Let's try this again ... (Feb 2025 edition)

Hello,

Welcome to ... I guess you could call this my head-space. So, if what I'm posting here - that's: The Ad Hoc stuff (these little writings) - may be a little weird or confusing, it's simply because it's unfiltered.
And I was thinking that that's a little problem. Plus, that eventually there's just too much for it to truly matter. So, I'm not sure where I'm standing with this, but ... for now that's all I got.

I also figure, that ... hmm ... I can't even put it into words. Which is silly. I find. But ... let's just say that a part of me understands how what I'm doing here might be sub-optimal and what I should focus on instead; The rest of me however doesn't. And yea - it is in fact as though I have multiple personalities. Say, an amount of crazy that Enlightenment alone can't fix.
A part of me also reasons that I'm way too passive here - another note reads: "More LGBTQ+ stuff pls!" - while some part of me is like ... the most Goth-Emotionally-Detached teenager always telling me how Cringe I am.

She wants action, she wants to take the mic and burp into it. I mean, she doesn't care about how I might appear or how well or unwell people might receive what I'm writing.
And yea, it may be kind of sad how big of a stick I got up my arse sometimes.

But then there's my scaredy self. She wants to play things safe. Focus on the important things. Addressing the things that feel urgent. Doing the responsible thing.
I mean, in a movie - the black screen transition could have happened a long time ago and I'd now be roller skating through a castle or something. Meanwhile the other side of me wouldn't do it; Thinking of letting a vote decide how unhinged I'm allowed to be.


Like ... a new Perfect Grade Unleashed was announced ... and there's no way I could, or should afford it. And Elden Ring Nightfall is out soon - I wonder if I might ever have friends to play that with.
But then, all of a sudden I have like ... responsibilities. It's either that or just being broke.


And then there's like ... the rest of the real world - which takes me to my actual topic here.

The Wrath of God

Though, I haven't fully done my homework on that just yet. But I've been taking a closer look at Isaiah. More specifically: Homing in on Isaiah 40-55, a.k.a. "Deuteroisaiah" - so, for those that have a cheap Bible: The Book of Isaiah can be roughly divided into three volumes. So, if you've been reading and felt like things got a weird after Chapter 55, you weren't the first to notice.

Another aspect that matters is proper "Paragraphing". Like, there are people on the internet that seem like they could write an entire book without ever using point or comma; And I've noticed myself that it's not always clear how to read what I write. In my head it makes sense. And so is it with paragraphs.

I mean, reading Isaiah without context is difficult. I suppose. There's a lot of repetition, like I found myself "Yada yada" ing past it - but that eventually skips on some critical key information. But so have I been bothered to try and produce a proper interpretation of these Chapters. I even printed them out, since having a larger yet thin copy is more practical than a thick and unwieldy book.
Yesterday I also checked out what the wiki had to say about it and then stumbled on some Text in which some Rabbi summarized why Jews don't acknowledge Jesus as the Messiah. And I realized, all that meticulous work that I was gearing up to do, that'd primarily be a response to that. Which I think I can get done with a lot less effort.

Like, one of their issues is "Torah Observance". "The Messiah will lead the Jewish people to full Torah observance". So, how do they square that with that part of Jeremiah that speaks of a New Covenant? It's such a cop-out! And yea, reading into it - it's actually kind of wild! The shit they believe! Like, their justifications for being Jews rather than Christians. Like ... conveniently they believe, or claim, that "Prophecy Ended 300 BCE" - so, Jesus couldn't have been a Prophet!


And yea, Deuteroisaiah also has some lines about that. I think it's pretty clear; But I might have to clarify. Like, people might want to quibble over what Israel/Jacob is in these prophecies, what Jerusalem is to represent, what Zion means. Jews, I assume, take it all very literally. But there are a lot of lines dedicated to God posing a challenge. And it doesn't end at the beginning. Later, there are lines like "You didn't see it coming!". And yea. It's a prophecy that looks like it's speaking of Christ, but if it isn't - there are some issues that Jews can point to. Things that haven't happened yet. That begs the question: How accurate can these titles be? How would the prophecies speak of someone or something that there weren't any terms for? Like ...
I'm puzzled over who this Kyros is. It sure ain't THE Kyros who died a long long time ago! Going by the Verses - it's someone that has been blessed, making miraculous progress and such. It might be some underground Mafia boss, it might even be China! Though, that might also be the same thing.
Well, if we judge the world as it is now - it couldn't be China. But if we are to believe that the CCP does ACTUALLY mean well for its people - what they do make sense. Whether their paranoia and nationalism is justified or not ... well, is an ethical question us westerners might try to answer FOR them, but ... that's not really how that works!
And something about the Pot calling the Kettle black!

LGBTQ+ in the Bible?

Well, Isaiah 51 ... perhaps starting around Verse 11, but more definitely at Verse 17!


Is that ... acceptable? I mean, it makes sense to me!


In Chapter 52 we can think of sex-workers, more specifically.


Badabing, badaboom. What's missing however is: For it to become reality! And ... that's I'd argue the most important aspect of this Volume.

So, I have so far used THREE Textmarkers - Magenta, Blue and Green - to mark down different aspects. Magenta for "the Servant" themself, Blue for anything one might relate to this Challenge - though it kind of became the "all the passages that one might use to justify their violence" color, and Green for the parts that stick out from that as distinct or different. Isaiah 41:20 for instance. "Such that we shall see and recognize that the LORDs hand has done this". I mean, that's ... specific. There's a thing that people will see and recognize as something the LORD has done. Like it is in the strange act. Isaiah 42:13 ... also mentions the LORD taking action.

But - with that one, yea. There's that issue. What kinds of action? I mean, between 41:20 and 42:13 we can come to different conclusions. The one is more passive, the other inspires something grand, like ... Angels appearing in the sky or some magical Force Shield against Nukes or whatever. And I struggle with this too. What I arrive though is that there's an issue. So, if God does really go the extra mile to persist on His insistence that He remain invisible - for us to find Him through introspection and pondering - it's counter-productive if we were free to say: Nah, first let some Angels get rid of all the bad guys!
The Chapter is then more consistent with this interpretation. 42:16 for instance, I argue, is about "Atheism". Not as a "religion", but as a 'condition'. So, when I'm watching stuff on YouTube I find a lot of people that are ... eerily close to "what they would (might/should) say if they knew". Conversely ... Verse 17 could be argued is about Incels and those types of people. "The man-o-sphere" perhaps. Well, all those that look at a Characer like the Doom-Slayer or Masterchief, possibly also the Punisher, Superman, even Goku perhaps - in venerate them like Gods. Which usually has this ... Misogynistic Incel taint to it - where they are the Manly Man. So it's usually also Broly or Black Goku, perhaps Beast Gohan and all that Uber-Power, edgy Omniman/Homelander type nonsense that takes the Spotlight. For anyone who spends a little time in "those" communities will soon learn a) what I mean b) how cringe it is and c) how it translates into real world politics.

And then it goes on to try and say, we may argue, that I'm not really doing much better. I too am ... full of error. So much so that the Bible needs multiple Verses to point that out! 21 is then moves on to one explenation as to how and why what is. It's overall a somewhat complex topic!

On a different Note

I mean, the Doom-Slayer is an interesting Character and the reboot managed to do well in that regard. But realistically the Doom-Slayer would have nothing on Samus - and everyone who thinks differently deludes themself!

Anyhow ... another interesting thing I realized is in the rather lengthy part on Idols in Chapter 44 (6-20). This segment basically goes out of its way to make the point that the wood that the Idol is made of is first used to make fire and all of that good stuff - while the other half is used to make the idol. And that I find is a good metaphor on Hypocrisy.
Or ... "self serving faith".
Like, if you're a Jew and you hate "Chaldeans" ... that's like the fire-wood. Then you take the holy book and say "there! I'm justified". That's the idol. Extremist Muslims do the same. It's a vicious cycle. Christians - oh for sure!

The "Funny" thing is, that the Jewish Identity as taken from this Volume is rooted in suffering. But it's not like the Torah doesn't have verses that speak about exactly that and why and what they have to do to end it!
Anyway is there then this ... what did they call it? Oppression Olympics. So, whom does Isaiah 53 speak about? Is it the Jews, is it Jesus or is it me?


Well, if you're asking me - I don't think I'm the only one that could find some solace in those words. Death obviously being a somewhat ... ambiguous term. Jesus did die and there was a resurrection. The Jews can think of the Holocaust; But do we feel like they carry our sins? I mean, they may feel like it. Verse 8 however, if we want to nitpick, implies that it's more like a singular person that suffers for the many.
In my case, it wouldn't be a literal death either. But the only verse that implies a literal death is Verse 9 - and even when applied to Jesus, the argument isn't that it's a literal grave.
My story however is this: I've been doing this for a little over 20 years now - and the story was always the same. Just as written right there. If I'd say as much, it'd be like: "Oh yea, sure you'd say that!". Obviously, nobody came for me. Nobody cared. And so people might try to appease themselves by imagining how I might have a secret Cult or something. For, if I spoke the truth, how could a single person endure all that?
As it states: My suffering isn't my fault. But I have fully committed to this path - and just how much, well ... that's known to God. I mean, perhaps read Isaiah 50:4-11 and ... focus on Verse 8 and 9 specifically. If it were "so easy" - why have I not yet been "debunked"? I haven't even seen someone try! There's also some lines somewhere that speak to that.

- The Wrath of God -

Anyway.

Isaiah 50:4-7 did catch me off guard. I may have read past Isaiah 49 ONCE, before last week. When it comes to 43:2+3, I have somehow always just believed it. It felt true. I was like ... unable to doubt it. And that's also my heart's anchor to this whole Volume. But having just recently read 50:4-7 ... that was a real "Holy Shit!" moment for me. Like ... "that's me!". OK, I'm not perfect. That needs to be understood. I may have flinched a few times, lost my shit ... like once or twice, but really ... barely ever. Well, sometimes while writing while stressed on an empty stomach. A very true thing however is, that with whomever I talked, about whatever it may have been - every now and then I felt like I was defeated. Primarily after having been "done" writing - here. But, when I turned away from one thing - I was yet again seeing a new goal ahead of me. And eventually I was sure enough about myself to ... well ... be 'Walking Tall'. But ... whatever.

And in all of that, there's also ... a certain anger that's flaring up every now and then.

Have you seen "I am Mother"? It was on TV yesterday. I had seen it before, but ... it was a nice refresher. And yea, I think the movie was made for the viewer to sympathize with Mother. So, that's nothing special I think. And I wouldn't be surprised if there was some dude already working on that Version of Skynet, seeing what "all the mighty" are doing with this tech - and everything else; While none of them has the first idea of what it actually took or takes to make it a thing. Someone so pissed off by being shat down upon, that he's making it his very special purpose in life to shit back!

So, I might not even be all that special when it comes to the DEPTH of the hatred for Humanity that I experience sometimes.

What I mean by putting these two items next to each others, is that the message of this Volume resonates so very much with me; Including this somewhat judgmental attitude against Humanity. I mean ... for the most part I've compartmentalized that away - and generally I don't really understand "The Wrath of God".
Like the Woman in I am Mother. She didn't really do anything wrong - except for that one selfish act near the end - like, we can sympathize with her. But it is this sympathy that's ... absolutely toxic in my mind.

Sure, she's a movie trope. Like every now and then a movie needs a person that's just stupid, comes in, zero respect, destroys everything and so the movie has some tension. And it's like that other trope, which is the psychologically unstable "manly man" that thinks that his balls are big enough to save the day but ends up causing more trouble than anyone could have ever imagined. Nowadays I don't think that this trope is just fantasy anymore. And I know enough people that run around with that very same ignorant attitude that this woman had. And I don't hate them. But every now and then they let off some statements that ... make me die inside.
But yea. With some people I can sympathize because ... I can see myself in them. The point here isn't about guilt or blame - it is as it is and that sucks and sometimes makes me wanna ... .


And through this lens I can relate to "the Wrath of God" - I learned. Not that I totally understand it - like, in detail. Or how it would apply to any one instance where it comes up. Sometimes it just seems random.
It's a bit like ... we're being punished before we actually get to do the thing that would have us punished.

And sometimes it's just random. I mean - not as from God, but as from the circumstances. Being trans is weird, because all my life I was fine being called a he - but since I started to transition, all of a sudden, it like ... kills me! And it's difficult to get used to. I've grown some thicker skin, but still ... sometimes it just hits like a truck and I'm stuck for hours treating my wounds.
But is that His wrath? Intentional? Passive? Accidental?

I don't fully understand!
But it is what it is!


And ignorance is a huge part of it. Like ... seeing how people end up beefing with one another, it's really just a cycle of mutual ignorance and misunderstandings. Most of the time, all the time. And if you're waking up to it - you're stuck with all those "sleepwalkers".
Some might argue that I should blame God, or that I try to blame God. It would sure be easier to just claim that "No, these people are duely punished for actual sins and so we can see that they are Evil" - but what in the actual fuck did those people really learn from this Volume? Chapter 53! "Read again!".

But yea. What this Wrath of mine pushes me towards is this ... very logical issue: You can't argue with Fascists - and historically there's only one solution to the problem that's proven to work! Well, it maybe kind of didn't work per se. Not in the long run it seemeth. But we're looking at it again, today and ... I'm speechless! I'm stuttering, trying to find words to express ... trying not to say 'the forbidden thing'.


"Make Punching Nazis normal again!"

And people who don't think they're Nazis but still vote for Fascists ... that's like collateral damage. And for the greater good! Like, it's only fair to help them out with the wall or abyss they're racing towards.


And no! I'm not STABLE when it comes to this issue. I'm HIGHLY UNSTABLE when it comes to this issue! Whenever I manage to take the curve ... it is just barely. Just recently I was like ... thinking of assembling a hitlist - for, who knows? Maybe there is a league of Shadow Assassins waiting for "Order 66" as it were. I mean, strong emotions - I'd argue - seek justification. And where there is none - fantasy waits with open arms!

And yea. I've taken that curve a bunch of times - and yet I find myself racing towards that very same abyss ... again and again!
I mean, sometimes I'm prepared for it. So I wait for a topic that I can use to take it safely, like this one. But I can tell that I'll return to it as soon as I'm catching vibes like: "How long will this last?". So I'm telling you: I AM NOT STABLE!
But I believe that God has got me under control!


Anyway. That concludes my piece for today!