Dei Mudder Sei Gesicht

That's the title of a German Indie film from the 90s ... which translates into "the Face of Your Mother" ... and in it there's a Turkish woman that's occasionally walking through the scene. Usually after the main cast did something stupid, which is basically the whole movie, and she's like "Ah yah, the Children!". And it's a line that's currently going through my mind every once in a while.

Somewhat unrelated, but currently converging with this, is this issue where whenever I'm like "I'm the One" or "I'm the Chosen", there's so and so many that are like "No! I'm the One!". Same with Zoe. But apparently not when it comes to Israel. So ... that's strange.
I mean, ther are a few very silent voices that are like: I thought this is about Jesus and the People of Israel. But uhm ... that's normal.


And I have to wonder, or ask, You who You think You are the Chosen or the One, what it is that makes You that. Like ... You get what I'm saying here, right? Or is it some weird Anti-Gnosis that's just ... as far as I'm concerned: Out of bounds.

What I mean by 'Chosen' is quite literally that. Chosen. By God. A.k.a. Israel. A.k.a. Jacob, the Jacob, the Person, son of Isaac, son of Abraham. But yea, I guess ... in a way it's a title that's open for interpretation and one can be Chosen in a great many ways. But alas, I'm the MOST chosen in that regard still.
As for "the One" - OK, that one I don't really claim. It's a Matrix thing, but generally, THE One would be God Himself.

As for Zoe ... . Well. There's the second half of the Text about the tarnished image and the Phoenix ... which ... I don't really see the story here. Like ... You can be whatever You like in Your roleplays and fetish play and what not - I don't really care (until I do but I suppose You'd make sure that it never comes to that) - and yea, things like Salvation and Redemption can in the abstract be synonymous with an Orgasm ... so ... "you do You" ... but, say I'm an average human being: What do I have from that?


So, Anti-Gnosis ... ? So, there's this "boilerplate description" of Gnosis ... as TJ Kirk puts it ... which kind of really gets to the point of what Gnosis is about without really ... being true. I mean, it is written in code and if You take the wrong things for facts You end up with just the stupidest shit ever. Kind of like every other religion, but those at least tried to be serious. Gnosis done wrong is really just ... the equivalent of Children painting the walls with their feces.

And so, who gets to decypher the Code? Who gets to proclaim its meaning? That could be a job for "the One" ... in that sense. A.k.a. "the Prophet" - who, as in the Mormon tradition, has the role of interpreting scripture. And if I wouldn't constantly have to run after You and You'd start to honor me (or at least my role) ... that might actually be going somewhere.


You think that pointing out that I'm mostly just quoting Smith is a gotcha?
Oh sweet summer child ...

Like, in terms of who is and who isn't locked up in a mind-cage ... I make use of my freedom and You interpret it as a failure. And there sure is a whole lot more cockblocky meta nonsense to be "heard" of. But where are You? I mean, sure ... You're ... whatever. "So Chosen" ... but I'm the one with the Title that has the pin in it. So, HERE is the place to be. But what do I hear? Crickets chirping. Sortof. There aren't a lot of those around here, but You get the idea. "Tumbleweed for Sale".

In other words: You're a No Show. That's how they put it, right?

Gaaatcha.


I mean, I indulge in things - and in general I feel like I'm being condemned for it. However, since this is where the Show is at, and there is nobody here, I have an excuse. You however do not have that same excuse. As for an invitation, You're reading these words here, right? I mean, perhaps You shouldn't and so I didn't deliver it personally nor did I watch You read it ... cool ... but God still knows whether or not You got the message. It's quite technically simple like that.

And to the rest

I apologize for my Impatience and the Distress it might bring You. I'm not doing fine ... and this has prompted me to press this issue some more. It's literally like a gun to my head as I see my time running out, so ... that. Sure, I'm going to be fine ... but ...

To whom it concerns

how much of that is/would be thanks to "You"?

I could kill myself and technically be fine ... . Would You want to take credit for that as well?

I mean, seriously ... because of how things work, I assume, they kind of literally take credit for everything. Like, I was there stuck between two or three things ... not really sure anymore ... like, eating and ... all in all nothing special. And at one moment there was this cardboard cutout thingy taking credit for it. Like, the thing was just like ... an inch "off the ground" sotospeak ... something about how I bought 4 packs of sausage rather than two.

And when I get to think about how run into the ground all of this is, that there would literally be people being like "and I thank the Antichrist for making me buy four packs of sausage rather than two" ... that's disgusting! And I would think that this comes NOW ... as ... after Years of me trying and nobody responding to it.

Like, that's what You accomplished in Your chosenness. It's 2026 ... and what have You done?

What do You know about the world? What are Your feats?


I mean, some Goon of thte Antichrist does something and You'd credit him for it. Of course. Then the Bible says that I'm gonna this and that and somehow people assume that I'd have to do it by myself?

So, let me phrasit like this: Would You please go fetch the Ball? I am currently unable to do so!


Not that it's my Ball to fetch anyway.

Hmm ... but yea, this did cause one of those ... how to call it? Right now it's like an itch ... as from a wound ... then a pinch or a sting, maybe a cut. So ... "psychosomatic pain" might be the most accurate term to use. And I'm surprised by how quickly these things come together these days.

I mean, I'm also super volatile, I realized. Stable ... but like so ... on a razor's edge. And it's not just one thing ... I had to realize after almost writing about this one thing.

I think of it as a souvenir. It might seem like a handicap, but ... it kind of fortifies my ego. Like, I didn't have much of an identity before. In these ... in this ... uhm ... . So I'd think of likenesses ... and to emphasize one point for further analysis: Selflessness.
So, talking of my chosen Proxy's ... is Liliana Vess Selfless? I mean, her story from the start revolves more so around her brother than herself. When she's involved she's an outsider ... . She may have her own 'way' of course ... simply boiled down to "becoming more powerful" ... but overall she's more just a shadow that doesn't impose itself. And she does the right thing ... when justice calls.

Selfless.
And what I realize through this volatility is ... some kind of 'inevitability of self'. So, for how long have I not been fine now? A bit over a Year now. This particular unwellness. And I feel left to myself. Sure, maybe nobody knows how to help me ... that's ... whatever. But still ... I am here left to fend for myself. And there is quite literally not much that I can DO, outside of chosing for instance when and what to eat, in as far as a choice is even possible. Hmm ... Pasta Cheese or Pasta Tomato?

And so there is an I ... who feels about this situation. And ... whatever You would want to tell me, or have told unto me, it basically amounts to: You have no self, deal with it. Or, Don't have a self or ... You can't have a self.
To say: The part of me that 'feels' about it; So, left alone and ever so often betrayed, that I have to put aside and just "deal with it". The thing, I assume, that some people out there don't get - "ourselves included" - is that we're used to this. This is all our lives are. To say, for myself: "as always" - while something deep inside starts boiling.

...

And so ... during this smokebreak I realized that having a Self is expensive. Those who have "the power", they afford it to themselves. And maybe it's never enough. Those who don't have it ... they are facing the existential dread of potentially losing everything.
Tetan Levels be damned.

How's some Random Ayse from some German Ghetto going to achieve apotheosis?

Belief can be a bitch. I believe, and due to what I believe, I also expect a Surprise - because, what else would it be at this point? Well, not just that. Figments telling me "wait" and "we comming", but uh "they be coming" for like ... a couple of years now. I must have misheard. It probably meant "cumming".

And yea, that's like the future of humanity ... that's just wanked away there.

Can't You do it like everyone else? A little bit of lube and some tissue?


Anyway ... so, I'm having a self now ... or self-interest I suppose ... and it is strange. I mean ... there's a lot of mystery around this thing. What is self? Wherever You stand on the matter, I have my own stance ... and things have been ... shifting. So, what then makes the difference between reality and belief when it comes to this?

There are fancy slogans such as "Fake it Till You Make it" or "Believe in Yourself" - Placebos, perhaps, for the mind to look up rather than down. Forward rather than back.

And I suppose we all - well, us "Nerds" at least - "know" how "the Elite" probably thinks about this. I mean, they're telling us in the movies. No?
Not to say that this is it, but that's how they talk and think. Like now they made a point to show us that it's real and ... "what are we gonna do about it?".

So does Eshem have to servants. Self-Love and Self-Interest. And myself being Selfless ... it made sense to me. But what now if ... this is ... a misreading? How would I know, if I don't have a Self? To me it reads as straight truth, to You ... I wouldn't know.

A random thought made me realize: Technically, if we replace Self-Love and Self-Interest with Moloch and Mammon ... my reading is the same. So, if that now makes more sense to YOU ... dear reader ... (Oh, Moloch is the God that people used to sacrifice Children to and Mammon is "Money") this would be one way how we would learn a truth from a lie. So, there is a process and it takes time. For a while You're stuck believing wrong things ... and some of those wrong beliefs are subconscious; Which is to say: Don't be too concerned about it. What matters are the truths. So, the one believes in Allah, the other in the Holy Trinity, the other in Buddha and so on ... but we all got to eat. So, basic first step. When people from different cultures come together, they eat. Eventually. And then we talk. That's the same ... all around. What we eat, how we get the food and such ... that's ... a next thing. And God ... well ... God is watching. I mean, think or say what You will - that certainly do be the case.

If He weren't, none of this would exist.

By 'this' I mean: Reality as we know it.


Poison Ivy is a matter of Interpretation. Apart from having both in there, Marvel and DC, she's ... similar to Jean Grey ... a form of Nature's Wrath. And as portrayed in fiction, it presents to You the human mind about these matters. Yet in reality, were Batman to Pick Ivy as his enemy, he'd be losing. Prep Time or not.


So, what's that got to do with anything. I suppose "the Elite" has their little issues with this whole thing, having gotten way too much of that cool aid. I mean, going by the Bible, if anyone is out of their minds it's them. And as in the movies and fiction of my own, well ... . I suppose ... Final Fantasy is my source on that. Final Fantasy is about a few things, but one central theme usually is the killing of God or a God. A False God perhaps, but to the world they be in - certainly the "thing" imposing as God by Force. So, it's force against force. It starts in the small, the little town overrun by some vile force of evil. So do our heroes find themselves in peril; And as they start to fight it, they uncover more and more layers behind the initial threat that had revealed itself.

Because it's High Fantasy and a game centered on combat, the intrigue is minimal and everything is fairly visible and "telegraphed". The Evil witch has a lair that would be size of India ... if she isn't outright reaching for world domination ... and when she's overcome ... well, the Main Antagonist continues to have a presence and that shows and so the game goes on.

In reality ... I mean, first there's the question of which battles are worth fighting. Like ... in my experience ... a lot of times You're really just stuck with thin air.
Smoke.
And smoke may be 'weak', but it has the edge in physical combat.


Currently the German State is forsaking me. I wonder how that will affect the course of History.


I'm out of weed but I still have edibles. Hmm ... since I can't pay rent ... I feel tempted to go a bit further off track.


Anyway. So, what is apotheosis? Is it to have money and the forsake it from others to get more of it, just so You can then spend it all on Drugs or whatever to consolidate that feeling of superiority; But whenever responsibilities come knocking on the door You send them away?

I mean, functionally it is true, I think, that those who hold the power get to say what is and isn't delusional. But as the thing is built on power, it can be challenged. That's how power works.
What an apt comparison to building on Sand ... where the Truth on the other hand ... is the solid rock.

And maybe that's the, or a, lesson here. God may be all powerful, but how so can he make this about the truth ... and the virtue involved with its sacredness ... rather than the power to bend and break it?


"Oh, how quick are ye to abandon the Truth" ... ?


For some short term gain?
And sure, who's there to hold You accountable? Yourself?


One quick and easy ... uh ... "knit" ... here is ... that all this "Elite" nonsense boils down to how one thinks about themselves. Rather than how others perceive them. What follows is as putting the cart before the horse. Those in power wish to be seen how they see themselves ... or some such thing ... fighting that which is actually visible. Maybe make something disappear or pay someone to spread a rumor.

What Trump did was to show how it's done. Way back, when all the cameras were in his face ... we all thought it was over because he got got; And usually that's when people turn around in shame and accept defeat. But not he. So is there an invisible group of Peers that looked at it and applauded him for his shamelessness ... as to then say "thine strength befits a crown" ... and "in the real league nerd, not the fantasy one".

Apotheosis?


So, yea ... if by God - and mainstream culture ... hmm ... have things changed? ... well, anyway - You mean an emperor, like a Pharaoh ... sure. It is what it is. But so is it a given, that self-interest is like ... a primal crime of rationality.
Or how to phrasit.

Hmm ... if this becomes a word, it would be: How to phrasit it.


It's that the function of taking and giving is getting perverted when it comes to self-interest. Human Barter itself is built on the underlying reality of some kind of mutual respect. We allow the trader to take a profit, for the services they provide. We respect the currency, for the virtue of the trade, rather than resorting to banditry.
Or so it would be.

But is it now so, that the trader might feel entitled to more ... relative to the value they provide? So is money. Supply and Demand. If You supply where there is no demand ... You can't take a lot of credit for it. You're just ... "another one". But if Your supply is vital, it's precious and You are factually important. So, automatically You can take a lot of credit for something.
So, if the population You provide with food is starving, that's a justification to squeeze them harder?

So, the eqivalence here is inverted.

Saying that You are leeches. Parasites. False Gods.


So much for "Apotheosis".


As in the end, You provide us with actually Zero. It just happens that You have a hand in play; In something that would very well also work without You; And possibly for the better.
Oh ye mighty ones. Would ye sacrifice an entire people just so You can get Your dick sucked? Oh the power, yes. Let them say it: The world bends beneath my breath ... or however that jerkoff goes. It's parasitic. Like, people don't even know You exist.

Well ... I guess that explains a lot. Right? Like, what we're currently looking at, historically - as per the historians of the future looking back on today.

I mean, it's either this or some Warhammer 40K type nonsense ... if we were to entertain their position or value their power as a thing to be considered. So, if we were to entertain the idea of an "alternate ending" of some sort. So, ultimate Apotheosis: Usurping God.


Or be a good gal and have it given to You. I mean ... to be fair, it also "just so happens to be" - like, if we lean into the whole "no free will" angle of things. I mean, in all fairness ... if You truly WANT to believe that ... I suppose I can't stop You. But fine, sure. I'm doing it right now, trying to CONVINCE You ... out of what must be compulsion. But what is this compulsion about? How much credit may I take for it?

Is that too ... subject to the powers that be? Or is there some ... universal standard that we might consult?


I mean ... if people feel entitled to take credit for things they have not done ... how am I not entitled to take credit for my own compulsions?
Am I now compelled to do God's bidding? Is that why I am "it" but You think otherwise?

Oh sweet summer child ...


It is a very bleak and narrow perspective of the world. Power. Pfft. Command and Obey. See, how is it that all rebellion against God obsesses over obedience ... and then You turn around and submit to an ideology that is nothing but.

But as You would have people believe, that Truth ... is a thing without value, what then am I, who's really concerned about it? A failure, pathetic, all of that? Of course, what else could I be, being so obsessed over something "so unvaluable". Yea, how can I just be so stupid? So dumb? What's wrong with me?

Why would God give someone ... like that ... oh ... ??? Does it Ding yet?


What came first? My craving for righteousness? Justice? Or whatever? Or my concern for the truth? It may seem important; But to me that's ancient history. Whatever I am now is what I am now ... . I have grown, evolved ... so, it doesn't matter where You start. They all ... end up ... supporting each other.
They're equally important and how is it so outrageous to ... say that I care about those things?


Yea, "he be laughing". Of course. It's denial. (Oh dear, this is how to get him angwy?)
So ... OK. Maybe I stand here as the accuser. (And then they say women are the emotional ones)
But that's ... already shifting the goalpost.

I mean ... truth, righteousness, justice ... they do come hand in hand, do they not?
Well ... You get what I'm saying ... right?
OK, maybe You don't ... . Hmm ...
[Headscratching]


So, now what? Beef with the Antichrist, or moving on with the text?


So, I have something to say. Let's start with that.
Do You?


Semantically this makes me the Boss. I mean, within the balance of power I might not matter much ... like, who gets to say what ... becomes a who follows whom. And if You really have a humiliation Kink, You could - as the scriptures say - start by licking the dust off my feet.

So the story goes.


So, to tie this all up, the subject matter here - in closing summary - could be described as: "Something about the Error of thine ways". Whoever You might be. If what You crave is truth, start digging for it.

Rather than "around" it, so in the hopes that You might dig a hole large enough for it to just fall in. But ... the thing is that once You do so ... the way reality holds itself together is 'truth'. You might think that You have the power to obscure it - and within the realm of physics that might be true - ... . Think of it like this: If You sit on a branch and You cut off the branch upon which You sit, what will fall: You or the Tree?


It is of course by an act of sheer strength that one might have us believe that yes, it is the tree that will in fact be falling - and sure thing, an impressive feat it would be. Now show us. As an incentive we might situate that branch above a Lion's den.

It's simple. You cut off the branch ... and not fall in.

"Force of Will! Force of Will!".


However, holding on to the tree will be considered as cheating.


And now the thing is ... that You can't turn this on me because ... I'm not the one saying that the tree would fall.
Well ... I guess ... to play along with the game, if You had the power You might make me do it anyway. Now, technically I would thereby prove You wrong once more ... but at that point we're also in the "the truth don't matter" category of the thing ... and ... however true it might seem to You ... it isn't really happening now, is it?

I suppose, best You can do is ignore me and hope that somehow I stumble enough to ... fall out of existence or some such thing. And yea, tempting it is.


I mean, while this world might seem like everything to You ... and I mean it ... . I mean ... at certain points along the journey ... things become clearer. Veils are being lifted. Baptism being the first instance. The feeling of the cleanse and the impression of salvation ... . Well, there is a seed. A little bit of certainty of something ... above and beyond ... that is enough to fill the whole mind for quite a while.

Then there's the ninedom. Should You be found worthy of the exaltation it offers.
Exaltation ... sure, in an "otherworldly" sense. But ... if all You care about is ego ... then that shouldn't be that big of a stretch for Your comprehension and/or sensitivities.
Access ... ? Well, what a nasty word for that.

Access ... it's so ... removed. Like You want to hijack something from the outside. Who do You think we are?


It's a complete immersion into the Depth of Eternity. Something our wee little minds ... inevitably have to digest in doses, so, steps ... and as per the nature of Eternity ... it never ends.

But ... I digress. This is ... "silly talk" ... to You. Delusions perhaps. You want to know why You should indulge in it. Like, what do You get? Hmm ... well. Ordinarily this is the part where the right answer is: Salvation. You know, Metaphysical Mumbo Jumbo.
But uh, I just ... yea, so, what I was getting at ... : The more of these veils get lifted, the smaller and more insignificant this world starts to look. Like, to say, at this point: I'm just tangentially phased by it ... and the intersection is currently shrinking.

In a way it might seem like this is how it should be. To say that it's always shrinking. But it kind of depends on ... where our life is at. The point of life is certainly not to have just hypothetically ... in some alternate dimension. But well, it is possibly up for debate. It waxes and wanes ... eventually we have to consider memory, so ... I do not care to deliver a bulletproof thesis here. This is ... as they say "for the sages to discern".

Or who knows?


We all have opinions. And we must ... . It'll always be so, and if we can't let people have them ... uh ... how would one even begin to ask such a question, let alone formulate it? But it is so ... . Or how I see/feel/read it ... an irrational urge to have all opinions ... bolted down. Like, You can't say anything unless You can say and tell all and everything about it. Naturally this is no rational demand that exists as such on paper - but that is how a lot of things operate.
Naturally ... "on the highest Levels" ... we want to rely on truths with predictive capabilities.


Not mere opinion. But ... so, there cannot be a demand. It is a process. So, let's assume time-travel exists ... do I need to build a Time machine now to prove it to You? No! I don't care about whether it exists or not ... I'm just fanying an idea.
Meanwhile ... truths we know are still there and ... known. As in "Knowable". So, who can tell?
If I drop the mic, will it fall?



(Should I ... drop and then ... uh ...)
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