The Sex-Cult Thing

Well, life is difficult when all you know is rejection. I guess that sums up the "Trauma" I have pretty well for all that it matters here. But it's not only that. There's a certain grief that I have over my work; Which is simply a feeling that whatever I do, it's almost like ... ever only regarded in the worse light possible. Twisted and turned.
So, if you were edgy enough, you might even wanna laugh about how reserved I am about this. Why don't I just go: "Weeeehoooo! Let's have a massive Orgy!"? Well, because it isn't the way. I mean, for once I'd argue that there's a reason why that's not the norm already. Like ... Christmas ... would be a perfect platform for that. Or, Winter-Solstice. But instead of just going "all with all" we're playing these games of "who's gonna get with whom?".


But still, Sex-Cults are a thing. Why though ... may vary. I mean, based on my own work - there's an explanation. But as I would present that in this context, I also feel like distancing myself from ... 'other' or "normal" Sex-Cults.
Like ... watching True Crime stuff made me realize, that there are a lot of different motivations for people to kill other people. Be it some kind of psychotic development, an adrenaline rush, "shits and giggles", jealousy, selfishness ... whatever. Lots of different reasons. Things do however arguably get a little simpler, when we're not talking of single individuals but groups - because the group as such needs to have some form of agreement, official or not, as to what binds the individuals together. But if the thing is simply a "Sex-Cult" - it's again up to the individual to join in ... and why they'd do so - that's again a matter of the individual.

And yea. It might seem like the turn for me to get to the "But" of it all is inevitable. But I suppose that I first have to address some concern(s?) of mine. On the one hand it is true. It's like I'm posessed - in that I essentially overshare. I too want my religious fulfillment in life - but to get there isn't quite as easy as "Let's do a Sex-Cult". And I worry, yet, that I come accross like that.
But, what's my mission here? On the one side there's me, the human being - and on the other there's me, the symbol or figurehead. And to me it's weird. There's just some ... discomfort I yet have to resolve when it gets to that.

Like, thinking of "the Mormons" - uh, well ... I suppose there's some precedent and the one or the other shameful moment - we might say - like, we all did things we might want to bury. Individually or collectively. But that too is a worry: That I come accross like I want to "Make Mormonism a Sex-Cult again" - though, it actually never was. And I'm not gonna lie: Whenever I learn of a story "like that" that involves Mormons, I'm a little bit shocked. Like, so the story of the few that keep on ruining things for the many.
And in all that there's also the "Good in Evil and Evil in Good" conundrum. So, where a good thing turns sour or a bad thing turns positive. I mean, whether a thing - so, a collective - is good or bad doesn't matter - either can still attract people of both mindsets.


Now, I don't suppose that I have to explain what exactly it is that I have on mind. It's just something that can't be rushed - and so the answers we're looking may not be in reach just yet. Andby that I mean that ... I feel a certain urge towards some ... immediate clarity. For whatever reason. And to that end ... I guess ... yea, we're gonna have a Sex-Cult. Or two, or more. Principally speaking, without trying to split hairs over what a Cult is and such.

So, the end?

Real vs. Conspiracy

I suppose I already kind of ventured into the point here. There are real Sex-Cults and there are things that may have us worry. Like when I see Ethan Klein ... nowadays ... I worry that his Right-Wing pivot happens under duress. Or seeing TYT slowly become yet another Right-Wing hub ... I have to wonder!
There sure isn't anything that seems natural about it!
On the other hand there are these new "Liberal" entities. The one that stuck out to me is MeidasTouch, because ... they have all these super sensational clickbaity titles - and then the video is ... . If I were a right-wing person and I tried to check what lefties are up to and I clicked on a Meidas Touch video ... I wouldn't feel like I got anything wrong.

Maybe I'm just desensitized to all the BS that has been going on.


In this whole Sex-Cult stuff, there's also this weird little ... I'd call it a "Play". Like ... Good versus Evil. So, Good would be like ... what the respective Religion teaches is good - and evil would be ... all the fun stuff. And so the story goes, that if you're having fun, you might as well just worship the Devil. But if they still pretend to be good Church-goers, in essence ... there is no REAL negative impact on the church. It might even be good. But these ... "mind-games" help distract from the real good and evil "that's around".

And that again is ... like, both: Real and Conspiratorial. I suppose, even in more than just one way. There so would be a real Sex-Cult, but the interpretation concerning its significance ... that's the conspiratorial part.
Like, when the topic of Sex-Cults is discussed "in the public" - it's like ... people NEED to find ways to slip in some hint as to why it's a bad thing. So, stories of abuse make it easy to talk about it, because the story itself helps us distance ourselves from the thing and help us be ... shocked and appalled.
A part of that may also be due to the "Leadership Bias" - so, that we tend to be stuck in our situations until someone bold enough converts the hidden potential into action. That's what your typical Guru would be targetting. Then, being purposefully weird would help filter out those that stick around - so, the closer to the Guru someone is the more crazy or actually "in on the scam" they'd surely be.
And that'd make the emergence of some sex-culty behavior eventually inevitable. Presumably. As far as our biological urges are concerned, it certainly doesn't come as a shock.

But, as for the play, there's also that religious form of magical thinking. Like - how Masturbation is supposedly evil. I mean, one can make a case that a healthy person eventually transitions from Masturbating into finding a real mate - and discouraging masturbation would help that. But in the meantime one possibly also traumatizes so and so many young people into a troubled relationship with Religion.

So, people then talk of Demons and Possessions - because it kind of makes sense. I mean, I would speak of my own behavior in a similar vein. I try to be normal, but something inside of me ... doesn't really allow me to really BE normal. And to get around that and make peace with it ... that I think is important.


Now, I was never part of a Sex-Cult. Real or otherwise. And I don't mind not having that experience. From what I glance through media reports however, I'd say that "Sex-Cults typically develop very patriarchal attitudes". And that's the damning part. Like, this takes me as close to an endorsement of the "the Natural Man is an enemy of God" line in the Book of Mormon. Patriarchy here isn't the concept of masculine dominion, but the imposure of masculine sexuality upon the rest.

Well, for context: I've been working as an escort; And only once have I offered service as a "Slave". So, that means - we've had two BDSM studios, and "Slave" - naturally - was just the term used for being the passive, submissive side. It was enjoyable - but, thinking about it gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. So I learned that I don't feel comfortable letting strangers dominate me like that.
On the other hand I heard from someone who was more committed to that line of service, one who also offered fisting (letting herself get fisted), that some of the Clients just don't know how to do it. Because while it is as easy as shoving your fist up or down a hole - that's not very ... uhm ... 'nice' to the person that gets fisted. Like, I suppose that some people don't understand that prostitutes are also just human beings with a life outside of those few moments they spend with one.
The morale of the story here is, that masculine sexuality can be brutal and violent. Reckless, careless - all that. Not saying that women can't be ... monsters. But to men it's more like a natural thing. Something about blood being diverted from the brain down to the thing ... perhaps.

Then there are women that are into that kind of stuff. They'd fit in nicely for as long as the balance is in the acceptable margins - and as they passively re-enforce the male urges, that may contribute to an atmosphere that turns sour for those less into that. And I'm not sure, really, what it is that then causes obsessive love.
I mean, that, first of all, can clearly be labeled as Lust. An infatuation - a desire that isn't quite "the Absolute" as I describe it, but as close as a mere mortal might come to that. From how I know "the Feeling" - it's like a hamster wheel in the heart, and a hamster running around in it - as on steroids - driving the engagement. And that takes one closer to the limits. Perhaps over the edge into sadism or masochism respectively. My concern here is the "synchronicity". So, when speaking of LUST versus Lust - LUST implies divine synchronicity whereas Lust ... is expected to lack that. So ... what I'm curious about is whether this obsessive love only occurs between individuals that have it in them, or if it's a one-sided thing that can easily obsess over someone that's not quite compatible with the intent of the emotion. I have a suspicion that it's that.

So, you take all that - throw it into a pot - and you got yourself something that ... I wouldn't want to be a part of.


So, in other words ... it's all a lot more complicated than it might seem. And that's also the fork in the road. We might say: Being cautious of those complications is a female trait, whereas trying to "get rid of the bureaucracy" of it all would be a masculine trait. And if the mere sexual drive causes a sex-cult to form, it's most likely going down the "masculine" road. Like, would any "serious Cult leader" truly want its cult to actually think and reason about what they're doing? Outside of inventing fancy ways of justifying it? I doubt it!

In and of itself however, it shouldn't be all that difficult to maintain synchronicity. I mean, there would be something like "perfect" or 'higher' synchronicity, a.k.a. Love, but also just general synchronicity - so, subs and doms and what's in-between.

And there's also knowledge that is to be gained from a considerate approach. It is however knowledge that would be forbidden, given that the whole thing is being demonized. Or only "allowed" if it's a legit "demonic" - as in: For those jumping off the deep end.

It is kind of sinister to my sensitivities.
And it also affects our youth. I mean, I get it. Parents try to protect their children. But as they get old enough, they explore the world on their own. And when just completely barring those facets of life from our collective understanding, that means that each and everyone is doomed to fuck around until they find out. If they're lucky, what they find out is good. If not ... yea, they might end up in a ditch or worse.


I mean, if being a prostitute would be a legitimate job, I'd say that part of the education is self-defense and non-vocal signaling. The concept of personal boundaries is also slightly different, but arguably even more important. Because, doing the job well is also emotional labor. How that affects the individual is again a matter of their "preferences" - and working all these many aspects into something that serves the purpose ... that'll take time!
I mean, for as long as we're confronted with the theory, it's not really ... "the thing". And I'm not even sure how some ... theoretical (or practical) seminar would look like, but ... it just seems silly.
And I suppose that consciously working through our sexualities - that's ... like ... the final boss of these endeavors.

In practical terms?

It seems like a dead end. A catch 22. And how any of that would fit - or could be fit - into society at large, that's just a part of it. And, addressing individuals who would or should or might be receptive to this, that to me is fundamentally different to addressing these things just generally; As to an audience that is presumably ... as detached from these topics as it gets.

Like, it's weird. It just is. To me it certainly is. It's super weird.
I mean - if all we have is my side of things, the picture is like ... turning the Mormon Church into a Host, or Shell, for a Sex-Cult. And that doesn't sit well with me.

Finally, there's "us" LGBTQ+ people. That only matters in that, depending on individual circumstances, we're a sub-culture. On the one side a big part of our mindset concerns cultural or social norms - in the sense that we don't fit in and have to make our own. But that's not really good because these considerations go to exclude the majority of people. But that's the hand we're dealt.
On a theoretical level ... I'd say it's difficult to get anywhere.

So - who knows?
This isn't about any kind of solution to whatever problems may present themselves, but just ... food for thought.