The Truth

Okay ... lots of stuff.

Like: I noticed yesterday, looking around, that pretty much all of my stuff here is just "looked like" window dressing. Looking at my shelf with books - it's just stuff. I mean, my whole existence at that point was to play Terraria, occasionally strafing by the kitchen and the bathroom - and sometimes turning on the PS5 and doing (or "doing" stuff there). The rest might just be a solid wall.

Which is that plasticity of the brain I assume. Of a 42 year old brain.
On drugs.

And so, I was wondering. Playing this mutch Terraria while high, that's ... technically against what I learned. So - one way or another, the Nightmares should come in - unless the game is somehow different. But no. However, Terraria Nightmares hit differently.
It seems.

It's like how Minecraft contraptions are infinitely more complex than Terraria contraptions - mostly because in Terraria there really aren't any. So, any kind of 'logic' that the Dream might want to convey could be hopelessly burried within the infinite depth of the game.
That's how I feel. Because ... I got something ... and it's weird. Also kind of funny.


I mean, I was thinking about writing something - and my Terraria mojo started to leave me. This idea or feeling of being stuck - sure thing that my mind would find something in there to feel terrified of life.
Of things.
A Nightmare. Which in Terraria logic means ... dealing with enemy Pathfinding. I mean, I was trying fishing during a Blood Moon recently - and there were a couple of things I had to learn; And I didn't want to cheat - so I tried building a "Normal" Trap, not knowing what to consider, so, I started with nothing and had to then learn the hard way how agile these things can be. Multiple times.

Well, but - fun stories aside, the thing I wanted to write about is ... it really just is a sentence. Like, all of what I'm yapping about here boiled down into a sentence, at this moment. And it simply states, that there is nothing for me to lie about. On the one hand You have what You can/should confirm independently - and on the other ... I might as well actually exist in Terraria and do all sorts of "unbelievable" shit, like fighting Monstrous flying eyes; And it'd boil down to pretty much the same. I mean, I have given up ... like ... internally, defending pretty much anything. If You want to say that my Mum is a vegetable and my dad served us hookers for breakfast, fine ... sure thing, whatever.

I mean, I recently learned about ideas and words and forms is ... that the 'form' an idea can be 'formulated' into - is quite free. So, we use the term 'to formulate' for words and sentences, but here and there we edge beyond that - and plotting out a picture or scheming up a melody ... when allowing that to be the same thing too, then all 'form' - also must be interchangeable. The issue that presents itself is, that some forms differ quite dramatically from one another. Like ... we wouldn't think to compare a melody with a shoe, or a house ... but at the end of the day: EVERYTHING is a HOUSE.


So, the form an idea is formulated with ... it "shapes" what can be expressed. And I suppose that there's a lot more nuance than that. To eventually also speak of function ...


So, on some Level people might be stuck with "revelations" - like, how I'm demonic or whatever. Well, these things ... how much of it is a matter of perspective? Like - whatever I might be, what about the following: For once, I'm just overall "more" than the rest. Which means, both: Good and Bad. As for how what outweighs what, maybe the thing is: I still compare 'better' in most things - to pretty much anyone else. Though I might pretty much not be the best at pretty much anything.
But the next one up from me - I am led to believe - is God Himself. So, however vast the potential yet unrealized is, ... so and so.

But who cares?


So, the Nightmare. I was thinking ... that if You could debunk that Enemy pathfinding is a thing ... in Terraria, You would have a point. Like, I'm telling You that story of what happened during my Blood Moon adventure. And yea, sure. Some people tell amazing stories, or really mundane stories that ... . That new Street Fighter movie. The trailer. It's ... ass. I'm sure the movie is ass too. I will give it some silent nod of approval in that it really just seems to be that City Hunter scene turned into a movie ... which is ... I'm compelled to silently nod in approval of it. It's my sacred duty. I cannot ... but let this pass.
Begrudgingly.

But yea, You could make taking a dump feel epic with that kind of make-up. Or doing chores. How about that?
So, this just happened. Like, when playing Terraria You find a Life-Crystal. It happens. I might have made it all up - but why? Like, ... sure - I usually need a pretense before I'll write about certain things. Because, yea. A simple sentence is kind of ... ass too. When it's just that. But eventually it just happens.


So, I was ... I was able to hold it with a lot more clarity while waking up. But then I was intrigued by that Zombie Pathfinding thing and kind of started to Play Terraria, like, in the dream. But it's weird - like, the controls. It's not all there.

But well. It all kind of snapped together. And ... there's still something missing. Lost in the low resolution of my framework right now.


But so, I've started two more Characters in Terraria. The one I kickstarted is currently stuck trying to build an Arena that looks good. I then started a new Character - clean Playthrough in an expert world - and this one is kind of stuck with a base that's kind of ass. So I started another new Character in another new expert world - and while with the other two I'm basically hardmode ready, with this last one I'm still to kill Skeletron and the Eater of Worlds.

And so I was watching YouTube the other day; And some guy was playing Terraria with some Music laid over it - and I was like ... wouldn't that have to be my life? I mean, the music. Isn't that ... the type of climactic end of the world type shit I'm written into? And yea, then I noticed ... Terraria is real!


And first thing: Using Mods is a form of cheating - comparatively, when drawing analogies to real life. The critical shit is whether You cheat items into the world or not, but any kind of "illegitimate" tool and experiences tied to it are kind of ... 'corrupt'. Make of it what You will.
Is it "better"?

But well. Either way, God knows the legitimate path and the branches upon which thou sitst. And so, my Moonlord is different to Yours. I mean, one could present to You a world where You walk along a hallway at the end of which You push a button and You win the game. That could be Your "I killed the Moonlord" experience. But compare that to me riding through my world on my Bunny Mount, with my legitimate 'starter gear' (first crafted weapon/armor setup) - which is a Diamond Robe and a Diamond Staff - slowly starting to conquer the place.
I suppose, this is the Moment, the experience ... that leads to all those people saying that the Shield of Cthulu is one of the best items in the game.


And You can have it - and it gives You a dash ... and You can be like ... now what?
It kind of sucks ... on its own. Compared to ... I don't know ... anything with a defense or damage modifier?


I mean, initially ... I wasn't prepared for how Brutal expert mode was. The criticism might go that enemies are just "Bullet Sponges" now. But in a weird way ... it works here. Because ... trying to fight a Zombie with the Copper Shortsword ... is like ... they hit You a few times and You dead. And the shortsword while fast deals like ... zero damage. It's barrely enough to kill slimes and keep things away.

And to get there ... requires luck. I mean, the other Character I started is different. Because I focused on fishing I had a Falcon Blade early, which meant that next I wanted a long range option so I kind of went for a Bow. So, that being the playstyle I became familiar with, after switching out the Falcon Blade for an alternative I had to rely more on the Bow so I kind of ... turned Ranger.

Now, I was starting this whole endeavour because basically I'm looking for a new home. A base to move all of my stuff into. Maybe the "depth" of a Terraria world cannot be properly equated to a block - but because Terraria is 2D and because Characters and Worlds are two separate things - the ability to load a Character into a different world adds that extra Layer to it. But coming in with Wings and End-game pickaxe is like ... it's not the same. You zoom around, maybe drill some hellevators and ... You end up finding ... the big stuff. Biomes. Like ... safely finding the Shimmer is easy for an end-game Character. You zoom accross the world ... drill down with barely any resistence and pretty much nothing can hurt you.
With no armor and just copper gear that's ... not really happening.
Not in an Expert world for sure.

And so ... just spending time Pre-Hardmode to do all the things people say one should do before entering hardmode ... I mean. I'm there with two Characters now. The one has Hardmode items and the other is fully geared up - all that's left is a hell-bridge to fight the wall on. And all the other things one "should" do. So I'm there thinking: I really should do 'all that' - and then I'm like: Nah.

I mean, even as much as a simple herb-garden is already like ... too much. My first playthrough I didn't really need it. Mostly. So ... whatever. I guess.
But so I started out the Next Character ... and there was a cave entrance just like ... a screen over to the right, which ... then became the favored base of operations, versus what I had in mind initially. But ... to the right there was desert and then the Jungle - and to the left there was the corruption before pretty much anything else. So, I only had that single cave. But because of that ... I soon had a Pylon Network between Spawn, a Cavern base and the Jungle. Pretty much ... before having any kind of proper gear or even health.

Then, while being stuck again with a shoddy "starter base" ... I took some time to think about it and ... farmed gemcorn while doing stuff. The "winner" of the first race was emerald. It was between emerald and sapphire - which color the hook would be. Pretty early on I found a diamond gemtree ... and so ... before I had the time to think about it too much, I already had enough diamonds for both, a staff and a robe. And I have a gem rabbits and squirrels. Lots of them. All variants. I'm starting to decorate my bases with terrariums now.
Beyond that I found an abigails flower and really went to the Jungle first. So, I also have a Whip from there. It helps.

And so, expanding from that Cavern base ... . Well, I really started to note the difference between a Medium sized world (previous) to a large one. But ... anyway. So ... with all that ... I was finally able to get to the ocean - but more importantly, accross the corruption to the Snow Biome. And this is like the Key-Moment in this particular ... environment. To get there and start setting up a base.
I mean ... the right way.
Like ... I've also started to isolate the corruptions; But also haven't really dug out the Hellevator all the way just yet. So, I'm ... as per the play in that world ... with this fresh Character ... more involved with it. But so ... that also means that the demands ... of expertise ... weigh more significantly on me. Like ... things I would otherwise put off as a maybe ... now are more like ... neccessary. Like ... having a place to properly manage and store not only my loadouts, but also all the junk that goes along with it ... - at this point is really just more like a Terraria Museum or Monument. I mean, in an ordinary Playthrough You have Your stuff ... and as You have to expand things take shape. It's ... "whatever". I have that now - but, if I want to just collect all my things here ... the individuality of 'that' setup is lost in the having of all of the stuff. And having it all managed makes the difference between having "a Loadout" and ... having 'an Inventory'.

Uhm. Where was I?


Getting lost in Translation.

Is it important? Well, if You'll have it, it sets a scene. For what? Well, life ... I guess.
There is the Journey and there's the Goal. And when there? What next?


So, I was contemplating the other day. The details are like, swallowed up by ... oblivion at this point - and something is like, impressing upon me. Squeezing ... whatever consciousness I have had of the thing ... out of my mind. And I can feel it. Like, physically. Heartrate going up, I'm getting dizzy ... .

The wall. Yea. I might just ask my mum for money ... is what the end of that story would be. But ... I'm not.
I can't even do that.

But it was about ... a thing. Righteousness. And my mind was travelling east. Like, if a Prophet is nowhere less than at home; The stranger lands of the east are as far from home to me as it gets. Desolation doesn't count. I'm sure it's a thing but I'm also kind of familiar with it. And so I was thinking ... and dealing with that internalized racism of mine. It's ... THICK.

And somehow the two just joined. Like, two segments of a 'build' that start to overlap. Is it a 'thing'?


Well, what is a 'thing'?
But ... the extent to which the USA is 'anti Socialism' ... is scary. And the extent to which this 'anti Social' mindset is also impressed upon German politics ... that's also scary. I mean, "in our defense", it kind of didn't show. "Things are Complicated" - You know. Things like ... "the Economy" or "Industry".

And it's odd, how ... if You're a socialist ... those are like ... "the Usual suspects" that get brought up. It's always just that. "Complicated" somehow. But nobody has yet even endeavored to 'begin' to explain. Like, in a way that makes sense. To ... "a socialist brain".

I mean: 20 Years ago we've already begun talking and dreaming of self-sustaining ecosystems - and I recently had to wonder: What became of it? It would be kind of nice if all of that had yielded some form of answer that could ... help us. Other than ... bunker away and sit it out. I mean, it sure is a self-sustaining ecosystem, kind of ... but not quite what ... most of us had in mind I suppose.

And so, this is a neat context for ... what was lost to oblivion. We're like gaslit into thinking that "socialism" is a "poor man's ideology" - because of course, what's best for the poor man is if things were better for the poor man. So, socialism. But if the poor man had the opportunity, that's how the story goes, they would still do what's best for them. Which is how then the argument goes that ... everyone only looks out for themselves; And how that is the true ideology behind everything.

And it's a thorn. It truly is. In society. Like a cancer. I mean ... it just sits there and does its thing, fully convinced that it's right. Implicitly 'taking' for self-gain ... without shame or remorse. Perhaps to even oppose shame and remorse by force. And at long last it wants You to think, that You'd want the same. Or more perversely, the more unjust the world were, the 'better' it would be if You could 'get there'. So, if we have the term 'Sodomite' for sexual abominations, 'Gomorrian' might be the term for that kind of psychopathy.

So, it's perfectly backward ... and like a latch ... or a hook ... locked into place; Phased out of ordinary comprehension.
To me at least. And there is no 'right' or 'wrong' in that kind of mindset, outside of what self-interest dictates. And so they have to say that the same is true for us, we just need the will and the ability to take it. And at that point, we kind of prove their point. And if we're too contrarian to see that this is an intersectional thing, we're kind of ... helping them make their case. But so, also if we're willing but unable. So for those who are able but unwilling.

And in the deeper recesses of Satan's ass there's also brainwashing and torture and all of that. And ... it's so fucking depressing. That this is now the world we live in. They're doing it out in the open and it's like ... the gates of Hell have opened. And it seems in about right ... that ... parable of the 10 virgins. The warnings ... that there will be shit to overcome.


And so, one way or another, this Gomorrian nonsense is part of why things are "Complicated". What else? I mean, there's a lot of ways in which we come to say: "Well, actually it's quite simple!". Like, how about environmental regulations? What's the problem? What's preventing us from doing safe practices? Well ... money. It's as simple as that.

Not the will, not the manpower, not the know-how, not the resources ... but money.


It's funny. I mean, Dwarf Fortress is a perfectly fine game; And the moment Tarn shoehorned capitalism into it, it became a gambling simulator and a shithole management game.

I mean, Dwarves don't need money. The moment they did, they needed a way to make it. So a mechanism had to be provided for it. So then instead of doing what they should be doing - like, building a fortress - they then had to pull levers without purpose ... just so to afford rent.


There's no poverty in being a Dwarf! There's the wealth of ... opportunity and growth. I suppose one key ingredient to all of it is 'challenge'. To take things seriously.

The material world is just an analogy. We have to understand that we also have an effect on each other. Like there's physical harm, there's social harm. To live is to face the challenges. The Gomorrian mindset is to cheat on them. It is to let others solve the problems that come up; And to kind of ... trust the survival instincts baked into us ... that it'll keep going.

So - 10 years ago, "the conversation" "ended" ... saying that Capitalism is Good because Innovation. Now, 10 years later ... where is this Innovation?
Can we ... say that this ideology has failed now?

Wait for it? While China has Kung Fu Robots?


And Tesla has like ... a guy in a suit?

OK, maybe that's unfair.
So, there's no ... trying to explain this to them. I have to squash that ambition from my system. It's ...
It is what it is ...

We kind of don't have a choice. Which is to say: We definitely have a choice.


I don't know. I kind of lost my ... track here.

So, am I saying that we should play with Copper tools rather than Wings, Drill and Spaceship?

No, I'm saying: Why? What are You doing? Or to actually 'say' something: "The Cake is a Lie!".


Like, defeating the Moonlord. As said ... there's like ... two ways about it. And whether I'm born into a Utopia or if it's built around me ... that's neither here nor there. But alas ... is there this glaring Abyss. This ... inability to comprehend. Here now personified as "the best Terraria Player ever" - because, that's what they do. They're just the best and we have to ... deal with it. They want to know what we need so they can use it against us - while telling us that we're cared for. It's the Privilege of power, I assume - to impose the rule of force.


And yea, let's look at it. I don't build tacky farms to get the items I need, so I don't have everything just yet and money is always kind of scarce. I'm certainly not the best Terraria player out there. More to the point: I'm currently trying to become an expert. Like ... in a manner of speaking.
And I find it ... stupid, that I have to remind everyone that there's a stupid way of playing this game; And to unlock it You need to be privileged enough to have it all pulled together for You.


Sort of. I mean ... that's life. People do things, they excel at it - and cooperation makes it multiply.
And so, for how they insist on it - it is those that build the foundations for those on top to do the ... uhm ... "ruling" I guess.
And if that were the rule I had to install, well - sure. There's still that final piece of the puzzle. The proof of worth. Without it ... without the God given right to maintain it ... there is no God given right to do so. Basically.

But also I'm biased. "Grind them into a Pulp" kind of biased.
I mean ... I would want to write/talk about Balance ... but for how the theatre in my head goes, that's like ... not an option because "Daddy" wants to have his dick sucked off first.

They come in like they're better. By default. So, the comparison then stands, Copper tools versus Full Gear. It's clear which spot I'm in - and which spot they're in. Just like, even in real life. Technically, thinking of Terraria, I have the same options - but still, I have to teach myself. I see what's possible, but after beating the Moonlord a few times and getting that Blade Summon staff I was good. For a while. I'm not sure if I have the Spaceship or the Pirate Ship; But I also don't fancy that kind of Terraria build. I mean, ... let's leave that aside. Preference is a thing. And sure, some of it is informed by my "material wealth" - but I also have more Material wealth ... in Terraria ... than I'm allowing myself at this point. So, ... I have enough Luminite to build with it ... but I'm still kind of not sure 'what'.

Then the argument around what is 'better' - in this setting always defaults to Max, deal with it.

So yea, I do have a Zenith. Of course! It makes me think ... some items in the game are so specific, it might be worth setting up individual workshops for them.
But ... at what point in the game would You build it? Given the tools You have and the time it takes? Also ... where to build it and how? And with what?

So, at some point we're not just looking at Copper versus Luminite - but also at Solo versus Empire.


So, "what is better"?
And yea ... is that the argument? I mean, apparently I've been arguing that being Solo with Nothing is better than Empire/Teamwork with Everything the whole time and I didn't notice it. Dang!

That sucks!
What do I do now?


It's like ... a way of ignoring that I also have the means to just ... go. I mean - that end-game pickaxe and "The Hand of Creation" ... that's already pretty fast. But Miner Outfit, Platinum Pick and a Mining Potion are also ... already really good at getting things done. And the Miner Outfit will just come naturally ... no need to build a farm for it. So, pro tip: Use Platinum to upgrade the Pickaxe - don't waste time mining anything else until then. Except for iron maybe ... but ... usually You can find enough for an anvil or an anvil itself in ... a similar timeframe. To make it work.

It's a way of saying that "the best way to play the game" is like ... not there when You have it all. Sort of. I mean, that's what's close to form. It's in between having it all and having nothing. Not saying that having it all is bad. It's just ... that this line between having it all and having nothing, it kind of ... doesn't need to be there.


The end.