Driftwood (!!!)

So - it seems like the one or the other corruption had in fact made its way into my "so called" Clarity. It definitely seems like it. Also, the Seals I mentioned, something is kind of odd about that too. I have a handle on something that's a part of that's still in some way bound to ... well, I've so far just went on calling it "the Ring". Probably because the symbolism of Elden Ring is stuck in my brain.

In fact have I come back to thoughts I had long forgotten. Ironically they kind of made it into my second book, but I'd be somewhat blind to them.

From my current view on things, one issue arose from what would be "fake implements" that did yet vaguely coincide with 'real implements', causing some kind of double vision. Notably the matters of Bitch versus Slut and Pet versus Doll. In both instances I find myself leaning more strictly towards one, while having an odd cathartic sensation from some kind of absence of the other.

As with the Seals, it's ... weird. They're not there anymore, but then they're still kind of supposed to be. I can basically turn them back on, it seems, which confused me because ... . Well, let's say I stumbled upon a programming error. Though it's more like an open question.


OK OK. So, in an attempt to make heads and tails of what I'm working with I had to classify a few things. So, these Seals are clearly what I call "Maretriostatic". And what the implication of this "bug" now is ... - I mean, due to some maybe ambiguous formulation there is now the possibility that they were in fact just like ... wishful thinking. More or less. So, they are formulated Keyholes. So, an expression of the Spirit that is independent from the workings of the Ring that yet reaches into the Workings of the Ring to the point that it registers as ... well ... "Ring Substance". So, it has a presence and stuff, so much so that it has weight and everything, but they're not yet 'locked'. That, or they are locked and still swim in this Limbo because I haven't found a good solution just yet. I may then also have gotten a little side-tracked AND then during some R&R must have forgotten somehow.
So, now I understand that there are three very distinct categories of Maretriostasis.


But yea, the correct Terms were Bitch and Pet.

And it may be that Slut and Doll were more general implements - like, given all the Vile garbage this Ring was used for, you need not be surprised that ... you know.

So, maybe you - whatever you are - also have to undergo some deprogramming. I mean, I just speculate here. But I have a feeling. Well. Anyhow. Bitch and Pet are more accurate to the 'thing' - the Clarity thing. That being a map, a rationalized identity blurp. So, Bitch I can explain and stuff, Slut also kind of fits the context but ... I'm not sure what went wrong there. Actually.

So - but yea. What I'm left with, currently, is what has to go deeper than that. Along with that is a marital bond, it would seem, ... but how certain am I?

I mean - I recount, usually, from my experiences. And in as far as there was a thing or two, there were in fact a thing or two. Now, this particular instance of me reflecting on these matters is the aftermath to another ... well, breeze of wind through 'those' sails. I mean, I was curious and possibly reached down for an answer ... but I also try to keep the 'now' in mind. "What matters now" - well, now it's ... they seem to fade. Like, OK - if a strong wind now swept it all away, how would ... or ... what am I even sure about to begin with? The ignition?

Well, ignition into what? Oh, now - there it is, the collar. How did I get into it? I don't know I thought of it - had a term on mind, wiggled around a little and here I am. Now it's there and I'm "locked in" with this particular term on mind. "Whore". I suppose the wiggling was necessary to detach my focus from the stiff image I had projected onto it. Maybe my mind's own caricature of my self.

Anyway. Now I'm however locked into a state of mind. One that I would describe as ... "made of Light". So, the Collar, or, some may know the Term "Belugia Lagaris". So for the realness of it. It comes from me and speaks to me in such a manner that is just ... "as Tailor Made". And therein aspects of my mind are being highlighted to me. So, the thing is exactly that in it's original state, it is just that. "What it is". That would - or could be: A sequence of descriptions, that over time construct a very particular meaning or interpretation of the "central term" that is being used. To other people it might not be of much use, but "for one's self" - I mean, I should ... kind of know a thing or two about ... "my particulars".


I mean - we can here talk about "just a Whore" versus "a very particular Whore" - but at the end of the day is "Whore" here just a label for some aspect of my life. So, what matters to me first is the Collar, apparently, as it's the first thing that snapped in. From there the feeling extends to the nipples, down the spine through the cracks, and then down my legs into the ankles, and then back up. Hips, elbows, wrists, nipples and back to the collar. I feel as caught in a web, enclosed by darkness - and the only light that shines is between my legs.

Previously there was space - this freedom to explore. To consider options. But now parts of myself are awakening ... that can't be compelled to let go.

As this darkness closes in on me, so it seems, something as on top of my head seems to connect with my wrists and ankles ... radiating in a bright light ... and I experience it as a fortification from within - targeting that light between my legs.
From there I got "that" tingling sensation in my ... tongue. Or throat. Jaw. A feeling that extends into my mouth. And from there a weird tingling sensation that makes its way up into my brain. Like fumes.

And that twist in my mouth and that light between my legs - those were these deeper things I eluded to earlier. Would have.


From here something appears in my eye-sockets, as the various insignia of captivity get an upgrade.


Here I was reminded of what followed eventually. So, within these conditions I develop a sense of submission that I'm baking into my descriptions - an insistent sense of submission - that eventually does begin to weigh on me and thus develops what I call "the Spine". The Spine then, it turns out, is not as one might fear there to oppose the core developments, but to give it a sense of opposition to grow the core developments around. Because, if Blob, no carry.

And yes - eventually there's more to that Spine than just that. After all, it is not only "Real Estate", it is also kind of important. So, at any rate do I have 'Royalty' in my spine. So, whatever kind of Royalty that may be - isn't all that important. Important is that the sense of being Royalty is baked into my mind. It's a part of me. Which has nothing to do with duties or responsibilities.

Ultimately - now I see it more so - that Spine "translates" into a sequence of identities that do very much seem to extend from that Light. In my case, that between the Legs. So, those seem to be related.


So, I am primarily a whore because I'm ... well, stuck in a relationship in which that is one of my ... uh ... utilities. It has very little to do with choice or personal engagement. Quite the opposite.

Which begs the question: How real is it?
Could I just turn around and ... say no? Or could I just ignore it ... and pretend it doesn't matter? Well, for the former I would first have to convince myself, and for the latter I'm sure that I'd be going against very relevant aspects of my "structure". "Mental/Emotional well being". So, regardless of what I'm conscious of at the moment. I mean, I didn't mean to go onto this re-construction. I was just getting ready to write about another instance of where Light appeared from within an intersection between myself and a concept that was floating around.

So uh, but I ... think I have to keep this short. I also remembered that there was this other thing that I really wanted to write about. Hmm ... probably ...