X6 - Before I continue

To say one thing up front: Continuing with X6 certainly seems to be the way to go.

By what measure and what else I have to say about it - well, is a wild mess. And yet ... it seems to be so. At least on a "sooner or later" kind of basis. So, I had to get that out of the way because up front my entire attitude about it is a negative one. "Bear with me" please.


After I wrote the last thing, my whole mind was like 'flushed empty'. At one point I sat down to write some code; And I had this very strange feeling. Now, this isn't merely a "feeling". It's more like an emotional and spiritual condition. There is for instance this whole "Squid thing" that hasn't been properly resolved yet - which I bring up because of those kinds of influences. I felt like I was sitting inside of someone else or someone else sitting inside of me. It it goes like ... deep into my psyche. I guess one can compare it to paranoia mixed with a loss of a sense of identity and self-confidence. It's not just "like" I had to put up some real mental forces to get rid of this imposing impression.

And that's just a part of it. I mean, at times I'd sit there, let my mind wander it search for a solution, and the internal impulse to look for help would attract "it". Or when it comes to certain items, "it" would just be there and disturb my mental clarity. And overall I want to say that "I can't work like this".


I try to explain it. Where "it" is basically just the opposite of that flow of inspiration and ambition that would get me started. And just sitting there, by myself, I get to wonder why I'm even doing any of this. It sure is like a minefield; Or a way of something telling me: "Don't be here". Though I suppose I find myself back where last I left off. And the issues remain the same. At least, based on those 'issues', I would come up with an interpretation of what's going on.

But ... I don't know. The activity of the mind that tries to coordinate these things while awake probably produces too much noise. I was however just trying to sleep - trying to call to mind what I would have to call to mind in order to "get back to work" - and overall the feeling was like ... being a petite blonde thrown into a Professional Wrestling Royal Rumble - Men's Division.

The closest "thing" to a practical starting point to making sense of this is when I try to update/upgrade or correct old code. Something that jumps to mind is how I use the Delta Thread and an opposing "thing" is to start it using the 'execute function on separate thread' function. So, the impression emerges that I'm like ... competing ... against a different thing that's yet built on my code. Maybe I should just ignore that. I mean, looking at it now I understand that using the 'execute function on separate thread' thing has most likely more overhead than what little air there is while it's running already; Hard to tell though - and getting all the syncing done right is certainly where my fancy is at. So, first of all I probably shouldn't allow myself to get gauded into thinking of this as a competition. Whether it is one or not. I mean, trying to resolve this up front ... would only matter if there were some alternative to just going for it. And whether or not writing about it helps ... well ... .


So, maybe this is just "Cell" trying to impose resistance - like ... a premonition. And like so I start to get into 'issues' when I get too concerned about the practicality of "the thing", outside of my very own use-case/interests.

Like ... to say "Operating System" - the thing would be ... to my understanding ... one of dealing with an entirely separate list of concerns. At this point I'm not even sure how to think of it in terms of being a Window Manager or some such thing. Which ... is arguably bad. The code is where it is because I have my own ambitions and therefore the M-Core as is is ... well. The whole thing is arguably weird; So I start second guessing myself, I lose faith and confidence - and I'm stuck ... worrying about this and that.

But for whatever it is that I want to do ... I've got it where I wanted. Give or take.

Maybe it is ultimately just my way through the minefield. That would be the most "pessimistic" interpretation. To say that I'm doing my thing - and then I start to feel some competition and I try to find ways to not have to deal with that. Well ...
So, maybe it's intentionally weird - making enough sense to meet my demands while not making enough sense to be dealing with that "stuff".

But yea. Overall it is also difficult to keep track of everything. Like, when it comes to the screen - it's ... something that I did struggle with; Then I thought I had a solution but when it came around to it ... I ... more or less flunked it I guess. At least it's out of my mind ... thus out of my sight ... and sits there as a somewhat abandoned and forgotten about part of the whole thing.

And just on that basis I feel like saying: I'm not here to compete against that kind of stuff. I would, for my own sake, want to develop this thing - not entirely by myself. So, if there's a team 'improving' on my code - then that's what I would want 'from my code'; And to then have to compete against that, by myself, it ... You know ... it's not right.

But then I have to wonder "what options I have" which leads to a "whether I like it or not".

"Have fun!"


I can very well imagine the conversation of who's leading "the team" - and ... it's just head theatre that aligns with these stresses and tensions. Gish Galopping around just so that nothing is going to come of this; More than anything. Nothing that involves me at least.


And yea. It's not just here that I feel that way. In any case. Whatever I do. It's like "Hey, let's do the thing" - but then I try to do the thing and what I get are stresses and tensions that impose a whole other thing. So it's "so, deal with this whole other nonsense instead!".

And yea. What else? Time and time again. For some time there were issues - open questions, problems, things I could try to address. But the whole thing wasn't going right, right from the start; And so what's left is ... the problem "at heart". To say: Eventually there's nothing left to say ... and all I can do is shrug at ... whatever it is.

I mean ... sorry. I can get a "high", a "fix", a ... "thing", out of coming out on top nonetheless. But at some point I don't know why to think anything of it. It's not like it matters ... . At least to my impressions.


So are we with Crystals on some kind of weird intersection. My whole hiatus began with notes and impressions of ... 'improvements' that would or could be made; While my mind, the things I personally care about, where somewhere else. And so I took pause ... but instead of feeling like it was appreciated; I felt like the whole endeavor got hijacked by someone else while leaving me outside the room. And it's just like I thought it was going to be. And as I mention that, the story changes. Then the story is about some expectation; Some "better thing", or something "more complete", that I would have had to develop while the development process now is based off of this other thing - that to my concerns only appears in those instances. Like, call on another thread each frame versus let the other thread run in parallel.
So, I don't even know what I'm looking at. Somehow I failed - the end.

Then it feels more like ... all You have to do is "walk around" ... "the guy". But ... I don't know. How could I?


But yea. I sure ... owe You a practical "thing" before I could interest You enough in my concept to justify "developing it"?

Well. That we already have. Well, let my try to explain:


For starters, we may not desperately need "it" - as we could as well do with Linux - speaking of an Operating System for whatever future we want to build. But there sure is a purpose to at least assembling a team somewhere that is to maintain whatever Operating System we want to use. And I can't think of a reason of why You'd want to keep me away from that; Or anything regarding that future - unless ... we'd be talking about "nonsense" instead of GNOSIS, for instance. And that's really the crux of the whole thing.

FOR STARTERS.

Then, X6 - what do we have? Some weird/confusing M-Core/T/Libra hijinx? Well, kind of. But more to the point are we looking at an attempt at sharing a single code-base to a variety of purposes. So, rather than looking at the code and how what is solved; I'd ask You to look at the concept that is being expressed. If that sparks curiosity and interest; Well, yea - I'm glad I could help. But here we're not talking about what I can do ... single handedly ... to get it started. I already laid a foundation and now we have to flesh things out. Make practical ends of the theoretical ideas, discuss problems and find solutions. And sure, in a way ... there's faith involved. Anyway; My position on the whole thing has been THIS for a while now. Where I say: ACTUALLY we'd - or "You" would be working on THAT thing now; While what I have - at this point in time - is my own code that I'm basically just "stuck with" because ... that's all there is for all I care. Like, there is no team working on "X7" at this point; And even if, I don't know where and so I can't access that code ... for, I would think, obvious reasons.

In other words: X6 - or if I'll get around to X7 on my own terms - whatever, is virtually defunct and obsolete at this point; It's ... a hobby project that ... may however yet serve me to work or flesh out some concepts.

But it's like ... 'mostly beside the point'.


And if I don't have to make that clear to You, I at least had to make it clear to myself.


Next Thing: Eagle Engine.

For all intents and purposes I'd have it be: None of Your concern. But I am locked into this ... conundrum ... where if I don't share progress ... I'm ... duping myself out of whatever I'm trying to accomplish here. So, whenever I get around to 'solving the VR situation' to the point where I might implement a globe ... I get into these 'issues' again. Running into those mines. Though in this instance it's more like quicksand. It's like ... a way of saying, I suppose, that I'm getting lost in code that would then have to be removed or ... whatever. Not practically speaking; But there seems to be something going on.

So ... again. Problem. At any rate ... I hope this is comprehensible.