Batman versus Ivy

So, when You're smarter than the rest, You're able to recognize things that others would not. Smarts however ... come in many different shapes and sizes. And before we get anywhere with this topic ... understand that this is the key item here. The topic, or the headline, is just for me to ... navigate. I mean, I'm having a hard time understanding what to write about. Assuming that that's what I got to do. But yea, apart from my mind - or brain - building up some kind of "resistence" (or nerve damage) to thinking or writing about this NONSENSE - there's just little to no logical reason for me to keep this up.


And after that ... it's questionable if I'm even able to ... think straight.

I'm already rather lopsided when it comes to that. I try to rest to recover strength or energy, but overall I feel like ... apart from some temporary peace after I get up ... this isn't getting better.


I'm just trying to be honest and real with You ... so ... it is what it is. I'm sure it'll be fine ... somehow. Though ... I'm losing hope. I don't know if I believe anymore, or want to. Just being stuck without a way to go, bound to watch the shit unfold that's happening - that alone is enough to like ... . I mean, I've noticed that I'm slowly being conditioned to like ... just accept things. I know those rich folks don't care and somehow I'm like "yea, let them have whatever they're asking". I mean, after spending time and energy to fight the rot ... and seeing it win time and time again ... and every piece of hope I once had is gone or broken ... there's hopelessness and cynicism that linger, eventually sink in and slowly corrode my mind to the point where I'm just ... I'd be willing to burn it all down. As for what little piece of humanity remains within me.

And yea, this is just a slice of how I'm feeling. And I've seen it in the movies, way too often ... and after I stopped buying into those Deus Ex Machinas ... well, I kind of woke up into a world of insanity.

And so, yea - by how all that reads, Batman would definitely win.
As he probably has ... countless times before.


Well ... so, in a way, taking Batman as a stand in for the Antichrist or "Mankind" and Ivy as a representation of ... everything sacred. It's like ... if You can call something sacred, they're probably going after it - and whether it's purpose or passtime ... they're there to defile it.

But then it is this world ... in which Ivy would appear. It's like ... a matter of interpretation. Just like ... updating these Characters to modern sensitivies. If we even want to entertain this concept. I mean, it's like ... are we even allowed to have them?


Anyway. So, what got me to move and start writing this, was the impulse to check myself on this matter. Simple put ... I see that ... on second thought this statement seems kind of foolish, that Batman would lose this, and yea, it's like ... wishful thinking.

And if my wishful thinking clouds my judgment this critically ... what am I even good for? What's left of me ... . It's ... . Well, whatever. Now I'm not in the state of mind to go through all that ails me.


But alas, I did not think that I would at the same time also feel this well. I mean ... I'm trying to keep it real and at the time I noticed certain parts of me break ... I foresaw ... a lot of what then also ended up happening; But fate it seems yet had a few tricks up its sleeve to ... salvage the one or the other thing.

At the very least to create space for me to kind of ... recover enough to have some kind of ego able to sit above all of this ... uh ... let's say 'rubble'.


And yea, the last few days have been weird. It's like ... the moment I'm feeling better, God is throwing me a curve ball I can't catch and I'm getting myself another Ice Climber moment. You know, the thing where You fall all the way down, perfectly hitting all those one block gaps that You've been digging on Your way up.

But deep in there, there's a purpose somehow. I feel humbled and changed. And so, yea - I'd say I had problems with my ego. Maybe I still do. And there may not have been much of a way to actually DO humble me. It's like ... I'm good. I'm really really good. Kind of like Goku. And like Goku ... it means that things are well and he can basically run through the world ... pretty much blindly ... and however hard he might try, he ... well. He has it all, but also, nothing at all. So little in fact that he thought it's perfectly find to abandon family and friends to train a stranger in combat.

I mean, it's a nice wrap for some innocent shonen manga, but in reality ... I don't know. I feel ... I'm doing fine on my own and that ... I don't know. I suppose I feel something is wrong or off; And so, now, at the end of days and time, facing existential dread and impending doom ... kicked to the curb and filled with doubt and pessimism ... I do start to feel humbled.


I stll try to get up, but it gets harder to do so. Maybe impossible. And yet I do, as though I'm simply just held together by hopes and dreams. Well, until I ... started to Play Terraria again. I mean, I've had my fill now and again ... all I started is just half-done at best ... but somewhere during that time I found peace, somehow, centered around the idea - so to speak - that I don't have to be strong.

I mean, what even is strength?

Looking back ... thinking of moments where it mattered ... well, for the most part I suppose I kind of tried to stop the apocalypse. Assuming that certain things had to come to pass which I tried to prevent because that's the right thing to do ... it's really just a form of juvenile idiocy.

Not to say that it doesn't require strength to like ... admit weakness. Or so. And sure, I never had problems with that. I'm just THAT good. Like, quasi invulnerable. Like ... I know God well enough to dodge all His attempts at lecturing me, sortof ... well, it paints the picture right. Putting it this way. And while I'd exhaust myself fighting fantoms, I'd totally ... miss what I should actually be concerned about.

And while I'm writing this, I'm actually tring to speak about Defense. I mean, yea. Not knowing what You're up against or how to fight it ... or approach it ... that fosters a defensive position. And so I did what I could and ... all in all I didn't do anything wrong. I did the right thing, at least ... technically I suppose.

Hmm ... I don't know what I'm trying to get at. Following a trail of breadcrums.


I suppose ... somehow I deep down always felt like there's something shameful about this. About still being stuck, still alone, still unheard of. And what else should I do. In as far as God chose me without giving me much direction ... I suppose I had to do what I had to do. Until ... as of late ... I'm getting thoughts about what I might do ... or could have done perhaps? But ... I don't feel equipped for that, so that I have to say that in this case ... I was the wrong choice. There's just NO WAY ... I could do this or that, or pull this or that off. Certainly not by myself. And sure I see the problem with that, I just don't see how that's ... like ... my problem. Like, what influence I have or had over it ... entirely escapes me.

But I suppose ... Him telling me that I did fine ... that's nice. And that's kind of the thing. I mean ... I'm THAT THAT good. He hid me under the shadow of His hands ... saying ... without Him, this could have been over some time ago.
Sort of.
I mean ... uhm. Well, whatever. I'm TOO good. Too Good to be myself within the context of human society. I'm like ... ahead of "my" time ... I'm used to being like ... on top and above. Not in a hierarchical sense, but just ... because I am. I know Your struggles ... but I have a hard time relating to them because ... hmm. Should I rephrase this?
I mean, ever so often ... I feel like people are just open books to me. And if I encounter a book with something new in it, I grow frmo it. So, what can I BUT look down upon You?

You're like ... ants. I suppose there is ONE ... unlike the rest of You. And that might just be age and experience ... two things my current form thoroughly lacks by comparison. So, I'm getting scared. But mostly because ... I seem to have God ... also taking jabs at me.

And at times this combination doesn't really gel well. I mean ... add one and one together - and ... yea. I don't know how depressed or pessimistic You are, so it might take a second or third look for it to click - but yea ... that's how I feel these days. Impossibly screwed.


Am I naive? Am I seeing things wrong? I mean ... I'm not seeing ... ONE moment in my lifetime where I could have proven anyone right or wrong on that one. There's just the symptoms of my imperfection that would be like breadcrums that one might take one way or the other. But really?
Nobody is listening to me - and if so, it's all out of context and ... if You're going on Your own then that's on You. Of course. But ... I suppose during the last year this has also changed somewhat.

So, in summary: The lesson learned is that I should ... take a few steps back and appreciate ... my position of privilege for what it is. A gift. A gift of luck perhaps ... a happenstance ... nothing I would have to prove or fight over. To say ... to more firmly take a back seat ... .


Though, I suppose, with that attitude I wouldn't have made it all that far.


Maybe. Maybe the opposite is the case. Who knows? I mean, I sure have had it easy, right? So, what would I know about things like tactics and reason and the challenges of "the real world" ... when I'm basically Goku. The Team Four Star version.

But then, if You were to lean into that, that would be You falling for a deception. Sort of. I mean, there's truth there ... sure. That's kind of what I'm trying to tell You here; But ... uhm, there is this "Sign of Jona" thing. The passage goes a little some like: "People will ask for a Sign, but none will be given to them. All they'll get is "the Sign of Jona"". And it would be important to understand the first part of this passage ... in order to properly relate to the second. I mean, I don't know what You think that I got, that has been given to me, in terms of ... securities. Like ... visions? Signs? Miracles? I can't tell, but ever so often I get a "You have it easy!" - and You like, demand something similar. Well, You don't want that! You REALLY DO NOT WANT THAT!

Because You, pretty much like me, are asking for something ... that won't be given.


That is assuming that ... we're held to the same standards. And all reasons I have to believe otherwise would tell me that I'm held to a higher one.

I suppose I've tried to tell You this ... multiple times ... and yet I keep feeling like I have to repeat myself about almost everything. And sure, so I adjust my position, change my perspective and try again. "Unlike You" ... it would seem.

I'm handicapped in ways that don't seem reasonable. Or, so I feel about my life. I'm suffering hardships in spite of success. So, who's had it easy?


Like, talk about the Matrix Phenomenon. Starting with even recognizing it for what it is. Acknowledging the miracle therein ... . And I don't even know if my "remote permissions" work. It's ... maybe silly to assume that they do ... so, I feel complacant while I perhaps shouldn't. Like so, I can't even tell myself ... the first thing ... about those things with any degree of certainty outside of just "LOOK AT IT!".

Just ... look at it!


And really, I don't want to set myself apart from You. I'm even asking: Is this normal?

I'm assuming though that we're looking at the same thing, so ... am I stupid? But then, sure, I'm scared to talk about it IRL because ... I don't. It's ... I don't know what to say.

I mean, what little I've tried ... it's like, people look away.
And yea ... I don't feel comfortable discussing these complex, technical matters ... in an environment that isn't made for it. Or how to put it. So I sit down and write it out ... .


So yea, there's a shortcoming of mine. I never said that they don't exist. And I have reason to avoid such confrontations. I mean, people are stupid. They really are. They get hung up over the silliest arguments where most of the time I can just ... look confused into the camera ... if there were one ... .

And organically? Well, I never had a conversation that would delve into these matters deep enough ... for me to even begin to talk about it. I mean, at times I felt cocky and just ... went unhinged ... but ... not to alarm anyone, with a clear humoristic bend to it. Right?

Mostly.


But anyway ... so, back we are to "it's all on me" ... and ... every little crum that might be taken against me is turned into a weapon it seems. So, at some point I had to wonder when others might pick up some of my slack. And then I had to wonder ... like, just now, if I'm really the only one that cares. Because if so, all I got is the belief ... for however long I might hold it ... that God has a plan.

[Tired Wojack]

A pros pos Wojacks. Those must have spawned from Satans anus ... I'm like ... sure of it. I mean, the fact that "I drew You as the crying wojack and myself as the chud so I win!" is a sentence that means something ... shows just how effective they are at getting to us. And the crying wojack with the mask ... it's like, the perfect encapsulation of everything. Because ... in the picture You see the crying person behind the mask. IRL ... all we see are masks without much of a way to look past them.


And somewhere along the lines I suppose I got it twisted too. Like, being "the only one who cares", being "under attack" or suppressed or whatever ... I would start to see myself as some kind of Saviour. Except ... not quite. But ... I'd take responsibility still. You attack me and it's like ... personal ... and I tend to forget why I'm actually doing all this. Not that it matters ... strictly speaking ... but I suppose it then shows in the nuance of how I'm writing ... and thus ... well. I suppose some people might get the wrong impression. Or the right one ... albeit kind of backwards still. Maybe. It possibly depends on how ... personally affected You are by it.
And then, once all seems to be well, some sentence I wrote years ago comes back haunting me.


And I'm like: WHY?
Why is this even an issue?

Well ... crums.


In the argument it then seems to always be about me. Me this, me that - whatever. Sure, functionally - at the end of all this, whatever I got to do to get there, I'm ... going to be famous and wealthy and all that ... but is that an incentive? When I read it as ... something that's just handed to me?

Or as something that's virtually mine already ... where all that's left is to make it less virtual and more real.

And so, sure ... there isn't much of a reason for You to care about it either! Like, I know ... like ... for a fact ... that You can't remove me from the equation. That's what "they" would want ... because that's where they'd fit in. And for as long as You care about what they have to say, they will abuse that ... and just say 'no' until You let them ... be the rulers. It's like "the only possible outcome".

And this is how we come back to the beginning of this.




Would Ivy win? Well, in this situation ... I see myself as Ivy. And Batman of course would be the Antichrist. And what can I say? Sure, I've got got. Caged and Exploited. Sortof. I mean, I suppose our backstories don't line up ... so, I'm coming at this from a different angle. More like Chun-Li rather than Ivy.
Except to me, tuesday is like ... once or twice a week.

Maybe.
Whatever.

Anyway, the underlying issue I meant to discuss there ... it's a philosophical matter, isn't it?
But it's not like they're trying to settle a philosophical dispute. If so ... one might call what they do an overkill.

The easy way is to go out and say: God, if You exist hit me with a lightning. Or some such thing. It's rather simple to ... come around to sober thought patterns. In principle at least.

So, I reckon it's more like a hobby to them. Something to look at ... like Trophies. I mean, while You're already not giving a fuck about anything and bent on conquering the world with utmost disrespect ... of course ... certain things just follow.
But then, where's the accomplishment if it has all been foretold?

I mean, they're like a desease. Quite literally. I mean, deseases exist ... doing their thing ... . And those things can be terrible. Gruesome. Worse than Epstein? Well ... unimportant. Functionally it's kind of the same.


And, well ... here's the thing: Their opinions and ideas are SHIT. Thus I don't care about it. I struggle to find enough reason and meaning in it to take any of it seriously. Thus I tend to ignore it. I can't believe, sometimes ... what ends up getting flushed into my mind. And it's like ... sometimes ... by the time I get around to writing about some such thing, I ... I don't get it. Like, why?

I mean, sure. You can read what I wrote previously ... and take it backward. You can then say that I didn't explain myself well enough ... but REALLY? Really REALLY?


Well, maybe violence truly isn't the key here ... like, if they have cucked themselves away far enough, we can then move on with just ignoring them. I mean, that You might get permission for, from them ... because I can easily be removed from THAT equation. Which is to say ... the Ninedom and stuff. Like ... anything that ... You can't detach me from.


But so, You either agree with their Truth ... or with mine. Maybe there's an in-between but it's insignificant because that in-between doesn't challenge their power so, You're quasi supporting them. I mean, Political YouTube looks weird once seeing it through that lens. It's a hopeless copium orgy.

If You could only remove me from the miracles ... that'd be nice, right?


But oh no, people can't be trusted with the Truth. That's what it seems like. So, how's that ... not in lockstep with their agenda? So ... well ... what's the plan?

I mean, they already have consolidated their power, so, the left is "useless" now. Which means, there's no hope for a leftist leader to fill in the gap. Not that it would make things better.




To summarize: God exists, a lot of the wrongs of today come from religious malpractice but a legitimate way towards God exists. And if You still don't get what I'm trying to tell You, well, I'm sure there's a way out, but ... I suppose I have nothing to say to You.

Other than that: "Badabing, Badaboom; I'll come around with a following greater than You can fathom and we'll just walk right over You. Political Agendas be damned!". That's like ... the only logical conclusion ... I'm left with. Which way we'll get there ... I don't know; But I'm sure there's more than enough people willing to join me on this.