weed-campaign.


This world is just too crazy. In ways - I alone could barely begin to properly describe. But yea. I had hoped - and ... I'd hope that to that end, this is like a sore spot that's hopefully getting remedied soon - to ... be a positive influence. To ... make this a haven of chill, sanity and overall good vibes. Though, due to the nature of the things I'm doing ... with the occasional dive into the dirt. Whatever. I don't really plan this. But I get that that's ... my mission statement right now.

So - I guess that means that I'm trying to preach to the choir; And I'm not going to feel bad for it. Which is ... I guess one thing I learned from this foregone era. Like, the last few years. Or, well. Basically that's what Back to the Future is about.

Which makes me ... uh -


Yes. Goodness Sanity.
The thing is - things were fine while I tried to stay as far away from any 'ill' topics. And it's a good thing to do. Today, having like nothing to do while sobering up - I though to maybe ... maybe there's something worth my time. And I'm already fuming.
All it took was for one particular individual to say a thing ... and ... I took a DoT. That is gamer speak - sortof (don't know if it's grammatically there) - for 'Damage over Time'.


It's like ... my head stalls trying to make sense of where people are at mentally. And this isn't meant to be cynical. It's ... just where we're at these days. And shockingly, it seems to still be getting worse. And I suppose that all this is good news to 'them' - because ... I mean ... that's what this is all about. And the more peaceful we are, the more angry they get. To get us out of our peace, they have to talk ... the most outrageous, stupid, ludicrous, idiotic, and worse stuff - and that's now been going on for years. The envelope has been pushed - and I don't know how often I'm going to repeat this story. Like, sorry.

Have I written anything meaningful yet?


Well, it's going to get worse! I'm afraid ...

The thing I wanted to write about today - as somehow there's always a topic on my mind - and maybe I will but maybe I won't get to write about it. Sometimes it just leads to trash, which is what this might be also. - err ... - so, what's been on my mind was the part where it goes "those that quarrel with you will be ... err ??? gone". Because ... right now - and in reality this musings are probably meaningless and things will just happen anyway and probably turn out and look entirely different - there's just a few things I can boil this topic down to. The one ... most prominent on my mind is the part where I execute someone on stage. Are we having fun yet?

Because ... that's ... something I'm actually looking forward to. I just haven't quite figured out - maybe because I don't dare trying - how to justify it. I mean, there would be ways. And at the end of the day ... it's just that enough have to be cool with it - which is ... the problem. Possibly.

As it stands - I have no leg to stand on. Or so it might seem. Maybe I never had - but that's not actually MY problem. But that's ... actually also what that part talks to. If we could anticipate communication within reason - discussions in good faith - that wouldn't be an issue. We could talk things out "as God intended" and things would be fine. But right now I'm like ... skipping all those thoughts that are like ... argumentative, or "reasonable", or ... sure - patronizing/preachy/lecturing - whatever it is that I might try to say to ... make people listen and care. Which is ... like ... well. I don't want to abandon the idea - but ... those that don't seem to have the upper hand these days.
And I don't see the point in bothering to explain any of that. So, sure - let them be like ... how they would be anyway.

We should perhaps also do the same. We could take ... the picture of a blue dog and collectively pretend it's a yellow monkey. But that's ... like, their area of expertise and ... I don't feel like getting into that game.


So, the biggest pain in the ass ... is this hypothetical wall of being outnumbered. Which I don't believe in. Like ... the kind of stuff people talk about ... it's like everyone's walking around with a blank before their head. The plank tells them what to believe in - maybe it's called a Smart Phone - and it's like an inprenetrable force field.

But sure - that's ... UTTERLY not my problem. Like, for years - more than 10 - I've carried this around with me - this burden of ... having been right, having not been listened to, being ignored, such and such - the aftermath to which was either: A) Their loss - or B) Apparent Punishment for Ignoring me.
I mean - both happened.
And yea, I guess eventually it has to sink in that ... I'm actually right about these things also!


Anyway - so, besides executing someone on live TV or so - there's the idea that people would try to protect me from such nonsense. Let the facts that don't change speak for themselves. But more to the point - again - I think that I have a strong enough background for people to pay enough attention to me - such that we can shift the focus of the narrative. And THAT, whatever else may be true and important and what not, is the PIVOTAL problem. The fact that the narrative is so tightly in their grip. That serious news outlets almost have no choice but to report on the Zombies and what they're up to these days ... is part of it. Like ... from WHERE ... is there supposed to come anything ... remotely positive or inspiring or hopeful or good ... that can also last longer than a candle in a tornado - such that the narrative could change? But "just you wait" - do or find anything even just remotely positive ... to be in news for more than a day ... and some other war is going to break out, some other government is going to break down, another dictator came to power, another genocide got kicked loose, another good thing snuffed out, ... whatever. We've had it all plenty so far ... multiple times over.


I mean ... ... yea.
So - for what it's worth ... I don't actually care about being right. I mean, in the sense that ... I don't mean "being right" to be like ... my identity. I ... couldn't care less. If I'm wrong I'm wrong - if I know/understand I outgrew it - I try to be right but ... yea.

That's why I like to listen to people. Increasing my own cognitive wealth is ... something I'm invested in.
It's what I believe in - and it is for that matter - I would argue - that I've grown ... incompatible with a lot of the bullshit of these days. Incompatible, Vulnerable, whatever. That's the thing. To exist, with that kind of mindset, as - I hope - you might well know, in this day and age ... is akin to torture.


For once, it's a sure ass way to loose a debate. You could only "use this skill" in that scenario if you've like ... maxed the basic debate skill-tree. I mean - I would like to live in a world where you can ask someone a question and let that person answer like it's a test. If they're wrong that's a bad thing - if they're right its good. If they're wrong they have to respect that - and so on. But we live in a world where "the rules were that you weren't going to fact-check". And I ... how shall I say?
If I had God powers - that right now would be reason for me to wipe the whole thing. To delete the save-file, say "well, maybe next time" and be done with it.

I mean - people should be ashamed of themselves. Of being like that. I ... know it's not my call - but to live in a world like this is so utterly beyond me. Like, anything ever is for whatever reason, why-ever - who cares, all I have to do is sound like I know it when I say it.
Well - I suppose there's more to it.
Like ... some mythical power that I don't have the keys to ... just ... negate or whatever.
Though, maybe. I mean - the thing about a poker-face is to not tell what your hand looks like.


Well, I KNOW that they're afraid of me. They ... "would rather" ... a lot, than ... well. I think I'm like the Minotaur of the Labyrinth. Which is also why - like - since ever they've ever only tried to down me by proxy. To get me invested in something enough - so that I associate enough with it that killing or corrupting or whatever it ... would make me feel the same. Maybe.
So ... "what's missing"?

I mean, maybe Trump IS in fact Kyros. I mean, when reading the prophecies it seems like there has to be that someone ... to open all the doors for me. Thus far I know not who it might be. But something keeps ... bugging me - as though Trump might be it. I mean - ...


From having done what now in hindsight seems like it has NOT been the smart choice - which is to get politically invested - I learned that ... yea, politics is fucked beyond comprehension. And if we want to change anything, we have to take power ourselves ... and like ... hope for the best. And in as far as my vision - ignoring all the rest - may have been extreme or radical or something ... I'm more than willing to ... dial it down. To whatever is like ... appropriate. In other words: What I've seen happen - also multiple times - is that ... simply by virtue of things getting more fucked - more and more of those "lesser solutions" ... became like ... poof. Stupid ideas. Silly suggestions. "Not happening"! And so - the more things progress ... the more inevitable it is ... to go balls to the wall rather than not. Like, the only stones we should leave unturned are those that we're thinking to contain in a Museum ... ~ish.
And yea. If that wind catches on - there's nothing THEY could do but ... exasperate their own downfall.


And ... yea. I'm feeling better already. With some things in life it is just "so much better" to be on top. :)