A new Old Chapter

Uhm ... here's the thing: This is what I actually had on mind - but then stuff happened/occurred to me and I got sidetracked. After that I watched some Videos which, well ... there's another Shell loaded into the barrel waiting to get fired. And I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now.

Since this sickness hit me I also feel weaker, I have more difficulties getting up, one of my knees is showing signs of age, and the whole picking stuff from the floor/doing stuff near the floor routine is also making me feel rather old.
On the other hand I'm feeling a bit in a rush. I don't want to get out - but when I'm out I'm committed to the day. I can enjoy my smoke breaks, unless it's too cold - but as soon as it's time to go home I'm looking forward to it. Uhm, I don't have any better words for that at this point. Anyhow, back home then - I don't really take smoke-breaks. Eventually I get a little stressed - light a cig, smoke it like half way as I'm already trying to get back to whatever I was occupied with.

And now I find that the whole thing that occurred to me yesterday opens a whole new dimension - and honestly, it turns out that balancing the things on my mind with a full-time job is ... not that easy!

Weekend then only exists to give me some downtime for the next week - so, it's not really an "extra day" - it seems - to get the things off my chest that bother me AND have some R&R. But on the other hand, having absolutely no obligations doesn't really cut it for me either. It might take a day or two for me to get back to: "So, what am I going to do with all this spare time now?".


There ought to be some better way. Not only for me.
But that also takes me to what I wanted to write about.

After what I wrote recently, the "Let's try this again" part, I realized that I was getting sucked into this ... maelstrom of validation. Desiring attention and acknowledgment - and acting on behalf of what would get me that.
So, I guess I'm having my own "Jim Carrey" moment.
It's not intentional, 'of course'. Initially - the whole "Back to the Basics" thing was just about passing the time. I knew - or thought - I had to get my mind off of the waiting loop. I mean, on the one side I understand that people need time, while on the other ... it's hard to tell at which point I should start to be concerned. So I try not to think of all that, doing my own thing; And in trying to make a good impression - I suppose I kind of lost my path. Well, I got side-tracked, at least.

And like so, I'm not sure "who I need to be". Whatever, I figured - to redeem myself from those struggles I should stop trying to prove to you that I'm worthy - though, sure, it's debatable - and instead focus more on just being me.
To be chaotic, or ... predictable in my own way - whatever. To be who I was at any rate, rather than trying to somehow fit that into a Church that's way too small at this point.


I mean, as any human being would do - I suppose - I first of all "selected my own Peers". Not as a matter of choice, but as a matter of being. The things I cared about would lead me to people caring about the same things. Me caring about different things would lead me to different people - and each of them has their own thing going, being an individual - somehow communities emerge from that; And whether actively or passively - I'd find myself as a part of them.
Whether I like it (the community) or not.

Meanwhile I was concerned about Religion, myself, my world-view - and that being to me "the main thing that I do", meant, that while focusing on that, I'd on and off dive into other things. Perhaps ... entirely unrelated even. But sure, in some sense I was trying to show off what kind of a Nerd I was; Whether my faith might be of importance or not.
Well - it would, inevitably, in some way. But I never thought of myself as just another Religious person that also happens to like "cool stuff" - no, I'm THE religious person and I'm making statements about life and reality!


But as you may have noticed, that attitude had to suffer a little. Like, I'm still the same person, except - a lot of the things I had previously "identified with", wouldn't easily fit. And to that point I have three examples that I want to delve into. Street Fighter isn't one of those. I think that one's ... on a pretty solid middle ground. If you can see it as something more like a sport rather than simple glorification of violence. But ... these are the kinds of struggles I'm concerned about right now. Plus there's that extra layer of why, and to keep it simple: There is more to life than just work and procreation!

And I want to take you there. But for starters: One has to leave their judgmental attitudes at the door.


So, the three big ones are: Gundam/Gunpla, Dragonball and "the Soulsborne Games".


Each of those, the way I feel about them, comes with a huge Caveat that - to the ordinary person, I think - would translate into: But why though?
So, there's this Caveat - or multiple - and the question is: Why bother? Like, the question of "What's so great about Dark Souls?" has been asked many a time - I think - and on occasion some YouTuber decides to throw a beloved one into the deep end, which is entertainment for the initiated while it seems to be nothing but torture for the "protagonist". (search, maybe: "made wife/girlfriend play elden ring")

And I myself am a bit of a "convert", when it comes to "the Souls games" (Dark Souls, Bloodborne, Sekiro (YES!) and Elden Ring). But the difference between you and I may be that I was also ... a gamer. Searching, one might say, for "the Perfect game" perhaps. Enjoying games like this or that - but nothing that would quite scratch the itch.

And maybe that's enough. "It's a game for those that have played it all and seen it all" - but that isn't a satisfying conclusion to me.


What primarily bugs me when it comes to those Caveats, is that ... I strongly feel that people ARE (are they?) misunderstanding something. Or I feel misunderstood. Something along those lines. False Impressions and Fake News!

1) Dark Souls 2 isn't a 'true' Soulsborne game. Some people didn't like it, some people defend it to the core - but when I speak of Dark Souls, it has to be said that Dark Souls 2 is a fundamentally different game. I find that Sekiro is more Dark Souls than Dark Souls 2. Reasons may be that DS2 sports a totally different engine, follows a different design philosophy - and it it like ... "the Definitive Souls game" if you think that Souls games are Cringe, Edgy and solely about Unfair Deaths and High Difficulty. The Cringe or Edginess starts at the beginning where you're like signing some Contract, because "oooh, scary!" - or was that Bloodborne? Might be both. And after Dark Souls' success, the advertisement for DS2 seemed to be all about what "the popular eye" might perceive as the success of the Original. It is a, I'd say, what is called a "Souls-like" (Dark Souls inspired game) - that yet has the official Dark Souls title.
So, if you feel tempted to play DS2 despite all the warning labels and disclaimers - know: You may or may not enjoy it - and it doesn't really matter!
2) You don't need to be particularly intelligent to build Gunpla - and Gundams are Awesome! In the Anime I have seen they usually serve as a vehicle to tell depressing stories about War that do a great job at bringing a little bit of color into the sadness of the affairs. On a side note: I do think that Intelligence and Dexterity are ... what's the right term? They're the same but not quite. Co-dependent? And that's a way into 'exalting' the concept of what would otherwise just be "simple hobbies". Sure, some people have to left hands and other people struggle with simple math. That's just how it goes sometimes.
3) Dragonball is way more than Characters screaming for what feels like hours at each other and endless transformations beyond meaning or reason. That's Dragonball Super and I refuse to waste my time on that! I haven't seen Dragonball Daima - I only care about "the Canonical" Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z. And maybe the movies that ran alongside the Anime. But first and foremost it's a Manga (Comic) filled with Comedy.


So, this should help ... clarify a few things.

Beyond that ... well. Sure, it's all a waste of time. I guess. But, right now I'm not going to justify myself for it, I'm just doing it! OK?

And I will continue to do so at my leisure.
I will not write as much about Gunpla because ... where there's Money there is Drama.
But ... sometimes we have to glance past that. I mean, starting with Dark Souls and co. - you might be curious; And watching some Speedrun(s) might scratch that itch. I'd then recommend AGDQ/SGDQ because those speedruns come with Commentary and community stuff, and they also collect donations for - I think it's exclusively Doctors without Borders. I've heard of some Background Drama - but on the surface they are certainly rather wholesome events!
If you're German or don't mind German you might also want to check out Rocket Beans TV.
As always, there's some haters too - but I don't know what that's all about!


For starters however, I want to dive a little into the World and Lore of the Souls Games.
I mean, Videogames have long struggled to be like ... accepted or tolerated into the circle of things that can be considered Art. But they certainly are. But it's also a very unique Art-Form. I mean, if you think of a book or a movie - those are linear. And Games that try to capture that ... aren't great Games in my opinion. Some games also try way too hard to "be Art" - so they forget to be games. Videogames are an inherently interactive medium. In the very beginning, thinking of Games like Pong or Space Invaders, the whole Art was about making any of it work in the first place. In Chinese the term might be Kung Fu and in German the terms 'Art' and 'Craft' are closely intertwined also. With technological advancement, the Art was however more and more about the Programmer. At first it was about packaging a vision into the limited hardware - but then it was also about innovation. So, soon enough some Videogames just stood apart from their contemporaries because of ... these. Making it look good, doing more than would seem possible - but also: Gameplay.
Gameplay is an abstract art in and of itself. If you "take" a controller, or keyboard, it sure is at first as simple as making the one button add to the X position of an object and the other subtract from it. But you get very very primitive motion from that. So, eventually programmers got a little more fancy. Adding things like Acceleration and Momentum for instance makes it feel different. One is no longer simply moving in a very rigid mathematical space, but is controlling an object that's subject to more complex rules.

So, the art that is being delivered is ultimately in the experience the player gets.

Movie recommendation - also for Export: "Willkommen bei den Hartmanns". There's a scene in the movie where the protagonist, who has a traumatic experience with violence, watches a boy playing a violent Videogame. Lots of shooting and killing and all that. He's not amused. Then he plays a really "lame" simple jump'n'run type game and he's totally enjoying himself, but the boy is like twisting his eyes. Ultimately they settle on a Soccer game and they're both enjoying themselves. It's not about Videogames however. But that scene highlights one of the core issues with this topics. There are a lot of different types of videogames. Focusing on different things. And yea, some of it is "probably" unhealthy. Like how FIFA games prey on psychological vulnerabilities in addicts and adolescents to sell effectively useless nonsense.

Says someone with ... I don't know ... it has to be more than 300-400 euros worth of Magic - The Gathering Cards. Which I assume is not all that much, relatively speaking, but ... uhm ... yea.
It has to be above 500 Euros for sure. Hmm ... wild, when you come to think of it.
So, I speak from experience - we may say. Agree or disagree with contemporary WOTC, it's at least a REAL Game that's being paid for. :E


Anyhow. Moving on, Gameplay is a term that envelops more than just controls. So, to make life easier on any noobs, here's like the basic Dark Souls gameplay in a nutshell:

You start off as some Character with some background on some "Level". Each Level corresponds to a "point" added to some value - and the collection of those values are generally referred to as "the Stats". Different values do different things, and sometimes are called differently from game to game - and some "stats" do more than just one thing. Primarily there's a value for the volume of health, one for the amount of Mana, one for Stamina - and the rest depends on the game. Starting as a "Knight" (or whatever it's called in a particular game) for instance is easier than starting as a "Wretch" - because the Knight comes with sufficient stats to wear Knights Armor and Weapons effectively, and some good armor and weapon to start - whereas the Wretch starts with base Values in each stat, no armor and a crude weapon.
Usually Armor doesn't come with any requirements, but they have a weight. The total weight equipped is measured against another value (usually linked to an Endurance stat) - and generally impacts the "Dodge Roll". There's a 'Light Roll' (fast, goes further), a "Normal Roll" and a 'Heavy Roll' (slow and short).
Weapons usually come with minimum requirements (like Strength or Dexterity), but can also be used without meeting them. They then however do less damage and the "Weapon Skill" may be unusable.
The Weapons also have "Scale Values", usually only indicated with a letter from A (high scaling) to D (low scaling). Those values indicate which stat the Weapon benefits from and how. A weapon with high Strength scaling and low Dexterity scaling will do more damage when increasing either of those stats, but the damage increase is larger when leveling Strength. In that regard the community also speaks of a "Soft Cap", which is where increasing a stat leads to diminishing returns and a "Hard Cap", which is where it doesn't do anything anymore.
To Level up, one needs the primary currency of the game. I forgot what it was in Demon's Souls, but in Dark Souls it's "Souls", in Bloodborne it's "Blood Echoes", Sekiro doesn't use that system and in Elden Ring it's "Runes". Effectively they are currency and experience points in one. So, they are used to buy stuff, but also to Level up. Usually the player has to talk to a specific Character in order to Level up; In Elden Ring you can do it at any "Site of Grace" - after you met "Melina".
Well. In Dark Souls it's "Bonfire"s, in Bloodborne it's ... uh ... Lanterns, in Sekiro it's Buddha Statues and in Elden Ring it's "Sites of Grace". They are the "trademark Soulsborne" Checkpoints. You "respawn" (start again after a death) at the last one you visited, resting at one resets the Character "to Full" (Full Health, freed from ailments (with one notable but utterly insignificant exception - in all of the games) and Flasks refilled. In Demon's Souls and Bloodborne, the healing items are limited. Well, technically they are infinitely available, but in the other games you have an amount of Flasks that get replenished. Over the course of the game you may find upgrades to the amount of Flasks available and the amount of Health they restore.
With exception of Sekiro, you loose all "Currency" upon death. They then remain where you lost them, though in Bloodborne enemies can pick them up. Those then need to be killed to get them back. If you die before retrieving them, they are lost - as there's always only one "spot".

Each game further has additional shenanigans going on. In Demon's Souls for instance - how is it called? Humanity? Or was that Dark Souls 1? Well, it's like ... you're either Dead or Alive. When dead you have like ... less maximum health. You can restore yourself with an item or when defeating a major boss, and you return back upon death - and in Elden Ring that was changed to an item that'd grant you some extra benefits when used. And then there's also magic. But that's in about it.
Worth noting is that in Elden Ring stamina is granted very generously, while in the older games one had to pay a lot more attention to it.


So, the task is usually to slay some sort of Demi-God - as there's usually at least one NPC that will talk to you about how insurmountable the task is that is asked of you. Oh yea, and you're also usually not alone. There's others 'like you' - all tasked with the same challenge. Some are brave and steadfast, others are scared, some are scoundrels and on and off someone loses their mind. *caugh*Gideon*caugh*. In Dark Souls 3 that's referred to as "going Hollow" - to say: They become enemies.
Ignoring the whole "Invasion" mechanic that's part of the Online Multiplayer component that can be ignored. There are some (Offline) NPC Invaders here and there - but that's in about it.


These things do kind of need to be said because usually these games do a really poor job at explaining any of it!


So, what's worth noting is that all that creates a very intense atmosphere. Ontop of the already intense atmosphere. I mean, on the one side it's not as brutal as a "Rogue-like" ... a.k.a. when you die you have to start ALL over. But on the other hand, there's a tangible tension when you've lost your currency and you're trying to retrieve it. And the game is designed in such a way that this can lead to frustration - like, when loosing half a mill in Souls/Echoes/Runes ... but ... it's all in all a roller-coaster. It's never really just one or the other. It's all of it. There's confidence and hubris, skill and stupidity - and from what I've heard, nobody is safe from the folly of their own imperfections!

Sure there's a lot of Death. Or, enemies placed in such a way that you're almost guaranteed to die the first time around. Though it's more like ... depending on how much health you had left. It can easily trick you into a false sense of security, or a false sense of danger. Though usually it's the former.
The here point is the Journey.
In essence these games are about Exploration, finding a way forward and overcoming the Challenges. Which sometimes requires a tactical retreat. I could show you an image of Anor Londor - and it sure looks pretty. I could also show you some images of [Player Character] standing at a Cliff staring into the background scenery - and it sure looks pretty. But it just hits differently when you made it there yourself. You can look back - and still find a lot ahead of you. It's ... an experience!

And then of course are there the enemies. There are what I'd call "Ghouls". Usually Zombie type creatures that move slowly and sometimes clumsily, have weak armor and bad weapons. They are meant to be easy. Then there are the Soldier types. They have more sophisticated everything, up to Elite Knights that are certainly there to be difficult. Then there are "ambushers", enemies that can do a lot of damage at once, bomb throwers, giants ... . There's a lot of fucked up shit in those games.

So, is it fun? Well, fun is relative!


It certainly isn't about ... having mowed down hordes of enemies with ease. And when it comes to bragging about having defeated a particular enemy, it's more like a joke. I mean, there certainly are people who do that. But those are ... "professionals". If videogames are a waste of time, sure, Speedrunning takes the cake. But doing playthroughs without ever levelling up, or beating Dark Souls on a banana - or Elden Ring blindfolded - that takes a lot of practice. To the outside it may seem like we're all feeling like we're the best because we beat a difficult game, but in reality ... there's a deep humility I think that defines the silent majority. But sure, there are also trolls. The kind that takes great joy in invading other players. Then there's the saying: "Git Gud" (get good) - as the answer to all problems. But that can also mean a lot of different things. Like using this or that particular thing against this or that boss - as a way to fight smart and not hard. Or you just get used to the controls, or the enemies. I mean, that people can beat these games blindfolded, or someway else but still consistently, is a testament to how doable it all is. There are patterns, for instance, and learning how to avoid or abuse certain situations is certainly a part of getting through it. But there's also an evolution to that. The simple "Old School" type boss has an attack or two and then pauses for a bit. So, you dodge and then attack. But over time this has become more and more complex. So in Elden Ring, people were at first upset because it seemed like the Bosses had no "Openings". I enjoyed that because the fights became a lot more interesting. There are patterns that can be abused - but ... that's like ... next Level stuff.
So the problem here I think is that it's difficult to convey the experience of the Journey. That the game is difficult is 100% a part of that - but also the first thing that comes to mind because it's the most apparent aspect of it. The one easiest to put into words.


Which now leaves us with the World and the Lore.

So, the game itself is basically what I just told you about. That's the art. The Architecture is usually very impressive - the scenery and all that. Demon's Souls has a somewhat comprehensive story and Sekiro is actually a Story driven game. And it's awesome! But also does away with some of the things that make a "classical Souls Game". It's like ... the two don't mix well, and I agree.
I've heard that Hedetaka Miyazaki, the guy usually credited for those games, stated in an interview once (yea, we're those types of people, sort of) - I think about Elden Ring - that the story is that of the Player. I think that is why the games have different endings that are as Cryptic as the Lore of the World itself. I still don't really understand what "Linking the Fire/Flame" actually means. It is hence my theory that if either of those games ever had a comprehensive story, Miyazaki made sure to Butcher it. I believe it is for that reason, that George R.R. Martin remains so silent about his involvement in the game. I believe Miyazaki was up-front with what he had on mind. The point being: Some things just don't seem to make sense. People have come up with theories of this and that - just for some other guy to have a theory that sounds just as reasonable but totally contradicts the other. Like, what's up with Marika and Radagon? Are they the same person or have they just combined into one? I mean, there is a sort of "dominant theory" - a.k.a. "what makes the most sense" - but there's still enough room for speculation.
Some also go as far as trying to argue what the 'good' or 'right' ending is. And I feel like some people are angry when I say that not allowing Melina to sacrifice herself is the right way to go. But it also kind of depends on what snippets of lore ended up stuck in your mind and how you connected the dots.
I mean, I don't think that anyone made proper sense of all that before beating it the first time. And in hindsight people can argue either way. I mean, if Melina doesn't sacrifice herself, you have to sacrifice yourself. And yet you live on. So ... what's the difference?
For me it was ... that she's been a puppet of a flawed system with God knows what implications - so I didn't let her. But that's also not a simple choice like ... pressing A or B. To Sacrifice yourself you have to first acquire the Frenzied flame, but that also locks you into the Frenzied Flame ending unless you beat Malenia and cleanse yourself from the Frenzied in Farum Azula.
"So make sure to help Blaidd on his Quest to acquire the Darkmoon Greatsword" - because it sounds nice in this context. Though, technically that's adultery if you don't also pick the Age of the Stars ending? Hmm ...
So, it's certainly the more challenging route. And yea, I had to do some research on the Internet to know anything about it in the first place. I mean, I had some questions that I allowed myself to research online. Like, implying that my Character would do some in-world research. Because the game certainly doesn't tell you a lot.

I did finish Ranni's questline to acquire the Darkmoon Greatsword - because I felt like I needed it. The ending I picked however was Golden Mask's ending. Though, when digging into the Lore of the Golden Order - there's a strong case to be made for how actually not good that is. It's all about the implications.

"The Tarnished Archeologist" was it, I think, made a video on the Two Fingers; And how that was probably inspired by a Schism between some Christian denominations. Some really stupid Schism. Like, whether one was to use two or three or however many fingers to draw the Cross symbol. So, my mind was into that stuff. The two versus the three fingers - as a schism that I'd have to unite within myself to so cure the wound.
Though on the other side, the Golden Order is like a band-aid slapped onto the world by a mad Goddess. Fixing things that didn't need fixing and breaking things that shouldn't be broken.


At the end of the day it was a great excuse to just beat every boss anyway, plus having the "badass markings (insignia of edginess)" of the Frenzied Flame.

If none of that means anything to you, yea - that's ... kind of the point.


Uhm, but seriously. So, to a Christian mind that leans towards the orthodox - it's just red flags left, right and center. I'm sure. the mission is to slay the de-facto God of the world, who's also a Female, with some more and other less incestuous offspring, all however gone mad, in a world where death has been removed from "the Laws of Nature" or whatever the Elden Ring actually is supposed to be.

And the same goes for Dark Souls and Bloodborne. You fight against what the inhabitants of that world would perceive as the true Divine. In all that it's effectively "Anti-Hero Worship". There are also no saviors, as the Player is meant to be that Savior, if they so choose to be. If they make it that far. And then there's still layers to it - where right becomes wrong and wrong becomes right. If there's a clear answer, Miyazaki hasn't told us about it!


And "from a Gnostic standpoint" I find all that to be interesting. Intriguing. Genius even. I mean - to me it just is PEAK game design. So, the whole tangent about Art and Gameplay goes here as far as to include the setting of the game; And make it something that aligns to the player without ... being really descriptive about it. It's not like in other RPGs (I love Baldur's Gate 3 by the way) where there's a very concrete plot. Companions that very clearly like or dislike certain choices - where your position on the spectrum of ethics is relatively clear. It's easier to say what a Good or an Evil ending is. In Elden Ring, the closest to an Evil ending is the quest-line of the Dung-Eater (yes, it is what it is) - and it certainly is as vile as it sounds, which means: You probably don't want to know, but even here there's a somewhat justifiable philosophy to it. It's messed up, for sure! But ... if you can't afford Therapy, that might be the next best thing.
(The textual justification is: If everyone is burdened by affliction, all are equals again - so, doing away with nonsense about "purity" or such, which is a big issue when talking about the Golden Order).

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